sometimes I just feel like giving up

First we'll start off with my bridesmaids. Any time I tried to get them together 1 or all of them couldn't make it. And if I planned for 2 of them then one of them couldn't make it leaving only 1 and usually the one would say they couldn't either. I started off with 4 bridesmaids and 1 jr. bridesmaid. One of them dropped out. So I decided to make the jr. a regular. Well she got flakey because she has a dance competion that weekend and couldn't decide. So this weekend we (me and her mother) cut her from the wedding leaving me with 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsman... Only 1 of these bridesmaids have thier dress... None of thier dresses will be the same.

Now for the groomsmen. Taranis doesn't have "friends" so he had no idea who he would want for a groomsman. Enter his brothers. Awesome we have 3 groomsmen. But we needed a 4th (at the time) and I wanted my best friend to be there who is in the Air Force. Enter his spouse, long story short he can't afford to come and neither can I afford to pay that amount of airfare after paying for someone else's airfare (another story) so he's out of the running. And it broke my heart. But before that we had one of joe's old college buddies as a 5th possible groomsmen incase we needed someone and he backed out because his wife is due around the time of our wedding. I love babies and I understand but I'm still sad... does that make me a bad person? Ok so maybe sad is a little understanded by that point I was kind of upset. 2 drop outs on groomsmen. 1 drop out on bridesmaids and a flakey bridesmaid... So we asked my brother Swift and he can't make it because of his own baby's birth and my other brother is stationed overseas right now and won't be able to make it and I'm not close to my other brother...

Now the lengths I go to have my way... I paid airfare for a dear friend of mine to come be at the wedding with me as my hair and makeup and photographer. I love her to peices would do anything! and she's coming!! bought her ticket. YAY. I am the happiest bride ever and things are finally starting to look up! I have ALL of the wedding items put together. MomI has 99% of everything together. We got my dress (after a huge bridezilla moment where I thought I was going to uninvite BioMom from everything) and my veil is made and Taranis' mom is making my garters because I can't find ones I like. She's also buying the men's attire. All i have left now is the ushers' outfits...

Then we have an usher drop out. My sisters' husbands are to be the ushers and 1 of them has backed out. Because of hunting season. Thankfully joe has made friends since we moved back home and we had a replacement immediately! *score*

Ready to hear the devastating part? We've been planning this wedding for 2 years. Anyone and everyone knows that there are certain things in a wedding that happen. First of all you have bridal fittings and the MOB (mother of the bride) and MOG (mother of the groom) go out together with the bride (traditionally) and buy special dresses/clothes and coordinate and help the bride pick her dress and the maids come too for thier dresses, etc... So BioMom calls me the other day and she says she got her invite it's so beautiful and wants to tell me her itenerary. It has nothing to do with the rehearsal nor does it include staying for the reception. We got a cabin for her and her husband so he could stay sober long enough to attend the ceremony and then go get drunk in thier cabin. He's a booozer. And I don't like him. I told her about the sand ceremony and that we'd like for her participate. I told her about the reception. ETC ETC ETC. So now we're giving up a cabin. And she wont be attending the rehearsal. She'll just be at the ceremony and leave right after so she wont be driving down the mountain at dark. HELLO THAT'S WHY WE GOT THE FREAKIN CABIN FOR YOU FOR TWO NIGHTS... but I should not get upset, she's going to stay with her mom. That's fine... I'm over it. Whatever. What upsets me the most is she says we never had those conversations.

And after all that I realized last night that altho we might not be CLOSE anymore she is still dear to my heart and ArmyGirl should be in my wedding, I was her Maid of Honor, we were fresh out of high school... So I'm going to ask her this week. I'll have 4 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen again. After all why let a bouquet go unused? And it's not hard for mom to make another boutenier if we find another groomsman.

nothing new

lost 1 lb so i'm down to 240. i have 90 to go! this working 2 jobs is kicking my ass. and all the running around we've been doing. it's been an insane 2 weeks. i actually forgot to pay bills.... insane i know. i found my shoes for the wedding. so that's something down... remember aunt D that died? momI gave me her earings to wear as my something old. they're antique. i'll have to give them back but that's all good. i get a pearl necklace out of the deal b/c taranis is gonna buy me a necklace :) and he said a bracelet too. i just hope he gets a pair of matching earings to wear with them as well.

