I got a Matron of Honor!

As I said in a prior post i was pretty stumped on who I was going to ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I love each of these women so much! It was a very hard and tough decision!!

But I have made my decision and I have announced it to friends, family and most importantly to the other women standing up with me...

*drum roll*

Candid Beauty is going to be my Matron of Honor. I am so happy she said yes!! It brings me tears of joy and love!

Plus I got a HUGE shocker today as well while talking to MomI on the phone... our cakes alone are going to cost roughly $700 (total not each)!!! Oh My God. I begged and pleaded with her to let us do something different anything, but she said that its worth it and it'll be ok. That it pleases her and my father to no end to be able to pay for our wedding and reception. I asked if there was ANYthing I could do to help and she said "Pay for your wedding dress, invitations, etc and talk to FMIL about hosting the rehearsal dinner and that's all. Just show up and look beautiful!"

I can't believe I get to have the wedding of my dreams. I never thought I'd get to have so much! And the fact that my Aunt C who lives in Indiana GAVE US her centerpieces from her wedding anniversary that match perfectly with our wedding is just.

Oh my god I'm crying....

I'm marrying the most wonderful man in the world and I am so sorry that I was upset about my parents not being able to come and visit me before/after my surgery. Daddy and MomI are throwing thousands into my wedding and I was so petty, I was such a selfish little brat... I am a horrible person for that and I am truly sorry so very sorry. I didn't even ask for them to pay for my wedding! I asked her to make my flowers because she does such a wonderful job at creating flower arraingements and she's going to pay for my wedding!!

I am truly blessed by all the wonderful people I have in my life! I need to keep remembering that and never forget!

i have been so happy!

and been in such a wonderful mood (despite the occasional bitchiness from some pain and hormone meds...but that's normal) and then yesterday, BOOM! leave it someone to make me cry...

And we all know what crying does, don't we?? Yep, muscle spasms...

sigh

but Joe helped me feel better...

Bridal Party Confirmed!!

I am so pleased to announce that *my* part of the bridal party is finalized!!

We have: CandidBeauty, Suga, Jack and Hal.

I am so thrilled and I am so extremely happy these ladies will be sharing my special day with me and all the things from now until the big day!!

I do believe I have the perfect bridal party (on the bride's side).

However, I do not know how on earth I'm going to decide which one will be my Matron/Maid of Honor.

Ya'll got any suggestions to help a bride out??


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Extending the Olive Branch

(that's what CandidBeauty called it)

I have 2 necklaces 1 that says Mother and the other that says Daughter. I am going to be giving BioMom the Mother one. I am thinking of doing it while we're at the Zoo. Maybe while we're standing there looking at the polar bears or something. Or maybe I'll just do it over breakfast Saturday morning...

Either way, I am extending to her a token of love and peace. Our relationship has been so rocky because of her mental illnesses and it can really make it hard to love her. I mean c'mon! She threw gasoline on the house and tried to burn it down around me and my dad when I was 2 years old! Its hard to love someone who has tried to hurt you and has hurt you physically and mentally your entire life. And lets not forget when she said my inability to have babies was my (yes MY) punishment for her not being able to raise me.

These things happened years ago. And sometimes she can revert back to "monster mom". I have to lead delicate conversations with her when we talk, have to keep them neutral and not say anything about my Dad or my Sister Raquel from daddy's 2nd marriage.

But ever since Hephaestus and I split up, she's been coming around. I do not know what's happening on her end of the deal but I do know that she's been calming down alot in regards to the horrible things she says to me and this includes living in her own fantasy world where things happened in her mind but not in reality...

And I can't believe I'm saying this but this past year has been her best so far. I wouldn't give her a "mother of the year" award but I've had to say only twice "Mother, I'm hanging up now I can not talk to you while you are this way" when before it was just about every conversation and I'd puposefuly ignore her phone calls.

I've been afraid to tell her that Taranis and I are engaged because I know she'll want to come to the wedding and I don't want my wedding ruined by her psychotic outburts... I pray that she does not have any while that event is going on in my life!

