Yesterday my husband tells me its over. He's never been happy is his reason. In the past 7 years that we have been together, he's never been happy.... Then why did you marry me? Because he thought he did/was at the time. Unbelievable.
So, I'm sitting here trying to gather the courage to pack my things. I'm moving into my dad's. I can't understand why this is happenening. I thought we were happy. I've had wonderful memories of the past 7 years. No, things havn't been perfect. And we might not have an a "conventional" marriage. I thought he loved me. I honestly thought that he loved me. I know that I honestly love him, still.
So many dreams, so many plans. Thier all gone. He's free to live a happy life, find someone else and have lots of children. I, however, am left with an empty heart, an empty soul and a baren womb.
Before you start saying I'm bad mouthing him, I'm not. Its how I feel. I feel betrayed and used. I feel worthless and useless. I dont feel as if I have a future to even look forward to. about 12 hours ago I was standing in my kitchen with a handful of sleeping pills and a bottle of crown and almost started to take them. And then 1 thought crossed my mind. I havn't talked to my dad or my sisters. I havn't told them how much I love them. And it then dawned on me that it isn't right for me to kill myself and be selfish and leave them with the aftermath.
Telling my daddy that my husband left me "because he just wasn't happy or ever happy" was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
My my mind all is growing dim. I love him so much. Those of you who know us have quoted us as "the perfect couple" the ones who would "reach happily ever after" and "the fairy tail romance come true"... I guess we were all a little blind, right? Thier is no happy ending. Thier is no fairytail romance.
My heart is gone, I can feel an empty sad hole where it use to be. My soul has been slit apart. The other piece is gone and I lay here bleeding.
My mom tells me "thier is life after divorce, you'll see. I can testify to that". Life after divorce.
No, thier is life for me after this divorce. What man out there wants a baren woman? What man out there wants a used up piece of garbage? None. And thier is only 1 man I can think of that can fill this void inside of me, and his name is Hephaestus. I wish he would come back to me, say he made a mistake. But that wont happen. If even if he did, I doubt that I could be with him again. Not after this.
I've always known my destiny was to die alone. The fool has so many friends, but is never really with them. The fool is always alone. And I shall forever remain, alone.
Feeling:
indescribableListening to: My tears hitting the Pillow
OMG!! Hunny, I'm so sorry to hear this!!! Please keep your chin up. I know this is so much easier to say than do... but now you have the freedom to find that perfect girl... and she's not going to care if you can have children. If some one REALLY loves you it isn't going to matter if you can have children or not. Just remember that and take care of you.
ReplyDeleteLuv ya hun
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear about this. I don't know what words I can offer that could possibly comfort you. You will be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLooks to me like you are over the hurt. I imagine that you still wanted to be friends with him? I noticed that he said that he would try and get you up there so you could keep this updated. Guess you dont need him after all
ReplyDeleteI was the one who tried to remain friends with him. It didn't work. I'm not bad mouthing him, but its just more broken promises. And I'm tired of brocken promises and heartbreak from a man that I have come to realize I never loved at all. That is why its been so easy to get over him and move on with my life.
ReplyDelete