Thursday, September 19, 2013

Changing our lives one dream at a time!

Last week Maverick and I received the greatest news!! We can not believe it's only been a week!! What I can't believe even MORE is that I haven't shared this awesome news with ya'll!

WE ARE GOING TO BE LEAGUE OPERATORS!!

Yes, you heard me right -Maverick and I are purchasing part of the Pool League that we play in. Our current LOs want to expand into Central AR and we get to reap the benefits by purchasing part of the territory from them.

In all honesty we couldn't be happier!! I am so excited to do 2 things I love for my living: Photography and Pool. Dreams can come true!!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester



Wednesday, September 04, 2013

In 1 week

Our lives will change...

it's either going to be "you can keep being your own boss and here's a 2nd business for you to run" or "you gotta find a 9-5, darling".

My nerves have been on edge, trying to do the photography and the research for this huge undertaking and in the meantime STAY QUIET about it all. but once that phone call is OVER there is no more quiet :)

In Love, Laughter and Light... Jester



Thursday, August 29, 2013

I made a commitment

And in less than 2 weeks already almost broke it!!

I was doing SO good on exercising  every day and we were making it a promise to go Hiking every Sunday.... and then yesterday I didn't exercise... and YESTERDAY I HAD A DAMN STRAWBERRY MILK SHAKE FROM SONIC...

sigh, I'm about to eat lunch and I'm not going to stop walking until my husband gets home at 3:30!

 In Love, Laughter and Light... Jester



Monday, August 12, 2013

It's getting a little insane around here

Last we talked I told you I quit my "9-5" to become a photographer. I must say that it's been a rollercoaster since I put in my notice and I'm going on 2 months as a self employed person. I can tell you right now there is so much more I'd have wanted to accomplish! I can motivate myself to work work work but not workout, lol.

My "must dos" every day include getting in my home gym. In my defense once I get a routine then someone or something interferes. Like 2 weeks ago when we babysat and housesat for 2 of our friends. They live out in the middle of nowhere and have a lake house. He's a semi-retired bachelor and has a son and they like to travel ALOT. When our house burned down He was nice enough to open his home to us and we stayed with him for a little bit. I honestly can not say "no" to housesitting because they've been so good to us.

Just in time for the house sitting excursion to be done; MIL comes down for a week long visit. She left today.

I have a lot on my plate right now. We have the photography we're trying to get up and going and then of course I have this other adventure that we're working on. I wish I could say more about it but I will when the time comes. HINT: I'll be self employed double time; running 2 businesses. Which the Photography is a Hobby Business (I am learning quickly that people want their friends to take their pictures; not "strangers"). And this other will generate actual income.

My fear is that this adventure doesn't happen and I will have to find another "9-5". It was leap of faith when I quit my job to do it on my own and right after that another opportunity fell into my lap. An opportunity that I can NOT pass up. And something we've been wanting to do for a while now.

In Love, Laughter and Light... Jester



Monday, August 05, 2013

I'm sorry it's been so long!!!

When we moved to Hot Springs I didn't realize how much of my time would be taken out of the home and back into the insane and crazy. You all know me; I am good for a while and then "life" happens and I'm gone... Maverick and I have yet to have a child.. and I'm still struggling with my weight (I was doing awesome). We bought our first house together and then it burned down after we'd been in it for a month. I could careless about all the possessions we had; what kills me to this day is Drake & Kai are dead from the fire.
My paw prints ( 6-19-2013) for Drake and Kai RIP March 2013
 in honor and memory of Drakkus de Elder Thyme and Anunnaki Nysa who died in the house fire March of 2013
I got the "party dot" covered up that was on my hand and replaced it with this beautiful memorial to them. I miss my babies so much it hurts me. But I am slowly coming back together... Drake was almost 13 and Kai would have been 4. On top of the fire; I quit my job at the Car Lot (I don't think I've even talked to you guys about that place?!) I've been pursuing my own Photography Business. So that's pretty much it in a nutshell! I promise I'll try to stay around more... I wonder if there is still anyone out there reading this.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester



Saturday, October 13, 2012

Is there anybody out there??



So my life this past year has been pretty insane and hectic. I don't even know where to begin or end since it's been 10 months since I've blogged...

I can tell you I lost out pretty badly at the Regional in 9-ball singles last weekend. I have sworn that I will not be playing in a Regional or Singles competition until I am in a higher skill level bracket. Which is funny because I was told I was moved down a skill level, lol. The husband has went up to a 6 again. Me, I'm a lowly 2.

The baby thing didn't happen. We've pretty much given up on having children unless someone walks in and says "here, take my baby I don't want it" and I doubt that'll happen! Also crushed was our dreams of owning our own home; at least for the time being. That I know I can make happen eventually with a lot of saving and paying off of debts which doesn't come easy.

I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with the Car Lot I work at. I'm an account manager for a buy here pay here place in the town I live in. It can be fun and frustrating and rewarding and aggravating all at the same time!