But that's in the past. Its all in the past. We may be wary of things that have hurt us but we can not live in fear forever and eventually you have to face it head on and full force.

I must face the demons of my past and of my childhood and I will extend out an Olive Branch to the woman who has hurt me more than any person on earth and it will create a barrier around me and keep those demons at bay for the rest of my relationship with my mother. Atleast that's what I'm hoping it does.

Riddle Me This...: Don't Let Those Chickens Come Home to Roost

Riddle Me This...: Don't Let Those Chickens Come Home to Roost

My very first boss as an attorney died suddenly recently. Well, it was sudden to me. For him, it was a rare form of cancer that dragged out over several months. I only found out about it because I had emailed him asking him to act as a reference for a position for which I was interviewing. Unfortunately, my last line in the email was "I hope this finds you well." He was not well. His wife responded that he would have been glad to help but that he was dying and only had a few weeks to live. At first I thought it was a joke, but even he wouldn't joke about that. He didn't even last a week after that email.

I encourage each and every one of you to go over and read the rest of Dani's post...

Make sure you have a tissue and an open heart to learning a valuable lesson.

Thank you, Dani! Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Kai saved Mommie's life!

Picture it, Sicily 1917...

sorry, i love the Golden Girls and I think Sophia has some awesome stories... back to what happened this morning:

I roll out of bed (which seemed easier this morning) and head straight for the potty (for once I didn't wake up in the middle of the night with an ungodly urge and almost pee myself...) at a normal time (9 am) and as I'm just sitting down and just starting to pee I notice this aweful spider in the corner and it moves towards me and I'm sitting there peeing, I can't stop!! and the next thing I know Kai pounces on the monster and captures it in her paws. I scream "Kai no baby it'll hurt you!!" and I think she's gonna get bit by this horrible creature and then I see her put her in nose into her paws and I just know she's gonna have a bite from the spider on her note but she releases her hold and only 1/2 the spider remains and in another deft move the spider is gone... its gone. Kai ate it.

Kai ate the spider.

The spider that was charging at her Mommy!!

And you folks wonder why I call her my guard kitty! She follows me everywhere. She lays at my feet constantly. She sleeps curled up above my head at night when I'm sleeping. She's my little guard kitty. And she's making me cry again only this time its happy tears instead of scared tears.

This episode almost makes me feel bad for calling her "mommie's little whore that wants to get fucked" (she's in heat and I say it real cute when I'm lovin on her, come on its funny, admit it!) - "little fucking bitch" (when she does something bad like climb on the hamster cages) - and much more I can not think of right now...

Cast & Crew Updates

So I realize what a great idea it was for me to put together the post listing out who I talk about and who they are to me... But I also realize that not everyone has been reading my blog since conception and wouldn't know exactly what's going on...

SO!

I am updating the "Cast and Crew" link you see below all posts. If I find a post that is a good indicator of this person's impact in my life I'll be adding it as a link behind the description.

J'Lynn, I hope you have alot of free time on your hands! Catching up on me might be time consuming!!!

times are tough and roads are rough ...then my family makes me cry!

I cried myself to sleep last night. And it didn't have anything to do with my surgery or my back problems... it was all about my family. The family that I thought I was so close to...

Feather (the one that's married to and pregnant by a black guy --ok, he's half black-- and that's not why I have a problem with him, my problem is that he is an asshole and they live in nonsuitable conditions for raising a child and she is 5 months pregnant by him... and he refuses to move to a better living condition for said child growing in her womb...) use to come and talk to me about everything. There are some things I know about her that others do not know... if I blabbed my big sister mouth our parents would NOT be happy with what I know... and that would be bad! So I keep my mouth shut, because she is my sister! But she doesnt talk to me anymore... When I do get a text or email, its stupid forward spam jokes :( and she's expressed no concern over my operation or the fact that I could have lost the use of my leg if we hadn't acted properly and quickly!!

Raquel: so beautiful if she wanted to be a model she could be one but is opting to be a PE teacher instead... she ontop of everything else brought me to tears last night. SHE, the one I love more dearly and so dearly i gave up things I wanted to be able to do to fly to see her Graduate College because she said she wanted me there so badly!!

