yesterday my night was filled with rockband and guitar hero. today another guitar hero fest...
i love my ps3
4-30-11 = Best Day of My Life
Showing posts with label Gaming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gaming. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
perfect saturday...
woke up late, had a burrito for breakfast, played some Gradius III (yes, I have a SNES and it still works, cuz I'm da bomb!) and then went to get my hair cut.
Instead of leaving it all one length with long layers I decided to go with Short Layers and having my bangs shorter than the rest and frame my face... that didn't happen. My bangs while shorter than the rest are a bit below my nose which is perfect but it stops there... They don't "meld" into the rest of my hair its like someone put bowls on top of my head and cut it stair like... the underneath is still very long but i have a "puffy" layer... I don't think the girl knew quite what I was asking for when I said "Layer my face with shorter bangs than the rest and give me layers but keep my hair long... she layered 1 part of my hair really. Its not horrible and it will grow out and in a few months i'll go have someone else do it. oh and about my bangs: 1 side is shorter than the other. by like 1/2 an inch. so thankfully i keep my hair up in a clippy most of the time. and you can't really really tell with the way i style it down anyways. but it still perturbs me. that chic will never cut my hair again and i'll make sure to scrutinize and inspect more the next time i go anywhere.
after that we went and got Lo-Jack a new waterbottle. he's literally chewed through his. Silly Hamster!! and we went to look at the kitties for adoption and it made me really regret telling Joe not to get me a Kitty for my birthday which was what his plan was after I told him I changed my mind on the Blackberry because I'd have to give up my ringtones AGAIN and start all over AGAIN so the money I'd spent on tones would be flushed down the toilette.
honestly i guess i should just give up on ringtones because i keep paying money for them and then end up getting a different phone or service and losing them!! ya'd think i learned my lesson by now.
then we came home and had a nooner. yeap, nothing better than mind blowing sex in the afternoon (TMI yes, but happy for me!!! I'd be happy for you!!!)
Now, I'm going to play Gradius III some more and then rockband II or Guitar Hero III and munch on a salami, pepperoni and cheese snack platter and then have Quesodillas later for dinner. YUMMY!!!!
Instead of leaving it all one length with long layers I decided to go with Short Layers and having my bangs shorter than the rest and frame my face... that didn't happen. My bangs while shorter than the rest are a bit below my nose which is perfect but it stops there... They don't "meld" into the rest of my hair its like someone put bowls on top of my head and cut it stair like... the underneath is still very long but i have a "puffy" layer... I don't think the girl knew quite what I was asking for when I said "Layer my face with shorter bangs than the rest and give me layers but keep my hair long... she layered 1 part of my hair really. Its not horrible and it will grow out and in a few months i'll go have someone else do it. oh and about my bangs: 1 side is shorter than the other. by like 1/2 an inch. so thankfully i keep my hair up in a clippy most of the time. and you can't really really tell with the way i style it down anyways. but it still perturbs me. that chic will never cut my hair again and i'll make sure to scrutinize and inspect more the next time i go anywhere.
after that we went and got Lo-Jack a new waterbottle. he's literally chewed through his. Silly Hamster!! and we went to look at the kitties for adoption and it made me really regret telling Joe not to get me a Kitty for my birthday which was what his plan was after I told him I changed my mind on the Blackberry because I'd have to give up my ringtones AGAIN and start all over AGAIN so the money I'd spent on tones would be flushed down the toilette.
honestly i guess i should just give up on ringtones because i keep paying money for them and then end up getting a different phone or service and losing them!! ya'd think i learned my lesson by now.
then we came home and had a nooner. yeap, nothing better than mind blowing sex in the afternoon (TMI yes, but happy for me!!! I'd be happy for you!!!)
Now, I'm going to play Gradius III some more and then rockband II or Guitar Hero III and munch on a salami, pepperoni and cheese snack platter and then have Quesodillas later for dinner. YUMMY!!!!
Friday, January 02, 2009
oh we got our asses handed to us!
http://forums.sneezymud.com/smf/index.php/topic,6154.0.html
[quote author=blaez link=topic=6154.msg51769#msg51769 date=1230958946]
We started out fairly well by annihilating the guard that barred our passing into a dangerous world.
H:281 M:645 V:148 T:58894 E:2,909,462,917 >
Meatie parries a giant guard's bludgeon with his mace.
A giant guard uses his parry to execute a riposte.
Troy smashes a giant guard's neck very severely with his mace.
Boot stabs a giant guard's back very severely with his tachi.
Orbitor slashes a giant guard's left leg very severely with his cutlass.
Orbitor crushes a giant guard's back incredibly well with his mace.
Meatie deflects a giant guard's strike with his mace.
Meatie deflects a giant guard's strike with his mace.
Boot stabs a giant guard's left hand very severely with his tachi.
Orbitor slashes a giant guard's body into a bloody pulp with his cutlass.
A giant guard recoils in pain as Orbitor's cutlass burns him with unholy vengeance.
A giant guard is dead! R.I.P.
and then it started to get ugly
H:281 M:675 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,396,523 <0.7> >
A cult sentinel grabs Meatie by the arm and throws him over his shoulder!
Meatie is hurled northwest out of the room by a cult sentinel.
H:281 M:450 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,510,625 >
With a flourish, you draw the final line of the magic pattern.
You utter the final words of the incantation.
--------------------------------END OF SPELL--------------------------------
Whoah! You disperse the atoms from a cult sentinel's body!
Meatie flies in from the northwest.
H:281 M:390 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,561,073 >
Libbrecht shambles in from the northwest.
Libbrecht screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
Libbrecht utters the words, 'Spirits be gone from this pathetic one!'
Libbrecht concentrates deeply upon his task...
Libbrecht gazes intensely at Meatie.
Libbrecht bites Meatie's left arm hard.
A cult sentinel has arrived from the northwest.
A cult sentinel screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's body severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's head severely.
A cult sentinel has arrived from the northwest.
A cult sentinel screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's body severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's neck severely.
Lightning fast, a cult sentinel shifts his balance and launches another strike.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's right arm severely.
Oxygen returns to a cult sentinel as he takes a deep breath of air.
Meatie attempts to rescue Orbitor, but fails miserably.
H:281 M:375 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,583,083 >
Meatie heroically rescues Orbitor.
H:281 M:375 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,583,083 >
Blood spurts from a hypothermic slave's neck as Boot slices into his throat.
A hypothermic slave shakes the fuzziness from his head and sits up.
H:281 M:360 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,658,674 >
Libbrecht holds his hands up high and cries out to his ancestors for power.
Libbrecht cries out and is enveloped in a blood red mist.
Libbrecht chases away the evil spirits within Meatie...
Meatie loses his ability to fly.
Meatie tumbles end over end as he crash lands!
Meatie's eyes don't twinkle anymore.
The globe about Meatie wavers, then collapses altogether.
Meatie loses the bounce in his step.
The gills on Meatie's neck disappear.
A cult sentinel hits Meatie's chest with a mighty chop!
Meatie is dead! R.I.P.
A cult sentinel rears back his head and shouts loudly.
A cult sentinel shouts, "Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, Meatie."
H:29 M:300 V:148 T:66148 E:2,920,955,478 >
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's right hand very severely.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your head incredibly well.
You wish that your wounds would stop HURTING so much!!
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's left arm severely.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your waist severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's back very hard.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your body beyond all recognition.
H:-8 M:300 V:148 T:66148 E:2,920,955,478 >
You are dead! Sorry...
A cult sentienel shouts, "WOOT and Inutition goes down! HA!"
Libbrecht shouts, "your pets will love new Boot brand kibble!"
A cult sentinel shouts, "Told Lucifer once, Told Lucifer twice, did Lucifer listen to my advice? R.I.P."
click the links below or above to view the whole mess.
[quote author=blaez link=topic=6154.msg51769#msg51769 date=1230958946]
We started out fairly well by annihilating the guard that barred our passing into a dangerous world.
H:281 M:645 V:148 T:58894 E:2,909,462,917
Meatie parries a giant guard's bludgeon with his mace.
A giant guard uses his parry to execute a riposte.
Troy smashes a giant guard's neck very severely with his mace.
Boot stabs a giant guard's back very severely with his tachi.
Orbitor slashes a giant guard's left leg very severely with his cutlass.
Orbitor crushes a giant guard's back incredibly well with his mace.
Meatie deflects a giant guard's strike with his mace.
Meatie deflects a giant guard's strike with his mace.
Boot stabs a giant guard's left hand very severely with his tachi.
Orbitor slashes a giant guard's body into a bloody pulp with his cutlass.
A giant guard recoils in pain as Orbitor's cutlass burns him with unholy vengeance.
A giant guard is dead! R.I.P.
and then it started to get ugly
H:281 M:675 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,396,523
A cult sentinel grabs Meatie by the arm and throws him over his shoulder!
Meatie is hurled northwest out of the room by a cult sentinel.
H:281 M:450 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,510,625
With a flourish, you draw the final line of the magic pattern.
You utter the final words of the incantation.
--------------------------------END OF SPELL--------------------------------
Whoah! You disperse the atoms from a cult sentinel's body!
Meatie flies in from the northwest.
H:281 M:390 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,561,073
Libbrecht shambles in from the northwest.
Libbrecht screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
Libbrecht utters the words, 'Spirits be gone from this pathetic one!'
Libbrecht concentrates deeply upon his task...
Libbrecht gazes intensely at Meatie.
Libbrecht bites Meatie's left arm hard.
A cult sentinel has arrived from the northwest.
A cult sentinel screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's body severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's head severely.
A cult sentinel has arrived from the northwest.
A cult sentinel screams, 'Time to die, Meatie!'
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's body severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's neck severely.
Lightning fast, a cult sentinel shifts his balance and launches another strike.
A cult sentinel mauls Meatie's right arm severely.
Oxygen returns to a cult sentinel as he takes a deep breath of air.
Meatie attempts to rescue Orbitor, but fails miserably.
H:281 M:375 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,583,083
Meatie heroically rescues Orbitor.
H:281 M:375 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,583,083
Blood spurts from a hypothermic slave's neck as Boot slices into his throat.
A hypothermic slave shakes the fuzziness from his head and sits up.
H:281 M:360 V:148 T:66098 E:2,920,658,674
Libbrecht holds his hands up high and cries out to his ancestors for power.
Libbrecht cries out and is enveloped in a blood red mist.
Libbrecht chases away the evil spirits within Meatie...
Meatie loses his ability to fly.
Meatie tumbles end over end as he crash lands!
Meatie's eyes don't twinkle anymore.
The globe about Meatie wavers, then collapses altogether.
Meatie loses the bounce in his step.
The gills on Meatie's neck disappear.
A cult sentinel hits Meatie's chest with a mighty chop!
Meatie is dead! R.I.P.
A cult sentinel rears back his head and shouts loudly.
A cult sentinel shouts, "Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, Meatie."
H:29 M:300 V:148 T:66148 E:2,920,955,478
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's right hand very severely.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your head incredibly well.
You wish that your wounds would stop HURTING so much!!
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's left arm severely.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your waist severely.
A cult sentinel mauls Mazcor's back very hard.
The thorns on Mazcor's body hurt a cult sentinel!
A cult sentinel mauls your body beyond all recognition.
H:-8 M:300 V:148 T:66148 E:2,920,955,478 >
You are dead! Sorry...
A cult sentienel shouts, "WOOT and Inutition goes down! HA!"
