Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Battle of the Bulge

Score 1 for me. I've lost 5 lbs. It feels good to know that your efforts are paying off.

I wish work would recognize what I do!! But that's a whole other issue.

When I was younger I was rail thin! I have pictures of me that I still can not believe was me. Modeling headshots because my aunt wanted to get me in modeling.

Then puberty hit me! I started gaining weight but all kids do eventually (right?) and so I "filled-out" and had a woman's body by 13. Which means I bloomed earlier than other girls. I became selfconscious and began to get depressed, nervous and anxious. When I hit 14 I was drinking, smoking and drugging. Mary-Jane fueled my binge eating.

I was happy with my curves until I hit my 20s which quickly went from curves to fat. I had hit 200 lbs. I tried to stop. But I was in a volotile turbulent relationship and fighting cancer. Which fueled more depression related binging and drinking.

I was a fat drunk. And getting fatter. Then came the pills again. Hormones. Infertility drugs. More depression. I got fatter.

By the time I was 25 I was 300 lbs. When I moved up here I think I was 170? I'll have to look into the archives again to check. In a year I had done what I didn't think was possible. I lost over 100 lbs! But it was fueled by starvation, drugs and hard labor work.

I'm not 300 lbs but due to pain fueled laziness and depression I was getting there fast. I've been holding my weight steady somehow. And finally lost 5.

I'm going to lose it all. I swear it to myself. I need to be 150!!

(Ps typing on my BB isn't always easy. Typos etc will be fixed when I get home from work)


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