I have texted and emailed my family with progress and pains regarding this surgery. I truly needed the support of my family mentally to help me through the physical pain... They have always been "oh, ok..." when it came down to my back pain. Like, completely aloof to it. When I told them I was going to have to have surgery it was "oh, really? your having your spine fused together? ok..." like it was no big deal!! when I told them I could use some company, that I wasn't supose to be left alone the 1st few weeks it was excuse after excuse.

Feather: 1st said she didn't have the money. I said I'd pay for it. Then She said she couldn't because of her pregnancy. Well, I know better! You can travel while you are pregnant!! (I didn't say that to her, I told her I understood and said I'd keep in touch) And she has ignored my emails and texts and calls since... Except to email me once since then to send me a picture of her belly that doesn't even look like she is pregnant, its flat "aka looks like a beer belly" and she's 5 months along. Atleast in the picture it looked flat and unpregnant.

Raquel: when I first told her i'd like it if she could come visit she told me she was swamped at her retail job, her bow shooting tournaments and trying to find a teaching job. I said ok and that I understood. Then I find out on FB that she took an impromptu trip with her college pals to Florida to celebrate thier going back to school for thier masters... THEN last night after no status updates about ME (just school or other things) at all or no concern over ME at all I see "is happy that Feather's baby girl is doing great!! she's due in Jan!!".....*crickets*..... really? a status update about Feather's baby!? when there was NOTHING about me almost being rushed to ICU because of a allergic reaction to the medication when I was in the hospital???? NO STATUS UPDATES AT ALL ABOUT HER BIG SISTER AND HOW SHE'S DOING NOT EVEN A FUCKING COMMENT ON MY STATUS I POSTED ON HOW I'M DOING?

so after just trying to ignore it all and telling myself "she's young and going back to school, etc" i finally just broke down and cried and cried and cried and cried so much I gave myself spasms in my back where I had surgery and cried some more. I woke up this morning hating myself for letting myself cry over it and in terrible pain because I KNOW that crying like that was bad for my healing...

And lets not forget the parents... MY Parents had over a week off work and went to Indiana for MomI's sister's wedding anniversary and we met them up there. They could have spent a few days with me before surgery but chose not to. They insisted they had to get back to Arkansas but instead took a few days longer to see my Brother Swift and his kids! WTF! I am going in surgery and they chose NOT to spend an extra day with me and instead went to see Swift and his kids???

AND Taranis' mom said she'd try to come and spend the week with me after I got out of the hospital... LOW AND BEHOLD god forbid ANYONE come and see me! His fucking BROTHERS showed up for a vacation (said it was impromptu) to Florida and ruined the plans for FMIL to come and see me and now because she is stuck in fiscal year close-out she can't get anytime off work for the rest of the quarter! And you know when that ends: the holidays.

We all know that the fucking grandkids come first on the holidays so we wont be visited this year at all by our families. If we want to see them we'll have to go to them! And we know that because I had back surgery we have no money to go anywhere to visit our so called loving families.

Speaking of no money: I'm tired of eating Ramen and $1.00 banquet meals that leave you wanting more. They are good, but not "satisfying"... Since Subway as thier $5.00 footlongs and they are doing the scrabble game again we decided we will go to Subway and eat thier $5.00 footlongs (1/2 for him and 1/2 for me) and play the scrabble game. Its healthy, cheap and its just around the corner from the house, so we are going to do it on our nightly walks that are part of my in-house Physical Therapy.

I'm truly sorry for rambling on and on but I just had to get this off my chest...

And you want to know what's really sick? The one person in the world I thought would NEVER visit me: BioMom is coming for a weekend visit in a few weeks. Yes, the one person in my family I get along with the least is coming to visit me... NO ONE else cared enough. And even though it is late in the game and I'm pretty much 100% independant now, she's coming. And I am shocked. I think hell must have frozen over, after all it is only 65 degrees in the middle of August when it should be bordering 95 degrees...

