and when that happens people get hurt.
I don't understand why its so hard for me to let go of certain things. I wish I knew. I know that its not fair to others when I say I want something, I think I was something and then I turn around and take it all back.
I know I hurt Taranis. It wasn't intentional. I really really honestly thought that I was ready and willing for what he had to offer, wanted to offer me.
But I'm not. I don't know if and when I ever will be ready.
It hurts not only him but me and everyone else around me.
I hope that he forgives me and will be/remain my friend. I never ment to hurt him.
Why can't I get over Hephaestus? Why do I allow him to have such a strong hold over my heart to where I wake up and reach for him in the middle of the night and cry because he's not there anymore? He's constantly in my thoughts and I can't get rid of him. Even after all the pain and heartache. I can't get rid of him.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
You are supposed to bond that tight to a spouse - it is a design feature (the whole "becoming one" thing). The problem is that we are not intended to break off with a spouse. Try to get him to see it as your level of bonding and loyalty and devotion (a good thing) - that over time could shift to him. But that will take time.
ReplyDeletekrm
Though hurt is a word that has been used, it is also with an undertanding. Yes, it is hard for me to understand all that is going on in her life, but I do understand that and have told her that i am willing to take all that over time. She knows that I am here for her. She knows how I feel for her. And I know that it will come with time.
ReplyDeleteTaranis
KRM - many folks say that 2 years is over long enough. That I should be over it by now.
ReplyDeleteTaranis - i appreciate your patience, your understand and most of all: that we're still friends. that was my biggest fear.