i'm going to be buying my plane ticket tomorrow or friday. i'm really scared and nervous about flying. i feel horrible because i get to spend a whole week with my family (2nd trip this year, 1st was Raquel's wedding in June) for Yule "christmas" and Taranis couldn't get his ticket to see his family for even just a few days over thanksgiving. the prices to fly from here to florida are just outrageous and then you stack on that he'd be leaving so close to turkey day, literally the morning of i think, just way too much. i feel horrible about it, i really do. but he seems to be ok with not going. i know he wanted to go so badly.
drake will be staying here with Taranis while i'm gone. 80 bucks there and 80 bucks back to have him on the plane, that's 160 i can't afford. i am taking my money out of my savings account to pay for the tickets. i know i probly shouldn't splurge like that, i should keep that money in the bank for when we move out, but Taranis said it'd be ok.
my face is breaking out so bad :-( i'm not sure if its too much halloween candy or just plain ole stress. probly a combination of stress, chocolate and those meds i'm on. always seem to break out the week after i finish them off.
some of the guys at the Firm are worried the owners are going to start laying people off. i'm worried about it too. we're just not getting the jobs in like we need. last year at this time i remember us being much busier. our president thinks/says that its just a temporary lull and if we can get enough work through the winter no one has to worry about thier jobs. ya, IF! big word for 2 letters. i know especially the field/survey crew are really worried. we layed off 2 guys last year. i know they say it was because of thier work ethic, it wasn't up to par, but it doesn't eleviate the other guys' fear that they are next. and i'm worried about my job too. if the engineers don't have anything then i dont have anything. they start layin off the engineers and survey people i'm right in line there. Crystal isn't disposable, she's got accounting degrees out her yinyang, me? ha! i have no degrees and i'm a data/admin tech. easily replaceable. i don't think they'd let me go, because in the summer i'm definatly needed. i'll probly get my hours cut back again (like last winter fridays were taken away) its just all too much with something else that's happening.
i can't loose my job. i can't lose the insurance. i can't afford to pay the full price for these damn medical tests/exams and the fucking pills they have me on. it's just not possible without the insurance. i'd have to go back to being in the dark again on whether or not i'm still in "remission". it's all too scary. and i'm way too stressed out.
trying to stress over it, trying not to spaz. i'm trying to just go with the flow of things and revel in the bliss that is mine and Taranis' union. me, him & drake. its all perfection (for the most part--our own place would made it damn near perfect).
Feeling:
fuggin stressed out, manListening to: nothing
krm: I went through the "downsizing" a few years back, and I remember the sweat leading up to it (although the mantra was "we'll be OK" right up to the point where the partners summoned me into the big office to advise me that "we'll be OK, but "we" doesn't include "you" anymore."). Much of it is out of your control and the stressing is counter productive.
ReplyDeleteKeep the resume polished and your ears open, but obsessing will only make life miserable in a way that has zero impact on your situation.