Need Touristy Chicago Help...

If you've been following my tweets or FB, you'll know that BioMom is coming for a visit in September. She's arriving the 11th late in the evening and departing the 13th late in the evening.

I think we may have it covered and we might end up going to a Schaumburg Flyers game if they make the playoffs and they are playing that weekend... preferably on Saturday... However since there is no guarantee that they'll make the playoffs i need an alternative!!

It's been over 6 years since BioMom and I have seen each other. It was when Hephaestus and I were driving from where we lived in Virginia to move back to Arkansas. Nashville was on the way so we stopped for the night and stayed with them and ended up spending the night and half a day with them. I felt bad just crashing there... and we thought about spending more than just the one day with her, but then her husband cracked open a beer at 9am for his breakfast and we couldn't have gotten out of there faster if our asses were on fire... He and I do not get along when he is drinking, he is an alchoholic abusive person. and I will not purposefully put myself in that situation.

OK! Back to ideas... There is a MiniGolf place near our house that Taranis and I have been meaning to check out. I guess MiniGolf would be fun and I should be more fully healed by then, its over 3 weeks...

The other idea I had was going to the Navy Pier. I've not been there since I went with Crystal in 2003. But that is alot of walking and from what I can tell on thier website: EXPENSIVE!

There is also the Lincoln Park Zoo which is FREE (thank god) and there are benches we can rest and sit on. We've been wanting to go back to the Zoo and we liked the Lincoln Park Zoo much better than Brookfield Zoo (which is way too expensive anyways).

I am trying to think of things that are going to get us out of the house and be interactive. We've not had the best relationship and I fear us being cooped in the house together would bring on bad conversation. As those of you who have followed me through the years know very very well she and I do not get along well most of the time.

As far as I know this is also the 1st time she's been to Chicagoland. And I'd hate for her 1st visit to be a complete bummer and she not be able to experience any of the culture and beautiful architecture. I'd like for her to be able to say she did SOMETHING besides sit in her Daughter's house and play with the hamsters and cats all day...

Quick Update: Visit to the Surgeon

Hi Everyone!

I'm just so excited about my visit today I wanted tell you all!

As you could guess I just got home from the surgeon's checkup a little while ago. I still have to wear the brace and be home confined for at least 4 more weeks doing in-home physical therapy with short trips weekly to the grocery store, pharmacy, etc. He said he was impressed at how well I'm doing and to keep up the great job! Said that I'm full of awesomeness!!

He also took out the external stitches and I don't need to wear a bandage anymore, the incision is almost all healed up!!!

I'm doing small things to help me adjust back into sitting at a computer all day. Twisting, bending or sitting at a computer longer than an hour in a 4 hour period is still not an option.

I got copies of the x-rays of my surgery and he took more today and said I am mending perfectly! I am also completely walking without my walker now! It feels great!!

I'm gonna go veg on the couch now! Thank you all for all your awesome comments and get well soon wishes, they are helping!!!!

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wanna see the screws and pins in my back??

I knew you'd want to...

Here is a drawn out picture of what it looks like. you'll see it covers 1 level and the screws are holding that segment of the spine in place. There are currently two primary alternative sources for the bone needed for the spinal fusion. Traditionally, some of the patient's own bone has been harvested from the hip bone. This technique produces excellent results for the fusion but has a longer and more painful recovery. In 2003, the FDA approved a genetically engineered bone substitute for use in spinal fusions. This method converts stem cells into bone forming cells and stimulates rapid growth of bone at the targeted site. Using the synthetic material eliminates the need for harvesting the patient's own bone and speeds up the fusion process. The synthetic is the one they used on me. And I am happy for less pain!!

This is a picture of my own xray like you would be looking straight at my spine. It's not a very good quality picture because I took it with my cellphone.

This is a side view of the screws in my back.

And this would be a picture I snagged off the internet so I could show you a little better...

I *was* going to put pictures of my incision up on here and gross you all out but I'll wait until I'm healed and show you the scar instead... it is pretty discusting to look at and I wont torture you all with it, I promise!!

