..................

so according to the state i might not necessarily qualify for disability. its not something i would want to do anyways, i was just looking. why? well, because of earlier today.

lets go for a walk? sure...i'll take about 2 vics afterwards and 1 before so i don't feel pain.

need to sit up for a long time and work and bend and reach? why not! i'll just take pills all day to help deal with the pain and *tada* I am "not in the appropriate state of mind to work". so therefore i can not do my job properly.

lets sit here on the couch and feel sorry for our selves..... well, that hurts too lets pop another pill!

lets have surgery done on the back again... ok! lets shell out thousands of dollars for something that helped for a few months and we're still in pain.

want to have sex? great! me too, but we can't do any position but "doggy" because the others hurt my back...

put on my shoes/pants? perfect, lets do that and watch the tears come into my eyes.

so, at the end of it all lets keep working and pushing ourselves to stay in the land of the living just to be told to "go home". Work: the 1 thing that gets me out of the house and helps fight off this pain induced depression and anger. And i get sent home and not allowed to work today.