Libbrecht shouts, "your pets will love new Boot brand kibble!"
A cult sentinel shouts, "Told Lucifer once, Told Lucifer twice, did Lucifer listen to my advice? R.I.P."
click the links below or above to view the whole mess.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Have A Seat, While I Tell You A Story
28 1/2 years ago I was born. It was a stormy night. Tornados. My birth mom was in some severe pain with me. I didn't mean to be a pain --but I was indeed. My grandparents tell me I was the perfect baby. I didn't cry. I was never fussy. But I wanted my mom's attention. But that attention was never given to me. My father took care of me with my grandparents. And eventually some mental problems that my mother has ended up in my parents getting a divorce.
While the divorce was going on I was in foster care. I obviously don't remember being in foster care. I do remember living with my Aunt when I got older. I remember thinking that her 2 sons were my brothers. And I remember how confused I was when my father had finally gotten the courts to give him full custody of me... All thanks to grandparents: My Birth Mother's parents helped my father fight for me in court.
I can't thank them enough. I love my mother, but I am lucky to have been raised by the greatest man in the world. He's not always perfect, but he's perfect in my eyes. Whether it's the memories I have of him playing in his band and watching them on stage to seeing him preaching on the pulpit. I am proud of my father...
I made a few mistakes in my life. Mistakes that I thought would make my father want to disown me. The first one was when I lost my virginity, but as any father would he yelled at me and grounded me and told me I should thank my lucky stars the pregnancy test came up negative and I wasn't pregnant. 3 days later my period started. I hated him then. But I look back and see he did what he did because he loved me. And I thank him now for all the groundings, the yelling, the times he took a belt to my ass, etc.
I did my share of skipping school and experemting with drugs and just being a stupid teenager. But most of that stopped when daddy got hurt and had to go on disability.
Because of my "circle of friends" I've not always had the best taste in the people I dated. My boyfriends were "thugs" --or I should say "wanna be thug" and they were all much older than me. I've always been "more mature" than all my friends because I had to grow up way too fast. I use to work to help support me and my father while we waited for his disability to go through after his accident. I always figured that if I found a good enough man that he could help me help support me and my father --but none of my boyfriends wanted that. They wanted sex. and to get high and drunk. And I love sex. So they got sex...and i wanted to get high. and i wanted to be drunk. Sigh. I hate admiting that.
But I ended up meeting someone different. And the 1st night I met him he was the most amazing man. He told me everything that I'd longed to hear from a guy. He was a few years older than me and and I was still in high school. I was kinda friends with his cousin. And his cousin set us up. It was great at first. All fun and games. He'd drive from where he lived to see me every weekend. While I was working he'd stay with his cousin and when I got off work we'd spend our time together. One night I got drunk with his cousin and a friend of CousinRs and cheated on him. I was a mess afterwards and vowed it'd never happen again. I confessed to H and he forgave me. He kinda freaked at first, but understood I made a bad judgement call --and agreed to forgive and forget.
One weekend we all did something really stupid and his car ended up getting impounded and he lost his job because there was no way to get him to work. By this time I was no longer in high school. But I was working fulltime for Raquel's mom at her Tanning Salon and taking classes at the local nursing home.
I have to say that the great thing about where we lived is I had alot of great friends. And those friends of mine became his friends as well. And we tried to get it to where he could live with me at Daddy's --but daddy didn't like my boyfriend. Didn't matter he was smart and tall and cute. Daddy didn't like him but wanted to be fair to me. But would not let him move in with us. So he ended up staying with his cousin and our friend Coolio back n forth and one of thier uncles who was on the road alot. Soon fall came and I was working fulltime at the hospital. I was going back n forth between Daddys, Coolios and cousinR's and thier uncles' place. Hephaestus got a gig with the fair when they came to town (he wasn't working and I was torn between money for my dad and money to give H). The guy at the fair gave H a fulltime gig running with them. And off he went into the sunset, he was going to be a Carnie and send money home for us to save and get our own place...
(I don't like talking about this next part)
Coolio and I drove to one of the sites they were at --about 3 months after they'd left town. H had been writing me, but I couldn't really write to him since they moved around weekly. But Coolio and I went to Pine Bluff and spent a few days there. H paid for our hotel rooms. He hadn't sent me any money at all, btw. I was trying to save up and help daddy. But by this time daddy had met his current wife and his disability had come through. --they weren't married yet but he was with her alot and she worked at the hospital too.
So one night, a friend of mine asked me and another friend of mine if we'd like to come over for a birthday party for her. This friend of mine had always tried to get me to date him and I told him over and over I had nothing but friends feelings for him. I got wasted and passed out. And he took that opportunity to take advantage of the situation... My friend's husband kicked him to the curb. I didn't contact the police because we were all under 21 and didn't want my friends to get into trouble. Instead we used the good ole boy club and I contacted CousinR who I wanted to contact H and have him come straight home. I wanted him home with me. I felt unsafe. CousinR and his friends took matters into thier own hands. H came home once he found out what happened. He quit his job as a carnie and was mugged in Little Rock on his way home to me.
H got a job with Coolio working at Tyson. I was still working at the hospital. Coolio said H could move in with him because his mom moved in with her mom to help take care of her. Now --we were ok at this point. We didn't really fight and things were smooth. All couples had thier arguments but it was nothing serious. Coolio spent most of his time playing computer games and so did H. I was bored and read alot or watched Cooio and his games becaues his were video not text like H's was.
Coolio met a girl and started dating her. Sometimes she'd be home alone with H. We all didn't always have the same days off --which could sometimes prove difficult and I mostly still lived with daddy alot of the time because it was easier for me to get back n forth to work.
Well, Coolio's girlfriend confessed to Coolio one night that she and H had been having an affair. H and I were rocky because we didn't spend alot of time together anymore and when we did I felt like he ignored me. I didn't feel like we were boyfriend and girlfriend altho we were. Sometimes he'd tell me he wanted me to live with him at Coolios and other times he'd tell me to leave and it wasn't my place why was I there all the time, he needed his space. I was there sleeping most of the time. We all worked nights and when you work nights your either sleeping or working. And besides, Coolio was my bestfriend at the time -we were like brother & sister.
H's uncle came home from off the road on thier biweekly weekend leave and he went and picked me up from work and it was agreed by everyone that he'd pick me up and take me to his place and get my stuff before H got off work. When we walked into the house I still wasn't sure what was going on --he was trying to tell me that H was having relations with someone else but I wouldn't believe it. And sure enough, he was sitting on the couch kissing her neck and brushing her hair when we pulled up in the car. Needless to say a huge fight broke out and his uncle called Coolio and he came and picked me up.
So the point is: She told Coolio that she and H were sleeping around and she wanted to be with H but the only way for that to happen was for it all to come out in the open. So Coolio kicked H out and H moved in fulltime with his aunt & uncle. I practically ended up living with Coolio. And yes, we did do what we did and we did take comfort in each other. Altho it was nothing more than just sex. rebound sex.
During all this I ended up going to the doctor for my yearly exam and checkup --and it was rumoured that the girl Coolio and H slept with had a disease so I went to get checked out. The doctor did thier tests and sure enough, there was something wrong with me, but it wasn't an STD. I had abnormal cells on my cervix --they said they normally go away on thier own but with the stage they were in they had the chance to already and didn't. More tests were needed as well as a biopsy and I was sent home.
I had some vacation time saved up at the hospital and my doc signed for me to get a "medical leave" signed off and I moved out of Coolio's and back into my parent's house for a week until I got my next check and bought a bus ticket to Chicago. I stayed in chicago for a month --long enough to take a "needed break" while I waited for the biopsy results.
When I got back home I went back to work and started saving up for a deposit on my own place. H and Coolio were still not speaking but still at Tyson working the same shifts --thankfully transfered to different departments. While there H met another woman and ended up moving in with her and going back n forth between her place and his aunt and uncles.
I saved up enough money and moved out of my parents house and got my 1st apartment. It was only a few blocks from their place because I was informed by the docs I had stage 2 going on 3 cervical cancer. I needed treatments and surgeries and my parents didn't want me to be alone or too far. My old friend Tank started staying with me when I got too sick with the pills and had to be off work for a while because I tore a muscle in my back. but before that -- I ran in to H at McDonalds. He was working there part time on the weekends. My mom and my sister Pebbles and I were out buying new things for my apartment.
I ran outside and stopped him. I asked him how he was doing and I told him I understood if he never wanted to speak to me again,but I wanted to let him know that I sorry for anything and everything that I did wrong. I thought it was a chance I might not get past the sickness growing inside of me. and that I needed him in my life because I missed him too much. I needed his friendship. Atfirst he was standoffish. He got teary eyed. We exchanged numbers and I gave him my new address. Sure enough, not too many days later he showed up at my place and we talked.
Long story short he moved out of the girl's place and was going back n forth between my place and another person he knew from Tyson. Me and the girl ended up meeting somewhere in there and became "friends" of sorts --I even hooked her up with my FaveCousin! lol. He told me (ME) that he was upset that she didn't love him when he loved her so much. He said he was leaving Arkansas and he'd never have to see any one of us again. He couldn't understand why I loved him when he loved someone else and didn't love me back...
I was given the all clear by my doc after 6 months of surgeries and pills. We ended up having sex and it was all over for me after that. I fell back even more so head over hills in love with H. But that didn't last long. We were headed home from work one morning and I said "I love You" and he wouldn't speak to me. I got upset. I got mad and Angry. I asked him why he was living with me and fucking me if he didn't love me. At that point he got out of the car while it was still in motion and I proceeded home.
Not long after I arrived he did as well. He didn't want to talk, but I wanted to have it out. He said something. I slapped him. He hit me. I broke a beer bottle and slashed his arm open. I got a concussion from having my head slammed into a brick wall. I got the door open to our apartment and fell onto the ground/tripped over my feet I was dizzy. I was screaming for help. things went too far. I had blood in my eyes. Tank was a sleep on the couch and came awake when I crashed into the door and fell. From what he said H started kicking me in my ribs and stomach (i know i was bruised badly on my stomach and chest) and Tank threw him out the door and H ran off. Tank picked me up and carried me to the car and drove me to the hospital. The cops asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. They pressed for me. I was served a summons to appear in court and a letter of restraint against H.
I started to receive weekly $$$ from H given to me through that girl he use to live with. I had ended up moving in with her myself when my lease was up. The last $$$ I received was accompanied by a note to meet him someplace private so we could talk. I went. We drove into the mountains. He asked me to pull over. He broke down crying. Saying he never ment to hurt me. He'll dropp all charges against me and I keep mine against him. But he wanted me to know he was sorry. He loved me. And he never ment to hurt me.
We secretly got back together. When court was over and the restraining order dropped we found a place to live together and moved into our first place alone together. A few months later I didn't have my job at the hospital anymore. I started working at Tyson with H. Coolio had moved away and disowned me for getting back with H. None of my friends wanted to be my friend because I had let him back in.
Things got violent between us. I can't remember what happened. But those few months were a violent frenzy. Fighting, Hitting. Yelling and Screaming. It lightened up after his brother came to visit from Maryland and ended up moving in with us and his preggers girlfriend. She left and he got involved with a few other people. But this isn't about him. And his playboy ways. Eventually we both lost our jobs at Tyson. And I went to Tulsa, OK to try and get work there and move us there. But that didn't work. And we were broke, had nothing and I had one place left to turn to: my dad. He wouldn't let an unwed married couple live under his roof. So H and I got married. Then we moved into Daddy's. Then H moved to Maryland. I got a job working at a liquor store and he started working for a cabling place. He got us a truck he bought from his Dad. I still had our car his mom had bought for us.