I seem to have no free time anymore, I'm either working or playing pool. Or running doubles & singles tournaments...

Speaking of Doubles the Husband and I placed 33rd out of 256 teams in the National 9-ball doubles championships this past August. That was insane and so much fun! We spent 10 days in Las Vegas. oooo boy!

I am going to make it a point to try and blog every day or at least every other day. Call it a New Year resolution but the New Year hasn't come yet :-) to help me with that, is there any body out there? Is there anyone who cares if I still blog or if this thing dies?

Also, can you do it from you iPhone?!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

How, has it really been that long since I posted anything??

Looks like blogging has become one of those things were I do it once in a blue moon... I am so very sorry for that ya'll I never meant to go over a month almost 2 without posting anything...

Since I got my new job it's been very busy for me. I work from 10am to 7pm go straight to pool from work and you know us, we play 5 nights a week that means no home time except everyother saturday and everyother wednesday and every sunday... when i'm home i'm too busy to do anything but clean or run errands.

Still trying to get pregnant. I took my 4th round of chlomid this month. My levels were 9 something last month so she kept me at the 150 dosage. I haven't been a good girl about taking my prenatals. Someone slap my hand for being a bad pre-mommy...

Also trying to buy a house but that is going nowhere fast.

There you have it, mini quickie update... i think i'm going to watch tv now. I pay $70 a month for tv services and don't even get to watch it.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Sunday, October 16, 2011

omy pool omy motorcycles omy heart

Today is our first singles pool competition and I'm hosting!! How super fun love it!

and i bought the hubby a motorcycle yesterday...

aaaaaaaaand i hope i got preggers this month!

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Welcome to October!

A whole lotta good things happening in October.

Big ole shout out for October!!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Friday, September 30, 2011

keepin it high, keepin it high

Last night our 9 ball team won AGAIN and since the other 2 teams had a point different of 2 points (our ex members team lost to the owner of the hall's team by 2 friggin points woot!) and we got like 70 something points we are in 1st place with high points by almost 40! gotta keep it going gotta keep it up gotta keep it high and high and high!! Next week we play Outlaw's team (they lost by 2 points last night). and i'm already putting together matchups in my head who would do best against whom... he has some good players but i believe we are the stronger team.

and this team is... Jester (myself), Maverick, Sundown, Hollywood, Jones and Ace.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

will this be a high point battle season?

Last week (on tuesdays) we won 3-2 and another team won 4-1 and another won 5-0...

well, the team that won 4-1 (Outlaw's team) we skunked them 5-0... talk about sweet victorious revenge! muhaha and the 5-0 team won 3-2... so that means we have put "2nd place in thier place" and we are tied with 1st place for high points so far... with the team we have right now we are awesome and I see no reason why we can not go all the way and win out with high points or battle it out and get 1st in the play offs... i know i know that's in january but still! i am forever in awe of this awesome team!!

And that team is: Jester (myself), Maverick (my husband), Holywood, BlackJack, Charlie, Ace and 2 other gentlemen I have yet to come up with a nickname for...

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Good News and Good Views

I HAVE A NEW JOB

I am so freaking happy about that! Trust me, my current job is tons better than my 1st one I had when we first moved here... but this new job... should be 100% better than both of them combined! No downtime (i hate being non busy at work), helping people, meeting new people. It's closer to home (by 30 minutes!), raise incentives and weekly bonuses and "good job" bonuses!! and I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it!!

I start the double dose of Chlomid on Friday!!!

Finally, after being damn near a month late on my period (and being freaked out about it and the negative pregnancy tests...) it started yesterday.  Woo... so happy!! I have a feeling October is our month! I pray that I can announce that we're pregnant on Thanksgiving! How cool would that be?!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Exciting Pool News!! and other tidbits...

Maverick's Monday night 9 ball team scored 88 points out of 100 against thier opponent and thankfully I got out of work on time for once so I was able to witness the majority of it. I think the LO (league operator) said it might be a record for our division!!

Tuesday night our in-house league won 3-2 and we are tied for 3rd place out of 8 teams lol. 1st place got a 5-0 and 2nd place got 4-1. We play the 4-1 winners next week.

Wednesday night Mav's team lost 4-1 to BlackJack's team.

Thursday night I can't remember exactly how many points we got... I think it was 60 something but we are 1st place out of 4 teams. The other match the winner won by 3 points so that means they got 53 points. We play the loser of that matchup next week.

Friday night doubles. this week was 8 ball; next week is 9 ball. we've had some issues getting this division off the ground but we ended up playing last night and won 3-2 which means we lost both singles matchs but won the doubles.

Now for the exciting news.........