If you or anyone you know might be facing this surgery and they have no one to talk to, please feel free to have them contact me. I would be more than happy to answer thier questions and help calm them down.

i know they say you can't feel it...

but i swear sometimes i can feel the 4 screws and 2 rods in my spine...

i've been taking less pain medication and more muscle spasm meds as the days go forward. i'm hurting less, doing more and therefore my muscles are doing more = muscle spasms and mostly at night.

wednesday is my checkin with the surgeon. my goal is to start work at the beginning of october. a month earlier than the FMLA states for the end of october.

i was able to do a full standing shower yesterday by myself. still a little off balance and taranis stayed in the bathroom with me just incase i got dizzy.

i am now completely walking without the walker. getting in and out of bed is the hardest.

BioMom is coming to visit me for a weekend visit in september. this should be interesting...

i'm going to go watch my soaps and then clean up the kitchen...

making progress!!

Lets see, where to start??

Joe having to do everything for me in the shower:
last night I showered myself! the only thing he had to do was sit with me because even on the shower chair i can get off balance. also, he had to wash me down under and my legs because i can't get that area good enough because of a lack of being able to bend.

unable to assist with dinner:
tuesday night we had hotdogs and mac n cheese YUMMY! since I want to help create dinner when possible Joe setup water in the pots before he went to work so all i had to do was toss in the mac to boil and the hotdogs. when he got home he dumped the mac, added the cheese sauce and we had dinner courtesy of me!!

on wednesday it was ME to put the frozen dinners in the microwave while he did the money budget for the coming week.

last night with pre-measured (prepared the night before) ingrediants thanks to my man I made Tuna casserole on the stove (i can't put stuff into the oven). i almost over boiled it but it still turned out great!! yay for me!!

unable to help with clean up:
its hard for me to stand by myself without assistance. i have to hold on to something to help me keep my balance. well, this morning i was able to put the dishes in the dishwasher (one hand clutching the walker while the other dropped things into the machine *scary, yes...*) i successfully cleaned the kitchen and had enough energy left over to wash the pot from the tuna casserole!!

unable to walk or stand for long periods of time:
wednesday (?) we went for a trial run to the grocery story to pick up a few miscellaneous items, while we were only there for about 20 minutes i was still very tired and achy afterwards. we've given myself a few days to "rest" and i walk around the house alot...

today starts my walking therapy!! we will walk down the cul de sac and back when Joe gets home from work. We hope to make this a daily routine!! and we hope this will help increase my balance and i wont have to rely on the walker for much longer.

this coming wednesday i have a checkup with the surgeon... this will also determine a little better when i start physical therapy and when i can go back to work.

to be completely honest with you all, i am freakin horny!! and i know its because i'm an "invalid cripple" right now that he washes me and dries me and he brushes my hair but these are things that turn me on and i sooooooooooooo can't wait to hear the words "you're fully fused you may commence in having sex"...... i'm dying from a lack of cuddles and kisses and touches....

hi nurse, what kind of incision and stitches do i have?

should not be responded by "i don't know". NOR should your nurse not be aware that you are allergic to penicillin NOR should your nurse not be aware that you had an allergic reaction to a medication right after surgery and should not try to ask you about going to the stronger said medication that you had a reaction to because it would "take the pain away more" than the NOT ALLERGIC medication...

also, your CNA or Patient Care Tech or whatever the fuck they want to call themselves should know what kind of operation you had so when you buzz them and tell you have to pee and they come into your room they shouldn't just throw down the sides of your bed and walk away... I HAD A FUCKING GODAMN SPINAL FUSION YOU SHITTARD AND YOU EXPECT ME TO HOP UP BY MY FUCKING SELF YOU LITTLE INGRATE!!!

someone should check in on your more than just shift change and ofcourse a prompt response to "i'm peeing myself because you wont fucking come and let me out of bed" would be appreciated. so i forced myself to stay in my chair so i wouldn't have to deal with that again.