It was a long hard 6 months but finally he said "pack up your stuff, I have us a place to live". So I packed what I could into the car and headed out to Maryland. Instead of me driving it alone StonerBoy came with me. And sure enough, I got a few hours outside of town and the car broke down (talk about your Omens) and I called my friend who still spoke to me and asked for her help. I ended up living with her for a few weeks til H could get down to pick me up. I ended up selling the car for money to help me survive the comming weeks.
Once he came and got me everything was great. We'd spent alot of time apart and missed eachother dearly. We had friends we'd hang out with and things were great. We hardly fought. We were both working (I walked back n forth to K Mart instead of driving the truck --he had a company truck he shared with Red) and life was good. One night Red came over to drink and get drunk. His wife was a B*TCH in his words. And he and H had already had discussions that Red wanted me. Wanted a wife just like me --thought I was perfect. So they had made a plan that they would get me into bed with Red. And we'd have a sexual deal with all of us. H asked me what I thought about Red and I said he was HOT... Well, he was. I also said he wasn't as hot as H... And I ment it then, lol.
So, Red and I were drinking alone in the house. H made an excuse that he had to leave to go somewhere. And Red started making the moves on me. I resisted. And he said "it's all a game --H knows. We planned this. He's going to come in while I'm with you and then we're both going to get you at once"... and sure enough. It was a game and I was being played. By both of them. they were getting off on me. Literally.
This ashames me now. I should have said no either way. But I didn't. At one point Red told me that if he wasn't such good friends with H he'd just take me away and we'd run away together, how sweet, huh?
So our landlord found out about StonerBoy staying with us longer than he was suppose to and we were not suppose to have pets, but we had Mysterious and Drake. So we got evicted. We ended up moving in with a girl I worked with. She ended up getting fired and I quit K Mart because they wouldnt let me have my breaks. (I almost pissed myself. I had to drink a shit load of water because I worked in the garden center in the middle of summer hot weather). So she got another job somewhere else. We stayed with her for a few months and then we got another place to live.
After that things started getting ugly again. Baer moved in with us. He liked to play us against each other. I was a stay at home house wife taking care of 2 men (1 sexually --H and the other I was like a maid). I did all I could for those 2. Baer was another playboy. He went through women like I go through underwear. H wanted to stay on the computer all the time and wouldn't let me know what he was doing. He walked away to use the bathroom and I caught a glimpse. The dirty stories. And it was on. And eventually I gave up. It was just stories. Stories wasn't cheating, right? I mean, I'd done worse after all --the 3 some with Red and him (and that wasn't the 1st one --we had one with an ex of mine from highschool when we first got back together after the courthouse deal).
We fought all the time. I mean constantly. We were not a pleasant couple to be around. I still can't remember why we fought anymore. we just did. And have lots of hate sex. I mean, there was no love there. It was all hateful abusive sex.
Finally his mom convinced us to move back to Arkansas. They paid for it all. Let us live with them for a month. Me and his mom went every day finding a place to live for us. H went job huting and I went job hunting for the both us. Eventually we found us a nice place that was in the perfect location. I got a job at walmart again and he got a job that put him on the road. The next thing I know I have his nephews all the time.
And we're still fighting. And I'm still craving his attention and not getting it. And its making me bitter and angry. His mom is talking shit about his bro's wife and how she wishes he'd leave her. Turns out she was saying the same thing about me. She was playing us against eachother. and recruited me to help her get revenge on her then husband at the same time. H was becoming more and more distant from me, from us. Nothing I could think of would bring him back. I felt like I was a sex toy. A sex doll that didn't have to be pumped full of air.
So I asked him about this game he said he was playing all the time. And I got involved in that. I had great fun and we were us again for a while. for a short lived while. I went to bed one night. He said he'd be there shortly. I woke up. the house was dark but a sliver of light in the hallway. The door was closed. Heavy breathing. I opened the door and there he was --mutual cam sex. I was devastated. And it was one of the people from the game. I couldn't believe what I saw. I went into a mad rage. I'm sure any woman would have.
We didn't speak for a long time. He said he wouldn't do it again. It got too far out of hand. I started asking people on the game out the girl. and they said she's been known to do bad things on cam for equipment, ingame money, etc.
we fought for a while about that. I felt like I couldn't trust him. I was always 2nd guessing what he was doing, who was calling. I was becoming someone I hated. And I hated who I was with. But the thought of being without him, was too much to think of.
Well, during all this time I had a few doctor appointments. It turns out the cancer had come back. I had sugery again and was on pills again. they removed 90% or so of my cervix. H was there. he was sympathetic and worried. I do believe he cared about me, things just went wrong somewhere between us. The doc told me it was now or never to try and have a baby. The next time it came back I'd have to have a hysterectomy. so H and I discussed it and we went on fertility drugs.
my moods were horrible on those pills. my attitude was horrible. i was a monster, i admit it. but it was the drugs. it was not intentional.
after 9 months the drugs didn't work. and the doc took me off them. H lost his job and I didn't have one. So I headed to Chicago. We agreed we needed a break. So I moved in with Crystal's dad to help with the finances at home (I sent it all to H to pay the bills) and to help her dad transition between the death of his wife and moving into assisted living.
We talked every night. Sometimes it was good. sometimes it was bad. It was a break that was really needed. And it helped us out I believe, but not enough.
I wasn't needed in Chicago anymore. H came and picked me up. We had a quiet ride back to Arkansas. But things fell apart when I got home. He and Juggalo had let the apartment become destroyed. I was --it was horrible. I lost my temper. I lost it and I was a huge monster. H pulled away from me even more. I pulled away from him. I was trying to find a job. A friend of his from work (Guy) started calling me alot. We would talk. He showed me the attention I was craving from H. another Red scenario -the wife was insane and he thought I was perfect. But he and his wife had babies, he didn't think he could leave her. I didn't think I could leave H.
We started drinking a little and fooling around. Kissing and touching. H was at work somewhere on the road. Guy's wife called and asked if he'd be home from work soon... He told her he was working late. He told me he'd be back soon. He was going to go and get his fishing gear and say he was going out with his brother. He text'd me and said "she's making me take the boys, gonna drop em off at my brother's. be there soon, don't give up on me." --it started storming. I knew it was over before it even began. I told H what happened. He encouraged me to go for it. If Guy would still go for it. He started encouraging me (again --he was before as well) to have a boyfriend if I wanted one or a girlfriend for while he was on the road.
I told him I only wanted him. Guy was a mistake. I was sorry. He said I should do what I wanted to. And walked away.
The rest you all know. Shortly after that he asked me for a divorce. I spent that first night contemplating taking my life --death had to be better than living without him. I decided not to and poured the whiskey and sleeping pills down the drain and scream/cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor.
I litterally felt like my whole world had just crumpled and fell apart. ripped to shreds is more like it.
I know I wasn't the perfect wife, but gods how I wanted to be. I wanted to be. And death seemed like a better option than admitting failure.
I moved back in with my dad. I was a zombie going through the motions of living. H and I would talk on the phone. I learned through people that he and someone was having sex while I was in Chicago. And that hurt me terribly because she was my bestfriend in highschool. I asked him about it. but never got a complete answer. Just that I know from her that her then boyfriend didn't want H anywhere near them. But she wouldn't tell me exactly why he didn't want H around her...
When I finally came out of my shell it wasn't until an old old friend of mine from way back in the day came into my life: Ram. We fished and got stoned together. We had an affair. I wanted sex and didnt care that he was married. I wasn't in it for love. But I fell in lust with him. And I thought it was love. And when I found out he was having sex with other girls, not just me and his wife. I couldn't take it anymore and ended our affair. I moved out of Daddy's and found my own place to live. Suga moved in with me and divorced her husband as well.
I went through a long string of affairs. I took advantage of a kid who just turned 18 for sex. that was stupid. I met a guy at work and got with him for the hell of it. he said he fell in love with me, and I tried to have a relationship with him but I couldn't do it. I ended up cheating on him with someone else while he was away and he wanted to move in with me! and he did for a few months but I met someone else at work who had a son and I loved that little boy so I kicked the one out for the one with the kid. and the one with the kid ended up being a drug runner and stealing my money and I cheated on him with his friend... And it was a huge tangled mess. I got in with the wrong crowd. I started doing the wrong things. I was either drunk or stoned or sleeping or at work.
And ofcourse I hurt my back in the middle of all that. omigods that was horrible. I couldn't move. and the 1st "serious" relationship post H was the guy that spent a month in Florida while I was at home laid up in bed. I honestly blame the drugs. The vicodin and the muscle relaxers mixed with the illegal shit. Suga was dating Taz and Taz had a brother. Well, while the long distance relationship was gone I was banging Taz's bro. And was still when he came back. Sigh.
(I am not proud, I just have to get this off my chest. Just deal with me a little more and we never have to go through this shit again...)
So finally. Somewhere somehow I woke up. I moved out of my place with Suga and back in with my dad. I got a different job away from the drama central and contemplated what I was doing with myself.
I stopped the drinking and drugs. I started talking to Crystal again. She said I should move to Chicago permantly. Get outa Arkansas, it'd do me good. And so it did. I got 2 jobs almost immediatly. I started drinking again heavily but stopped right fast when I almost got into trouble drinking and driving. And working as much as I was, i couldn't do it anymore. I stuck to a few jack or rum n cokes while doing Karaoke on thursdays. I became obsessed with working and dated around a few guys I had met at the bar. You all remember Paisley? Yes, that was a mistake.
I had gotten back into sneezy again as well. That game my ex had gotten me into. I stayed away because I was afraid he was on it. So I stopped in one night and was bombarded with questions as to where Immorality (H's main character) and I had been. I explained about the divorce and asked if H had been around, obviously not.
I got reaquanted with old friends and met some new friends, one of which is Taranis aka Joe aka Cornwall aka my current boyfriend. I started playing again fulltime. I never expected to be back on sneezy. But there I was. And I was falling in love all over again. But I had these mixed emotions. I found out my ex got married. And they were due anytime with a baby. And that she had the baby...Now, Joe and I hadn't been together that long at the time. And I was still fighting my feelings for him. And I was trying to get rid of the memories of me and H. And I got plastered. And Joe still stuck by me. I tried to push him away and he pushed back even harder to show he was there to stay.
Eventually I owned up to my feelings for Joe. and I started to realize that it was stupid for me to be hurt and little sickened by H having a baby and life with someone else --what did I think? that he was going to live his life pining for me and hating himself for leaving me? --whatever that doesn't happen in real life.
Now, I'm happy. Joe and I had a talk today. It was inspired by some "conversation" that had passed between me and the ex's wife. And I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. I've been ok for a long time now. I didn't react the way I should have to my divorce. I didn't react the way I should have in my marriage when I was thrown a curve ball. But I have learned alot about myself in the past 3 1/2 years post seperation from H. And I guarantee you that I react different now than I did before Pre Seperation.
I don't know what happened to me from the moment I met H to the moment we split up. I don't know who I was when I was with him. I don't recognize that person as me anymore. She's someone I use to know. A distant stranger.
