My goal to have lost about 30 lbs by the trip is moot. I've instead gained weight. Never fails, I *TRY* to lose weight and I end up gaining it instead. just gettin fatter and fatter over here. Lets take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?
2 months or so before my seperation from Hephaestus --very close to 300 lbs.
about 6 months after split, down to 200 lbs. That's me in the white shirt. and yes we wear shorts in the winter in arkansas cuz sometimes it doesn't get that cold at all! That's Suga sitting on the couch.
a year after we seperated, i'm about 170 lbs.
this is me about 4 months after I moved here. i'm between 160 and 170.
this is me last year at raquel's wedding, I'm back at 220 again.
and this is me a few weeks ago at Alabama's birthday, I'm up to 250 again.
I've worked so hard to lose all that weight and here it is creeping back up on me again. I don't know if it's because of the line of work I'm in up here. because I actually have food to eat here. Feather said on the phone the other night that I lost all of that weight because of Meth. BAH! not, I wasn't on the meth when I had lost all that weight. I wasn't eating I know that much. I was eating a bag of funions and some beef jerky at lunch or nothing at all and lots of water/diet coke. When Suga and I moved in together in late 2005 I gained about 10 lbs and when I moved back into my parent's house again in the spring of 2006 before I moved up here, I'd lost 20 more lbs. When I first moved up here I didn't have the money for food or anything so it stayed off for a while. Then I started having money again and was eating again.
I've gained the bulk of this weight back with Taranis being around. I'm not putting the blame on him I'm just seeing myself going to back to some bad habits. If eating regularly could be a bad habbit. I know that I should be out walking right now but instead I'm scribing scrolls to sell on sneezy instead and sitting here complaining about how much weight I've gained.
I had to pull all my size 12/14 clothes out of the closet and put em all in box. My jeans that are men's jeans are size 32/34s and I gave those to Joe to wear. I hope I can fit into them again someday. I use to be his size. I see how skinny he is compaired to me. He's gained some weight too but not as much as me. I know we havn't made the best food choices between us. He's a bread/pretzel lover and I love mashed potatoes, chocolate, ramen noodles. When we went grocery shopping this last time we bought food that I'd eat just for myself and I can see how I lost all that weight when I was single. My meals consist of: Tuna, Chicken Nuggets & Salad. Sometimes Ramen Noodles & Mac N Cheese but 99% of the time I'd heat up some Nuggets & eat a salad with em or put tuna on my salad.
We did buy a bit healthier meals this time. It's been consistant of hamburger helper and we all know that can be detrimental to weight loss. I'm not 250 anymore. I'm back down to like 240. That's 10 lbs. But that is no where near the 160s I was at about 2 years ago. And I doubt that Joe would let me do what I want to do to lose this weight, wich would consist of salads day in and day out and back to my single diet. I have to come to some sort of happy medium between "relationship eating" and "single eating" and I have GOT to get out there and start excersizing more. I am so dissapointed in myself.
My goal weight is to about 130/140. I have 100 lbs to lose. I'm gonna make us buy healthier. We need to eat healthier. He can have all the pretzel snacks he wants but when we get down to dinner, I'm not getting Hamburger Helper anymore and I'm thinking that he agrees with me on this. I'm going to turn my weight around and it's going to start comming off. If this means I have start beating myself and forcing myself to get up earlier and go walking before I work on the weekends and Forcing myself to go walking when I get off during the week, then so be it. I hate myself right now. and it does no good bitching about it on this blog except make myself look like an idoit for being lazy and not putting plan into action!
It is a struggle. I wish you well in it.
ReplyDeleteI got fed up with the extra weight since I quit coaching - and regularly scrimmaging with high level teenage hockey players - I'd packed on a couple dozen ponds that I am battling to drop. It gets harder to do os all the time.
i'm bout ready to beat myself. i didn't even try to lose weight 3 years ago when it all started and i never imagined it'd all come back on me this fast. what took me 2 years to lose has taken me 1 year to put back on... granted, those first 6 months i did nothing but work, sleep, cry and smoke cigs and the 6 months after that I was still depressed and didn't want to eat but i did eat a little more.
ReplyDeletei'm just so sick of myself right now.