Maverick has been appointed League Rep!! That means instead of running to the LO with questions and disputes/advice that means they go to my hubby! (Which they do anyways.) It's an official position and everything. It's so freaking awesome!! I am proud of him 100,000%. AND I've taken over running the singles boards qualifiers for going to the regionals to qualify for nationals. Our LO (hubby and wife team) have a LARGE area that they cover and truly need our help and they are so very thankful for us and we are so very happy to be apart of this League and be recognized for our standing sportsmanships etc.

On a more personal note......

It's been a few days since I took my last "make her period start" pill. Nothing yet... Still negatory on the pregnancy tests... I can't wait for it to start so I can take the chlomid again.

Also, on Tuesday I put in my app at a local company and an hour later they called me for an interview. Wednesday I interviewed and it went wonderfully. Friday I called to check up on things and to follow up and she said they'd know by Monday... Omigod I want/need this job so bad! The hours are perfect and it's closer to home and I can devote more time to our league.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Thursday, September 15, 2011

no words can describe...

The anger, hurt and shock I felt yesterday when I was told that Outlaw was breaking from our Tues night team and forming his own team. After weeks of us talking and having discussions about having three 6s on our team and that someone will have to sit out everyweek and we should take turns and him sayin "he's fine with that he doesn't need to play everynight" goes off and starts mouthing about how he is leaving us because he can't play everynight there isn't enough room for three 6s... Black Jack and Maverick both said they would have alternated between the two of them and let him play everyweek if need be.

What's worse is he got Diamond to join up with him because he told her he'd take her boyfriend! Now, all of this could have been avoided (i think) if he had not begged us to have Mrs. Outlaw join us INSTEAD of Diamond's boy. Really? So now Diamond wants to stay with us but she wants to be with her man. She left us. Good-bye Diamond :-( BlackJack is upset and so is Maverick and I.

And now the fun really begins... I knew that Hollywood had an issue with BlackJack (says he's a sandbagger but really they play him off alot worse than he really is. Sometimes he does shoot that badly because he's tired! He drives a dump truck for a living and wakes up at 2am to get loaded at 3am to be at the site by day break. Given most nights are until Midnight on league night that's not enough rest and it does affect his game.) Anyways, Hollywood doesn't want BlackJack on the team! Seriously, fuckin bullshit. He's got 2 of the biggest sandbaggers on his Mon and Wed night teams and he's gonna call shit on BlackJack? I think not. I told him, you don't have to like him you don't even have to speak to him. Damn just hang out with everyone else. Fuck it all.

So have now:
Tues 8 ball: Jester (me), Maverick, BlackJack, Ace and Hollywood. That's the minimum players. We are meeting up with 2 others that the owner of our poolhall says needs a team. Here's to hopin because I like to have a full roster not the minimum requirements...especially seeing as how we got fucked in the summer session because of that with Namesless dude quitting us!

Thurs 9 ball: Jester, Maverick, Ace, Jones, Hollywood, Sundown. I kicked Outlaw off after his tuesday stunt, told him to go build his own damn team! And Metro quit. But she quit before all this BS happened.

Fri Doubles: Jester & Maverick... I was having misgivings about being on a doubles league with Mr. and Mrs. Outlaw anyways so that works out for the best!

In other news........

I've taken 2 pregnancy tests, all are negative. They've doubled my chlomid. I still haven't started my period. I'm on meds to make it start. I got about 7 more days of those and hopefully should start within a few days and then 5 days after i start i can take my double dose of chlomid...

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Friday, September 09, 2011

End of the Summer Session

This week was the last week of the Summer League Session... (except for playoffs)

Tues 8 ball we were keeping in line with first and stayin in 2nd pretty much all session with just a few points behind them until our other teammates quit on us and it was just me, Maverick, Outlaw and Black Jack to tow the line. We did good until another team caught us in 2nd for a tie. We ended in 3rd which is pretty darn good for being short players! We can not wait for Fall session to start in a few weeks and we'll have our new teammates joining us: Mrs. Outlaw, Hollywood, Diamond and Ace. With a full roster and some kick-ass players joining our already awesome fourman 8ball killin machine we are sure to take it all the way :-)

Thurs 9 ball we've been in last place all session (4th place, only 4 teams). We had a few members drop out of it too (guess they can't handle league pressure?) and it was me, Maverick, Outlaw, Sundown, Metro and Hollywood takin names and gettin our butts kicked but kickin butt ourselves towards the end! lol after the whole session we started making a come back and doing really damn good ourselves and with Jones and Ace joing us I know that we're gonna be pretty damn good and a tough team to beat!!

I also wanted to let you know that Maverick and Hollywood's Monday and Wednesday night teams that they're on are going to the playoffs this coming week and I believe they finished 2nd and 3rd?? Don't quote me! Good luck to them on thier battle to get to the Local Team Champions!