I do know the person post seperation. She's the one that took what should have happened in her early 20s and spread out over 10 years and put it into 2 years. She lived hard and she lived fast. And now I'm where I should be. In a quiet little suburb in my quant little home with the most remarkable man I could ever want.
Me and Joe with our 3 "kids". Life couldn't be better or more perfect... (ok, having a child of our own would add to the perfection)
(and if you read all of that, congratulations! that's the longest post I've ever done I'm sure. and if you skimmed and didn't really read it, I don't blame you at all for not reading it in depth.)
And now that is out of my system. What is spoken in this entry will never be spoken of again in regards to my ex and what happened between our seperation and my meeting Joe. I hope you enjoyed reading.
While the divorce was going on I was in foster care. I obviously don't remember being in foster care. I do remember living with my Aunt when I got older. I remember thinking that her 2 sons were my brothers. And I remember how confused I was when my father had finally gotten the courts to give him full custody of me... All thanks to grandparents: My Birth Mother's parents helped my father fight for me in court.
I can't thank them enough. I love my mother, but I am lucky to have been raised by the greatest man in the world. He's not always perfect, but he's perfect in my eyes. Whether it's the memories I have of him playing in his band and watching them on stage to seeing him preaching on the pulpit. I am proud of my father...
I made a few mistakes in my life. Mistakes that I thought would make my father want to disown me. The first one was when I lost my virginity, but as any father would he yelled at me and grounded me and told me I should thank my lucky stars the pregnancy test came up negative and I wasn't pregnant. 3 days later my period started. I hated him then. But I look back and see he did what he did because he loved me. And I thank him now for all the groundings, the yelling, the times he took a belt to my ass, etc.
I did my share of skipping school and experemting with drugs and just being a stupid teenager. But most of that stopped when daddy got hurt and had to go on disability.
Because of my "circle of friends" I've not always had the best taste in the people I dated. My boyfriends were "thugs" --or I should say "wanna be thug" and they were all much older than me. I've always been "more mature" than all my friends because I had to grow up way too fast. I use to work to help support me and my father while we waited for his disability to go through after his accident. I always figured that if I found a good enough man that he could help me help support me and my father --but none of my boyfriends wanted that. They wanted sex. and to get high and drunk. And I love sex. So they got sex...and i wanted to get high. and i wanted to be drunk. Sigh. I hate admiting that.
But I ended up meeting someone different. And the 1st night I met him he was the most amazing man. He told me everything that I'd longed to hear from a guy. He was a few years older than me and and I was still in high school. I was kinda friends with his cousin. And his cousin set us up. It was great at first. All fun and games. He'd drive from where he lived to see me every weekend. While I was working he'd stay with his cousin and when I got off work we'd spend our time together. One night I got drunk with his cousin and a friend of CousinRs and cheated on him. I was a mess afterwards and vowed it'd never happen again. I confessed to H and he forgave me. He kinda freaked at first, but understood I made a bad judgement call --and agreed to forgive and forget.
One weekend we all did something really stupid and his car ended up getting impounded and he lost his job because there was no way to get him to work. By this time I was no longer in high school. But I was working fulltime for Raquel's mom at her Tanning Salon and taking classes at the local nursing home.
I have to say that the great thing about where we lived is I had alot of great friends. And those friends of mine became his friends as well. And we tried to get it to where he could live with me at Daddy's --but daddy didn't like my boyfriend. Didn't matter he was smart and tall and cute. Daddy didn't like him but wanted to be fair to me. But would not let him move in with us. So he ended up staying with his cousin and our friend Coolio back n forth and one of thier uncles who was on the road alot. Soon fall came and I was working fulltime at the hospital. I was going back n forth between Daddys, Coolios and cousinR's and thier uncles' place. Hephaestus got a gig with the fair when they came to town (he wasn't working and I was torn between money for my dad and money to give H). The guy at the fair gave H a fulltime gig running with them. And off he went into the sunset, he was going to be a Carnie and send money home for us to save and get our own place...
(I don't like talking about this next part)
Coolio and I drove to one of the sites they were at --about 3 months after they'd left town. H had been writing me, but I couldn't really write to him since they moved around weekly. But Coolio and I went to Pine Bluff and spent a few days there. H paid for our hotel rooms. He hadn't sent me any money at all, btw. I was trying to save up and help daddy. But by this time daddy had met his current wife and his disability had come through. --they weren't married yet but he was with her alot and she worked at the hospital too.
So one night, a friend of mine asked me and another friend of mine if we'd like to come over for a birthday party for her. This friend of mine had always tried to get me to date him and I told him over and over I had nothing but friends feelings for him. I got wasted and passed out. And he took that opportunity to take advantage of the situation... My friend's husband kicked him to the curb. I didn't contact the police because we were all under 21 and didn't want my friends to get into trouble. Instead we used the good ole boy club and I contacted CousinR who I wanted to contact H and have him come straight home. I wanted him home with me. I felt unsafe. CousinR and his friends took matters into thier own hands. H came home once he found out what happened. He quit his job as a carnie and was mugged in Little Rock on his way home to me.
H got a job with Coolio working at Tyson. I was still working at the hospital. Coolio said H could move in with him because his mom moved in with her mom to help take care of her. Now --we were ok at this point. We didn't really fight and things were smooth. All couples had thier arguments but it was nothing serious. Coolio spent most of his time playing computer games and so did H. I was bored and read alot or watched Cooio and his games becaues his were video not text like H's was.
Coolio met a girl and started dating her. Sometimes she'd be home alone with H. We all didn't always have the same days off --which could sometimes prove difficult and I mostly still lived with daddy alot of the time because it was easier for me to get back n forth to work.
Well, Coolio's girlfriend confessed to Coolio one night that she and H had been having an affair. H and I were rocky because we didn't spend alot of time together anymore and when we did I felt like he ignored me. I didn't feel like we were boyfriend and girlfriend altho we were. Sometimes he'd tell me he wanted me to live with him at Coolios and other times he'd tell me to leave and it wasn't my place why was I there all the time, he needed his space. I was there sleeping most of the time. We all worked nights and when you work nights your either sleeping or working. And besides, Coolio was my bestfriend at the time -we were like brother & sister.
H's uncle came home from off the road on thier biweekly weekend leave and he went and picked me up from work and it was agreed by everyone that he'd pick me up and take me to his place and get my stuff before H got off work. When we walked into the house I still wasn't sure what was going on --he was trying to tell me that H was having relations with someone else but I wouldn't believe it. And sure enough, he was sitting on the couch kissing her neck and brushing her hair when we pulled up in the car. Needless to say a huge fight broke out and his uncle called Coolio and he came and picked me up.
So the point is: She told Coolio that she and H were sleeping around and she wanted to be with H but the only way for that to happen was for it all to come out in the open. So Coolio kicked H out and H moved in fulltime with his aunt & uncle. I practically ended up living with Coolio. And yes, we did do what we did and we did take comfort in each other. Altho it was nothing more than just sex. rebound sex.
During all this I ended up going to the doctor for my yearly exam and checkup --and it was rumoured that the girl Coolio and H slept with had a disease so I went to get checked out. The doctor did thier tests and sure enough, there was something wrong with me, but it wasn't an STD. I had abnormal cells on my cervix --they said they normally go away on thier own but with the stage they were in they had the chance to already and didn't. More tests were needed as well as a biopsy and I was sent home.
I had some vacation time saved up at the hospital and my doc signed for me to get a "medical leave" signed off and I moved out of Coolio's and back into my parent's house for a week until I got my next check and bought a bus ticket to Chicago. I stayed in chicago for a month --long enough to take a "needed break" while I waited for the biopsy results.
When I got back home I went back to work and started saving up for a deposit on my own place. H and Coolio were still not speaking but still at Tyson working the same shifts --thankfully transfered to different departments. While there H met another woman and ended up moving in with her and going back n forth between her place and his aunt and uncles.
I saved up enough money and moved out of my parents house and got my 1st apartment. It was only a few blocks from their place because I was informed by the docs I had stage 2 going on 3 cervical cancer. I needed treatments and surgeries and my parents didn't want me to be alone or too far. My old friend Tank started staying with me when I got too sick with the pills and had to be off work for a while because I tore a muscle in my back. but before that -- I ran in to H at McDonalds. He was working there part time on the weekends. My mom and my sister Pebbles and I were out buying new things for my apartment.
I ran outside and stopped him. I asked him how he was doing and I told him I understood if he never wanted to speak to me again,but I wanted to let him know that I sorry for anything and everything that I did wrong. I thought it was a chance I might not get past the sickness growing inside of me. and that I needed him in my life because I missed him too much. I needed his friendship. Atfirst he was standoffish. He got teary eyed. We exchanged numbers and I gave him my new address. Sure enough, not too many days later he showed up at my place and we talked.
Long story short he moved out of the girl's place and was going back n forth between my place and another person he knew from Tyson. Me and the girl ended up meeting somewhere in there and became "friends" of sorts --I even hooked her up with my FaveCousin! lol. He told me (ME) that he was upset that she didn't love him when he loved her so much. He said he was leaving Arkansas and he'd never have to see any one of us again. He couldn't understand why I loved him when he loved someone else and didn't love me back...
I was given the all clear by my doc after 6 months of surgeries and pills. We ended up having sex and it was all over for me after that. I fell back even more so head over hills in love with H. But that didn't last long. We were headed home from work one morning and I said "I love You" and he wouldn't speak to me. I got upset. I got mad and Angry. I asked him why he was living with me and fucking me if he didn't love me. At that point he got out of the car while it was still in motion and I proceeded home.
Not long after I arrived he did as well. He didn't want to talk, but I wanted to have it out. He said something. I slapped him. He hit me. I broke a beer bottle and slashed his arm open. I got a concussion from having my head slammed into a brick wall. I got the door open to our apartment and fell onto the ground/tripped over my feet I was dizzy. I was screaming for help. things went too far. I had blood in my eyes. Tank was a sleep on the couch and came awake when I crashed into the door and fell. From what he said H started kicking me in my ribs and stomach (i know i was bruised badly on my stomach and chest) and Tank threw him out the door and H ran off. Tank picked me up and carried me to the car and drove me to the hospital. The cops asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. They pressed for me. I was served a summons to appear in court and a letter of restraint against H.
I started to receive weekly $$$ from H given to me through that girl he use to live with. I had ended up moving in with her myself when my lease was up. The last $$$ I received was accompanied by a note to meet him someplace private so we could talk. I went. We drove into the mountains. He asked me to pull over. He broke down crying. Saying he never ment to hurt me. He'll dropp all charges against me and I keep mine against him. But he wanted me to know he was sorry. He loved me. And he never ment to hurt me.
We secretly got back together. When court was over and the restraining order dropped we found a place to live together and moved into our first place alone together. A few months later I didn't have my job at the hospital anymore. I started working at Tyson with H. Coolio had moved away and disowned me for getting back with H. None of my friends wanted to be my friend because I had let him back in.
Things got violent between us. I can't remember what happened. But those few months were a violent frenzy. Fighting, Hitting. Yelling and Screaming. It lightened up after his brother came to visit from Maryland and ended up moving in with us and his preggers girlfriend. She left and he got involved with a few other people. But this isn't about him. And his playboy ways. Eventually we both lost our jobs at Tyson. And I went to Tulsa, OK to try and get work there and move us there. But that didn't work. And we were broke, had nothing and I had one place left to turn to: my dad. He wouldn't let an unwed married couple live under his roof. So H and I got married. Then we moved into Daddy's. Then H moved to Maryland. I got a job working at a liquor store and he started working for a cabling place. He got us a truck he bought from his Dad. I still had our car his mom had bought for us.
