i keep dreaming it...

that I have the perfect pregnant belly bump...or i'm just finding out, waiting for the stick...sigh. is it that much of a want and need in me to have Taranis' baby that I seem to dream it every night? we were at Meijer's yesterday and he said "what's with all the pregnant women in the store today" and i didn't realize it until he said something but yea, seemed like everyone in Meijer's was pregnant, rofl.

i didn't work lastnight. TheBoss gave me the day off because of Fri & Sat. wow, it was some kind of hell. I didn't sit or rest until 10/1030 and then it was time to close up by the time i'd gotten to where i felt rested and so i got like an hour break and then off to the races again and you know hard it is to get up and sore... my legs still hurt! and my back is twingie this morning...

buy yea man, i had the belly bump dream again lastnight. just standing there in the mirror with joe standing behind me rubbing my barebelly and feeling the baby kick. sigh, i *really* hope that my doc has good news for me in June. My appointment is on the 16th (MY BIRTHDAY), i have to forkout alot of money upfront because I have no insurance. But it's all worth it and Wal-Mart has a prescription plan now that you can get discounted medications. 2 months of my meds i'm on now are only 4 dollars. it's great. so maybe depending on what she puts me on in June i can get that same deal. I just hope that all these problems are gone and finished for a while now. All I need is a checkup and biopsy on my bday. that'll be like 300 bucks (i'm rounding up majorly because I want NO surprises) and whatever the testing labs charge afterwards.

you know, i just remembered...when Hephaestus and I decided to go on the fertility drugs a few years back, they did alot of blood work and alot of monthly and bi-monthly visits...We're just going to have to cross our fingers i'm healthy and try to have a baby the natural way for a while, atleast until I get insurance... we can't afford all that right now...and if it was expensive in Arkansas i can only imagine how bad it is here...

damnit. guess i'll just have to keep dreaming.

pisses me off that i know that i would be and make a great mother and joe would be such an awesome father. and we can't get pregnant. but if you find some little crackwhore on the street she's probly got 2 or 3 kids that she can't feed and don't want that are going to grow up to be trash just like her and drug addicts and a pestulant boiling sore on the ass of decent america.