ah, well. ahem. not the naughty hole boys and girls. what i got is a portable hole from Flicka in my game Sneezy. He quit and just gave away all his stuff. I got his hole and a few other items.
Also, in the world of Sneezy! Fedaykin came back. for a minute. I got a secret. *wink*
In other news:
I might have to admit that I've been a bad person and that I've been wrong. You see, there is this person. And he promised me he wouldn't let me run away from him no matter how much I pushed and yelled and screamed and kicked and spit in his face. (Well, maybe not to that extent but I've done all those things). And as much and I try and seperate myself from this person, I find myself missing him when he's not around. Yet when he is around he annoys the fucking living jesus ever christ out of me. (Not always but sometimes) Sometimes I wish he'd had never come back and sometimes I'm happy that he came back and I know we get on each other's nerves so badly sometimes.
oh hell i don't know what i'm sayin. i'm a lost mess with or without him because i do still have my past hauntings to deal with.
MEN! I fucking hate men!
If me and Taranis can just keep having the relationship that we do now, it'd be perfect. I like where we are. There is no pressure. If we need something we can get it. I don't wanna get more or less serious than we are now. You can't even call it a relationship I don't think. Fuck buddies, that's a good way to be. Why do folks gotta mess it all up by sayin the "L" word and try and get more out of it.
What, all of us?
ReplyDeleteSeems like an awful lot of effort.
People go the L route because - despite all the risk and all - when it does work it is more than worth it (way more). krm
ReplyDeleteyes it is worth it, for the short moment of bliss until your world is crashed around you again.
ReplyDeleteyes i know i am so pessimistic with relationships and feelings. its amazing i can get close to anyone......
oh that's right. i dont. i'm a runner. Thanks Hephaestus. I apprecaite this lovely opportunity to be the one who always runs away because she's afraid of having her heart ripped into shreds again. and i absolutely appreciate the fact that you and your wife are enjoying your new baby so much that she had to share the pictures with me, the one who can't have kids. the one who would have done anything to be the one to have your children.
i guess its official huh? its finally final for me. hearing that she's having your children and actually seeing your daughter in your arms.
not even the divorce papers hold as much weight or words as a picture of you with your child. that just hurt too much and i'm tired of you hurting me on purpose or inadvertantly.
that wasn't very nice of her to send me that picture, ya think?
Sorry to hear about that. I can only hope that when this latest smack across the face stops stinging as much, that it at least serves as the catalyst to let you cut the shakles away that are still binding you there.
ReplyDeleteI know you got burned to pretty much 'well done' but love isn't the short term thing until someone bails. A lot of people end up there, but that isn't what's intended for it. I look around me and see a lot of long termers (I see a couple of couples at my chuch that have been married 70+ years - hell, I don't even figure on living that long, yet they've weathered al the crap over all that time and stayed together - it is out there, if you can build it and nurture it and not run with someone who operates the same).
Sorry, that was mine above. krm
ReplyDeleteyea that pretty much is the catalyst for all my dreams in the past few days.
ReplyDeleteweird awful dreams and nice inspiring dreams.
now that i see the children, i feel even worse for holding onto whatever it is that i just couldn't walk away from and part of me feels that if i can't move on and forgive him for hurting me that i'm blaming the children which its not thier fault.
i'm just not quite sure how to put it all into motion yet. but i'm working on it.
talk about your unexpected catalysts to send you towards a goal you'd been hoping would have been met already... i'm sure that was her goal when she sent the pics of H & his new daughter. i just didn't and dont want or need her help, looks like i got it anyways.
now if H & i could just be friends again... is that too much to ask for?
It may well be too much to ask for. Orit may a take a very long time.
ReplyDeleteI've written before about forgivenness (and how it would benefit you rather than him). Foregiving him doesn't erase what happened, and it might not be healthy for you to keep rubbing your face in what happened. He would have to acknowledge his wrong and repent of it. I wouldn'thold my breath on that.
I know people who forgave rapists, but they didn't start hanging out later on. krm
yea you have a point...
ReplyDeletebut why is it so hard for me to forgive him?
i think that i might start to and then i get in a panick attack that it shows weakness that i'm giving in. but what the fuck am i fight for/holding out for?
You can forgive him without caving, and you can still write him out of your life (its up to you).
ReplyDeleteForgiving doesn't mean you give in and say it was all OK what he did (it isn't an "I lose or concede" sort of thing) - it is a "let it go" thing.
Taranis informed me yesterday that I'm still letting H control my life. And we're not talking abuot the lack of relationships aspect anymore either. This is in regards to other issues. Like my game Sneezy that I play on. I found out that he is still co-owner of something there and he hasn't been around in ages and it.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to leave my game like I left Arkansas. I try to ignore things. But it still seems to eat at me. I can forgive him. But I'm sick of him being in my face. And I dn't want to quit everything that I love so I wont be reminded of him anymore.
I left home. I quit watching Inuyasha altho I still have one of my pics of Inuyasha up. I left sneezy for a while but I couldn't stand it anymore and went back. do I have to leave my game? I don't want to leave my game. I don't want to quit the things I enjoy and my passions.
here's a confession: one of the major reasons I quit singing on Karaoke nights is because i'd sit there and think "Hephaestus would be enjoying this so much right now, he loved to hear me sing".
ok! I forgive you. I think I did along time ago just never wanted to admit it. But damnit I can't stop thinking about you.
slowly I've noticed a downslide. its not as bad as it was before. slowly, slowly your fading. keep on fading.
You shouldn't have to give up everything from before - but a lot of things are such that it is hard to keep up with if he is still in it (and he doesn't seem to comprehend what a turd he was).
ReplyDeleteSo it is all of us you hate then?
ReplyDeletenot all men, most men but not all
ReplyDeleteMost but not all isn't too unreasonable a result, actually.
ReplyDeleteSo what is your record for most comments on a posting?
krm
And Hi to Murray.
i think this is a record, rofl. i don't think i've had this many comments in all my blog! (just kiddin on that) but seriously, i think this one has to have the most comments.
ReplyDeletethere is another few that have the records for longest "thier bitching about something i said or chewing me out" and the posts go on and on and on, rofl.
i think this post has the record as well for having comments from me that could/should have been blog posts instead/as well.
Hi K [wave]
ReplyDelete"Almost all" still seems like a lot of effort.
ReplyDeleteWhy not just hate the ones you've met. Save some energy for later.
Well, yes, Murray - I wasn't suggesting "almost all" as a catagorical thing; I meant of those you've had some sort of contact with so as to merit it.
ReplyDeleteMy dad always used to say that prejudices were wrong because the world is just too full of people to hate on their merits.