It was a long hard 6 months but finally he said "pack up your stuff, I have us a place to live". So I packed what I could into the car and headed out to Maryland. Instead of me driving it alone StonerBoy came with me. And sure enough, I got a few hours outside of town and the car broke down (talk about your Omens) and I called my friend who still spoke to me and asked for her help. I ended up living with her for a few weeks til H could get down to pick me up. I ended up selling the car for money to help me survive the comming weeks.
Once he came and got me everything was great. We'd spent alot of time apart and missed eachother dearly. We had friends we'd hang out with and things were great. We hardly fought. We were both working (I walked back n forth to K Mart instead of driving the truck --he had a company truck he shared with Red) and life was good. One night Red came over to drink and get drunk. His wife was a B*TCH in his words. And he and H had already had discussions that Red wanted me. Wanted a wife just like me --thought I was perfect. So they had made a plan that they would get me into bed with Red. And we'd have a sexual deal with all of us. H asked me what I thought about Red and I said he was HOT... Well, he was. I also said he wasn't as hot as H... And I ment it then, lol.
So, Red and I were drinking alone in the house. H made an excuse that he had to leave to go somewhere. And Red started making the moves on me. I resisted. And he said "it's all a game --H knows. We planned this. He's going to come in while I'm with you and then we're both going to get you at once"... and sure enough. It was a game and I was being played. By both of them. they were getting off on me. Literally.
This ashames me now. I should have said no either way. But I didn't. At one point Red told me that if he wasn't such good friends with H he'd just take me away and we'd run away together, how sweet, huh?
So our landlord found out about StonerBoy staying with us longer than he was suppose to and we were not suppose to have pets, but we had Mysterious and Drake. So we got evicted. We ended up moving in with a girl I worked with. She ended up getting fired and I quit K Mart because they wouldnt let me have my breaks. (I almost pissed myself. I had to drink a shit load of water because I worked in the garden center in the middle of summer hot weather). So she got another job somewhere else. We stayed with her for a few months and then we got another place to live.
After that things started getting ugly again. Baer moved in with us. He liked to play us against each other. I was a stay at home house wife taking care of 2 men (1 sexually --H and the other I was like a maid). I did all I could for those 2. Baer was another playboy. He went through women like I go through underwear. H wanted to stay on the computer all the time and wouldn't let me know what he was doing. He walked away to use the bathroom and I caught a glimpse. The dirty stories. And it was on. And eventually I gave up. It was just stories. Stories wasn't cheating, right? I mean, I'd done worse after all --the 3 some with Red and him (and that wasn't the 1st one --we had one with an ex of mine from highschool when we first got back together after the courthouse deal).
We fought all the time. I mean constantly. We were not a pleasant couple to be around. I still can't remember why we fought anymore. we just did. And have lots of hate sex. I mean, there was no love there. It was all hateful abusive sex.
Finally his mom convinced us to move back to Arkansas. They paid for it all. Let us live with them for a month. Me and his mom went every day finding a place to live for us. H went job huting and I went job hunting for the both us. Eventually we found us a nice place that was in the perfect location. I got a job at walmart again and he got a job that put him on the road. The next thing I know I have his nephews all the time.
And we're still fighting. And I'm still craving his attention and not getting it. And its making me bitter and angry. His mom is talking shit about his bro's wife and how she wishes he'd leave her. Turns out she was saying the same thing about me. She was playing us against eachother. and recruited me to help her get revenge on her then husband at the same time. H was becoming more and more distant from me, from us. Nothing I could think of would bring him back. I felt like I was a sex toy. A sex doll that didn't have to be pumped full of air.
So I asked him about this game he said he was playing all the time. And I got involved in that. I had great fun and we were us again for a while. for a short lived while. I went to bed one night. He said he'd be there shortly. I woke up. the house was dark but a sliver of light in the hallway. The door was closed. Heavy breathing. I opened the door and there he was --mutual cam sex. I was devastated. And it was one of the people from the game. I couldn't believe what I saw. I went into a mad rage. I'm sure any woman would have.
We didn't speak for a long time. He said he wouldn't do it again. It got too far out of hand. I started asking people on the game out the girl. and they said she's been known to do bad things on cam for equipment, ingame money, etc.
we fought for a while about that. I felt like I couldn't trust him. I was always 2nd guessing what he was doing, who was calling. I was becoming someone I hated. And I hated who I was with. But the thought of being without him, was too much to think of.
Well, during all this time I had a few doctor appointments. It turns out the cancer had come back. I had sugery again and was on pills again. they removed 90% or so of my cervix. H was there. he was sympathetic and worried. I do believe he cared about me, things just went wrong somewhere between us. The doc told me it was now or never to try and have a baby. The next time it came back I'd have to have a hysterectomy. so H and I discussed it and we went on fertility drugs.
my moods were horrible on those pills. my attitude was horrible. i was a monster, i admit it. but it was the drugs. it was not intentional.
after 9 months the drugs didn't work. and the doc took me off them. H lost his job and I didn't have one. So I headed to Chicago. We agreed we needed a break. So I moved in with Crystal's dad to help with the finances at home (I sent it all to H to pay the bills) and to help her dad transition between the death of his wife and moving into assisted living.
We talked every night. Sometimes it was good. sometimes it was bad. It was a break that was really needed. And it helped us out I believe, but not enough.
I wasn't needed in Chicago anymore. H came and picked me up. We had a quiet ride back to Arkansas. But things fell apart when I got home. He and Juggalo had let the apartment become destroyed. I was --it was horrible. I lost my temper. I lost it and I was a huge monster. H pulled away from me even more. I pulled away from him. I was trying to find a job. A friend of his from work (Guy) started calling me alot. We would talk. He showed me the attention I was craving from H. another Red scenario -the wife was insane and he thought I was perfect. But he and his wife had babies, he didn't think he could leave her. I didn't think I could leave H.
We started drinking a little and fooling around. Kissing and touching. H was at work somewhere on the road. Guy's wife called and asked if he'd be home from work soon... He told her he was working late. He told me he'd be back soon. He was going to go and get his fishing gear and say he was going out with his brother. He text'd me and said "she's making me take the boys, gonna drop em off at my brother's. be there soon, don't give up on me." --it started storming. I knew it was over before it even began. I told H what happened. He encouraged me to go for it. If Guy would still go for it. He started encouraging me (again --he was before as well) to have a boyfriend if I wanted one or a girlfriend for while he was on the road.
I told him I only wanted him. Guy was a mistake. I was sorry. He said I should do what I wanted to. And walked away.
The rest you all know. Shortly after that he asked me for a divorce. I spent that first night contemplating taking my life --death had to be better than living without him. I decided not to and poured the whiskey and sleeping pills down the drain and scream/cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor.
I litterally felt like my whole world had just crumpled and fell apart. ripped to shreds is more like it.
I know I wasn't the perfect wife, but gods how I wanted to be. I wanted to be. And death seemed like a better option than admitting failure.
I moved back in with my dad. I was a zombie going through the motions of living. H and I would talk on the phone. I learned through people that he and someone was having sex while I was in Chicago. And that hurt me terribly because she was my bestfriend in highschool. I asked him about it. but never got a complete answer. Just that I know from her that her then boyfriend didn't want H anywhere near them. But she wouldn't tell me exactly why he didn't want H around her...
When I finally came out of my shell it wasn't until an old old friend of mine from way back in the day came into my life: Ram. We fished and got stoned together. We had an affair. I wanted sex and didnt care that he was married. I wasn't in it for love. But I fell in lust with him. And I thought it was love. And when I found out he was having sex with other girls, not just me and his wife. I couldn't take it anymore and ended our affair. I moved out of Daddy's and found my own place to live. Suga moved in with me and divorced her husband as well.
I went through a long string of affairs. I took advantage of a kid who just turned 18 for sex. that was stupid. I met a guy at work and got with him for the hell of it. he said he fell in love with me, and I tried to have a relationship with him but I couldn't do it. I ended up cheating on him with someone else while he was away and he wanted to move in with me! and he did for a few months but I met someone else at work who had a son and I loved that little boy so I kicked the one out for the one with the kid. and the one with the kid ended up being a drug runner and stealing my money and I cheated on him with his friend... And it was a huge tangled mess. I got in with the wrong crowd. I started doing the wrong things. I was either drunk or stoned or sleeping or at work.
And ofcourse I hurt my back in the middle of all that. omigods that was horrible. I couldn't move. and the 1st "serious" relationship post H was the guy that spent a month in Florida while I was at home laid up in bed. I honestly blame the drugs. The vicodin and the muscle relaxers mixed with the illegal shit. Suga was dating Taz and Taz had a brother. Well, while the long distance relationship was gone I was banging Taz's bro. And was still when he came back. Sigh.
(I am not proud, I just have to get this off my chest. Just deal with me a little more and we never have to go through this shit again...)
So finally. Somewhere somehow I woke up. I moved out of my place with Suga and back in with my dad. I got a different job away from the drama central and contemplated what I was doing with myself.
I stopped the drinking and drugs. I started talking to Crystal again. She said I should move to Chicago permantly. Get outa Arkansas, it'd do me good. And so it did. I got 2 jobs almost immediatly. I started drinking again heavily but stopped right fast when I almost got into trouble drinking and driving. And working as much as I was, i couldn't do it anymore. I stuck to a few jack or rum n cokes while doing Karaoke on thursdays. I became obsessed with working and dated around a few guys I had met at the bar. You all remember Paisley? Yes, that was a mistake.
I had gotten back into sneezy again as well. That game my ex had gotten me into. I stayed away because I was afraid he was on it. So I stopped in one night and was bombarded with questions as to where Immorality (H's main character) and I had been. I explained about the divorce and asked if H had been around, obviously not.
I got reaquanted with old friends and met some new friends, one of which is Taranis aka Joe aka Cornwall aka my current boyfriend. I started playing again fulltime. I never expected to be back on sneezy. But there I was. And I was falling in love all over again. But I had these mixed emotions. I found out my ex got married. And they were due anytime with a baby. And that she had the baby...Now, Joe and I hadn't been together that long at the time. And I was still fighting my feelings for him. And I was trying to get rid of the memories of me and H. And I got plastered. And Joe still stuck by me. I tried to push him away and he pushed back even harder to show he was there to stay.
Eventually I owned up to my feelings for Joe. and I started to realize that it was stupid for me to be hurt and little sickened by H having a baby and life with someone else --what did I think? that he was going to live his life pining for me and hating himself for leaving me? --whatever that doesn't happen in real life.
Now, I'm happy. Joe and I had a talk today. It was inspired by some "conversation" that had passed between me and the ex's wife. And I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. I've been ok for a long time now. I didn't react the way I should have to my divorce. I didn't react the way I should have in my marriage when I was thrown a curve ball. But I have learned alot about myself in the past 3 1/2 years post seperation from H. And I guarantee you that I react different now than I did before Pre Seperation.
I don't know what happened to me from the moment I met H to the moment we split up. I don't know who I was when I was with him. I don't recognize that person as me anymore. She's someone I use to know. A distant stranger.
I do know the person post seperation. She's the one that took what should have happened in her early 20s and spread out over 10 years and put it into 2 years. She lived hard and she lived fast. And now I'm where I should be. In a quiet little suburb in my quant little home with the most remarkable man I could ever want.
