Is there anybody out there??

So my life this past year has been pretty insane and hectic. I don't even know where to begin or end since it's been 10 months since I've blogged...

I can tell you I lost out pretty badly at the Regional in 9-ball singles last weekend. I have sworn that I will not be playing in a Regional or Singles competition until I am in a higher skill level bracket. Which is funny because I was told I was moved down a skill level, lol. The husband has went up to a 6 again. Me, I'm a lowly 2.

The baby thing didn't happen. We've pretty much given up on having children unless someone walks in and says "here, take my baby I don't want it" and I doubt that'll happen! Also crushed was our dreams of owning our own home; at least for the time being. That I know I can make happen eventually with a lot of saving and paying off of debts which doesn't come easy.

I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with the Car Lot I work at. I'm an account manager for a buy here pay here place in the town I live in. It can be fun and frustrating and rewarding and aggravating all at the same time!

I seem to have no free time anymore, I'm either working or playing pool. Or running doubles & singles tournaments...

Speaking of Doubles the Husband and I placed 33rd out of 256 teams in the National 9-ball doubles championships this past August. That was insane and so much fun! We spent 10 days in Las Vegas. oooo boy!

I am going to make it a point to try and blog every day or at least every other day. Call it a New Year resolution but the New Year hasn't come yet :-) to help me with that, is there any body out there? Is there anyone who cares if I still blog or if this thing dies?

Also, can you do it from you iPhone?!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

How, has it really been that long since I posted anything??

Looks like blogging has become one of those things were I do it once in a blue moon... I am so very sorry for that ya'll I never meant to go over a month almost 2 without posting anything...

Since I got my new job it's been very busy for me. I work from 10am to 7pm go straight to pool from work and you know us, we play 5 nights a week that means no home time except everyother saturday and everyother wednesday and every sunday... when i'm home i'm too busy to do anything but clean or run errands.

Still trying to get pregnant. I took my 4th round of chlomid this month. My levels were 9 something last month so she kept me at the 150 dosage. I haven't been a good girl about taking my prenatals. Someone slap my hand for being a bad pre-mommy...

Also trying to buy a house but that is going nowhere fast.

There you have it, mini quickie update... i think i'm going to watch tv now. I pay $70 a month for tv services and don't even get to watch it.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Good News and Good Views

I HAVE A NEW JOB

I am so freaking happy about that! Trust me, my current job is tons better than my 1st one I had when we first moved here... but this new job... should be 100% better than both of them combined! No downtime (i hate being non busy at work), helping people, meeting new people. It's closer to home (by 30 minutes!), raise incentives and weekly bonuses and "good job" bonuses!! and I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it!!

I start the double dose of Chlomid on Friday!!!

Finally, after being damn near a month late on my period (and being freaked out about it and the negative pregnancy tests...) it started yesterday.  Woo... so happy!! I have a feeling October is our month! I pray that I can announce that we're pregnant on Thanksgiving! How cool would that be?!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Orientation of ME

I had the most awesome orientation today!! I <3 My new company so much!! I can NOT wait until the middle of March when I can kiss the old job good-bye completely!!!

Oh, btw.... did you notice that my wedding date is the Eve of May Day aka Bealtaine?!

I Can Not Let You Walk Out That Door And Never See You Again...

I have never had anyone say this to me before, but yesterday those words came out of my new bosses mouth. Yup, you heard that right, my new boss... You see I have been applying for part time work and looking for supplemental jobs since I realized that the pet hospital wasn't going to give me what I needed or desired. That became a huge reality when I noticed they were looking for another "me". So that kind of ticked me off a bit, I want more work/hours and they're hiring someone else and come to find out the girl who trained me is quitting. Remember me telling ya'll that she and I would "share" a shift? She'd work the 1st half and I'd work the last half? Well, wouldn't it make sense if she quit to have me work the whole shift? Apperantly not, they thought I didn't want to work more hours. Really? Whatever...

So, enough rambling...

