Home on a Friday night

Went to work this morning. Really didn't want to. Been trying to find away to get to TN and be with my family. But it just doesn't seem to be happening. Neither Raquel or I will beable to make the Funeral.

My dad says the family understands we can't be there. Just to cherish the memories we do have of her and not of her lying in a coffin. Thats just fine and dandy when you say it, but DAMNIT I wanna be with my family.

Every idea, every strategy Raquel and I came up with have lead to no where. She's resigned to staying home. I guess I have too. Unless by some miracle, I'll be staying home.

Yea, I went to work at the Firm this morning. Been crying off n on all day. Almost constantly on the phone with family and close friends. Crystal dropped me off at the Spa and when the manager came in she saw my swollen face, eyes and red bloodshot eyes and asked what was wrong. I told her what had happened and she said to go home. Can't really afford to lose the money, but I really can't be at work right now. Its not even been 24 hours yet. At least the folks at the Firm were considerate and concerned. They understood if I wasn't at my desk I was either A-outside talking with family or B-somewhere hiding and crying.

When people know thier is something wrong, it feels like your put out on display. And I hate that feeling. Like everyone's watching. Creeps me out. Yet, I have an online journal... Go figure the oxymoron of that.

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Feeling: sad


Listening to: not sure, something hard...can't listen to mushy stuff right now