words can not describe the pain and joy i feel inside

today was a happy day. started off blissfully with my MomI and Daddy with FMIL at the house enjoying coffee and breakfast while preparing for a drive to Memphis to pickout my wedding dress. We were also going to meetup with BioMom. This scenario has given me countless nightmares BUT, I tried on 3 dresses and the 3rd was the one and the nervousness finally dissapated. It was confirmed BioMom was going to be on her best behavior. We were all one huge happy family and I was absolutely thrilled and happy...

then...... devastation.

Great-Grandpa D might not be blood but I have known him 23 of my nearly 31 years on this earth. But he was still my great-grandpa. I am sad for my sister Raquel, MomJ and Grandma D (his daughter) and my other family from MomJ's side. I am so sad and heartbroken that he died today.

Happiness one minute and tears the next, I honestly don't think I can manage these complicated emotional tornados ripping through my insides without an explosion.

I love you, Grandpa D. I am filled with sorrow that you are gone and hearbroken that you won't see me say "I do" to the greatest man on earth. I am content with the knowledge that you won't feel anymore pain. I am glad your suffering was brief....but I will miss you until we meet again, You're faithful and loving great-grandaughter, J.

Weigh in Wednesday... on a Tuesday!

Last week I was 244 lbs when I weighed in. A few days ago I cheated and glanced at the scale and it said about 240.5 and this morning when I hopped on it was truly 241. So that's 3 lbs in this past week. I am so freaking happy!!

However, we also did my measurements and they stayed the same/barely changed so we figure I did em wrong the first time?! Who knows all I know is my clothes are looser (very noticeably looser I need a belt for my jeans!) and I feel so much better than I have in a long long time!!

(i did my stuff a day early because of my double shift tomorrow and our pool league)

cheater cheater!! lol, not really :)

I use to get on the scale every day or 2 days and I made myself STOP. Well.... don't know what's possessed me the past week but I've gotten on the scale daily and I am down to just over 240 lbs. The scale marker isn't RIGHT ON the 40 it's just A HAIR above it...so I'm calling it 240.5... If you look to the side you'll notice that's about 3-4 lbs in less than a week. I know, that's excessive but I wasn't trying. I've been eating, hell I've been eating.... if you know what I mean!! lol And, haven't been excersizing this week. With a full weeks worth of orientation and working 7 days straight I am so ready for this coming Saturday!! I get to go WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING!!

I am squeeling my happy ass all the way to Memphis!!

Orientation of ME

I had the most awesome orientation today!! I <3 My new company so much!! I can NOT wait until the middle of March when I can kiss the old job good-bye completely!!!

Oh, btw.... did you notice that my wedding date is the Eve of May Day aka Bealtaine?!

I Can Not Let You Walk Out That Door And Never See You Again...

I have never had anyone say this to me before, but yesterday those words came out of my new bosses mouth. Yup, you heard that right, my new boss... You see I have been applying for part time work and looking for supplemental jobs since I realized that the pet hospital wasn't going to give me what I needed or desired. That became a huge reality when I noticed they were looking for another "me". So that kind of ticked me off a bit, I want more work/hours and they're hiring someone else and come to find out the girl who trained me is quitting. Remember me telling ya'll that she and I would "share" a shift? She'd work the 1st half and I'd work the last half? Well, wouldn't it make sense if she quit to have me work the whole shift? Apperantly not, they thought I didn't want to work more hours. Really? Whatever...

So, enough rambling...

I found a job in the paper in a resort & spa like I worked at in Chicago and yes I was no where near qualified for that position listed in the paper but I got a call back to interview!! I set up a Saturday interview and I anxiously waited all week long. Finally, my chance came to try and charm my way into a postion I knew was probably too much for me but I was willing to give it my all and be damned with the consequences... All the way there (45 minute drive of nothing but Ouachita National Forest) I was praying that if they didn't hire me for the supervisor job that they'd say they needed help in accounting or SOMETHING...

