Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Talked with a "friend" from work today

I asked a fellow employee for advice today at work. I told her about Venus and what happened with Murky and all that. She says she doesn't understand why Venus flew off the handle either. I mean c'mon, we just talked. I don't know of anyone that would get that furious over talking. Hell, Adonis knew that I was talking to Murky lastnight. He didn't have a problem with it. My own PARENTS didn't even say anything about them being here lastnight when they got home from church.

Girl, I really really don't understand. Its not like I'm gettin rid of you and replacing you with him. But if your goin to be this way, I can't help that. Just remember, if I wasn't your friend, I wouldn't have kept my mouth shut about a few things a long time ago. I would have went off and told secrets like everyone else tells secrets. And I don't tell secrets when people confide in me, and you know that. And if thats not enough for being a friend, I don't know what else I can do. I'm not going to choose between talking about MUSIC for christ's sake with someone and being your friend. You have no right to ask me to do that. And I know that you made your Journal private and I can't access it anymore. I wasn't going to put anything here, but you did that. I was going to call you when I got home, but I'm still really really pissed off. I can't believe you think that I would betray you. I have already been unfriendly with a friend of mine and it was because of you that I did this. And I honestly can't believe that Murky was really Adonis. C'mon. That is just ridiculous.

I don't know whats going to happen. But do NOT make me choose. Because the person who does that will be the loser. I'm sorry, thats the way it is. You know that. And your secrets are safe with me. I'm not telling anyone. But just know I don't choose. I made nice with Murky. He was really cool to talk to. Its not like I'm going to be best buds with him now. And I'm not going to be enemies with him either. Your beef with him is your beef with him. Doesn't have anything to do with me. NOTHING to do with me. He hasn't done anything to me. Just like Aries never did anything to you. I don't care who your friends with. I'm not going to tell you who you can be friends with and who you can't be friends with. Thats not a friend. I might tell you its not a good idea, thier bad people to be hangin around, but in the end its your choice. And in the end its my choice as well.

Take me as I am, or leave me as I am. Its your choice now.

And I think I have someone to appologize to, I have a guilty conscience and I need to call someone. I just hope she understands that I can't explain why we ended as friends. Just so much shit being turned upside down. I never thought I would become the kind of "friend" that I did with them. Does that make me a bad person? Yes, it does. A terrible person because I betrayed a friendship. FUCK. What have I done? She's even made it clear I'm not suppose to know about her pregnancy. This has all gone too far. And it all ends now.


Feeling: Frustrated

Listening to: "The Real Thing" Bo Bice