I found a job in the paper in a resort & spa like I worked at in Chicago and yes I was no where near qualified for that position listed in the paper but I got a call back to interview!! I set up a Saturday interview and I anxiously waited all week long. Finally, my chance came to try and charm my way into a postion I knew was probably too much for me but I was willing to give it my all and be damned with the consequences... All the way there (45 minute drive of nothing but Ouachita National Forest) I was praying that if they didn't hire me for the supervisor job that they'd say they needed help in accounting or SOMETHING...

After about 30 minutes of conversation and talking about me and my life and my goals and the past and the present and the future she says "You know you're not qualified for this position, right? You don't have the supervisory experience that is needed..." I said yes, but if you never take a chance then you'll never know. She responded that she agreed and said "but I can not let you walk out that door and never see you again. I want to hire you as a front desk agent. Can you start on monday??" ofcourse me, I say Are you serious? And she says "YES!" and we laugh and giggle and she says I'm great, I'm exactly what she's looking for and they just started looking for that position!! I tell her I can't on Monday because of the pet hospital but that I'll put in my 2 week notice on Monday and send her my schedule that I have and I can start immediately and come in on the days I don't work.

Tuesday is my first day!! I am so freaking happy. I am going up $ and hours. PLUS they do have billing like I did before and since I'll have my foot in the door and know the ins/outs of the company/procedures I'll have a better chance of going back to what I loved doing in Chicago!! -That is if a postion opens up in accounting. She said they do have a very low turnover. But that's ok. I can wait. And who knows what may happen in the meantime!!

Operation: No Regrets

One of my favorite people (JoAnna aka Mad, Fat Woman) is challening us on our weight loss journies to have no regrets! I'm going to join her in this because this past week, I've had alot of regrets:

• Chocolate for Charity Festival (Good cause, great fun with the fiance but not nice to my scale)
• Didn't eat within my calorie range... as you can see on my Food & Excersise Journal
• Didn't do atleast 1 cardio a day -including the days of my strength training

Today is also my weigh in day... I restarted this journey a month ago at 260 lbs. Last week I weighed in at 250. This week.... 250. Maintained a weight loss of 10 lbs. If I could have just changed some things... It could have been more...

This week's "I will have no regrets" Goals:

• Eat within my calorie range.
• Drink TONS of water!
• Do at least 1 cardio -including my strength training days.
• Quit my job.

Yes, I said quit my job. If you follow my FB or Twitter you'd see that things are no longer ideal at the pet hospital. One person says one thing, another person says another thing and that equals me getting "lectured at" alot. One of the Docs said it took me over an hour to assess and log in a new patient. (Which is pure BS, btw) They're losing money and not making money which means they're going downhill. I don't get any hours. I was looking at "minimalistic" hours to begin with at 20 hrs a week but 3 - 6 hours a week sometimes none at all are not ideal, I wanna work! I wanna do SOMETHING. They don't have enough patients/hours for all the manpower and they're barebones as it is. So, I'm going to go back to school this summer (I hope I have given enough time for grant and loan approvals, plus the spring semester is in full swing already) I tentatively put Early Childhood Development as my major. I am not 100% sure on what I want to do but with the community college near by, that's all I saw that interests me. Taranis got a promotion at work and with his $ an hour he makes already (hopefully an increase comes soon!) plus his extra 30 - 45 minutes a day from his promotion (overtime) he can make up what little (or no) income I brought in.

Wish me luck!! And go visit JoAnna!! She and her blog was featured on our local news and I am so proud of her!!

Made it through my first day at the new job!!

I have alot of old medical terminology to remember again and alot of new terminology to learn. I'll have a solid 2 week training with another girl and then I should be on my own most of the time but I'll have a partner until I am 100% ready to be on my own. It's so exciting but so sad the cases we saw today. On one hand I am enjoying helping people and encouraging proper care of thier pets and on the other it's so very sad when one dies or is in an accident. It's very heart breaking.

what happened this week?