Me and Joe with our 3 "kids". Life couldn't be better or more perfect... (ok, having a child of our own would add to the perfection)
(and if you read all of that, congratulations! that's the longest post I've ever done I'm sure. and if you skimmed and didn't really read it, I don't blame you at all for not reading it in depth.)
And now that is out of my system. What is spoken in this entry will never be spoken of again in regards to my ex and what happened between our seperation and my meeting Joe. I hope you enjoyed reading.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hi Everybody!!!
WoW! It's saturday night! Can you imagine that?? It's totally insane, huh?
Tuesday I went to work all by my lonesome! I got there in one piece and got back in one piece as well! And if you can believe it, I didn't get lost! My first drive to work alone on the new route since we moved here in October. I literally have only drove the route 2 other times and those were with Joe beside me navigating... I amaze even myself. While I was at work my lovely man made pumpkin pies... boy are they --were they-- delicious!
On Wednesday we baked peacan pie! WE made a peacan pie from scratcherino! Nice huh? and Sugar Cookies! that tasted a little on the floury side --i think it's cuz of the flour we saturated the kitchen table with to roll em out...
(yes, we have pictures --i'll put some up tomorrow)
Turkeyday Thursday we cooked a turkey by ourselves for our first times... I was so nervous it'd burn or be frozen on the inside but oh mi gee, we have 1st time baking a turkey luck! it was so moist and juicy and tender!!! to go with the Turkey *I* made dressing, candied yams and greenbean casserole --our favorites since it's just the 2 of us. Drake had more than his fair share of Turkey... you should see that boy put it away!!!
Friday... this is funny... friday I made scrambled turkey & eggs! YES, turkey & eggs. It was --different, but good. Melt some cheese on top and it was delicious! and then we decorated the tree (after having putting it together physically like at 3am friday morning!! lol)
And today, I can't believe it's saturday. it's saturday! and I don't have to be at work again until TUESDAY!!!
a week's vacation gone in the blink of an eye. but it seems like i've been off work for a month!!!
i sat down on the toilet the other day and said "man, I gotta clean my bathroom" and sure enough, I bleached and lysol'd and scrubbing bubbled and you name it to that bathroom today. had to turn on the exhaust vent to try and ventilate the chemicals out.
and I talked to our door slamming neighbors today. i caught em as they were leaving. i couldn't stand it anymore. they are slamming a door downstairs to thier garage (and when they open the sidedoor to the sidewalk) and when they open and close it. they appologized and so far i havn't heard it since then. but i am not sure if they are even home. oh well, i was nice about. I told em "hi, I'm your neighbor downstairs name's Jenny. I hate to bother you but when you close your doors downstairs it rattles the walls and somes the pictures shake and it wakes us up. I know you don't realize it's happening but i've been hearing it for 2 months now and thought i'd let you know, neighbor to neighbor". they thanked me and said they'd contact the association about thier door --she claims they don't slam it. but seriously... i don't know. but i was very amicable about it and didn't yell or scream.
ok, well, we got our tree up and trimmed. we have our stockings hung. we've ate all the sugar cookies and 95% (Exluding the turkey) is ate up. We still have a ton of pie (pecan and pumpkin) and well... i'd be on sneezy right now if folks wouldn't irritate me while I was on there... I mean if someone is the Tank (the meat shield) and your job is to HIT.. DON'T FUCKING START THE FIGHT --THAT'S THE TANK'S JOB.
Hope you all had a Happy TurkeyDay! I hope you don't starve yourself too much to lose the gained poundage.
and we've created a monster... Nilla has a bell in her cage. Now, when she wakes up for the night she rings it insistantly and constantly until we let her out.......which I should probably do now...and the really insane thing is i'll open her cage dooor, put her ball up to it and she jumps right in for her nightly run around the house.
ps-- all I want for christmas is Morning Sickness....
Tuesday I went to work all by my lonesome! I got there in one piece and got back in one piece as well! And if you can believe it, I didn't get lost! My first drive to work alone on the new route since we moved here in October. I literally have only drove the route 2 other times and those were with Joe beside me navigating... I amaze even myself. While I was at work my lovely man made pumpkin pies... boy are they --were they-- delicious!
On Wednesday we baked peacan pie! WE made a peacan pie from scratcherino! Nice huh? and Sugar Cookies! that tasted a little on the floury side --i think it's cuz of the flour we saturated the kitchen table with to roll em out...
(yes, we have pictures --i'll put some up tomorrow)
Turkeyday Thursday we cooked a turkey by ourselves for our first times... I was so nervous it'd burn or be frozen on the inside but oh mi gee, we have 1st time baking a turkey luck! it was so moist and juicy and tender!!! to go with the Turkey *I* made dressing, candied yams and greenbean casserole --our favorites since it's just the 2 of us. Drake had more than his fair share of Turkey... you should see that boy put it away!!!
Friday... this is funny... friday I made scrambled turkey & eggs! YES, turkey & eggs. It was --different, but good. Melt some cheese on top and it was delicious! and then we decorated the tree (after having putting it together physically like at 3am friday morning!! lol)
And today, I can't believe it's saturday. it's saturday! and I don't have to be at work again until TUESDAY!!!
a week's vacation gone in the blink of an eye. but it seems like i've been off work for a month!!!
i sat down on the toilet the other day and said "man, I gotta clean my bathroom" and sure enough, I bleached and lysol'd and scrubbing bubbled and you name it to that bathroom today. had to turn on the exhaust vent to try and ventilate the chemicals out.
and I talked to our door slamming neighbors today. i caught em as they were leaving. i couldn't stand it anymore. they are slamming a door downstairs to thier garage (and when they open the sidedoor to the sidewalk) and when they open and close it. they appologized and so far i havn't heard it since then. but i am not sure if they are even home. oh well, i was nice about. I told em "hi, I'm your neighbor downstairs name's Jenny. I hate to bother you but when you close your doors downstairs it rattles the walls and somes the pictures shake and it wakes us up. I know you don't realize it's happening but i've been hearing it for 2 months now and thought i'd let you know, neighbor to neighbor". they thanked me and said they'd contact the association about thier door --she claims they don't slam it. but seriously... i don't know. but i was very amicable about it and didn't yell or scream.
ok, well, we got our tree up and trimmed. we have our stockings hung. we've ate all the sugar cookies and 95% (Exluding the turkey) is ate up. We still have a ton of pie (pecan and pumpkin) and well... i'd be on sneezy right now if folks wouldn't irritate me while I was on there... I mean if someone is the Tank (the meat shield) and your job is to HIT.. DON'T FUCKING START THE FIGHT --THAT'S THE TANK'S JOB.
Hope you all had a Happy TurkeyDay! I hope you don't starve yourself too much to lose the gained poundage.
and we've created a monster... Nilla has a bell in her cage. Now, when she wakes up for the night she rings it insistantly and constantly until we let her out.......which I should probably do now...and the really insane thing is i'll open her cage dooor, put her ball up to it and she jumps right in for her nightly run around the house.
ps-- all I want for christmas is Morning Sickness....
Sunday, November 16, 2008
nothing says dedication
like beating a game in less than 24 hours...
You have been PWND Guitar Hero World Tour
You have been PWND Guitar Hero World Tour
Saturday, November 15, 2008
more gaming fun!!
we went out today and bought Guitar Hero World Tour...
we only had to buy the game itself since our periphials with Rock Band(2) work!!!
oh we are having SO much fun!!! i'm not singing! i'm playing the guitar. It's great. I love GHWT~~!~~
Unlike Rock Band he can play on harder difficulties while I learn on Easy and it doesn't affect the band at all!!! It just means I get LESS money! It's so awesome!!
AND NOW.......
back to playin!!!
we only had to buy the game itself since our periphials with Rock Band(2) work!!!
oh we are having SO much fun!!! i'm not singing! i'm playing the guitar. It's great. I love GHWT~~!~~
Unlike Rock Band he can play on harder difficulties while I learn on Easy and it doesn't affect the band at all!!! It just means I get LESS money! It's so awesome!!
AND NOW.......
back to playin!!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
kickin ass and takin names
i totally kicked some corporate billing ass today at work *Flexes muscles* go me!!
i'm gonna kick some Rockband ass here in a minute after this blogpost..
I was kickin ass making "Shrimp Scampi and Linquine" with some "Spinach & Feta Spanakopita" until I burned my hand in the f*ckin oven... damn oven.
Did I tell you we totally rocked it yesterday by WALKING in the light snowfall (well i guess in Chicago you can't call that really snow....the flurries) and cold weather to the Pet Store down the street. ---STINKY! and they have Tarantulas----and gods SNAKES!!!! (help me)
*PRAYING*
please Gods & Powers That Be: Do NOT let those critters out and do NOT let them find my home... I'd apprecaite it VERY much!!
Lots of Love,
JENNY!!!!
i'm gonna kick some Rockband ass here in a minute after this blogpost..
I was kickin ass making "Shrimp Scampi and Linquine" with some "Spinach & Feta Spanakopita" until I burned my hand in the f*ckin oven... damn oven.
Did I tell you we totally rocked it yesterday by WALKING in the light snowfall (well i guess in Chicago you can't call that really snow....the flurries) and cold weather to the Pet Store down the street. ---STINKY! and they have Tarantulas----and gods SNAKES!!!! (help me)
*PRAYING*
please Gods & Powers That Be: Do NOT let those critters out and do NOT let them find my home... I'd apprecaite it VERY much!!
Lots of Love,
JENNY!!!!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
we're in the top 1,000 !!!!!!!!!!!
check this out!!! we rock the rockband! -----all thanks go to my man who made this possible
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
oh rockband! how we love you!!!
flawless - flawless - flawless
i got so many flawlesses this weekend i am amazed at myself.
we also played with others using the online stuff. hooray to playstation network for having free community!!!
(you suck xbox for making people pay for it)
we made a new friend. he's a drummer.
and ofcourse we rocked it out with one of our sneezy buddies!
there is nothing better than wailing it all weekend long.
i now crown ourselves the king and queen of rockband!
i am so not looking forward to work tomorrow. joe's boss is off so up at 5am i will be.
and ofcourse our halloween was almost ruined because some fucker at his work never showed up and we had to stay until 7pm and by the time we got home after eating dinner we missed the trick or treaters.
so we definatly needed a weekend long of screaming and singing and rockin it.
mucho love mo fos!
i got so many flawlesses this weekend i am amazed at myself.
we also played with others using the online stuff. hooray to playstation network for having free community!!!
(you suck xbox for making people pay for it)
we made a new friend. he's a drummer.
and ofcourse we rocked it out with one of our sneezy buddies!
there is nothing better than wailing it all weekend long.
i now crown ourselves the king and queen of rockband!
i am so not looking forward to work tomorrow. joe's boss is off so up at 5am i will be.
and ofcourse our halloween was almost ruined because some fucker at his work never showed up and we had to stay until 7pm and by the time we got home after eating dinner we missed the trick or treaters.
so we definatly needed a weekend long of screaming and singing and rockin it.
mucho love mo fos!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
we got rockband 2
we have 2 sets of drums, 2 mics and 2 guitars.
you know what this means? the extra drums and mic is useless but we can have a full band... bass, guitar, drums and singer........me singer!
so this is an open invite to those of you who read this and that live in the chicagoland area.
we want you to come and play rockband with us.
we. want. YOU! to play with US!
you know what this means? the extra drums and mic is useless but we can have a full band... bass, guitar, drums and singer........me singer!
so this is an open invite to those of you who read this and that live in the chicagoland area.
we want you to come and play rockband with us.
we. want. YOU! to play with US!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
shoes and racing and sunny days oh my!
friday night after work we decided to hit the grocery store and do a little bit of shopping. wal-mart ofcourse was packed to the brim with people --and not necessary people i'd completely trust (yes, sometimes i do judge a book by thier covers -and it does get on Joe's nerves)
all i can say is: WHITECASTLESLIDERS --tasteless little buggers but so good?! how is that?!?!
and then we're off to target! my new fave store in the world! SUPERTARGET!!!!
