today is mine and Joe's 9 month anniversary. it's been a definate fun ride these past 9 months. we've known eachother about a year now. joe and i started talking around the time i told Paisley to hit the curb. I can't believe how fast this year has flown by! if you would have asked me a year ago if I'd be in my own place with someone i love comming home to me everynight i would have said no way, man. but here we are! this is absolutely wonderful. i'm so happy. we're getting closer and closer to that year mark making him my longest relationship since the big D.
and i know i've tried to sabotage things (dn't ask me why i'm just stupid) and i know that i've been pigheaded and stupid and just all around a very not nice person sometimes (why did i try to push him away?) and he's been steady, my rock. there to listen to me spout nonsense and stupid shit and be completey in the wrong about things and still there a moment later when i stop to make it all better again. my goal: *NOT* to be stupid for the rest of our relationship. forever if it comes to that.
we were comming back from grocery shopping on saturday and this song came on the radio:
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
--Rascall Flats "What Hurts The Most"
and that's exactly what happened. here i am scared shitless that this guy might actually be something good for me and i could love him with all of my being and i get freaked out and break it off with him and all i wanted to do was love him but i got scared. oh i was so scared. and when he walked out the door i wanted to run to him and tell him everything, i'm sorry i love you come back to me please but i didn't. instead i stayed miserable for a while and we ended up hookin back up. *yay* thankfully. and he's all mine!
and i know that things happen for a reason. i wonder if we could really appreciate eachother, IF I COULD REALLY APPRECIATE HIM, if I hadn't said "we shouldn't do this" or whatever and broke it off for a little bit. but if you look back at my actions the past few months (we aren't going there) you'd think I didn't learn my lesson. but i have. i have SO learned that he loves me and he's mine.
if you asked me right now if i could see the rest of my life without him, i'd say no. if you asked me right now if i'd die of a broken heart if we fell apart, i'd have to say that i'd come pretty damn close to it.
Congrats to you - and best wishes for continued happiness.
ReplyDeletethank you!
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