Saturday, March 05, 2011

words can not describe the pain and joy i feel inside

today was a happy day. started off blissfully with my MomI and Daddy with FMIL at the house enjoying coffee and breakfast while preparing for a drive to Memphis to pickout my wedding dress. We were also going to meetup with BioMom. This scenario has given me countless nightmares BUT, I tried on 3 dresses and the 3rd was the one and the nervousness finally dissapated. It was confirmed BioMom was going to be on her best behavior. We were all one huge happy family and I was absolutely thrilled and happy...

then...... devastation.

Great-Grandpa D might not be blood but I have known him 23 of my nearly 31 years on this earth. But he was still my great-grandpa. I am sad for my sister Raquel, MomJ and Grandma D (his daughter) and my other family from MomJ's side. I am so sad and heartbroken that he died today.

Happiness one minute and tears the next, I honestly don't think I can manage these complicated emotional tornados ripping through my insides without an explosion.

I love you, Grandpa D. I am filled with sorrow that you are gone and hearbroken that you won't see me say "I do" to the greatest man on earth. I am content with the knowledge that you won't feel anymore pain. I am glad your suffering was brief....but I will miss you until we meet again, You're faithful and loving great-grandaughter, J.