Sunday, January 17, 2010

ketchup & mustard

We got a netflix account. Which means I sat here all day yesterday watching Quantum Leap. All day today watching Xena:Warrior Princess. I have also already maxed out my dvd que...Thank the gods for streaming so I can sit here and watch Xena and QL until my eyes cross while I wait for DVDs to come into the mail. I've signed up for Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, all of the Star Trek series... I'm such a nerd.

Its nice to see a bill coming to an end. My next payment will be the last one. I'm choosing to keep the credit card after the balance is paid in full. You see, I had an old medical bill from the cancer stuff and I got an offer to have a credit card issued to me and they pay off the balance but it gets put on a credit card and I get a credit card with what was the balance of the debt plus extra for timely payments as my limit after its said and done. I like the thought of having good credit and figured that having 2 cards will not hurt long as we don't use them :-) however, if you don't use them they incur the netflix account is being applied to one of them. Its less than $10 a month so I can easily pay off the balance every month. I just need to think of something else for the other card now that its going to be zero balance... I was buying random things with the other one but I don't really want to use them. I do want to increase my credit rating and score.

In April my parents will be putting the deposits on our wedding venue. I am so excited. I can't wait until all of that stuff is final so we can start picking out wedding invitations and sending them out. I want to look at dresses and try them on! I have the perfect dress in my head. I hope I can find it!

So far I've been maintaining my weight so I have not gained or lost. I was sick so we didn't walk like we were supose to...This week we're walking and I'm taking salads to work for lunch. Granted they supply salad at my work along with nasty things to eat but I do not trust thier food, never really have and only ate it out of laziness. Now I'm taking control of my food and my weight.

here is my scar. Its been just over 6 months now since my surgery...

and these are my xrays. I don't have to see my doc again until August for the 1 yr mark and then if I'm still good then never again <3

Work has been an issue as of late. Finally got rid of Homer but Savannah is driving me insane. She use to say that she had confidence in me and that she'd never be the type of boss that she is being...but now...I'm smothered and I feel abused. I can not wait until its closer to when our lease is up so we can look for jobs in Arkansas.

We were discussing maybe moving into the Florida panhandle that way we'd be half way between the 2 families... But its pretty much a guarantee his mom won't live in Florida after his gma dies and when that happens I'd want to live 100% in Arkansas so maybe Arkansas is a better place to move to from the beginning...

I want to try on wedding dresses so bad. But I want to have the skinnier self I had when I moved up here when I do (before all the pain started to increase)...The ocasional pain was enough to fuck with my head but when it got constant that was just...I was depressed and I left myself go. I'm blessed to have such an awesome man to stand beside me through all the ups and downs.

And to think I've had 3 months of no pain now! It seems like a dream. I can't believe it I really can't...

Now that I'm pain free I can work on looking on the outside how I feel and see myself on the inside. And I hope that losing most of this extra baggage will help on the fertility front. I know that the cancer shit fucked me up but I could use every advantage possible to help conceive. I know more and more everyday that I love Taranis with everything in me and each day I long for our own child. Its unfair that my youngest sibling should have her child before me. Or that ArmyBro's stepdaughter who is an incapable little brat and a slut should have a baby before me. She's due in August...And I know that my brother and her mom will end up raising that baby.

But I guess that one of these days I'll have to accept that life isn't fair. But even if it means we scrape and sacrifice and have nothing just to raise enough money to adopt...I will be a mother some way, some how.