i also started my period while i was in the hospital. that's wonderful, right?? i asked the nurse if she'd help me put a pad in my underwear and she refused to. so i sat bloody on a towel until taranis came afterwork and helped me. i also can not wipe myself. thier idea of wiping me was patting my ass cheek with a paper towel and calling it done.

i am required to wear a brace at all times when i am not lying down. they wouldn't put my brace on me!! and after i insisted over and over again, they didn't even know how to use the stupid thing...

as i said prior that i was not impressed by my level of care at said hospital. i called and left a message with VP of patient relations. now i'm waiting to hear back from them.

i am sitting at my computer desk right now and i do not think i'll be sitting here for very long but i will be sitting here for a little while every day now to try and get myself up off the couch and out of bed a little more. and i miss reading everyone's blogs... i tried reading via my cellphone but i couldn't comment on any of them which makes me very sad!!

much love to you all

Help Wanted:

Seeking someone to sit with me while Taranis is at work.

Duties include: keeping me company, helping me potty (aka wipe my ass) and hold my hand when I cry.

This position has no monetary compensation but seeing me everyday should be value enough.

All applicants should respond immediately by visiting me at home. Visitation is not a binding agreement to fulfill the duties listed above.

Sincerely,
The Lonely Girl At Home

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I'm home from the Hospital

And let me tell you, I've never been so happy to be home before!

Taranis had to take the door off the bathroom because of my walker. I have an 'old people' shower chair and a potty converter with handles to help me easier. Its raised up high so I don't have to scoop so low.

I was not impressed by my care at the Hospital but that's a whole other story!! And typing it out on this blackberry would not be pleasant.

But here I am. Entering the next stage of recovery. Thank you all for all your well wishes. As soon as I'm able I'll catchup on my google reader :)

If your not a facebook friend already request me so you can truly enjoy my Hospital pics and drugged up talking, lol.
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First 24 Hours

We arrived at the hospital yesterday and got me into pre-op setup. Got my IV in and all that good stuff.

After watching scoobie doo cartoons on tv for a bit I was given the stuff to make me sleepy and away I went into surgery.

Before I knew it I was in recovery and gettin lots of Dilaudid and antibiotics. Then I started to have a bad alergic reaction to the Dilaudid and they stoped it, gave me benedryl and started me on morphine.

After that the night was a blurr.

This morning I woke up to routine tests and physical therapy.

I tell you all right now it fuckin hurts!

Hopefully I can get a nap in soon.

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i feel so zen

today is pushing toward its evening hours and i've made my home to where it needs to be for when i return from the hospital.

i'm shaking on the outside (been cleaning house) but calm and serene on the inside. i've worked out most of my nervous energy this weekend by cleaning house and *ahem* other natural ways of calming the body and mind...

its hard for me to comprehend that in 24 hours if all goes as planned they'll be wrapping up my surgery. its hard to comprehend that i'm going to be living pain free after years of constant pain... it seems too good to be true on one hand and on the other its the most natural thing in the world...

i've had alot of counters to my peace this weekend. one of which a "good friend" texting me how miserable he is with his pregnant fiance and me telling him that it sounded like she needed to grow up. her actions and attitudes are a hindrance to a relationship not a fertalizer... and then another instance where it seemed my words were twisted into something else. or maybe they just came out wrong because it was all text! in which case i've removed the "good friend" and "childish preggers woman" from FB and Myspace and Twitter. I have also decided that i'll not be speaking "words" to some others just incase because I do not know thier true intentions when talking to me... they could be friend or foe. but for now, we lay in wait. my surgery is much more important than thier childish shit.

and my favorite one: the girl who was supose to be one of my bridesmaids pretending she didn't know who i was on messenger or text... if you didn't want to be my friend anymore just say it! obviously you ment alot to me if I asked you to be in my wedding! how sick is this shit? its not MY fault you fucked up and got your kid taken away. maybe you'll learn you can't be a momma and party whore at the same time. kids always and forever will come first! even i know that and i do not have my own children!

it seems i'm getting good at removing toxic people out of my life. it use to be so hard to "delete friend" on FB and MySpace and block them from seeing me and putting them on ignore in my phone... but the more i do it, i see the less "true" friends I really had in my life! and this makes me sick. sicker than anything and now more than ever I need friendship and compassion and love.