Found out Jade makes more than me. And the only thing I can figure is that its because she's OLDER not more EXPERIENCED... and it pisses me the fuck OFF. Soooooooooo, Taranis and I have discussed it and I'll continue working for now until after the wedding. Then we'll evaluate where we are and most likely (because we've looked at the guestimated future finances) I'll quit working so we can (I) can concentrate on having babys. I am sure I don't need to revisit all the cancer issues and having basically no cervix left and the tumors, etc... but for those who need a refresher go here make sure you take a tissue because I cried when reading that stuff again and normally I don't. I use to think I hardened myself to it.

Part of me is afraid to do this. That we'll never have a baby and I'll have to drag myself back to working world because I failed at becoming a mother. And here's the other thing: how long to do you give it? 1 year, 2 years? 5 years? Seriously, will the economy be better by then or will I be just a failed person trying to find a job after quitting for her to start a family...

I have my next appointment with the doc on June 22nd. First AM just how I like it. I love her! She's awesome and sassy!! I am so sure she's going to be 100% thrilled that I had the spine fusion and that I'm all healed.

but enough about me!

Savannah has been coping with Monte being gone fairly well doing all the work. She said she's always done it all he just did editing and polished it off... whatev. The great thing is that her man finally got a fucking job and so now she's not a terrible bitch anymore! Halelujah!

Life is great. Work is better. Taranis' work is insane (he's there right now!!) but hey he's making a living and by golly he brings home the bacon! I couldn't ask for anything better because he's just freakin great! I love him.

Which brings us to marriage: we've picked out our wedding invites and save the dates. We're ordering the save the dates next month and the invites after we move in September. We're leaving next weekend to go to my parents for more wedding stuff and a family bbq. Yup, another long ass drive to Arkansas! this time with the cats! Gods help me!!

New Life, Death and Regrets

About a month ago my Uncle H was diagnosed with a brain tumor, lung cancer and a lymphnoid infection... A few weeks ago they removed the tumor and started treating everything else... He died this morning. Uncle H was wife to daddy's sister Aunt A. Wonderful people who'd give you the shirt off thier back if you needed it. Daddy was 1 of 3 boys in a family of 7 there were 4 girls. Aunt A is the second oldest daughter. Uncle H is survived by many kids, grandkids and great grandkids. Our two families were close in that they were the only siblings in Arkansas on daddy's side of the family. We spent many thanksgivings and christmases with them when I was growing up. His funeral is on Saturday. We're going to make a quick trip to pay our respects.

Akira had her baby today. New life and Death all in one day. Its too many emotions for 1 person to handle at once. While I am extremely happy for Akira my heart is burdened with sadness over my uncle.

I regret not seeing them more often. Me and my cousins keep track online via FB but I have been a bad niece and not went to see my Aunt and Uncle as often as I should. I am very ashamed of myself. I never got to say Good-Bye. It'll haunt me forever. I pray saturday is not the last time I see my aunt alive. She had a double mastectomy a few years ago for breast cancer. I hear she's very frail and sick alot... Scary isn't it? I swore I'd be a better niece then but I never lived up to my promise.

Boot Camp results

I walked 16.5 miles this week on my machine and lost 5 lbs. Which means I lost 1.5 inches on my waist and 2 inches through my chest. (yea we're measuring too...)

My fiance who only walked once and changed nothing in his diet lost 1 lb...

I will admit I was not a perfect eater -I had icecream 2 nights. And some cookies at work but in my defense they were going away goodbye gifts from Monte. When he hugged me goodbye yesterday I almost started crying. And he knew it too he said "oh Jenny, don't cry!" It was a sad and solemn day for the whole office. Now Savannah is in charge... But that's a diff story for a different day. I think her home life is why she's been spazzy lately but like I said.........

So yea, I've lost 5 lbs this first week. Yesterday we got some artificial sweetner for our coffee and tea. We decided against decaf tea and went with diet naturally decaf A&W rootbeer, cream soda and cherry 7-up. I still need my high test tea now and then!! but atleast it's calorie free.

Compaired the light, fat free and regular yogurt and went with light. It was middle ground on the light so we went with those. Fat free is nearly double the calories!! damn them. and gross! atleast I can deal with Light.

Anyone else out there trying to battle thier weight? How's that going for you? Do you have any tips and tricks to stop or ease those chocolate cravings??

the ground trembles below us...

