work in progress

This is completely a work in progress, I'm not sure how to finish... and I'm not even really sure how/when I started writing it but lastnight I looked down and there it was.

Painful Silence
fills the air
Roaring nothingness
comes from everywhere

Moments in Bliss
a fraction of time
Stolen seconds
you'd never be mine

Whispering Winds
tell a different story
Knowing I'm not the only one
who fell to your glory

Secrets and Betrayal
my heart the sacrifice
Yearning and Burning
with my empty life

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Feeling: Creative


Listening to: "Fastblack" by Full Devil Jacket

here's the deal

i can see why no one would want me in thier band. i'm not really 'band material' i guess.

Here's why:
-- I havn't played an instrument EVER in my life except for about 10 years ago my friend J.Y. was teaching me to play the guitar for about 2 months about of the 4 we were dating (he was right before Hephaestus).

-- I havn't read music since high school choir and that was, god ages ago now. Another 10 years past.

But I can write, I'm a writer and I'm sure if I had to I could put a 'tune' together in my head for a song or two of mine. and I can sing. I KNOW I can sing. I was BORN to be a singer. But who wants a worthless singer like me? I want this, I need this I crave this. Just not so sure if my 'lyrics' would ever be something the masses or anyone other than myself would want to hear.

And I would totally understand if they turned me down for someone else who could do all of the above and more.

I checked out thier former Vocalist's page. She plays the guitar and she's a decent singer. Not the best I've ever heard, but pretty decent.

So, my odds on getting something together with any band at this point in time are pretty slim to none. I really really really need to get off my ass, buy me a guitar and sign up for lessons with Ronnie.

What was I thinking?! But I'm still going to go and give it my all. If they like my sound and we 'click' then I'm sure something will be worked out.

Thinking there goes my trip to Arkansas next month? Which is more important --Buying a guitar and starting lessons with the extra cash or seeing my family & grabbing more of my shit outa storage.

on another note, I was writing a few things today, got 2 'lyrics/poems/songs' whatever you wanna call them in progress. Here is a taste of one of them....

In The Dark

running in the dark
her breath is taken
screaming in the dark
her body shaking
crying in the dark
clawing thru fiery air
crouching in the dark
hiding amidst the shadows scared
lying in the dark
reaching out to grab her
searching in the dark
he cannot find her
standing in the dark
he throws her against a wall
raping her in the dark
she begins to fall
beating her in the dark
reality stretching
loving him in the dark
her mind is breaking
lying in the dark
he put is hand in mine
strolling through the dark

Blaez
2/20/07

Invisible

a single tear slides down her cheek
strangers walk oblivious down the street
she stands invisible in the crowd
her screaming not making a sound

no one to love her no one to care
no one to hold her or brush her hair
everyone hates her they cause her pain
everyone beats her to expel thier rage

a pool of blood gathers on the ground
strangers pass by as she drowns
night darkens in her eyes
silent rains fall from the sky

no one to want her no one is there
no one to kiss her or hold her near
everyone hates her they don't know her name
everyone breaks her to satisfy thier pain

blood red rose petals float on the breeze
strangers watch silently on this winter's eve
lying in the arms of death
her body is laid to rest

no one suspected no one could feel her pain
everyone hated her beating her with thier rage

Blaez
2/20/2007

Where Would I Be

Its been nearly a year since I've wrote anything... I'd just like to share something I got a little inspiration to write a few moments ago while outside alone smoking a cigarette... Here's to hoping this is the end of my writer's block.

where would i be?
if i had never met you
where would i be?
if you hadn't loved me
and just where would i be?
if i hadn't said i cared
where would i be?
if you hadn't said i was just a dare

oh! where would i be?
if i had never seen your face
just where would i be?
if i hadn't gotten lost in your embrace
where would i be?
tell me
where would i be?

i'd be lost without a reason
i'd be on my own somewhere
i'd be exactly as i am
without all this baggage to carry around

where would i be?
just where would i be?
if you had never said
if you had never ever said
that you,
that you never loved me

I even got a tune in my head for it too. wish i knew how to write down music so I could keep it, but I have a feeling it's not going to go away, it wont slip my mind.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Feeling: I wrote a new poem with a tune for it in my head!!!!


Listening to: My new song in my head

Death

I wrote this a few days before my 17th birthday. I was messed up in the head on drugs and other stuff. My reality merged with a friend of mines reality during a 'stone fest' and I became her... Just a few weeks shy of a miscarriage due to drug and alchohol abuse. She killed herself, she never touched Heroine and after her miscarriage she did just that, she OD'd on it on purpose.

I don't know why I want to share this, but I want to share this poem with you all that I wrote 10 years ago. Maybe I'm hoping a certain person will read this and it might beable to help her get her life back on track.

"DEATH"
i'm lost
and feel out of touch
with everything
that means so much
i have this love
so i have no life
i'm on a rollercoaster
going nowhere
but to disaster
i drink all the time
i smoke
not just cigarettes
also dope
i get high
every chance i can
my life as a junkie
i can never win

i've lost my baby
my baby boy
all cuz of
my fav toy
and i can never admit
my life wont cease
with this burden in my heart
i've caused the death
of someone i love
all because of
mary jane with crystal meth

if i quit
ill die too
go crazy without the fuse

i know how
to end it all
all i have to do
is make a call
to the dealer
an overdose
on what i need most

my life is
one giant craving
and to cease the pain...
take on final hit
stick in the needle
plunge into deadlier sins
crave...

Blaez, 6*97

666 - Satan

Just had to share this poem I wrote about a nightmare I was having. I share this with you in honor of 06/06/06

"666 Satan"
In the darkness of his reverie
He's searching only for thee
For you to become his one desire
Is something that will set you afire
With not a disguise upon his face
He takes you to the unholy place
Only here can you find
The darkening evil that hides inside
Believe that he is there
Satan our lord is very near
Out of the shadows to conquer all
To him we must call
When midnight strikes and the moon is full
In our souls with the evil free
One with him we will all be

Blaez

9 * 19 * 97

For those of you whom will freak on me about this Poem, It was wrote about a nightmare I was having. Now, the poem doesn't express the nightmare fully, and thier are much more imagery and detail than my own words can describe. So, before you start yelling at me about Worshipping something that doesn't exist....Dont waiste your breathe!

A New Love

"A New Love"
Not long ago, in a time that seems faraway
I met a man I believed would never stray
My wounds run deep, scars never fading
Living a life of denial, feels like I'm drowning
My world has never been perfect
Always feeling like a reject
10 Years later we said good-bye
And I left the only life I've known behind
Now I live in a foreigne land
I was scared until you took my hand
Always cheating at the game of love
Didn't realize who I had become
Breaking hearts because I was hurting
Never realized it was me I was killing
Ashamed of what I've done, who I am
Scared of never being the real me again
Tired of the games
Sick of the pain
I pray I'm the one you love and never leave
I'll give you everything to make you happy
I want to give you my heart
A new life that I can start
I swear this isn't a game, I've been falling since day one.


Blaez
05/15/2006