NONE of these places had any shoes that i would wear tho... which sucks.
but onward bound! we did find the awesome backpillow thing we're using on the couch (we pushed the ottoman into the joint where the 2 parts of the couch meet -per Titan's suggestion) and well, you know! we found the perfect backsupport and it's awesome. that was found at target... Target, your awesome! ----this makes the sitting space larger on the couch and more open floor plan for rockband playing, dancing and singing --however we need a coffee table.
None of these places had any clothes I would buy but we did find me a Jacket. An AWESOME camo jacket... I can't wait to wear it to work infront of all those conservatives..muhahahahahaha
what was i sayin?
so we came home and rockbanded for a bit and went to bed.
saturday consisted of going to the bank and having them shred my old checks with the arlington heights address and ordering new checks with the new address --all at the bank's expense. nice huh? saved me about $40 bucks right there.
then we headed to the mall and sure enough: i found me some shoes for the winter!!! BOGO PAYLESS you ROCK! I got 2 pairs of boots -1 black and 1 brown- for $20 bucks each if you average the cost out. now that's what i'm talking about!!!
Then for lunch we had the most aweome Phillycheesesteak Sandwich. And played MiniGolf.
We spent the rest of the night playing Video games and being lazy ass people cuz we rock!
and seriously, WHY did we buy SingStar??? it sucks ass most heniously. So badly that I laughed so hard at us trying to sing on singstar that i almost had an accident... thankfully the bathroom is close by.
And what are doing today? Video games, MOFO!!!! video games!!!! i got Joe sucked into Need For Speed again --I decided to try and finish off the 1st in the series so I could "feel good/right" about continueing on with the other installments and ofcourse me and my lameself gotta be all like "honey, i can't beat this --please help me--" and so he's all "ok i'll race your games for you, but you design the cars" and i tell you, i am an awesome designer!!!
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Feeling:
too cool for school
Listening to: Need for Speed (yes, still the 1st one)
all i can say is: WHITECASTLESLIDERS --tasteless little buggers but so good?! how is that?!?!
and then we're off to target! my new fave store in the world! SUPERTARGET!!!!
NONE of these places had any shoes that i would wear tho... which sucks.
but onward bound! we did find the awesome backpillow thing we're using on the couch (we pushed the ottoman into the joint where the 2 parts of the couch meet -per Titan's suggestion) and well, you know! we found the perfect backsupport and it's awesome. that was found at target... Target, your awesome! ----this makes the sitting space larger on the couch and more open floor plan for rockband playing, dancing and singing --however we need a coffee table.
None of these places had any clothes I would buy but we did find me a Jacket. An AWESOME camo jacket... I can't wait to wear it to work infront of all those conservatives..muhahahahahaha
what was i sayin?
so we came home and rockbanded for a bit and went to bed.
saturday consisted of going to the bank and having them shred my old checks with the arlington heights address and ordering new checks with the new address --all at the bank's expense. nice huh? saved me about $40 bucks right there.
then we headed to the mall and sure enough: i found me some shoes for the winter!!! BOGO PAYLESS you ROCK! I got 2 pairs of boots -1 black and 1 brown- for $20 bucks each if you average the cost out. now that's what i'm talking about!!!
Then for lunch we had the most aweome Phillycheesesteak Sandwich. And played MiniGolf.
We spent the rest of the night playing Video games and being lazy ass people cuz we rock!
and seriously, WHY did we buy SingStar??? it sucks ass most heniously. So badly that I laughed so hard at us trying to sing on singstar that i almost had an accident... thankfully the bathroom is close by.
And what are doing today? Video games, MOFO!!!! video games!!!! i got Joe sucked into Need For Speed again --I decided to try and finish off the 1st in the series so I could "feel good/right" about continueing on with the other installments and ofcourse me and my lameself gotta be all like "honey, i can't beat this --please help me--" and so he's all "ok i'll race your games for you, but you design the cars" and i tell you, i am an awesome designer!!!
Feeling:
too cool for schoolListening to: Need for Speed (yes, still the 1st one)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
monday here i come!!!
DISCLAIMER--IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE SARCASM AND MAJOR CURSE WORDS DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY--YOU'VE BEEN WARNED--
so seriously, have you ever couldn't wait for monday to come around?! well right now I can't wait because i'm gonna beable to prove that stupid bitch wrong at the insurance/billing office for the pain specialist.
--i got a letter in the mail today from my insurance company--
i've tried to tell her over and over again the insurance is NOT denying my claims. that it is NOT a pre-existing condition, etc. i talked to her on the phone today and she says that thier office will NOT see me until my pre-existing period is over with...
well i got news for that bitch: MY PRE-EXISTING CONDITION CLAUSE HAS BEEN WAIVED
so take that you stupid whore!!! teach you not to listen to me! teach you tell me that i'm lying. teach you to tell me that my insurance wont cover me and that i'm going to owe your company thousands of dollars for my back procedures. STUPID CUNT WHORE BITCH!!!
ok! so now that that is over with back to our regularly scheduled programing:
i'm so sick of singing the same fucking messed up songs over and over again on Rock Band. Seriously, there are TONS of songs! why do you keep making me sing the same ones over and over again that I can't sing??? Songs that don't even make sense vocally?!?!?! ugh. however, Joe is kicking serious ass on the bass and guitar. (and i love playing Rock Band --just have to "get through" the songs we don't like)
Titan: we got a "back pillow" for the part of the couch that we added --remember? it's almost the perfect color and everything!!! plus, we got it on SALE!!! (woot)
I hate to admit that the headboard is growing on me... ugh!!!
Joe picked out the most AWESOME camo jacket for me!!! Not that I don't ABSOLUTELY love my Packers Jacket (i do i do i do) its just that it's Suede and I never know when its going to rain or snow and don't want to ruin it. It cost like over $150 bucks and you all know how cheap ass i am... So we got me a $15 camoflauge jacket today...Joe can't seem to find one that he would want to wear --and I can't find any freaking shoes!!!
I think the food at work is going to kill me. We had taco day today --I feel like there is lead ball growing bigger and bigger in my tummy. No heartburn tho.
We MUST remember to take the out trash weekly --it's getting a little funky in the garage from forgetting to take out last week's trash.
Good Citizen Deed of the Day: I set Fave Aunt up with an email account under my service provider (SBC Global/Yahoo) so she can get free Flickr Pro, Free Pro Email, Free Pro Launchcast Radio, etc etc etc. Her ISP doesn't give email to DialUP accounts because its discounted with her phone company. And it's stupid for her to setup a free email account when I can get her a "free" one with all the bells and whistles.
so seriously, have you ever couldn't wait for monday to come around?! well right now I can't wait because i'm gonna beable to prove that stupid bitch wrong at the insurance/billing office for the pain specialist.
--i got a letter in the mail today from my insurance company--
i've tried to tell her over and over again the insurance is NOT denying my claims. that it is NOT a pre-existing condition, etc. i talked to her on the phone today and she says that thier office will NOT see me until my pre-existing period is over with...
well i got news for that bitch: MY PRE-EXISTING CONDITION CLAUSE HAS BEEN WAIVED
so take that you stupid whore!!! teach you not to listen to me! teach you tell me that i'm lying. teach you to tell me that my insurance wont cover me and that i'm going to owe your company thousands of dollars for my back procedures. STUPID CUNT WHORE BITCH!!!
ok! so now that that is over with back to our regularly scheduled programing:
i'm so sick of singing the same fucking messed up songs over and over again on Rock Band. Seriously, there are TONS of songs! why do you keep making me sing the same ones over and over again that I can't sing??? Songs that don't even make sense vocally?!?!?! ugh. however, Joe is kicking serious ass on the bass and guitar. (and i love playing Rock Band --just have to "get through" the songs we don't like)
Titan: we got a "back pillow" for the part of the couch that we added --remember? it's almost the perfect color and everything!!! plus, we got it on SALE!!! (woot)
I hate to admit that the headboard is growing on me... ugh!!!
Joe picked out the most AWESOME camo jacket for me!!! Not that I don't ABSOLUTELY love my Packers Jacket (i do i do i do) its just that it's Suede and I never know when its going to rain or snow and don't want to ruin it. It cost like over $150 bucks and you all know how cheap ass i am... So we got me a $15 camoflauge jacket today...Joe can't seem to find one that he would want to wear --and I can't find any freaking shoes!!!
I think the food at work is going to kill me. We had taco day today --I feel like there is lead ball growing bigger and bigger in my tummy. No heartburn tho.
We MUST remember to take the out trash weekly --it's getting a little funky in the garage from forgetting to take out last week's trash.
Good Citizen Deed of the Day: I set Fave Aunt up with an email account under my service provider (SBC Global/Yahoo) so she can get free Flickr Pro, Free Pro Email, Free Pro Launchcast Radio, etc etc etc. Her ISP doesn't give email to DialUP accounts because its discounted with her phone company. And it's stupid for her to setup a free email account when I can get her a "free" one with all the bells and whistles.
Friday, October 10, 2008
i really want a cigarette
so today went very well for me. i got the huge bill of my desk and into approval. i got more back from approval and finalized. i should and will say i kicked ass today.
so we came home and waited for our new bedroom set to come in. they brought the wrong damn headboard... and the crappy thing is: now it's starting to grow on me... ugh. wtf dude?? wtf. so we're suppose to go down and talk to the people we bought it from.
Joe is playing Rockband. It's nice to live somewhere that your neighbors can't hear you and vice versa...
altho that mother fucker down the street that likes to sit in his car and thump his bass is going to get my foot in his bass if he doesn't cut the shit out.
so i need some new friends. i need friends. not online people that i chat with in game but friends. if you don't count Joe I have one friend here in Illinois: Titan Saturnae. He could be described as: my bestfriend. He has hung out with me more than any so called friend up here. Once I decided that my money was staying in my pocket and I wasn't going out drinking anymore and being stupid my "socalledfriends" stopped being my friends. --i wonder why
so my 2 friends are Joe and Titan. I want to be friends with PIC (Partner in Crime -we are the 2 receivables girls) but I just -I guess I'm scared. I've tried to make friends with Nevada but all he's interested in is boozing and whoring women. (He's our new --started 4 months ago new-- Sales Coordinator)
ok i'll finish this up tomorrow --its bedtime in my new bed.
so we came home and waited for our new bedroom set to come in. they brought the wrong damn headboard... and the crappy thing is: now it's starting to grow on me... ugh. wtf dude?? wtf. so we're suppose to go down and talk to the people we bought it from.
