Ok, well....

I have some video on my computer of me singing. I know that everyone said I was great and did an awesome job, but I'm not feeling it when I watch the vids. i've been debating on posting them, but I'm not so sure that I will.

Been seeing Paisley for about a week now. Guess today makes it one week officially. If its even official. Part of me wants to break it all off with him and run away. But he's a really nice guy, he is and I don't want to break it off. I'm so scared.

It appears that I'm looking for reasons to not want to be with him. I think i'm looking for things or excuses to leave. But I find myself missing him. And I find myself wanting to be near him. He's nothing like anyone that I've envisioned in my mind that I would be with. I don't know there is something tho, that deep down I can't quite place it that. I dn't know how to explain it.

Maybe i'm just scared? We've been spending quite a bit of time together. He just seems so shy around other people and I really wish that he wouldn't be. I like a little more PDA than what he is giving. He finally started comming around a little bit thursday night and put his arm around my shoulder. He's so cuddly when we're alone but when we're together its just occasional ya know?

Hell I don't fucking know.

My truck went into the shop friday. Got it back this morning. The gas gauge discrepencies is the Sending Unit on the fuel pump. Its gonna cost about $400 for it to be fixed. Really sucks. But it could be worse. Could be the whole fuel pump and it be a minimum of $400 (that's the least amount a fuel pump could cost). So, in 2 weeks on Friday the 13th of April it'll have the Sending unit replaced. Thankfully its something that I can wait a few weeks and get the money together for.

All in all, I'm a little confused, I'm a little scared. I've met a few of his friends. One of his friend's girlfriends is really awesome and we've gotten close. I really like her. I just don't know what to do about Paisley tho. He says he cares for me alot and that he really likes me. I really like him too. I just dont know if I can picture a much more longer relationship with him than a couple of weeks. Ya know ,we're making plans for the future. Nothing serious like marriage or moving in together, nothing like that. But things that are a few months into the future like whole weekend camping trips, etc.

He doesn't really like to talk on the phone. Which is ok because I'm not a huge phone talker, either as long as I can see the person face to face often. My family, I talk to them on the phone alot.

I don't want to do this, but I think I'm going to break it off. Am I just scared because of how serious this could get? Am I not ready yet? am I not ready to feel these things that he's stirring inside of me? If the other guys I've dated hadn't broke it off first, would I have been feeling this same feeling with them, too?

I need some serious help. I have major commitment issues. What am I going to do?