i've been told over and over again "you know its probly for the best you don't work there anymore" and different variations of such statements. I just can't wrap my mind around it. It was the perfect job for me. Minus 1 thing that I was really good at ignoring (no, nothing i want to talk about at this time) altho if you ask Taranis he'd probly say I didn't do a good job at ignoring it or putting it out of my mind because i talked/bitched/complained to him about it alot.
i havn't always had the best self-esteem. i know that i do excellent work. i am very detail oriented and actually believe it or not i do type alot better and my grammer/spelling is alot better when i'm at work. i just dont bother with it on this thing... don't ask me why but i could care less on this blog, chuckle.
i need to snap outa this. be prideful in my knowledge and show the confidence that i need to show. i really really really don't like these trasitionary periods in life. i don't like having to be brave and strong to get through them. i want to run away and hide and not do anything, not have to face the consequences of the actions of other people (i.e., those who laid me off so i have to find another job) and i loath confrontation... maybe that's why said problem mentioned above doesn't truly know how i feel, i hate confrontation.
and to me confrontation is many things: a fight, just having a discussion about an issue in a civiled manner and even job interviews. i feel like i have to defend and justify myself. i guess you do huh? defend your knowledge? is there a better way at looking at this so its not so negative? damn damn damn damn damn.
so anyways, i guess maybe i'll take a clue from drake and taranis and hit the sack... after all i've had a long and trying day today job hunting and filling out applications and filing for unemployment...
i just hope i don't cry myself to sleep again tonight... the sorrow i felt comming out of my heart felt like it was bleeding for a lost love, i havn't felt that lonely and cold and empty since the night Hephaestus and I split up. And I don't want to feel that way again, not over a job, not over a person, not over anything...
krm
ReplyDeleteWhen I got whacked, it was not pretty at all (my partners interupted the phone call from my wife telling me that my father-in-law had died to announce that they had decided that the recent hit the firm took from losing the major client left them with just enough business to let 3 scrap by - and that they had decided that I was #4).
I was out for 4 1/2 years looking.
I like what I do now (all but the pay level). As I look back, I didn't particularly like what I was doing then - parts were nice, the pay was good - but the hours and stress and all was hideous and there were large parts of it that required one to be a rotten person to just get by.
I can't say that this is for the best or whatever. It will be what you ultimately make of it. I dipped low enough that I might have easily gone through with killing myself. I ended up with a religious rebirth and a lot of wisdom gained and largely at peace with myself and mostly better off.
By the way, the hockey game was fun. I plan to go to some more (but I don't think I'll do the box again, at least not for a while). I'll let you know when I'm plannin to go again (and I can treat you two on the tickets).
Right now sucks. Big time. I feel for you. Please hang in there. Go one day at a time and keep doing something every day toward catching on with someting else.
4 1/2 years?! man. i'm sorry...
ReplyDeletea hockey game sounds lovely. don't know when i'll be comfortable enough to quit the spa, but i'll definatly keep you updated or i can request a day off. i think maybe taranis would like that as well.
i forgot to put on my resume that i'm a notary. taranis said that would/could posibly help as well. so i have some revisions to do on the damn thing.
have you heard anything about anyone needing admin/office help? i've put in my resume everywhere that had an add online within the past 3 months and within 20 miles of taranis' work. i was driving about 20 miles one way to get to the firm. i figured i could do it again if i had to.
off to the spa with me i go.
krm
ReplyDeleteYou could get piblic trannsportation (i.e. the train) into downtown Chicago, couldn't you? I'll nose around the state agency grapevine (pay os not great, but benefits like health coverage are quite good and the state still has a defined benefit pension set up if you make it a career).
i would consider train commute if it was a job inside chicago itself or a hard commute. i dont believe i'd want to drive anything that was rougher than the drive to lincolnshire... basically i took arlington heights north to dundee and then onto buffalo grove road to aptakisic then to barclay where the office is. i kept an eye on my mileage, it was an average of about 45/50 miles aday at an hour drive to work and sometimes 2 hours on the way home depending on the flow of traffic. i had talked to crystal about us taking the train there because there is a station real close to the office but she always negated the idea as saying it was stupid or not worth considering.
ReplyDeletebut i'll consider taking the train if it proves to be easier and cheaper on the next job i take. i am hoping that i dont have a commute like that again and to find something within the immediate vicinity but i am smart enough to realize that isn't always the case.
i am a very fast and quick learner. when i walked into thier office that first day i knew nothing of engineering, construction planning or surveying. in the 16 months or so that i'd been with the company i had learned alot and could answer alot of the questions that the clients had. i had even tought myself how they budget out the cost for proposals.
when i worked for the the car dealership i had a basic knowledge of vehicles because my father is a mechanic but i took home every brochure of every vehicle they sold and tought myself the ins and outs and features of them of. as the receptionist/greeter if someone had a question about the car in the show room it was job to help them and to know the specialness of said vehicle. i am a sponge for knowledge altho once i dont have a use for that knowledge i forget it.
anyways i've rambled enough. if you want a copy of my resume let me know. i have my salary history and refrences in a seperate document (some employers want it and some dont) so just let me know i'll send it over.
*hugs* your an awesome friend babe!
Do email it all to me (you know where). I'll see what I can nose up (even if it might only offer "tide you over work", it might fill the gap).
ReplyDeleteI certainly can't promise anything (the state is in the kind of financial condition that any state run by Democrats quickly comes to - i.e. one step from Enron'dom - and a lot of the agencies are on hiring freezes and such, others have idiotic rules - like requiring a BA or BS to do work that could better be done by a semi-trained chimpanzee, such that the only people both thus qualified and so badly without other options are people that I wouldn't want to hire to babysit pet rocks - ahh, government).
Most of the state agencies are within a couple blocks of the Thompson Center - about 4 or 5 blocks from the Ogilvie Train Station and, say, 7 or 8 from Union Station (either is a pretty easy walk even in winter). Only a lunatic would want to drive into the Loop on a daily basis (you'd go postal within a month or two).
krm
admin work is not hard. i dont understand why they want such degrees for such a simple job. any person with common sense could do that job without going to college. if they paid attention in highschool courses then they could do it. i was doing admin work IN! highschool as you will see from my resume...
ReplyDeletesigh and it just pisses me off even more for 2 reasons: 1-i didn't goto college for those degrees they want for something i didn't goto college to learn and because im just generally pissed off at myself and the whole damn situation at the moment.
They don't all have such rules, nor for all positions (although it conjures up for me the arguments with my son about dropping out of college - it does limit one).
ReplyDeleteIndeed, someone with half a brain and a dollop of comon sense could do just about any state job - but these days, many high school grads don't have any brain, nor do they have any common sense, so we get these idiotic rules.
Don't get too down (it seeps through and is fatal for interviewing). krm