"as much fun as watching paint dry"

Was my response to Crystal when I came home from work tonight and she asked me how it went.

Aboslutely fucking dead. Including the characters in my book "Night Stalker" the true crime novel about Richard Ramirez. It's been forever, about 14 years I think since I've read this book last. Richard looks like (or I should say D.C.M. looks like Richard) my ex D.C.M. And the fucked up thing is, one of the pages had a note in it saying "I LOVE D.C.M., my Night Stalker". How fucked in the head was I when he and I were together?!

But before I went to work, it was *so much great fun*

I get up around 12:30ish like usual without the assistance of an alarm clock. (Wish I could do that at 5am when going to the firm) Shower, eat a quick lunch etc everything is going smooooooooth as babe's bum bum. Until we leave the house and start walking to the blazer. And that is when I slipped, fell & sprained my wrist. Bruised the entire left of myself.

And the ending to this day is perfect as well. I'm at the gas station, get my ride filled with its food and then I head on over to Taco Bell. Because I am craving a Crunch Wrap supreme. In the drive thru, make my order, go to pull up to the window and I'm stuck. Yeap! I'm stuck on an ice patch that's in a 'pot hole' is what i call it but its thier sunken senser thing-a-ma-jig filled with ice and I can't get out. So, this really nice guy (I see him every sunday night when I get off work, pretty much --he likes my Packer's jacket *giggle*) comes out of Taco Hell and proceedes to help me 'unstick' the blazer. I admit, I eyed him a little. He's a hotty.

Well, I just can't resist myself and I tell the cashier dude to go get him. I asked him if I could buy him a drink one night because of him helping me. We xchanged digits and said he'd call me to set up a date. Other dude was so jelous! lol

So, I think my "partner in crime" at the Resort likes me. But sometimes he sends me really badly mixed signals. Like, when we're out alone on the loading dock smoking (my lunch breaks) he's all over me, hugin me and tellin me he can't wait to go out with me to the concert, etc. And then later he's all stand offish. I can't read him. I really can't and its infuriating.

Here's the break-down, you tell me what's going on in his mind---

Our paths have crossed a few times back n forth in the resort itself and sometimes when he drives guests over to the spa. Then one thurs night we run into each other at CR and we hit it off cuz of my Packers gear. We keep trying to figure out where we 'know' each other from. Then we come down to 'where do you work' and it clicks. HA! That's why we know each other's faces. Awesome. We go to an 'after party' type deal. 2 of his friends meet us there. This whole scenario you've already heard before. Dude1 cops a feel and asks for my digits and I say yes and give them. Dude2 and i start talking music and gettin a band together is a gentleman and scores my digits. MyCrimePartner admits at a later date he is/was jelous and he wanted me for himself. I told him at that later date "dont be so shy with me then".

We meet up last thursday at CR again. Planned this time its just me, him and our buddies. We dancin and groovin to the music and he's lovin my voice and everything. Its a great night. And he's all over me. Tryin to kiss me and love on me and stuff. The bar shuts down and we go home, but not before I back down and let him kiss me in the parking lot. Nothing else happens.

Friday we were suppose to meet up after work, didn't happen. Same thing on Saturday night. Friday & Saturday we met up at work and had lunch together. Again, he was huggin on me out on the dock. Tonight, we run into each other in the hallway of the resort, I have to take an early lunch because the spa was closing really early tonight. He said he'd be down in a few and go on the dock with me so I wasn't alone out there. He never showed up, I went back to my building. Gave it a few hours and I txt'd him if he wanted a smoke with me. Its 12 degrees outside so we're standing really close he's got his arms around me, etc and we're making plans for the concert and suddenly he looks into my eyes and he goes "i want to give into temptation, but ....oh what the hell" and he goes to kiss me! at work! and then the maintance guy pulled up and he was standoffish again. (Which I understand) He went to the bar to say hi to a friend of his back there who works in the bar and then he left and when he did he was with a manager. they seemed 'cool' so I hope he's not in trouble.

When I got off work I txt him and asked if he'd like to meet at my car and wait for his brother and he said "no, see you tomorrow when you get in" and I was like "i'm not working here tomorrow" I've heard nothing else.

I really like him as a friend. And sometimes when he puts his arms around me and he's being all goofy I have these other things stirring up inside that don't belong there! When I first met him I never thought anything towards him as more than a friend and then he started pursuing me in this way and its "catching" like a cold or something, I don't know. I feel kinda longing when he's in the other building, so close but so far away.

I'm just not goin to let him kiss me anymore! We can go to the concert as friends like we planned on before, but I can't stand mixed signals. One second he's lovin on me and the next he's acting like I dont even exist or matter. It could be that he knows I'm "a runner" (the run away girlfriend, lol --he knows about my past to a point of me 'ditching' the good guys who wanted commitment) and he doens't want me to freak out, or he's just not thinking anything.

I hate being single. I want a boy friend. I don't want to have to deal with "what does he want from me" questions anymore and trying to decifer the male actions.