Mav and I can't wait for fall session! And we can't wait to start Friday Night Doubles with Mr. and Mrs. Outlaw!!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

win some you lose some

Last night was 8 ball league. Remember how I said we were solid 2nd and just a few points out of 1st?? We played the 3rd place team and the 1st played the last place team. 1st place steam rolled them and we lost 3-2. I was first up and I won my match 2-0. Black Jack came next and he won his match 5-2. Outlaw came next and he lost his match 5-3 and Maverick lost his match 5-3. In the APA they are both level 6 who played level 6, Black Jack is a 6 and played a 4 (his Vegas doubles partner of all people lol) and I played a 3, I am a 2. She was not a very good 3 or she was having an off night. Then I played again this time against an awesome 4 who is also on NAPA leagues and she rolled me 4-0. We are now tied in 2nd place and we'll go to the playoffs. We are NOT allowed to replay in the playoffs so I gotta get my A game on so we can win 4-1; I don't wanna be going back n forth between 1st and 2nd all session just to lose out on the first bracket in the playoffs.

I can taste Vegas; I call feel it in my bones! I wanna go back so bad and make a side trip through Sedona and get more of that awesome wine!!

I know if we don't make the Local Team Championships (you win that and you go to Vegas for the Nationals) this session we sure as hell are gonna take the League by storm this session. We have an AWESOME roster, we recruited some amazing players (yes, I stole em from the teams they were on) and we are gonna kick some pool butt! Too bad we have to wait until Fall session starts before they can play on our team! lol

As for Black Jack we had a talk last night. I'm gonna hang with him tonight (as usual since my falling out with Mav's mon/wed team) after my staff party at work. I have missed him so much! I am glad we're on better terms now. He was teasing me about putting together his own team; he'd be with us but he wants to keep his fri and saturday nights free. I am assuming this is for the fiance/girlfriend he never told anyone about. Shame on him! I asked when he was gonna let us all meet her and he said never. Pool and Personal/Family are seperate. She's not even on his facebook!! I kind of wonder about thier relationship... An ex of his showed up lastnight and he pointed her out to me. Omigod I can not see THAT happening. He said he wasn't thinking... obviously. Yes, I have a small crush on Black Jack. Everyone knows including the husband... he calls him my boyfriend lol

And on that note... i need to get ready and go birthday shopping for Maverick, his birthday is saturday and then I gotta go to work and party on a barge and eat some yummy food and go hang with my peeps and my fave pool hall. but first, another 3 miles! and, i've lost 5 lbs so far this past week or so :-) go me!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The end of Summer is drawing near

Can you believe that 1 year ago today I was spending the day packing our entire life up to move back to Arkanas? That means that Maverick's birthday is this weekend. I wanted to do something extra special for him since we spent last year moving on his birthday but he got a pretty sweet tv when we moved so... lol

I got my test results back, my levels were extremely low. Atleast they were not undetectable (like in 2004 when the exhusband Hephaestus and I were on baby makers) and now I'm just waiting for the call to increase the dosage of Chlomid and possible take the Progesterone pills (depends on if the "visitor" shows like she's supose to or not...).

MomI's surgery went well. They removed the tumor (again) and showed it to be not cancerous (again) and so now they're scheduling a MRI (again) to try and get to the bottom of all this.

Tonight we have 8 ball league. Currently we're in 2nd place and lack 1st by 3 points. And I found out that Black Jack isn't going to be able to make it tonight and with half our team quitting 3 weeks before session is up ($$ issues for them, lost jobs etc) it left us with 4 players. Which if he doesn't show tonight that leaves 3 players and 1 replay so we forfeit a match. We can do a replay but only in regular season so if we can do this tonight and pull into 1st we skip the play offs and go straight for the Local Team Championships or if we can stay in 2nd we can't replay in the playoffs and we have to kill the first 3 games and win out. We have new members waiting in the wings for Fall session to begin. We are going to have a kickass team in both 8 ball and 9 ball (thurs nights). AND with the new Fall session we have a new doubles format. Alternating 8 ball and 9 ball everyother week. Single, Scotch Doubles, Single in the night. We are so excited! And I asked Black Jack to team up with us and he's being all reluctant and shit. I am seriously hurt here, my feelings are hurt so badly. I love and care for him so much as a friend, we've bonded and gotten really close and for him not to want to join us... it just hurts. So instead of having a 4 man team Mav said we can do it with just me and him and we'll be ok. We can add another player (up to 2) within the first 4 weeks of play so here's to hoping Black Jack changes his mind!


In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Monday, August 22, 2011

randoms

My car is sick, she's having tranny issues. She's being admitted to the car repair place today for god knows how long and for how much money! I have to leave in 1.5 hours... ugh. And can only get to about 30 mph.

I take my blood test to see how we're doing with the baby makers in 1 week. really hope I have my car is back by then.

MomI is having another tumor removed from her neck. they still say benign but it's grown 4 x the size it was when first removed in 4 months. plus she was diagnosed with copd. this is not looking well for MomI. this is to take place on wednesday and my car is broke.

the ironic thing about my car is i've been helping a friend out who had tranny issues. i had just dropped her off and was 1/2 way home when my car decided to take a break too... thankfully i was by our pool hall and had the chance to chill with some awesome peoples while i waited for Maverick to get me.

speaking of pool. one of my dearest friends (Black Jack) went to vegas for the apa championships and got 5th place in the nation! how aewsome is that!?