After about 30 minutes of conversation and talking about me and my life and my goals and the past and the present and the future she says "You know you're not qualified for this position, right? You don't have the supervisory experience that is needed..." I said yes, but if you never take a chance then you'll never know. She responded that she agreed and said "but I can not let you walk out that door and never see you again. I want to hire you as a front desk agent. Can you start on monday??" ofcourse me, I say Are you serious? And she says "YES!" and we laugh and giggle and she says I'm great, I'm exactly what she's looking for and they just started looking for that position!! I tell her I can't on Monday because of the pet hospital but that I'll put in my 2 week notice on Monday and send her my schedule that I have and I can start immediately and come in on the days I don't work.

Tuesday is my first day!! I am so freaking happy. I am going up $ and hours. PLUS they do have billing like I did before and since I'll have my foot in the door and know the ins/outs of the company/procedures I'll have a better chance of going back to what I loved doing in Chicago!! -That is if a postion opens up in accounting. She said they do have a very low turnover. But that's ok. I can wait. And who knows what may happen in the meantime!!

This week, I have no regrets!!

You ready for this?? I lost 4 lbs this week! *doing a happy dance* That totally makes up for the stagnant weeks in my honest opinion!!! Lets recap the week shall we?

For a refresher here were my goals:

• Eat within my calorie range.
• Drink TONS of water!
• Do at least 1 cardio -including my strength training days.

Wednesday: I told you I was participating in JoAnna's "Operation No Regrets" And I laid out my goals for you. Only one of those didn't get met and that was excersise. I procrastinated until I was finished with laundry and ended up slamming my hand into the dryer and bending back my pinky and wrist in an unnatural and painful manner. May we say "OUCH"? while I am kicking myself for not excersising earlier in the day I can't really say much but "silly girl"...

Thursday: Babying an injured wrist the only goal not met was excersise.

Friday: With "healed" hand/wrist I did my strength training and I had to FORCE myself to eat up to my calories. lol I know right, I find myself having to eat extra in the evening for dinner or a snack later (usually a snack, I save the extra cals for later) because I skimp so much during the day I end up under!

Saturday: I was nearly at my max on calories... If you follow me on twitter or fb you'll know that Friday and Saturday was spent searching for items for the wedding regarding our invatations. My sister is doing them for us and she bought out hobby lobby a bazillion times in her area so we decided to search the ones here and in the meantime found out they were having a 60% off sale. So when work let me go after 2.5 hours on saturday we decided to take advantage of my unexpected time off and travel all over central arkansas in search of Hobby Lobbys. We hit 7 stores total and bought out everyone darn one of em!! In process that made it to where we ate out for lunch and while I tried to eat "healthy" when I got my plate I realized that words can be deceiving?? I ended up skipping dinner #1, I wasn't hungry after eating more than I normally do in a meal and #2 I was almost maxed on cals. We ended up meeting up with my daddy and MomI and I walked A TON in the mall with her so that makes up for the luncheon overload. But I have no regrets! I had a wonderful "valentines luncheon" with my fiance and we got more than we expected for the wedding (bubbles and candies) because the price was right and i got to spend one on one time with MomI and daddy and Taranis got to hang out together.

Sunday: was an amazing day! my handsome and I went to the hardware store and bought lumber to make a ballreturn on our pool table. it's so awesome! and I got to use power tools :) lol we made homemade spinach and chicken alfredo pizza and i stayed within my calorie range. it was an awesome day!!

Monday: I totally kicked ass. Stayed within my calories and did both strength and awesome cardio.

Tuesday: that day was a test. a test to see if I could up myself to 6 miles from 3 miles. I also scrubbed my house from ceiling to carpet... aka I did my monthly deep scrub. so after spending all day scrubbing and cleaning i climbed on my gazelle and i did 3 miles and i was exhausted but i took a 10 min break and i got right back on and did another 3. i was ready to collapse but I did it and I will say that my fitness goals have now taken a turn, i can no longer do 3 every other day and it be ok. Oh, and my calories were perfect!!

My new goals:
Strength Training = Increase each by 1 set.
Cardio= 3 miles on Strength Training days and 6 miles on the other days.