I heard an announcement today, Monte put in his 2 week notice... He's one of those upper management sr executive bosses that you love. That is understanding and listens to you. He hears your input and thoughts and if you prove your point then he'll implement what you suggest... Unlike my former supervisor Homer who would tell you to bugger off and ignore you...

I asked Savannah if she was going to take over the now open position or try and she said no. She didn't want it. Temporarily this leaves me with more responsibility... Akira is back doing her thing until her timer dings (aka she goes into labor), Jade is learning Akira's job to take over while Akira is away... And that leaves me again all alone in my little subdepartment...

I am so very sad that Monte is leaving... I am fearful of who they will replace him with...

Once again an upheavel is happening at work... I am not so sure this is a good one or not... Just when things were starting to settledown...

one of those days...

Did everything BUT the 4 things I wanted to do (related to work)... 

Honestly, if you asked me what I did today I'd say "I don't know" because I really do not freaking know how my time was used up before I could even BLINK and then BOOM its time to go home...

I hate insane Fridays which is EXACTLY what my Friday is going to be now because my "to do" for Thursday is now "to do" for Friday plus the 50 things I have to do on Friday already...

Yay...

On the plus side we watch the last episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (streaming) tonight. We start Angel (streaming) this weekend and next week starts Charmed (DVD). We're buying us some new clothes this weekend (I need new work shirts and he needs new pants, I need new pants too my crotch is wearing out...) and next weekend I am buying a Gazelle. Cheapest Eliptical I could find and it'll fit just enough into the bedroom so I can watch tv in the morning while using it before work. I read a review about a woman who used it and lost over 100 lbs in about a year so I am aiming for that... Now we just gotta keep me away from the chocolate and pasta....

Why is chocolate and pasta/breads harder to give up than SMOKING!!!!???? doesn't make sense, B!

lets talk about work...and then Florida

Did I tell you that Akira is on medical leave? Well, she has been for the past month or so... She went and got herself knocked up and had to go on leave because she was trying to have the baby too early... Found out today that it looks like her Doc is going to let her come back until her due date. Yesterday there was a new phone list sent out and Akira's name was not on it...

Addison, Otto and I determined that they were not planning on her being able to come back. You have 3 months FMLA and that is used for maternity. She was 5 months pregnant when she left on leave.

We had a new girl start on Wednesday. I'll call her Jade which is one of the stones of us Geminis and she is a gemini like me. The starting of Jade and the coming back of Akira totally does away with my overtime. So sad.

We thought that Jade was being hired as a partner for me as a disguise to train her on Akira's job. Which turned out to be feasible until now there is a switch: Akira might be coming back.

So long story short so damn confusing... we might have a full staff again! But the sad thing is RIGHT NOW there is not enough work for me AND Jade. But there will be soon. And she's still learning and training so who knows...

I am not fully confidant that Akira is going to come back. And if she doesn't and Jade is cross trained then that leaves more work for me to do.

Taranis has been trying to get/find work in Florida. I think we're going to try and move to the armpit. Its less than a day's drive to both his mom and my family. More to his mom's but more than likely she'll be more than happy to meet us in the middle when possible.

I looked at housing and its about the same as Arkansas.  I fell in love with a ton of places already. Now all we need to do is get JOBS down there...

However I am resigned that if by the end of September if things are not looking the way we want that we will request month to month leasing and find a cheaper place to live here (closer to work preferably) and we'll buy a new car and I'm hoping for a Ford Focus like you see that Idol winner on the commercials talking about it...and look into moving (again) when that lease it us. Pray its not another 2 year lease...

please just make it stop!

I have never felt this tired or this drained ever in my entire life. Not even when I worked 2 jobs at once!! Oy Vey...

Lets recap the past few years shall we?

July 2006 move to Chicago get a job at the firm Mon-Fri 7:30am-4:00pm and also get a job with the spa Fri 6pm - Midnight, Sat 3pm - Midnight, Sunday 2pm-10pm.

Do you see that schedule? I had energy! And was NOT falling asleep on the way to work unless it was a Friday and I'd been out Karaoking all night...