Monday, August 15, 2011

Hello Baby Makers!

Thursday I went to the Dr. this was the appointment we've been waiting for: to get a conception plan and start makin babies!! Today will be my last day of this round of baby makers. Sadly it doesn't seem like my body wants to cooperate here lately. I'll spare you all the nasty details. Lets just say it's been a frustrating past 3 months. I did however get off the one meds I've been on for the past 4 years or so. I am very happy about that!

I hope to bring you sonogram pictures soon! I just need to keep remembering to have patience. The time will come and i'll have a beautiful baby with my wonderful husband!

Friday, August 05, 2011

My tattoos

As we all know this one loves her tattoos. In junction with what I currently have I want:
  • the 8 ball and the 9 ball also maybe a full rack too
  • the rest of the tarot cards... wand (fire), pentacle (earth) and cup (water)
  • my most coveteded one and most expensive: comedy/tragedy faces done joker style with the treble clef between them
For the remainder of the tarot cards I was thinking of just going down my right leg (which is where the sword is, upper right out side of my leg). Then the sword (air) would be on top. It has a blue stone in the hilt for air as well. If I can get a good enough artist I can find one who can draw out the other 3 to match the sword like a set. That would be awesomeness! I thinking I want to represent the elements are little more, not sure what to do about the sword but the pentacle could have vines, the wand fire some how and the cup spilling a little bit of water down the side or have it over flow water.

For the 8 and 9 ball I was thinking of having them "crashed" into each other like a broken heart type of deal. How awesome would that be?! just don't have a friggin CLUE as to where I'd put it on my body! I'd like it easily showable but easily hideable like the rest of mine...

The comedy/tragedy joker faces are going on my back. Was lower back but since the spine fusion I have a scar so I am sure it's going to be on my back just not which position on my back.

What do you think? Do you love tattoos?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

good-bye hair!

Before

After
Sadly, there was not enough to donate... I just couldn't wait any longer!! IT HAD TO GO!! the hubster has not seen it yet... he's taking a nap he's been working from 3 am to 1 pm... we'll see what he says when he wakes up :)



Tuesday, July 12, 2011

4 years...

Can you believe that Maverick and I have been together (officially) for 4 years? If we counted the MONTHS and MONTHS that we talked first it'd be 4.5 years lol or so...

can you imagine? going into 5 years together!

I am so happy! I love my hubby!!

Monday, July 11, 2011

When You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

First off, my honey's got a new codename: Maverick; as in Top Gun... We did this for our pool league. But then I quit our Monday and Wednesday night teams... I decided to keep my hubby as Maverick in all aspects because I believe it suits him very well. Mine is Jester... It suits me well if you know my past at all and my tarot stuff. I've also added to the "friends list" newest ontop in each category... some codenames are still eluding me.

As we all know in Chicago I had a hard time making true friends. Alot of folks were shallow and/or selfish and wanted YOU to be there for THEM... well, those types of people sadly are every where but I am finally starting to feel like I have some friends now here in the new 'hood. Granted they're mostly pool league peeps but not all.

I lost 2 of what I thought were good friends this past week. It was a painful breakup but I am better off without Cougar and Viper in my life and defintly Wolfman! I will miss Goose; I hope I can see him sometime and I still have him on facebook... Hollywood insisted on not letting our friendship die and I am so happy for that! I hope we can get back to normal soon. Hollywood is also on my thurs night team.

I won't bore you with all the deets as I have to get ready for work... but I just got tired of Cougar being 2 faced and a bitch. And it's one thing to call me a bitch straigt up but to go behind my back and tell everyone that I know how terrible I am, that's a different story. All I did was request that Wolfman not be in the TEAM picture when he's NOT on the wednesday night team. So Cougar and Viper both said "if Jester's on it, we're not... we want Wolfman back" and that's the same bullshit that Cougar pulled on Wolfman last sesson. I found out she's not a true friend. And it's sad because I did like her.

But it's ok! I have all these other friends still and coming up with codes for them is going to be fun! everyone is so diverse :)

Monday, June 27, 2011

a letter of sorrow and regret

Dear Mother,

Why must you ruin a beautiful weekend? I know it started out rocky when we game back from driving around the "old hood" and your husband was a drunk ass stupid person as always... I did appologize to you for yelling at him but seriously he needs help and you do to! What's sad is that you asked for help! You said you wished you could leave him... and I gave you an out, of all people in this world I told YOU that you could live with me if it meant you could be happy again and You didn't want to live with DrunkAss anymore. But you took my words, you twisted them and abused them like you always do. And that hurts me. You developed in your head that I had some sceme to kidnap you or something.

