so, its that time of year ...again

i want to rush out to that halloween store and buy them out and decorate my place but can't because its not my house

i want to buy in advance yule season (christmas to yall christian folks) decorations so i can start putting it all up on thanksgiving night. again, i can't because this isn't my place.

i would LOVE to break out the seasonal decorations out of storage and start rumaging through them and share memories of all the gifts that have been handed down to me through my family but can't because the ex destroyed these items.

all these feelings all these needs and wants. why can't they be mine again? why do i have to look back on memories and remember instead of creating new ones.

the holiday season is just not the same anymore. Samhain (Halloween), Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years.

I miss my home I use to have. Decorating for the seasons and holidays. Consistant change to reflect mother nature's changing. The smell of warm apple pie or peach cobbler comming from the kitchen, recipes passed down from my Grandmothers. The spicy hit to your nose the first cold day in fall while my chili is simmering on the stove. The warming smell of homemade chicken & dumplings as you come in from the bite of winter air. Hmmm, the charcoal burning while hamburgers are being grilled mixed in with the blast of loud music, laughter and the hint of beer flowing freely while everyone is gathered around.

i've always kept such warm places for my friends and my family to gather. always neat and clean and tidy but never dull and always fun, something going nonstop. whether its a birthday party or just a "we want to get together because we can" occasion. i've always kept a little bit of every beer imaginable so someone would always have what they preferred to drink when they visit me. That includes misc wines and bourban/whiskey as well.

i can't wait to have my own place again. it shouldn't be long now. i think me and Taranis have pretty much decided it would be cheaper and more economical for both of us if we stayed roomates. he's already let it be known to me that the amount of money both of us shell out for rent and my truck payment that we could have paid rent on an apartment. and he's correct on that fact. we could have been making rent for an apartment, however utilities aren't always included and you have to take into consideration that you have to pay $$$ to use the laundry facilities as well as additional household suppliese that i don't think about here like toilette paper and other things.

there is an apartment complex in Elk Grove that I like. I think I'm going to take him by there tomorrow to look at the neighborhood. I have about $800 and the truck will be paid off. December is my last payment I believe. If its something he wants to look into I'll stop by there one day on the way home from work and check them out ask about deposits and vacancies. If we want to try and move out around february i think now is the time to make sure we're saving the money and talking to places. i'm already getting a significantly positive balance in my savings account again. i'll be getting a bonus from the Firm for xmas and i'll be sticking that into savings as well as my gainshare from them as well. and my taxes will be going to pay off as much debt from the recent medical as possible. we have a game plan i guess. as long as we stick to it, we should be doing pretty well.

i can't wait to get drake out of this one room. i can't wait to have freedom again to roam in my own place. i can't wait to decorate it as i see fit and i especially can't wait to get my shit moved up here from storage and get rid of that $40 bill i give them every damn month.

there are just a few things i have to make sure of when we decide on a new place: 1- is my Yahoo/AT&T DSL able to move to that new location? we have to make sure that is because well i'd hate to lose everything and start all over again. Phone numbers, email address, etc. The great thing with AT&T is they have thier dish for TV so if the place doesn't have cable (basic cable) included and we're allowed to put up a dish its just an add on to the service we have already. so that's not so bad. so that is basically my only stipulation on the new place: they allow my Drake and my AT&T DSL is movable to that location. other than that, i'd like to have utilities included, but not every place does that. And a laundry onsite or the option to put in a washer/dryer in the apartment would be criteria. can you believe that some places dont have laundry on site? and its freaking expensive having to pay to do your laundry in a laundromat but i guess you do what you got to do. hopefully its not freaking well water. i'm tired of my whites turning yellow. but i know that place in elk grove is city water with blessed chlorine smell when you turn on the faucets and the water pressure is so good, first time in a long time i actually felt clean after a shower. i just don't feel clean washing in well water and this house has no pressure. ontop of the fact there is no heat upstairs so you freeze your ass off in the winter or as soon as you get out of the shower your sweaty again and nasty in the summer.

ok enough of my bitching and rambling. its time for me to get ready for work.

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Feeling: thinking thinking thinking


Listening to: drake snoring