my weakness

hot sexy men, a nice pair of tits and chocolate. if i ever had the opportunity for all 3 at once, hell yes i'd take it! just like i took that bag of peanut M&Ms today that I was offered..... and the damned bag of skittles. AND the fucking piece of cake. *grumbles* I'm fucking weak when it comes to stuff that isn't good for me.

offer me a hit off a joint ya think i'm gonna turn it down? no, i'll smoke it with ya and pass out after 3 hits because i'm a one hit wonder with that shit. offer me a line of coke or meth or heroin? sure why not, just dont ask me to take the plunge because I don't do needles. wanna do a coupla shots at the bar? sure line em up buddy, i'll take ya hit for hit and never flinch.

what the hell is it with shit that's bad for us and we know its bad for us but we still do it anyways? its like i WANT to be bad. *sigh* that was one of the main reasons i moved from Arkansas to get away from those "vices" i mentioned in paragraph 2. and I did. havn't done anything except the last sentence since i've moved up here. giving up the other drugs ofcourse brought me close to the alcholhism i suppressed so easily by the meth & pot. and now here i am, craving a damned hard hit of something anything to go with those M&Ms, cake & fucking skittles.

i'm an addictive person, i admit that. its easy for me to like something and not want to stop. like food. damn food. damn it to hell. i wish i could take a pill that would suppress my craving for food. i'm not even hungry and i find myself wanting to go grab an icecream cone. its not GOOD food i crave its the bad for me shit.

got some bananas the other day. i've had 3 today. 3 fucking bananas because i was trying NOT to give into my cravings for chocolate and unhealthy foods and what do i do? i give in anyways. usually i just go outside and smoke a cigarette. i never should have quit smoking for those 2 weeks when i first moved up here. all it did was re-introduce me to food. i was barely eating and still losing the weight until then. ofcourse i give up one addiction and i grab steadfast to another... in that case, junk food. chocolate, etc. so, i started smoking again. but did that stop the junk food shit? no, it didn't.

ya think a hypnatist could do something about this? or maybe i should hook up with a few people here i know that do the things in paragraph 2 (minus the pot) and use it to replace food. worked before, could work again. however if i can't afford to put fucking gas in my truck i couldn't afford that shit, either. unless i had sex for the drugs..... not going back to that again. its not like i fucked them *just* for the drugs, its just that we were in a relationship and they had it and never told me to poney up money for it... so is that so wrong? no, i think not!

and i'm rambling about shit on an open journal i shouldn't be, but all that is in the past for whoever is reading this! all in the past! my vices and additions now consist of chocolate and cigarettes and ramen noodles, lol. i havn't done the above (minus the shots) in a very long time....LONG time! chocolate and ramen noodles... some addictions. and dont forget the jack daniels and rum, but those aren't as heavy as the chocolate. go figure i can turn down a night at the bar and free booz easier than i can chocolate.