slap back into reality

seriously, what am i doing staying up until 2 am and sleeping in until 10am?

i go see my doc on the 21st for him to release me back to work. that monday the 26th I have to start back. the end of my FMLA is 2 days from that... i know that Homer is probably itching to have me let go. i can not let her win.

i just hope. that a secret that was told to me when i announced my leave will still come true. oh please gods let it. i hate to be that way but you guys don't know or understand the bullshit i have put up with regarding Homer. remember when she had me wrote up because she wanted me to change my voicemail from the greeting i've always given? at the last minute when i was walking out the door... c'mon really?! i have 2 minutes to shutdown and leave for an injection, i'm doped up on meds i hurt so bad and i've busted my ass all day to make sure there is no lose ends for one 8 hour period that i will be gone... seriously. then you write me up because I don't feel its necessary to change my voicemail greeting from the defualt "i'm out of office please leave a message" to "i'm out of office call homer" when HELLO! she's gonna be out of the f'in damn office too because she was leaving early on friday! and because of that she was trying to tell me I couldn't take off for my procedure. my medical was not as important as taking her god daughter to a play downtown.

ok ok ok. breathe just breathe. go into this with renewal and start over on my behalf. i have to go in there chirpy and happy and no ill feelings towards the bitch that has made the office hell since before my leave even began.

breathe. breathe breathe...

i do not believe i have ever hated a "supervisor" this much except for the 1 month I worked at the manufacturing place as thier receptionist/AP girl. (the time between being laid off at the firm after i'd put in my 2 wk notice at the current employer...) that boss who told me "you do what i fucking say or you can leave". the boss that was criticizing me for doing what i was trained to do how I was trained to do it by the girl that had been moved to another position because she wanted more money so became the admin asst for purchasing. this is the same boss that'd have me run payables and then tell me to never mail the checks. just tell them thier check had been cut and it'd keep them off our backs until he decided to mail them, maybe in a month. yea. him. that asshole jerkoff stupid SoB.

and then i shot myself in the foot. i started back at the current employer again in recreation after that fatefull day of walking out on the manufacturing place after that nice discussion with the owner. once again hating my job because i worked weekends 2nd shift. start at 4pm get off at midnight. on a friday & a saturday. 2pm to 10 pm on sunday. never able to do anything on the weekends. granted it was nice being off at first during the week looking for another job until i came upon job postings for my current employer and word of mouth they needed someone in accounting. so i did it. i worked basically nearly 7 days a week. then i got into trouble for overtime and got cut down and chose mondays to be off since i worked so late on sunday.

and then i got my wish. i was granted a transfer and on aug 4 08 i started my fulltime accounting only gig. it was great! clock in at 8am out at 4:30 pm. and my weekends free! it was wonderful. and then i became too efficient. and i was better than homer & pic. and i developed a relationship with savannah. and then homer pulled me into her "office" (which is a joke) and told me straight up "i hand picked you and i can get rid of you". because i was better than her. since then, my life has been hell at work. savannah knows this but unfortunatly there are others above savannah. and altho savannah has tried to stick up for me, it hurt her relationship in some ways with her superiors.

and now i don't know what i'm walking into. savannah tells me that others are unhappy and others are starting to realize what i had to put up with regarding homer. and akira made it plain and clear that she wanted out of a/r because of homer (about 6 mon before i went into acctg). and she got her wish when another position opened. did it finally take another strong person like me and akira for others to finally see? or did it take monte saying no we're not hiring a temp to take over the loss of pic and blaez's medical leave... maybe pic fessed up to Monte that her life working there was hell because of Homer and that's why didn't come back? i know that homer said she could do it all when pic was out on materinity leave and starting shutting me out and wanted me to only file and not do other things... or maybe it was everyone else having to pick up the peices because nothing was getting done and monte found out savannah was doing my job along with HER job and homer was doing nothing but dictating to the whole office TO DO MY JOB SHE WAS SUPOSE TO BE DOING?

now, (this is sick) there are 5 people doing my job. addison has a peice, akira has a peice, stupid lady from banquets has a peice (long story i might have mentioned before but don't remember) and otto has a peice along with savannah pitching in as well... when it should have been soley Homer because Monte found out I was doing 80% of the work while Pic was out. So he figured if i could do 80 then homer could do 100%.

that's funny because she babysits sales. and the only thing i ever see her computer open to is email. she sits infront of me with her back to me. i know. oh, i know.

ok i gotta stop. i need to go shower.

everyone, i'm sorry. for dumping like this again about work...

in whatever way you consider it praying please pray for me. please pray for me to have peace and good will at my workplace. i'm going to try and go in there with a positive attitude and starting over. its been 3 months. i can do this.