Trying again?

OK, so I use to have a personals ad up on yahoo to look for a woman. And today I decided I would change it around. Techinically I am available, altho I really don't know what I want right now. SO, I figured I'd change it around and invite the men to check it out as well. I guess we'll have to see where it goes huh?

I'm kinda scared about it and kinda hopeful about it and well, I just have to stop thinking about Hephaestus. Why am I sitting here pining over him when I said that I wouldn't?! That I promised myself i'd move on with my life... Maybe because I can't get away from him. Oh I don't know. I love him, I do. My heart is broken. But I can't just sit around forever and long after a man who, even tho he's sexually active with me, doesn't want me in the way I want him to.

OK, so like I think I'm confusing myself along with the issues at hand! NO more sex with Hephaestus ... Period. End of discussion. And he comes crawling back to me, NO. I wont give in. Too much heart break and pain this time. I wont go back. I can't. Not if I have any self respect at all. And I'm going to go fishing. Yap, I'm gonna wade out into that ocean and see what I can catch.


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Feeling: calm


Listening to: Speed Channel