January 2008 get laid off from the Firm. Quit the spa. Find another job. Quit that job. Go back to the Spa. Start working double duty at the spa/resort in accounting and recreation.

Aug 2008 get transferred to accounting forever...

May 2009 Pic goes on Maternity leave.

Aug 2009 she doesn't come back. I have my surgery.

October 2009 I go back to accounting.

December 2009 they fire Homer. and I take on the world...ok maybe not the world but it sure as heck feels like it!

January 2010 Akira announces her pregnancy and goes on Maternity leave early due to complications... Savannah throws everything she was doing out of boredom back at me again to do payroll full time re: Akira is payroll and on leave... Taranis starts a new schedule at work where he has to be there an hour earlier than normal so we have to wake up earlier than normal.... which is now the new normal...

February 2010 --I beg for sleep. I do my makeup in the bathroom at work trying to kill an hour so I can clock in because my work wont let me change my schedule. I lay my head on the desk for 30-45 minutes and nap until I can clock in after doing my hair and makeup... (yea 15 mins my makeup is done)

I bust my ass to do 3 peoples' jobs with 1 person hours not allowed a second of over time. I-AM-EXHAUSTED...we do inventory for the whole resort which takes away hours for my job...... they're supose to be hiring someone to work WITH me (since in just another month our busy season starts back up and I don't want to do this alone anymore!!) by the 1st of March. March brings wedding season. And Golf season... And vacation guests with bratty kids. Transient Guests..Debit Card Holds...omigod.

And Savannah... Savannah lied to me. Mrs. "I'm not a micro manager because I know how much I hate that" is more than a micro manager she's an atomic particle manager...or something like that........she's mean. she's rude. she accuses instead of asking. she tells intead of inquires. instead of asking me (when she it not sure) if I know where a payment should be posted she'll post it to the wrong place and then tell me to fix it when i find it later.

Anyways.........................................

Thursday I get my new dryer.

ketchup & mustard

We got a netflix account. Which means I sat here all day yesterday watching Quantum Leap. All day today watching Xena:Warrior Princess. I have also already maxed out my dvd que...Thank the gods for streaming so I can sit here and watch Xena and QL until my eyes cross while I wait for DVDs to come into the mail. I've signed up for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, all of the Star Trek series... I'm such a nerd.

Its nice to see a bill coming to an end. My next payment will be the last one. I'm choosing to keep the credit card after the balance is paid in full. You see, I had an old medical bill from the cancer stuff and I got an offer to have a credit card issued to me and they pay off the balance but it gets put on a credit card and I get a credit card with what was the balance of the debt plus extra for timely payments as my limit after its said and done. I like the thought of having good credit and figured that having 2 cards will not hurt me...as long as we don't use them :-) however, if you don't use them they incur fees...so the netflix account is being applied to one of them. Its less than $10 a month so I can easily pay off the balance every month. I just need to think of something else for the other card now that its going to be zero balance... I was buying random things with the other one but I don't really want to use them. I do want to increase my credit rating and score.

In April my parents will be putting the deposits on our wedding venue. I am so excited. I can't wait until all of that stuff is final so we can start picking out wedding invitations and sending them out. I want to look at dresses and try them on! I have the perfect dress in my head. I hope I can find it!

So far I've been maintaining my weight so I have not gained or lost. I was sick so we didn't walk like we were supose to...This week we're walking and I'm taking salads to work for lunch. Granted they supply salad at my work along with nasty things to eat but I do not trust thier food, never really have and only ate it out of laziness. Now I'm taking control of my food and my weight.

here is my scar. Its been just over 6 months now since my surgery...

and these are my xrays. I don't have to see my doc again until August for the 1 yr mark and then if I'm still good then never again <3

Work has been an issue as of late. Finally got rid of Homer but Savannah is driving me insane. She use to say that she had confidence in me and that she'd never be the type of boss that she is being...but now...I'm smothered and I feel abused. I can not wait until its closer to when our lease is up so we can look for jobs in Arkansas.