I thank the powers that be that I have CandidBeauty, Titan Saturnae, Taranis, Jack, Hal and Savannah and ofcourse my family! Who needs assholes as friends? I sure as heck don't when I got awesome peeps like these who love and care for me!!

So this is where I say good-bye to you all for now... atleast on blogger :) look for me on Twitter and Facebook as I'll be tweeting my fingers off while I wait for surgery and after surgery... Please do not be offended if I don't comment for a while on your posts... my blackberry is not fond of letting me post comments but I will catch up eventually!!!

our wedding has changed alot since conception!

when Taranis and I first started talking about our wedding we just wanted a simple affair with family and friends on the lake. some good food and some simple flowers... we didn't have a theme and we didn't really want a theme. but i wanted to bring in little accents of Florida into the decor to represent where we will eventually end up living...

little accents has turned out to be: sand down the aisle instead of a cloth runner, center peices made with sea shells-sand-candles and flowers, silver dollars and starfish, a couple lying on the beach for our topper, large white chocolate sea shells instead of flowers on the cake, mini shells stringed with twine to wrap up silverware in napkins, a flowey light bridal gown and bridesmaids gowns in lieu of the victorian one i was considering... and alot more!!

our "non theme" wedding has turned out to be a fullblown Florida coast tropical with sand and barefeet! We would have loved nothing more than to get married on the beaches in Florida but since we can't do that AND have our family and friends I guess this means we are bringing the florida beaches to the arkansas lakes on the mountain!

We can thank MomI for this. She's taking my wanting to represent Florida in our lives and how much we love it there to making our wedding a Florida mini vaca. Its going to be so wonderful!! And I can't wait to see the men in rolled up pants and barefoot with flowy shirts as well! This is going to be so great! --i wonder if i can get them to wear matching "hawaian" shirts...hmmmmmmmm

all i gotta do now is wait...

we woke up early this morning and went grocery shopping, we now have enough food for 2 weeks. by then i should hopefully be able to go with Taranis. I also made all arraingements for him to be able to do my prescriptions on my behalf in case i am incapable.

then we went by the place we're buying our furniture from and they are cutting our payments in half for this month and next to help us out. that is so awesome of them!

after that we hit up mcd's and ate breakfast before going to the hospital for my pre-register and blood work. i also had to have an ekg. they do that now to test what you are at normally because they'll have me on the machine when i'm in surgery.

i have to be at the hospital by 10am on tuesday and then she said they'll start presurgery stuff and get me iv'd up and settled in. then my surgery should start about noon. if there are any changes i'll know by 7pm monday night. i will have a private room as well which should make it easier for Taranis or someone else to be able to stay the night with me.

i'm not as nervous as i was but i am still kind of nervous. i want to thank everyone so much for all your support! i'm going to do my best to blog at the hospital on my cellphone and ofcourse you can follow me on twitter as well for more often updates.

yesterday was my last day at work for a while. i was so happy to leave! Homer was nice and gave me flowers but she really grates on my nerves and i deserve a long needed break from her!

i've never done this before but i filled out advance directives today in case of an emergency and a living will. i do not know why i felt the need to but i did. i hope that its not some sign of a future to come... but i guess its always better to have it and they will know what you want them not to do or something like that... i guess i never worried about it because Hephaestus and I were married while Taranis and I have not yet said "I do" in a legal capacity and its not like my parents can make a truly informed decision if thier in Arkansas.

Speaking of saying I Do. I spoke with MomI yesterday and she said the ONLY thing I am to worry paying for is my dress, invitations and wedding party stuff (dresses, etc) that they will take care of the food, location, flowers, etc. They must REALLY like Taranis! Seriously!! I am very truly blessed. And I would give up my dream wedding to have them here with me tuesday but they can not make it. And it doesn't look like FMIL will be able to make it either...

i'm going to go finish laundry and get all my packing done for my stay in the hospital. that way all i have to do is just relax.