Joe is playing Rockband. It's nice to live somewhere that your neighbors can't hear you and vice versa...
altho that mother fucker down the street that likes to sit in his car and thump his bass is going to get my foot in his bass if he doesn't cut the shit out.
so i need some new friends. i need friends. not online people that i chat with in game but friends. if you don't count Joe I have one friend here in Illinois: Titan Saturnae. He could be described as: my bestfriend. He has hung out with me more than any so called friend up here. Once I decided that my money was staying in my pocket and I wasn't going out drinking anymore and being stupid my "socalledfriends" stopped being my friends. --i wonder why
so my 2 friends are Joe and Titan. I want to be friends with PIC (Partner in Crime -we are the 2 receivables girls) but I just -I guess I'm scared. I've tried to make friends with Nevada but all he's interested in is boozing and whoring women. (He's our new --started 4 months ago new-- Sales Coordinator)
ok i'll finish this up tomorrow --its bedtime in my new bed.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
awe! i feel so loved :-)
*THANKYOU* to everyone who has expressed an interest in my leaving or staying. well, after an *amazing* day today with Joe and my intense urge to share with everyone! I wont be leaving. However, I will monitor what I say inregards to my feelings and happenings at my job. If I *must* vent it will be through the blog "behind the scenes" --only people who have LiveJournal accounts and are listed as my friend can see it. I don't use it much. I've wrote a few posts in there in and its all boring anyways! lol and I doubt I'll use it. I just guess that I need to use more discresion than I have. I'd really hate to vent about someone at work and they accidently find this blog and take it the wrong way... This would be the reason why I made my nonpublic blog in the first place--so I could bitch about my roomate and her not see it.--and other people.--Keep in mind that stuff in here that's labeled "secrets unveiled" are posts that were made unprivate in the other blog and copied it to here. --I really wish that blogger would make a "lockable" posting feature so only those we choose--our "friends" could see certain things.
BUT ON TO THE GOOD STUFF!
Woke up this morning and went to work! Yes, work on a sunday: they call it a "precon" which is basically 1 representative from each "department" gathers together with the head contacts of the group staying at the resort (we're a conference oriented resort but have familyshit stuff on the weekends) --ok so anyways I represented AcctgCmd. I was congratulated by all of the others that I did an awesome job! *woot*
And now to the juicy:
Joe said he had asecret surprise for me for lunch and I said "lets go!" and we took the utmost gorgeous scenic route to ....
First off we stopped by Cabella's and totally made me homesick for Arkansas! Seeing all that camping gear and...just everything outdoorsy that you'd need in the mountains and forests. And the boats!I WE want a boat! Oh it'd be so awesome to go boating!
And finally, we come to the surprise! But, although we wanted Sonic- just not as badly as to wait in those ridiculously long lines! I hope that this means they'll get the point of it and put in MORE Sonics! Preferably in the immediate vacinity of where we live and work!
So we instead walked around this brandnew Walmart! Pretty :) and clean! And found this really awesome Dr. Pepper football shaped bottle. It's sitting on top of our TV. I was so desperate for football season to start.....but now.....I'm torn and don't know what to do... I'm thinking of trying out a new team? Maybe this means I was a Favre Fan and not a Packers fan.....But damnit, I don't even have the urge to WATCH him with the JETS! *cries*
ok! fun stuff!
So we headed back home and made a few stops along the way: We ended up at a Halloween store! oooooooooooooooooh, I wish I had a HOUSE so I could make the front yard all creepy scary! There was this AWESOME Jason statue/robot thing. Really LIFE like! And everything else was AMAZING as well. I need children so I can get this out of my system through them! You should have seen the baby costumes...ok...im SO teary-eyed again....
Then we took a trip by PetCo and bought Nilla s'more tubes for her house. It's a REALLY aweome design! Joe is so cool with putting it together. We need to get her another habitat and more tubes to connect between the two. We're REALLY thinking of getting another Hamster. Just have to make sure its a GIRL and not a BOY or else we'll be Hamster grandparents! Which, I'd be VERY ok with that, AND! the PetCo said they'd take the babies after thier weined and sell em. ....I wonder if we could make money off of Hamster Breeding... Now THAT's and IDEA!
And then we're off again to feed the tummies! ......OHMIGODS! TGIFRIDAYS! Jack Daniels BURGER.......oh and it took ALOT of willpower to NOT divulge in the partaking of JACKDANIELSIPPERS! ........drooling....... jalepeno macaroni & cheese.....you shoulda SEEN how red joe's face got! It was priceless.
And then we're back on the road again after stopping off at gamestop and buying my man a new game. Nothing makes me happier than watching him play his racing video games and knowing that I am a cool enough girlfriend to sit there and enjoy it with him... Yeap, I'd like to think he's got a pretty good catch!
And, there is nothing better than an impromtu game of MINIGOLF!
now we come to: Oberweis Dairy......not as good as ColdStone but it was very fun playing Chess together. I've not played chess since oh.....highschool! And I didn't do any good then either! I remembered that the Horsey can only go in a "L" shape! Everything else went out of my head...pffft! I can say this tho: Joecan be is a patient teacher... And he'll let you think your winning until he wipes you out!
ok! time for sleeeeepies but I have to share one more thing: my *new fave must have song* I hope that if Joe ever hears this song on the radio, it'll remind him of me and he'll fall more deeply in love and....you know, i'm being mushy. But its a great song. and minus the Gemini Capricorn --I'm a Gemini Leo if you go by Sun/Moon or a Gemini Taurus if you go by Sun/Rising -- it's sounds just like me...(clicking on the title of the song should take you to the youtube video)
BUT ON TO THE GOOD STUFF!
Woke up this morning and went to work! Yes, work on a sunday: they call it a "precon" which is basically 1 representative from each "department" gathers together with the head contacts of the group staying at the resort (we're a conference oriented resort but have family
And now to the juicy:
Joe said he had a
First off we stopped by Cabella's and totally made me homesick for Arkansas! Seeing all that camping gear and...just everything outdoorsy that you'd need in the mountains and forests. And the boats!
And finally, we come to the surprise! But, although we wanted Sonic- just not as badly as to wait in those ridiculously long lines! I hope that this means they'll get the point of it and put in MORE Sonics! Preferably in the immediate vacinity of where we live and work!
So we instead walked around this brandnew Walmart! Pretty :) and clean! And found this really awesome Dr. Pepper football shaped bottle. It's sitting on top of our TV. I was so desperate for football season to start.....but now.....I'm torn and don't know what to do... I'm thinking of trying out a new team? Maybe this means I was a Favre Fan and not a Packers fan.....But damnit, I don't even have the urge to WATCH him with the JETS! *cries*
ok! fun stuff!
So we headed back home and made a few stops along the way: We ended up at a Halloween store! oooooooooooooooooh, I wish I had a HOUSE so I could make the front yard all creepy scary! There was this AWESOME Jason statue/robot thing. Really LIFE like! And everything else was AMAZING as well. I need children so I can get this out of my system through them! You should have seen the baby costumes...ok...im SO teary-eyed again....
Then we took a trip by PetCo and bought Nilla s'more tubes for her house. It's a REALLY aweome design! Joe is so cool with putting it together. We need to get her another habitat and more tubes to connect between the two. We're REALLY thinking of getting another Hamster. Just have to make sure its a GIRL and not a BOY or else we'll be Hamster grandparents! Which, I'd be VERY ok with that, AND! the PetCo said they'd take the babies after thier weined and sell em. ....I wonder if we could make money off of Hamster Breeding... Now THAT's and IDEA!
And then we're off again to feed the tummies! ......OHMIGODS! TGIFRIDAYS! Jack Daniels BURGER.......oh and it took ALOT of willpower to NOT divulge in the partaking of JACKDANIELSIPPERS! ........drooling....... jalepeno macaroni & cheese.....you shoulda SEEN how red joe's face got! It was priceless.
And then we're back on the road again after stopping off at gamestop and buying my man a new game. Nothing makes me happier than watching him play his racing video games and knowing that I am a cool enough girlfriend to sit there and enjoy it with him... Yeap, I'd like to think he's got a pretty good catch!
And, there is nothing better than an impromtu game of MINIGOLF!
now we come to: Oberweis Dairy......not as good as ColdStone but it was very fun playing Chess together. I've not played chess since oh.....highschool! And I didn't do any good then either! I remembered that the Horsey can only go in a "L" shape! Everything else went out of my head...pffft! I can say this tho: Joe
ok! time for sleeeeepies but I have to share one more thing: my *new fave must have song* I hope that if Joe ever hears this song on the radio, it'll remind him of me and he'll fall more deeply in love and....you know, i'm being mushy. But its a great song. and minus the Gemini Capricorn --I'm a Gemini Leo if you go by Sun/Moon or a Gemini Taurus if you go by Sun/Rising -- it's sounds just like me...(clicking on the title of the song should take you to the youtube video)
Pat Monahan "Her Eyes"
She's not afraid; she just likes to use her night light
When she gets paid, true religion gets it all
If they fit right.
She's a little bit manic, completely organic
Doesn't panic for the most part.
She's old enough to know, and young enough not to say no
To any chance that she gets for home plate tickets to see the Mets.
Like everybody, she's in over her head,
Dreads Feds, Grateful Dead, and doesn't take meds.
She's a Gemini Capricorn
Thinks all men are addicted to porn.
I don't agree with her half the time,
But, damn I'm glad she's mine.
Her eyes, that's where hope lies.
That's where blue skies
Meet the sunrise.
Her eyes, that's where I go
When I go home.
She got the kinda strength that every man wishes he had.
She loved Michael Jackson up until he made Bad.
Tells me that she lives about a hundred lives,
Scares me to death when she thinks and drives,
Says cowboy hats make her look fat,
and I'm so glad she's mine.
Her eyes, that's where hope lies.
That's where blue skies
Meet the sunrise.
Her eyes, that's where I go
When I go home.
She doesn't know the word 'impossible'
Don't care where I've been and doesn't care where we're goin' to.
She takes me as I am, and that ain't easy.
She's beautiful. So beautiful.
And sometimes I think she's truly crazy.
And I love it.
Her eyes, that's where hope lies.
That's where blue skies
Always meet the sunrise.
Her eyes, that's where I go
When I go home.
Her eyes, that's where hope lies.
That's where blue skies
Always meet the sunrise.
Her eyes, that's where I go
When I go home.
She's not afraid
she just likes to use her night light.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
too much blood in my nicotine system
so i guess i tried to over compensate with chocolate...yea all i got is a icky tummy, an even more instense urge for a cigarette and a fever blister. don't know where the fever blister came from, woke up with it this morning...guess i was in a feverish state when i couldn't fall asleep lastnight because of the withdrawls? i got a rash of fever blisters when I was withdrawing from the Oxycontins back in February or so of 06 when I had herniated those 2 disks in my back... maybe there's a connection between withdrawls and fever blisters?
Joe borrowed Heavenly Sword from a pal at work...it's really good. I've been watching him play. Trying to keep my mind off certain things....sigh, didn't work did it?
i love finding videos on YouTube that people have taken songs and merged it with a game. the above is scenes from the game Heavenly Sword that Joe is playing set to the song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescense.
I tell ya one thing tho....this video has got nothing on the HD quality of our P3 and our HDTV...makes me proud!
Joe borrowed Heavenly Sword from a pal at work...it's really good. I've been watching him play. Trying to keep my mind off certain things....sigh, didn't work did it?
i love finding videos on YouTube that people have taken songs and merged it with a game. the above is scenes from the game Heavenly Sword that Joe is playing set to the song "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescense.
I tell ya one thing tho....this video has got nothing on the HD quality of our P3 and our HDTV...makes me proud!
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