Operation: No Regrets

One of my favorite people (JoAnna aka Mad, Fat Woman) is challening us on our weight loss journies to have no regrets! I'm going to join her in this because this past week, I've had alot of regrets:

• Chocolate for Charity Festival (Good cause, great fun with the fiance but not nice to my scale)
• Didn't eat within my calorie range... as you can see on my Food & Excersise Journal
• Didn't do atleast 1 cardio a day -including the days of my strength training

Today is also my weigh in day... I restarted this journey a month ago at 260 lbs. Last week I weighed in at 250. This week.... 250. Maintained a weight loss of 10 lbs. If I could have just changed some things... It could have been more...

This week's "I will have no regrets" Goals:

• Eat within my calorie range.
• Drink TONS of water!
• Do at least 1 cardio -including my strength training days.
• Quit my job.

Yes, I said quit my job. If you follow my FB or Twitter you'd see that things are no longer ideal at the pet hospital. One person says one thing, another person says another thing and that equals me getting "lectured at" alot. One of the Docs said it took me over an hour to assess and log in a new patient. (Which is pure BS, btw) They're losing money and not making money which means they're going downhill. I don't get any hours. I was looking at "minimalistic" hours to begin with at 20 hrs a week but 3 - 6 hours a week sometimes none at all are not ideal, I wanna work! I wanna do SOMETHING. They don't have enough patients/hours for all the manpower and they're barebones as it is. So, I'm going to go back to school this summer (I hope I have given enough time for grant and loan approvals, plus the spring semester is in full swing already) I tentatively put Early Childhood Development as my major. I am not 100% sure on what I want to do but with the community college near by, that's all I saw that interests me. Taranis got a promotion at work and with his $ an hour he makes already (hopefully an increase comes soon!) plus his extra 30 - 45 minutes a day from his promotion (overtime) he can make up what little (or no) income I brought in.

Wish me luck!! And go visit JoAnna!! She and her blog was featured on our local news and I am so proud of her!!

Happy New Year!!, Oh damn I'm late to the party...

As you can imagine the last 6 months of any wedding is hard... given you've been planning for any significant amount of time. Women who say "lets get married in 3 months" are ridiculous!!

I went through a bout of depression. Angry at myself and the world. Didn't gain weight but I didn't lose any either so I fail on that big time. Since starting over with the "new and healthier me" I have lost 10 lbs and hope to continue to lose more before the wedding. My goal is to lose 50 by end of June, which is doable if I stay on task. Yes, I'm still keeping track on the sidebar.

One of my goals is "journaling" again. So to you blogger: thank you for still being here!!

It's been hard getting my bridesmaids together. I lost one completely and thought that I might have lost another but her daughter decided not to do her dance competition and wanted to be apart of my wedding as the replacement for the lost bridesmaid. SCORE! We've went through so many groomsmen it's a wonder we even have any! My bestie Coolio was supose to be one and he can't because of the military. The original Best Man dropped out because his wife is pregnant and due when our wedding is. Then we asked my brother Swift to stand in for Coolio, well his wife is pregnant too and due the same time... So now I have 4 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen and no bestman. I have a MAID of Honor and a MATRON of Honor because I couldn't choose between 1 or the other of 2 girls...

Would you be concerned if I told you I didn't have my dress yet?? I am a little concerned as well. March 5th we go to pick one out. BioMom is driving 3.5 hours to there. I won't lay all the drama on you but you'd think the mother(s) of the bride would do any and everything to be there with her while she tries on dresses, right?! Ugh. So after many tears and many tantrums........hers not mine........ biomom has agreed to meet me in Memphis. While MomI and FMIL ride with me to Memphis to meet her. All I have to say is that BioMom better leave MomI alone and not cause any drama. MomI is a wonderful woman and damnit I got so happy I cried tears of joyous happiness when she told me she'd come. That made my day more than anything....

Well, maybe not ANYTHING... we got our rings. They're black titanium with diamonds. <3 them! I am so freakin happy.

MomI is done with most of the flowers. She's got my headpeice/veil done. We got the flower girls dresses and thier little pail/shovel. We got the bear for the ring girl to carry down the aisle with the rings around his next on a heart shaped "locket" pillow. It's going to be so cute.