I was trying to help. This weekend was about extending an olive branch to help us heal from the past...

Instead when we came to say good-bye sunday morning instead of saying how wonderful saturday was and how great of a time we had together and instead of making plans to do it again...

You start doggin my daddy and your daddy, MY GRANDFATHER. Two of the very few people who have been there for me my whole life AND WHO HAVE NEVER HURT ME in the ways you have. And that's a no no especially coming from the woman that abused me and tried to kill me. He was there for me. He raised me. You didn't have to move to another state. You chose to move away from me. You called me almost daily on the phone saying how much you missed and loved me. I tried to have a go at it with you, MANY FUCKING TIMES I TRIED. Even as a child I tried... And you just hurt me... DruggyHubby hit me and you. I physically got into a fight with both him and DrunkHubby. I was placed in protective services FOUR times while waiting for daddy to come and get me.

I regret trying to get to know you. I have to say I'm sad over the awful memories that occured because of this. I wish I could go back and undo it all... You always took away my happiness and you made me cry. I always went back to arkansas "with my tail between my legs" because of visits to your home.

I am 31 years old... And I am so heartbroken that things have not changed. And there seems to be nothing I can do about it now.

Even though you tried to kill me when I was a baby, I do love you... But you need help. Serious help. Until that happens we may talk on the phone, we may write letters... but I will NEVER give you the chance to see your grandchildren (God bless the day I have any) and I will never see you again.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What's so awesome about the Summer?

Fishing, going out on the lake, spending time with friends and family, more hours in the sunlight, getting a tan...

And best of all! My Birthday, which is tomorrow. And Father's Day, which is this Sunday. I must say that the middle of June truly is the best time of the year. There is a strong and special bond between Daddy and I because of me being born on Father's Day and that makes him a very awesome birthday gift and I am a pretty awesome father's day present!

Happy Father's Day to the Greatest Daddy a gal could ask for!

(a few days early, who knows when I'll get on here again)

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Litha, Midsummer

The young maid stole through the cottage door,
And blushed as she sought the Plant of pow'r;--
'Thou silver glow-worm, O lend me thy light,
I must gather the mystic St. John's wort tonight,
The wonderful herb, whose leaf will decide
If the coming year shall make me a bride.

In addition to the four great festivals of the Pagan Celtic year, there are four lesser holidays as well: the two solstices, and the two equinoxes. In folklore, these are referred to as the four 'quarter-days' of the year, and modern Witches call them the four 'Lesser Sabbats', or the four 'Low Holidays'. The Summer Solstice is one of them.


Technically, a solstice is an astronomical point and, due to the calendar creep of the leap-year cycle, the date may vary by a few days depending on the year. The summer solstice occurs when the sun reaches the Tropic of Cancer, and we experience the longest day and the shortest night of the year. Astrologers know this as the date on which the sun enters the sign of Cancer.


However, since most European peasants were not accomplished at reading an ephemeris or did not live close enough to Salisbury Plain to trot over to Stonehenge and sight down its main avenue, they celebrated the event on a fixed calendar date, June 24th. The slight forward displacement of the traditional date is the result of multitudinous calendrical changes down through the ages. It is analogous to the winter solstice celebration, which is astronomically on or about December 21st, but is celebrated on the traditional date of December 25th, later adopted by the Christians.

The June 24th festivities actually begin on the previous sundown (our June 23rd). This was Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Eve. Which brings up another point: our modern calendars are quite misguided in suggesting that 'summer begins' on the solstice. According to the old folk calendar, summer begins on May Day and ends on Lammas (August 1st), with the summer solstice, midway between the two, marking mid-summer. This makes more logical sense than suggesting that summer begins on the day when the sun's power begins to wane and the days grow shorter.


Although our Pagan ancestors probably preferred June 24th (and indeed most European folk festivals today use this date), the sensibility of modern Witches seems to prefer the actual solstice point, beginning the celebration on its eve, or the sunset immediately preceding the solstice point. Again, it gives modern Pagans a range of dates to choose from with, hopefully, a weekend embedded in it.

Just as the Pagan mid-winter celebration of Yule was adopted by Christians as Christmas (December 25th), so too the Pagan mid-summer celebration was adopted by them as the feast of John the Baptist (June 24th). Occurring 180 degrees apart on the wheel of the year, the mid-winter celebration commemorates the birth of Jesus, while the mid-summer celebration commemorates the birth of John, the prophet who was born six months before Jesus in order to announce his arrival.


Although modern Witches often refer to the holiday by the rather generic name of Midsummer's Eve, it is more probable that our Pagan ancestors of a few hundred years ago actually used the Christian name for the holiday, St. John's Eve. This is evident from the wealth of folklore that surrounds the summer solstice (i.e. that it is a night especially sacred to the faerie folk) but which is inevitably ascribed to 'St. John's Eve', with no mention of the sun's position. It could also be argued that a Coven's claim to antiquity might be judged by what name it gives the holidays. (Incidentally, the name 'Litha' for the holiday is a modern usage, possibly based on a Saxon word that means the opposite of Yule. Still, there is little historical justification for its use in this context.) But weren't our Pagan ancestors offended by the use of the name of a Christian saint for a pre-Christian holiday?

