a little more content

i dont feel as angry anymore with myself. granted there are a few things (mainly people) that piss me off but i can handle it. i'm keeping my cool with them. slowly and surely i'm winning the game of mylife.

i have an appointment with PBuilders next saturday to go over the webpage and to call the hoster of the page to get all that set up with buying the domain name, etc. i've never been this much into the beginning phases of building a website before. usually they have the domain name registered and the server host all set up already all i need is access codes and ftp addresses along with the style of site they want and the data, lol. its been interesting and i can't wait for the meeting saturday. i plan on using this money i get for building the site for my trip to Arkansas to see my family.

A few people have asked me if I'm afraid I'll see Hephaestus while I'm down there. Well, as long as he doesn't crash Raquel's wedding or show up at my dad's house I shouldn't see him and there is no reason for him to be at either place. No one in my family wants to have anything to do with him at all.

Drake is excited about our trip, I can tell. He's gettin more and more anxious to be with me when I'm walking out the door.

I've lost a total of 13 lbs so far. Since April 24th. That's not too fast, not too fast at all. I wish it was more. Oh gods how I wish it was 53 lbs. but that isn't healthy and there is just so much you can lose without doing unhealthy stuff. so it just goes to prove to the skeptics that I can do this. and the main one is me. i never thought i'd actually get up the motivation to do this!

and i'm thinking that maybe that's the reason why i'm a little bit more content with myself. i never thought i'd beable to pull off my trip to arkansas (monetarily or mentally) but i'm really and truly looking forward to this! i'm so excited.

as well as the possibilities of life itself. i'm proud of myself 100%. i've been stayin ontop of my bills, I havn't been shirking my responsibilities. i'm doing what i need to do and doing it well. my fears are eleviating, *yay*. and i've practically stopped drinking. i had a beer the other day with dinner and that's it. i'm happy that someone opened my eyes that i was trying to drown my pain in the booze (again) and that its not healthy mentally or physically. no more drinking because 'm hurting! the next time i drink its going to be on my birthday and its going to be a "Because I'm happy" plastered.

love ya