*wait, i'm tearing up again*

so basically now all we gotta do is finish off the table settings (we're making our own silverware sets with seashells strung on twine to wrap around napkins and plasticware) and buy the table necessities. We need to purchase the groomsmen's attire and Joe's attire. I'm going to make a "tropical basket" for giftcards and cards to go into.

everything is coming together nicely. and i'm happy to be marrying my handsome fiance!

Happy Thanksgiving!! Gobble Gobble Gobble!!



Take a peak at our tukey day feast!! Here you see greenbean casserole, cornbread dressing, mashed sweet tators with marshmallows (the mini festive colored ones ofcourse), turkey, homemade rolls and our pretty table cloth we got at the market a few weeks back.

Brrrr! It's gettin' cold in here, it's so cold I'm-a put my Snuggie on!!

Our heater isn't working... just left a vm for our landlord. This makes the 3rd item to break/not working to begin with... our first week here the dishwasher didn't work, then a few weeks after that the garbage disposal decided to leak (we gather it leaked the whole time we didn't realize it until it became a very large leak) and now the heat doesn't work and it's friggin cold! The a/c works and it's an all in one unit we believe... waiting for her to call me back. ugh.

Kai got spayed last week, she's doing good but her immune system crashed so now she has a cold and i'm sure this cold house isn't helping her!

Work is getting better, I'm starting to actually retain the information and I don't think I'm making as many mistakes as before.

We had planned to go see BioMom this weekend but I honestly forgot all about it all and ended up having to work and so she was going to come visit and she was afraid to travel alone. We were going to visit Taranis' momma for actual turkey day but that's not in our budget right now because of the move and neither of us can get off long enough... I hope maybe we can go for christmas? dunno yet but I do know she's trying to come visit in January and I'm gonna go to BioMom's in February hopefully.

I got great news regarding my credit, I'm finally all cleared up! It's great to feel like I can actually go and do something with our future now instead of being scared of rejection and looking down upon by others because my past was rocky.

Really wish my landlord would call... less clothing is more comfortable but damn I'm cold :( going back to snuggle under blankies.

ok Karma, what did I do to piss you off??

Was it being happy?? Was it that I was going to do something for myself?? Was it because --oh I don't know... I have a job that actually makes me feel good inside because I'm helping People and thier Pets??

Tell me WHY is it that at 10pm last night my cable tv and internet got cut off... oh that's simple... we never received a bill, we received the 1st one which was not really a bill at all but a "balance due" on the stuff we had ordered (had to pay for the dvr separate)... so after that, never received a friggin bill. So a person (me) who pays thier bills impecably didn't pay thier tv/internet bill *sigh* but it was in Taranis' name and he had to spend his lunch break dealing with that crap and thankfully was able to get it taken care of.

Also, the "new" radiator we got his truck, yeap just as bad as the old one and buying used thier is no "warranties" -what you see is what you get so we went and bought a brand spankin new one yesterday -over $150 bucks thank you very much! We were already beyond breaking at that point and to come home and find the cable out and that we owed another $100 (due to late fees) to turn it on just really put a cramp in the things that need to get done:

magnetic paper for the save the dates
cake toppers -one for the cake one for our centerpeice
my contacts

thankfully Taranis got another payout on his retirement 401k that we were not expecting (that covered the radiator and cable) then we were left with doing without on those 3 items above until... i got my payout from the food poisoning. yay for them sending ME the check instead of the hospital!!

i have to learn to not be happy or something, seriously -I don't know why it is but once I feel happy or content or relaxed all of my world falls apart and 99% its monetary issues. I don't understand why or how I could have such bad money Karma when I try so freakin hard to be awesome with the finances. everything I do blows up in my face and the way things are going I doubt I'll have ANY money for our wedding... lets just hope that the tax return/refund is enough and I can save a little more each check... MY check is supose to be wedding money but it's not turning out to be that way :-(

AT&T is now on the boycott list

well AT&T you just had to piss me off huh?? it's bad enough that I overpaid you $45 but to transfer me to 10 different people and the final one just hang up on me for no reason -yea, I don't care if you're the ONLY service in whatever area I live in, I'll go without for the rest of my life... F8ck you! Keep the $45, really a large corporation like you definitly needs it more than I do...