Well, to begin with, their theological sensibilities may not have been as finely honed as our own. But secondly and more importantly, St. John himself was often seen as a rather Pagan figure. He was, after all, called 'the Oak King'. His connection to the wilderness (from whence 'the voice cried out') was often emphasized by the rustic nature of his shrines. Many statues show him as a horned figure (as is also the case with Moses). Christian iconographers mumble embarrassed explanations about 'horns of light', while modern Pagans giggle and happily refer to such statues as 'Pan the Baptist'. And to clench matters, many depictions of John actually show him with the lower torso of a satyr, cloven hooves and all! Obviously, this kind of John the Baptist is more properly a Jack in the Green! Also obvious is that behind the medieval conception of St. John lies a distant, shadowy Pagan deity, perhaps the archetypal Wild Man of the Wood, whose face stares down at us through the foliate masks that adorn so much church architecture. Thus medieval Pagans may have had fewer problems adapting than we might suppose.


In England, it was the ancient custom on St. John's Eve to light large bonfires after sundown, which served the double purpose of providing light to the revelers and warding off evil spirits. This was known as 'setting the watch'. People often jumped through the fires for good luck. In addition to these fires, the streets were lined with lanterns, and people carried cressets (pivoted lanterns atop poles) as they wandered from one bonfire to another. These wandering, garland-bedecked bands were called a 'marching watch'. Often they were attended by morris dancers, and traditional players dressed as a unicorn, a dragon, and six hobby-horse riders. Just as May Day was a time to renew the boundary on one's own property, so Midsummer's Eve was a time to ward the boundary of the city.


Customs surrounding St. John's Eve are many and varied. At the very least, most young folk plan to stay up throughout the whole of this shortest night. Certain courageous souls might spend the night keeping watch in the center of a circle of standing stones. To do so would certainly result in either death, madness, or (hopefully) the power of inspiration to become a great poet or bard. (This is, by the way, identical to certain incidents in the first branch of the 'Mabinogion'.) This was also the night when the serpents of the island would roll themselves into a hissing, writhing ball in order to engender the 'glain', also called the 'serpent's egg', 'snake stone', or 'Druid's egg'. Anyone in possession of this hard glass bubble would wield incredible magical powers. Even Merlyn himself (accompanied by his black dog) went in search of it, according to one ancient Welsh story.

Snakes were not the only creatures active on Midsummer's Eve. According to British faery lore, this night was second only to Halloween for its importance to the wee folk, who especially enjoyed a ridling on such a fine summer's night. In order to see them, you had only to gather fern seed at the stroke of midnight and rub it onto your eyelids. But be sure to carry a little bit of rue in your pocket, or you might well be 'pixie-led'. Or, failing the rue, you might simply turn your jacket inside-out, which should keep you from harm's way. But if even this fails, you must seek out one of the 'ley lines', the old straight tracks, and stay upon it to your destination. This will keep you safe from any malevolent power, as will crossing a stream of 'living' (running) water.


Other customs included decking the house (especially over the front door) with birch, fennel, St. John's wort, orpin, and white lilies. Five plants were thought to have special magical properties on this night: rue, roses, St. John's wort, vervain and trefoil. Indeed, Midsummer's Eve in Spain is called the 'Night of the Verbena (Vervain)'. St. John's wort was especially honored by young maidens who picked it in the hopes of divining a future lover.


Altogether, Midsummer is a favorite holiday for many Witches in that it is so hospitable to outdoor celebrations. The warm summer night seems to invite it. And if the celebrants are not in fact skyclad, then you may be fairly certain that the long ritual robes of winter have yielded place to short, tunic-style apparel. As with the longer gowns, tradition dictates that one should wear nothing underneath -- the next best thing to skyclad, to be sure. (Incidentally, now you know the real answer to the old Scottish joke, 'What is worn beneath the kilt?')


The two chief icons of the holiday are the spear (symbol of the Sun-God in his glory) and the summer cauldron (symbol of the Goddess in her bounty). The precise meaning of these two symbols, which I believe I have recently discovered, will be explored in the essay on the death of Llew. But it is interesting to note here that modern Witches often use these same symbols in the Midsummer rituals. And one occasionally hears the alternative consecration formula, 'As the spear is to the male, so the cauldron is to the female...' With these mythic associations, it is no wonder that Midsummer is such a joyous and magical occasion!

I can not remember where I obtained these articles many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, these articles has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create these peices and I do not claim them to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I'm a married woman!

April 30, 2011 was an awesome day. We spent a marvelous honeymoon week traveling the desert and the wild wild west. I love my hubby and couldn't be happier!!

