Monday, April 27, 2009

Career Woman vs. Stay at Home Mom

Joe and I were talkig the other day. We both want children, however as much as it might pain us, we should wait until after we've moved to Florida. And that makes a TON of sense, but I don't believe that I can get pregnant anyways (not without tons of help from the doc)... So we're not exactly trying to prevent pregnancy.

However I have a bit of a conflict inside of me. Call it the Gemini coming out in me or a woman thing.

Once upon a time I was a "stay at home mom" and I loved it, I enjoyed every waking moment and aspect of staying at home and taking care of my family. But there was that nagging insistant ugly monster screaming at me "shouldn't you be contributing to the bills and finances? shouldn't you be making money?" So I would try and work at a place that would let me be at home during the day and work at night or evenings... It was really hard and difficult to find a balance. I enjoyed and loved taking care of the kids so much I put myself through hell trying to find a balance.

I would like to think that in the event Joe and I have our own babies that I wouldn't feel guilt for staying at home. In the above scenario those were not my kids. If you've followed my blog through the years you'll know they were my ex husband's nephews.

I hope that when I have my own biological children that I do not feel guilt for not contributing to the finances. I feel that women who stay at home contribute more than enough to the household. It is a 24/7 job to take care of the home. Women (like me) to work and take care of a home at the same time work 2 fulltime jobs. Without kids it can be exhuasting. WITH kids? Hell, I was a wreck! And I don't want to have to go through that sitation again.

Pic is the perfect example of someone who thinks they want to work when they finish maternity leave... She has her in-laws who live with them and her husband is a Doctor. She's more than set on either choice. I guess she would work atleast part time to get out of the house and chaos! In her family's culture the women stay at home and take care of the husband's family and thier children. The eldest son takes on the responsibilities of caring for the elderly parents. If he can not or refuses it goes down the line of succession.

I sincerely hope that once we get to Florida all our goals are met. I'm doing my damnest to make all of our debt disapear between now and our wedding. I want to be able to relax in the sun, get a job that'll sustain me until I get pregnant and help contribute to his family. I think it would be great to travel to Key Largo every other day and sit with his grandma and talk to her and help keep her company. I think she would enjoy having Joe's son (or daughter) around her. And I definatly know his mom would be a big part of our lives and I would welcome her with open arms into our home any time she wants!!

The only problem with all this: is his job. Will he be able to find a job that would take care of our family's needs? I like to think so. And I'm pretty sure that his current job would go along way to providing for our family if rent wasn't so high (we are paying a few hundred more than we should, but you take what you can when your between a rock and hard place) and if we didn't have our furniture payments. If push came to shove I believe we would be able to make it on his income alone. Lets pray we don't have to find out before we get to Florida!!!

I've been sitting here day dreaming about how great it would be to have a little family in Florida. Nearly perfect weather all the time! We could go to the beach and parks and for walks! I could have a puppy (laugh, go ahead, laugh) and I believe we would be so much happier. Not to say we're not happy. We are happy. We're just tired of Chicago. SO tired of it! This summers' weekends will be spent pretending to be tourists and getting Chicago out of our systems so when April 2011 comes around, we can safely pack up our bags and never look back.