Samhain aka Halloween aka All Hallows Eve

Samhain aka Halloween aka All Hallows Eve

follow the link to see some of my favorite articles about this wonderful and my favorite Holiday of the year!!

so much to catch up on!

I started my new job at the Vet Hospital (which you all already know) and then not even a week after starting we had a family emergency and my Aunt passed away suddenly, she was one of daddy's sisters. Only 69 years old, her husband is the one who passed away about 6 months ago that we rushed down here to be at daddy's side. She died 5 months and 3 hours after he did... so very heart breaking. They allowed me to take a week off work while all that was going on to be with my dad.

Now I've been working 10-12 hour days (again) while in training. Today starts my first day at my true schedule. which is 3-4 hours in the late afternoons. So much nicer than working a full day. I know I know I use to love it but I am so burnt out... I am so tired of being "the one" I just want to be "one of the ones" lol or something, I know, I don't make sense.

So we have 185 days until we say "I do". My sister Raquel is supose to be working on our invitations and honestly between her schooling, her teaching job and her hunting/extra cirricular activities I don't know how she's going to get em done!! last we talked about them (the funeral earlier this month) she hadn't even started.

Taranis loves his job! He gets off every day at 3pm and goes in at 7am. I am so proud of him and thankful for him. He cooks dinner on the nights I work late, he helps me clean the house. I have a marvelous and wonderful man!!

We set the pool table up in the living room. He's a bit cramped but it works and I prefer to have it up than to not have it up. We also started a pool league a few weeks ago. The first game was while I was dealing with the funeral so I couldn't be there. The last 2 weeks Taranis has played and I believe our team won both of those matches, not sure about the other one... I don't appreciate that they allow smoking in the bars here in Arkansas... I feel like I've smoked a pack of cigs when I wake up in the morning and we both stink and the house smells of cig smoke from our clothes... I know I know I didn't have an issue with it when I smoked but since I'm a nonsmoker now it does pose an inconvenience on me and it makes me want to smoke.

I guess I'm gonna get off here and go catch up on ya'lls blogs a little at a time.

Made it through my first day at the new job!!

I have alot of old medical terminology to remember again and alot of new terminology to learn. I'll have a solid 2 week training with another girl and then I should be on my own most of the time but I'll have a partner until I am 100% ready to be on my own. It's so exciting but so sad the cases we saw today. On one hand I am enjoying helping people and encouraging proper care of thier pets and on the other it's so very sad when one dies or is in an accident. It's very heart breaking.

Mabon, The Autumnal Equinox

Harvest Home

Despite the bad publicity generated by Thomas Tryon's novel, Harvest Home is the pleasantest of holidays. Admittedly, it does involve the concept of sacrifice, but one that is symbolic only. The sacrifice is that of the spirit of vegetation, John Barleycorn. Occurring 1/4 of the year after Midsummer, Harvest Home represents mid-autumn, autumn's height. It is also the Autumnal Equinox, one of the quarter days of the year, a Lesser Sabbat and a Low Holiday in modern Witchcraft.



Technically, an equinox is an astronomical point and, due to the fact that the earth wobbles on its axis slightly (rather like a top that's slowing down), the date may vary by a few days depending on the year. The autumnal equinox occurs when the sun crosses the equator on it's apparent journey southward, and we experience a day and a night that are of equal duration. Up until Harvest Home, the hours of daylight have been greater than the hours from dusk to dawn. But from now on, the reverse holds true. Astrologers know this as the date on which the sun enters the sign of Libra, the Balance (an appropriate symbol of a balanced day and night).


However, since most European peasants were not accomplished at calculating the exact date of the equinox, they celebrated the event on a fixed calendar date, September 25th, a holiday the medieval Church Christianized under the name of 'Michaelmas', the feast of the Archangel Michael. (One wonders if, at some point, the R.C. Church contemplated assigning the four quarter days of the year to the four Archangels, just as they assigned the four cross-quarter days to the four gospel-writers. Further evidence for this may be seen in the fact that there was a brief flirtation with calling the Vernal Equinox 'Gabrielmas', ostensibly to commemorate the angel Gabriel's announcement to Mary on Lady Day.)


