Thursday, January 22, 2009

Accomplishments v/s Roadblocks...

Vacation is finalized and approved.

We found and reserved a *REALLY CHEAP* rental car.

I have yet to get my W2 from TheFirm or Unemployment, we'll be getting TheSpa next friday.

Hephaestus and his family is going to keep Drake, Nilla and Lo-Jack for me.

My Daddy thinks I'm crazy for talking to my ex and his wife.

I got 100% trophy on Dracolich Lair.

I've lost some of my sneezy pals b/c some Immortals interfered without permission and I made it public knowledge that I don't want interference and so it seems that instead of being proud of themselves and what they can accomplish they want it all handed to them.

We are on a diet and I will *STICK* to it! Both at work and at home.

At work they always have Cakes from the prior day that were served to the guests, they don't know the meaning of "low starch/carb, this is not dinner this is lunch so keep it light", I'm going to eat nothing but soup but sometimes thier soup is nasty. I'd go with just salad but I'd have to take my own ranch dressing... Maybe I'll just take my own packets of ranch dressing. they don't carry ranch dressing. BLUE CHEESE *GAG ME* and Creamy Caeser... wtf dude, give me my ranch!!! -this makes me want to cry.

I hate it when your sitting at work and a song comes on the radio that makes you overflow with emotion and you try everything you can not to cry... And the song, of all songs is: "Dirty Little Secret" by The All American Rejects. Why does this song make me cry? Because Venus and Taz had an affair on Suga. And I kept the secret. And so Venus was my dirty little secret. And I had that song for her as my ringtone. Everyone knew that she and I did m3th together. Along with other things. She encouraged me to sleep with Taz's brother and that ment I cheated on someone with said brother. And I try to tell myself it was the drugs I was on (both legal and illegal) that was the reason why, but in the end I didn't care. --wait, I promised we wouldn't go through that part of my life again..Sorry!

So I'm sitting there and I havn't heard this song in ages and its "Dirty Little Secret" and I think of how aweful we were, the drugs and drinking and lying. But in a way I miss her. But we would never trust eachother again. We use to say we were girlfriend and girlfriend but with an option relationship we could only sleep with other guys... We made out alot but never actually went completely all the way. I don't know what it was about her that made practically everyone want to fuck her, but even I did. Venus venus venus. Now she's engaged to someone in the military and she's got a daughter now. She probably doesn't know that I know this. We stopped being friends when I told her I wasn't going to live that lifestyle anymore. So I have these conflicting emotions in me, missing Venus and Suga and Taz and everyone back home. I'm feeling shame and longing at the same time. Sigh.

Man sometimes I *REALLY* fucking miss the m3th. I do. Just like I miss the smokes. And sometimes I miss the c0k3 too. (yes, i realize i'm putting numbers for the letters so people can't google the word and find my blog, stupid or smart idea??) I definatly miss my life the crazy stupid life that was spiraling downward to no where. But I wouldn't give up my current life to go back to that. I have a future now and I'm proud of myself.

Ok enough of this shit. My cat is curled up on me and friends is on tv.

Karen misses her Jack...I miss my Suga too. I wonder if a few hours on saturday is long enough to meet up with some of them for a few minutes. Have to keep Suga and Jack seperate.