We were discussing maybe moving into the Florida panhandle that way we'd be half way between the 2 families... But its pretty much a guarantee his mom won't live in Florida after his gma dies and when that happens I'd want to live 100% in Arkansas so maybe Arkansas is a better place to move to from the beginning...

I want to try on wedding dresses so bad. But I want to have the skinnier self I had when I moved up here when I do (before all the pain started to increase)...The ocasional pain was enough to fuck with my head but when it got constant that was just...I was depressed and I left myself go. I'm blessed to have such an awesome man to stand beside me through all the ups and downs.

And to think I've had 3 months of no pain now! It seems like a dream. I can't believe it I really can't...

Now that I'm pain free I can work on looking on the outside how I feel and see myself on the inside. And I hope that losing most of this extra baggage will help on the fertility front. I know that the cancer shit fucked me up but I could use every advantage possible to help conceive. I know more and more everyday that I love Taranis with everything in me and each day I long for our own child. Its unfair that my youngest sibling should have her child before me. Or that ArmyBro's stepdaughter who is an incapable little brat and a slut should have a baby before me. She's due in August...And I know that my brother and her mom will end up raising that baby.

But I guess that one of these days I'll have to accept that life isn't fair. But even if it means we scrape and sacrifice and have nothing just to raise enough money to adopt...I will be a mother some way, some how.

lets tell the whole world about my menstral cycle shall we?

Especially my dad and my brothers and sisters and counsins and aunts and uncles on FB!

Savannah today posted on a picture of dinner rolls that Taranis had baked... the conversation was like this:

Savannah  Somebody besides you cooking??
Me He likes to bake breads :)
Savannah LOL.. not sure what that means.. :>)
Me  Hahaha bad Savannah!!
Savannah  Always.. See ya Monday.. You visitor gone so you gonna have a better week?
Savannah  (visitor means monthly friend)
Me  Um.. No comment :)
Savannah WELL FOR MY SAKE, I HOPE THE VISITOR IS GONE!!

I then sent her a text (on my phone so I can't copy/paste) basically explaining that my "visitor" was a few days away and reminded her *AGAIN* that I have hormonal problems and I am on medication hormones... I explained to her that I thought I was keeping a good reign on myself but I guess not.

Her reply: that I'm being defensive and "someone" at work said I was being "grumpy" and that I must be "on my monthly"... wtf ever. No One talks to her about me like that. And then said that she is "on my side" (what side? are we in a war with someone I don't know about?) and that she's here to help me..........................

*SHE* has a been a tyranical bitch since Monte has been on furlough. Its not my fault she bit off more than she can chew. Its not my fault she got Homer fired and has now had to take over managerial duties because they wont promote me so her life is harder at work. Its not my fault she has an asshole for a boyfriend who doesn't work and is a drunk ass. And its not my fault she's a lush herself.

On my day off on NYE she told me straight up that I did not do something that I know I did. I am not looking forward to going back to work.

I am so sick of having assholes and bitches for bosses. I don't care whether or not we have employment and I have to shackup at my dad's house and sleep in seperate beds, I'm fucking moving in October. I'm so fucking sick of Chicago and Illinois and the dumbasses here.

One Woman Army

OMG. This week was intense but it was all worth it when Monte said "I am proud of you, Blaez! Great work this week!" I was beaming with pride 100 miles long! No, make that 1,000!!!

So one of my duties in the aftermath is to go through my former boss's desk. And you would NOT believe the crap I have found. One was a cancellation that was never processed from 6 months ago. Another was a Direct Bill app that was never submitted to Monte to get approval or denial and sure enough, they were denied. They are to be here in late January!! We have to collect all monies up front...Yea, this should be fun!! And another was a poor guy who got charged a noshow on his room when he changed his reservation to a later date and she was supose to credit it and never did! Plus a million other things that she did wrong and was trying to coverup or things she was supose to do and just ignored it by throwing it into a box. YES-THREW IT INTO A FUCKING BOX AND IGNORED IT...

I don't feel bad for her being terminated anymore. Obviously the problems with Homer were beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I knew she was incompetant but not to that extent. What the fuck did she do all day?! I know first hand that it does not take all day to process to a new contract. So if she wasn't helping me with billing and she obviously wasn't doing the other things--what was she doing??? I don't think I want to know...

