I Feel Voilated

It's MY song! EVERYONE was standing there in shock as this girl BUTCHERED MY SONG. (Evanescence's "My Immortal") Standing there, looking at me as the horror washed over thier faces mouthing at me "What is this? What is she doing?" One of my drunken mates offered to throw her off the stage and demand the Karaoke guy restart it for me. That was SO sweet of him!

And, I admit, I felt voilated. I looked at my friend R, (can't come up with a name for him) and sad "I feel voilated". He just laughed. I, yea, its crazy. But still. What gave her the right to sing MY song! What the FUCK. Damn bitch. UGH

On a side note, and a really awesome note... I got 2nd place lastnight in the competition and I advance to the Semi-Finals! *YES*!!!! I sang Evenescence's "Bring Me To Life". What's even better is the Finals are being held at Cross Roads. MY BAR! My people. I'm so much more excited about this time than I was lastime.

I need some advice tho. And, btw, from what I've heard, this place CoachHouse that I'm about to mention, is basically a place where drunks go to get laid, from what I've been told. I don't know... Never been there.

Alright, here's the deal. There is this Guy. We'll call him J. So, J and I met at Cross Roads, we've hung out and had a great time, he's helped run off the 'unwanted' advances of other men. Well, the past few weeks, he's been making his own advances. And has kissed me. It was nice, don't get me wrong. He's a great kisser. *sigh*

So, I told him, the thursday before my Aunt & Mysterie died, to figure out what he wanted from me. And then we'd talk. As much as I would love to let myself go and have crazy wild sex with him, I can't, I wont. I'm not that type of girl. The next week, I didn't go out cuz of the deaths, the week after that he didn't show up. So I figured he was mad at me. Last week he shows up. Sits next to me and we're hanging out. Well, my friend R (the one I mentioned earlier I can't come up with a name for) shows up and I get this look of, I don't know how to describe it, from J. He gets up from the spot we're sitting at and goes to sit somewhere else. I tell R I'll be right back and ask J what's up? And I express to him DEEPLY that R is NOT my boyfriend, just a pool playing buddy. He seems satisfied at the moment and tells me to go talk to my friends, that he's not going anywhere.

I go back to sit with R, MountainMan and MM's ol' Lady. (Mountain Man cuz he sings the song "Play me some mountain music") Well, MM & MM'L end up wandering away to only the gods know where and its just me and R. I'm singing as well, and getting called away by other people I know. I made it a point to walk by J and rub his bald head (He shaves his head) and give him a peck on it when I walk back. So he knows, I'm still thinking of him.

R ends up leaving early in the night. As we're sayin our goodbyes another friend of mine The BackDraft King (he created this drink called a "Back Draft", basically its liquour, I not sure what is in it, you light it on fire, cover the glass, let it sit a sec, take it like a shot, slam your hand back over, let the fumes build up and hit it like your taking a hit off a bong, it'll kick your ass and fast) Well, BDK is walking by and offers to me sit with them and other people. I accept and end up walking back n forth between my seat with BDK and Italy's (this awesome older Italian guy -altho he looks french- who is buddies with PlumberBoy & Kreuger) table.

J says he's leaving. And he left. I stayed, he hugged me g'nite and said he'd call or see me thursday. I said "ok".

Lastnight, long story short, the same damn thing happened. I'm sitting with MM & MM'L, J shows up and sits at our table. I'm constantly up moving around and hopping from table to table cuz of friends (I'm a busy gal lol) and R shows up. He sits with us, MM'L goes wandering. J leaves to the bar. For a while its just me and R. Which is cool, cuz we have good talks.

R leaves. J is still alone at the bar. MM'L & MM leave. I ended up closing down the bar lastnight (Didn't have to work at the Firm today, just the Spa). This one guy that was giving me "eyes" across the bar bought me a round for last call. Which was cool, but I'm not interested. He notices my eyes on J and says he's leaving. I told him to come back next week and he said he would. Hell, more friends is just great with me, ya know?

So J sends me a text telling me he'll meet me outside, while I'm in the restroom. And when I go out, he meets me at the blazer. Kisses me again. I asked him if he'd thought about what he wanted from me. And, basically. He wants a friends with benefits routine. When I turned him down for sex (again) he said he was gonna go to CoachHouse and get drunk. He acted like he was mad, I confronted him about it, he said he wasn't mad he just wishes I'd let him have me. *ugh*

Which, I don't understand that shit. I really don't. So, no, I don't need advice, I need an explanation.

What FUCKING difference is there between friends with benefits & boyfriend/girlfriend? If you don't have enough time for a girlfriend or boyfriend you obviously don't have time for friends with bennies relationship either. Fucking men and thier copouts. No, I didn't have sex with him. And I wont. Definatly will be stopping the whole 'letting him kiss me' deal as well. And he's such a nice guy, too. Oh well, life goes on. I guess I just got me another friend? lol, I doubt he'll be too much friendly with me after he realizes that I wont be playing this game anymore. I told him straight up I'm not in for that kind of situation at all. And left. I wasn't nasty or mean or rude. I told him we could talk if he wanted to, but unless thier is something more than just friends, and it has to be a while into the whole 'relationship' before I'll do the deed with someone.

I've learned my lesson. I'm not going through that bullshit again. Someone woos you just to get you into bed. If I want an orgasm or just sex I can give it to myself, I don't need a man.

However, for the relationship part, I think that's a little hard to do alone, snuggling up to a warm body. Altho, my Drakkus does make a nice stand in temporarily. I love snugglin with my baby boy.

Now that's over... Everyone loved my Hair. BartenderT said it fits the whole "Evenescence" theme. That is so cute! Crystal hates it. Everyone at work loves it. Well, at the firm they love it. We'll find out the response of the Spa's co-workers tonight.

Thier is another guy. We'll call him JC for now. JC and I have been talking for a while. We've went out on a 'date' you could call it, I guess. We talk on the phone. Alot of the time, tho, our schedules don't match. He called me yesterday morning on my way to work. My phone rings at 715am and that's unexpected. He said he just wanted to say hi. And possibly come by my work tonight at the Spa. He said he'll be up at Midnight when I get off work if we want to make tentative plans. This guy, has drem man written all over him. He's SO tall. And he's a 'big' guy (Its muscle and just enough love handles). He told me he wants just a friends with benefits thing. (What is up with that?) But I turned him down. Told him no thankyou. But, he's still calling? And wanting to hang out. So, is he hoping that I'll change my mind, or does he get what I was sayin before? If you don't have time for a relationship you don't have time for a friends with bennies, if your gonna make time for a benefits relationship and you 'honestly like the person' maybe you should just be like "ok, boyfriend girlfriend here come". I'm rambling.

I have just talked about a whole bunch of shit I wasn't going to talk about on here. I have the option of deleting it all now, or hitting publish.....
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Feeling: Men/Guys/Boys confuse me...


Listening to: Bush "Mouth"