If you want to look at my pics add me to Facebook or Twitter and you can see them there.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

the days are upon us!

tomorrow we head up the mountain and on saturday i get to marry my wonderful fiance of nearly 2 years. i could not nor would i ever want to ask or wish for another or better man. i am so blessed to be his wife and become a part of his awesome family!

stay tuned for pics of the wedding and honeymoon adventures :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

11 days ... still counting down!

I have been so busy but not busy I have been a bad girl and neglected by blog!! I'm sorry!!

Since we last spoke all of my bridesmaids have thier attire now. ArmyGirl agreed to be a bridesmaid :) She found the perfect dress in 3 days of looking :)

I've been enjoying making new friends at work. I'll have to come up with some names I guess!! lol We have an expected 75 people to come to the wedding! How awesome is that. One of the above mentioned work friends is going to babysit the furrbabies for us and stay at the house so it's not empty while we're gone for a week and a half. Insane as it might sound ... Kai actually likes her.

We threw a "mini party" last week and it was a great success!

All in all... just chillaxin and loving my fiance and anxiously awaiting our wedding!

Monday, March 21, 2011

sometimes I just feel like giving up

First we'll start off with my bridesmaids. Any time I tried to get them together 1 or all of them couldn't make it. And if I planned for 2 of them then one of them couldn't make it leaving only 1 and usually the one would say they couldn't either. I started off with 4 bridesmaids and 1 jr. bridesmaid. One of them dropped out. So I decided to make the jr. a regular. Well she got flakey because she has a dance competion that weekend and couldn't decide. So this weekend we (me and her mother) cut her from the wedding leaving me with 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsman... Only 1 of these bridesmaids have thier dress... None of thier dresses will be the same.

Now for the groomsmen. Taranis doesn't have "friends" so he had no idea who he would want for a groomsman. Enter his brothers. Awesome we have 3 groomsmen. But we needed a 4th (at the time) and I wanted my best friend to be there who is in the Air Force. Enter his spouse, long story short he can't afford to come and neither can I afford to pay that amount of airfare after paying for someone else's airfare (another story) so he's out of the running. And it broke my heart. But before that we had one of joe's old college buddies as a 5th possible groomsmen incase we needed someone and he backed out because his wife is due around the time of our wedding. I love babies and I understand but I'm still sad... does that make me a bad person? Ok so maybe sad is a little understanded by that point I was kind of upset. 2 drop outs on groomsmen. 1 drop out on bridesmaids and a flakey bridesmaid... So we asked my brother Swift and he can't make it because of his own baby's birth and my other brother is stationed overseas right now and won't be able to make it and I'm not close to my other brother...

Now the lengths I go to have my way... I paid airfare for a dear friend of mine to come be at the wedding with me as my hair and makeup and photographer. I love her to peices would do anything! and she's coming!! bought her ticket. YAY. I am the happiest bride ever and things are finally starting to look up! I have ALL of the wedding items put together. MomI has 99% of everything together. We got my dress (after a huge bridezilla moment where I thought I was going to uninvite BioMom from everything) and my veil is made and Taranis' mom is making my garters because I can't find ones I like. She's also buying the men's attire. All i have left now is the ushers' outfits...

Then we have an usher drop out. My sisters' husbands are to be the ushers and 1 of them has backed out. Because of hunting season. Thankfully joe has made friends since we moved back home and we had a replacement immediately! *score*

Ready to hear the devastating part? We've been planning this wedding for 2 years. Anyone and everyone knows that there are certain things in a wedding that happen. First of all you have bridal fittings and the MOB (mother of the bride) and MOG (mother of the groom) go out together with the bride (traditionally) and buy special dresses/clothes and coordinate and help the bride pick her dress and the maids come too for thier dresses, etc... So BioMom calls me the other day and she says she got her invite it's so beautiful and wants to tell me her itenerary. It has nothing to do with the rehearsal nor does it include staying for the reception. We got a cabin for her and her husband so he could stay sober long enough to attend the ceremony and then go get drunk in thier cabin. He's a booozer. And I don't like him. I told her about the sand ceremony and that we'd like for her participate. I told her about the reception. ETC ETC ETC. So now we're giving up a cabin. And she wont be attending the rehearsal. She'll just be at the ceremony and leave right after so she wont be driving down the mountain at dark. HELLO THAT'S WHY WE GOT THE FREAKIN CABIN FOR YOU FOR TWO NIGHTS... but I should not get upset, she's going to stay with her mom. That's fine... I'm over it. Whatever. What upsets me the most is she says we never had those conversations.

And after all that I realized last night that altho we might not be CLOSE anymore she is still dear to my heart and ArmyGirl should be in my wedding, I was her Maid of Honor, we were fresh out of high school... So I'm going to ask her this week. I'll have 4 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen again. After all why let a bouquet go unused? And it's not hard for mom to make another boutenier if we find another groomsman.