Tonight is Taranis' holiday function for work aka sit around the General Manager's house and talk and play pool with about 20 other people and thier wives/husbands.

My daddy and Taranis's mom both have asked to be my friend on facebook...I conceeded. My dad is making "fatherly" comments on everything (not that I have anything to hide) and FMIL hasn't said anything on facebook.

Jack went into labor yesterday. And Pebbles should be going into labor in about a month. I have to finish her baby's blanket soon. I havn't worked on it because I'm tired of crocheting after doing Taranis's blanket. lol

I need to think about this party tonight and what i'm gonna wear and stuff...Peace out!

ps, thank you all for the enouragement that something else promotion-wise might be around the corner at work. I SURE HOPE SO!

And Then There Was One

There is really 6 of us left but I'm the only one in my subdepartment.

Ladies and Gents: Homer is no longer with us. She was let go yesterday, her position eliminated.

Those words frighten me: Position Eliminated. I was hoping to advance in my company. To give me a reason to stay here in Chicago instead of move and start all over again in Arkansas. I am afraid that since the managerial position for A/R was eliminated then I won't have a chance to advance.

But that is all speculation. Who knows what next year will bring?

I spent most of the day trying to tie up Homer's loose ends. I am trying not to be openly "happy" about how things have turned out. But you know that when you work with someone and the relationship wasn't happy...you can't help but be relieved when they are gone.

PLUS, I knew it was her or me and that it took them a while to come to thier decision. I am really fucking happy they picked me to stay!!

I am sad and I feel for her being laid off before Christmas. But she gets severance pay and she never took a damn vacation so she has money coming to her, its not like she wont have anything. She also has unemployment to get as well since it was a position elimination and not a negative termination.

But that's all. The buzz around the office that's made me so insane the past month since I went back to work finally got settled yesterday. I get to keep my job. Someone else lost thiers. Its sad but relieving at the same time. If the shoe had been on the other foot: I lost my job, you'd be reading a post on how we're breaking our lease and moving to Arkansas...

time for a makeover

Savannah told me I needed to up my game. Meaning I needed to "throw out" my beloved camo jacket and buy a "professional" looking coat. Along with a new blazer, etc...I'm sure that you can figure out WHY she said it...I'm keeping it all to myself until its said and done!

My new wool trench coat is a huge hit! Everyone loves it!! WOOHOO step 1 down.

Next: makeup. I do not wear makeup. If I do its for a party or when going out to a club or bar. I do not see WHY or HOW we came about of having to wear makeup at work!! But whatever. I've heard it a million times: Professional Woman = Woman who wears makeup. So I'm caving. I went through my makeup case this weekend. I had to throw out my mascara but today we bought new. And I wasn't too keen on using my old brushes and applicators so I went and bought new on them as well. They've been sitting in that case for gods know how long!! lol no, not really that long but I felt I should get new.

In the morning I'm going to start wearing makeup again. Ugh. No longer can i just go to bed. I'll have to wash my face first. Such a hassle!

I also did my nails on sunday. they are awesome if i do say so myself.

We've done good on the diet so far. This week we're going to go join that gym. I hate spending money!!

Trying my best to shine!

Doing everything I can to prove that I deserve to keep my job and be in a lead or supervisor capacity. I get asked a question and 90% of the time I know the answer. the 10% I don't know is things that Homer kept close to her chest that NO ONE knew about. How's that for being ontop of my game?!

I felt more productive today. I hope this feeling lasts. I have to accomplish 200% by Monday morning at 8am.  That's when Homer will be back. And I have to do it without over time and leave early on Friday to eliminate what over time I do have....... wtf?! What happened to "you just do what you're doing and don't worry about it"...

I can do this...I can do this!

Ps, do you gals/guys go back and read posts you commented on? Sometimes I'm very bad about following up on comments and I want you all to know I love and appreciate your feed back. Let me know if you think I should be more active in responding and if you do, then I will do my 100% best to to do so!