The September 25th festivities actually begin on the previous sundown (our September 24th). Although our Pagan ancestors probably celebrated Harvest Home on September 25th, modern Witches and Pagans, with their desk-top computers for making finer calculations, seem to prefer the actual equinox point, beginning the celebration on its eve.


Mythically, it is the time of the year when night conquers day.


Incidentally, annual mock sacrifices of a large wicker-work figure (representing the vegetation spirit) may have been the origin of the misconception that Druids made human sacrifices. This charge was first made by Julius Caesar (who may not have had the most unbiased of motives), and has been re-stated many times since. However, as has often been pointed out, the only historians besides Caesar who make this accusation are those who have read Caesar. And in fact, upon reading Caesar's 'Gallic Wars' closely, one discovers that Caesar never claims to have actually witnessed such a sacrifice. Nor does he claim to have talked to anyone else who did. In fact, there is not one single eyewitness account of a human sacrifice performed by Druids in all of history!


Nor is there any archeological evidence to support the charge. If, for example, human sacrifices had been performed at the same ritual sites year after year, there would be physical traces. Yet there is not a scrap. Nor is there any native tradition or history which lends support. In fact, insular tradition seems to point in the opposite direction. The Druid's reverence for life was so strict that they refused to lift a sword to defend themselves when massacred by Roman soldiers on the Isle of Mona. Irish brehon laws forbade a Druid to touch a weapon, and any soul rash enough to unsheathe a sword in the presence of a Druid would be executed for such an outrage!


In the rhythm of the year, Harvest Home marks a time of rest after hard work. The crops are gathered in, and winter is still a month and a half away! Although the nights are getting cooler, the days are still warm, and there is something magical in the sunlight, for it seems silvery and indirect. As we pursue our gentle hobbies of making corn dollies (those tiny vegetation spirits) and wheat weaving, our attention is suddenly arrested by the sound of baying from the skies (the 'Hounds of Annwn' passing?), as lines of geese cut silhouettes across a harvest moon. And we move closer to the hearth, the longer evening hours giving us time to catch up on our reading, munching on popcorn balls and caramel apples and sipping home-brewed mead or ale. What a wonderful time Harvest Home is! And how lucky we are to live in a part of the country where the season's changes are so dramatic and majestic!

I can not remember where I obtained these articles many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, these articles has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create these peices and I do not claim them to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

Guess Who Got Employeed

In the beginning it was not exactly what I was going after. But I decided after much heart felt pondering that I really didn't want to go back into the corporate bullshit game. I now have a nice little job working for a Vet. I love animals and it's 3-4 hours a day in the late afternoons. I will have time to myself to continue my weight loss goals and I'll still have time with my handsome fiance.

More details later, now I must go take a piss test!!

Driving in Circles

A week ago my man got his 401k payout from the company he worked for up north. BOA decided to hold the money for 5 days pending credit verification and approval aka they didn't trust the check was NOT fraudulent...ugh... anyways... Friday we got us a 50 inch plasma tv, a new cabinet to put it in and 2 new laptops. Just in time too because mine was literally melting at the power plug into the pc. So my man got him a new laptop and I got me a new laptop. We got us a new tv, all is awesome...

until we go to look for him a new/used decent/not a peice of trash vehicle so I could look for a part time job to help keep paying off past debt and put money towards our wedding.

we drove over 600 miles in 1 weekend looking for a vehicle for him but at the last minute we found one -right when I was at the breaking point and about to give up and say "it's not meant to be" we found a nice decent truck that needs MINOR - ROUTINE - maintenance... I was getting pretty fed up with jerks and assholes lying about thier vehicles they were saying.

Now, I'm waiting. remember when I said I was turned down for an interview because they needed me at 3pm and couldn't wait until 330 pm? Well, I had an interview with them yesterday (because now we have 2 vehicles I can start whenever)...and was able to shadow the position today that i would be working and I have to say I love it!! All I need now is for them to say they want me too. I'm waiting for thier call. However we don't have signal here 99.99% of the time. Hopefully she leaves a voicemail!