damnit, how could i be such a stupid lazy fatass bitch.
Feeling:
so sad that i'm a stupid lazy fatassListening to: my arteries clogging
4-30-11 = Best Day of My Life
Saturday, November 03, 2007
stupid fatass, stupid stupid stupid
sometimes i really loath and hate being me. me in this body not me as in my personality. stupid fatass is right. stupid fatass. i am fat and ugly and i hate it. well, not always ugly sometimes i think i might be pretty and then i look in the mirror and see how fat i'm getting again. and its no one's fault but my own. yes, me and taranis order and eat out alot. i could be ordering something more healthy and less fatning to eat. i could get off my lazy ass and do something besides play on sneezy. i know this. but i'm a lazy stupid fatass. my boxers that were once too big for me, are now "snug" as in thier almost just right. they use to be too small. i weighed myself tonight. i make myself ill. i make myself sick. so sick of myeslf. so sick of looking at myself naked. drastic measures. i have to do something drastic. i don't want to be morbidly obese again. i like being "fluffy" like i was. i wasn't so ashamed of my body. the past year, oh i make myself so sick. everything that i did and lost weight and was below 200 lbs and here i am. over 200 again. and i don't normally post my weight, you all know that. just the amount lost. well, ive gained gods i'd say close to 40 lbs back total. combination of stress and not doing what i *know* i need to do...
damnit, how could i be such a stupid lazy fatass bitch.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Feeling: so sad that i'm a stupid lazy fatass
Listening to: my arteries clogging
damnit, how could i be such a stupid lazy fatass bitch.
Feeling:
so sad that i'm a stupid lazy fatassListening to: my arteries clogging
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Is this a private pity paarty or can anyone play?
ReplyDeleteIt gets tougher every year to battle the weight off.
ReplyDeleteI can relate. My goal for the year was to get the extra weight off, get back into shape and get back into an old-timers hockey group (or, as my son used to tease - a "geezerama" group).
The cancer thing and the follow up complication undid a lot of that planning, and the pounds I lost around the surgery mostly crept back.
It is no fun battling it off, but I know I have to get serious about it (and with the holidays coming up - I'll be even worse of if I don't get really serious now). krm
PS - THe self-loathing is only beneficial IF it gets you motivated enough to get moving and eating better and lose the extra weight.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, it will get you depressed and you'll end up gaining more (you know, the old "why bother, it's hopeless, I'll just sit here onthe couch with the chips" routine). krm
self-loathing is never really completely beneficial, but i do gotta kick myself sometimes.
ReplyDeletei know i gotta do something, figuring out what and how, its all a matter of putting together a puzzle or solving a really tough math problem.
i admit, i can be a lazy person, especially when things are not going the way i want them to. i need to push myself more. be more stern.
Between me & Murray, can you guess which one is the bachelor?
ReplyDelete