Milestones -- or something like that

Survived my first set of holidays in 2005 as a 'seperated' woman. I think not having the boys was the hardest on those. My family and friends pretty much filled any space and time that could have been thoughts towards Hephaestus. Last year the first Mother's day without them was the absolute hardest.

Today marks another day in the History of My Life. 1 year officially divorced. The Holidays of 2006 was pretty intense being away from my family and ofcourse wanting Him with me, too. I wish I had my family now. I have so much anger inside of me and hurt. I'm not 'hung up' on him, I just --gods I dont know what it is.

today is my closest (we're like bro & sister) cousin's birthday and all I can think about is "today is the day that it was made official".

I wanna cry and kick and scream and yell. That's what I did last year when it was the 1 yr anniversary of our breakup. It made me feel better. I just don't have it in me to do any of the above. A tear starts to trickle down and I make myself stop "You will NOT cry anymore over him" I tell myself.

All those years just waisted. Precious moments in my life and memories I can't get out of my head.

Maybe I'm not really and truly over him. How much longer? When will I finally not think about him anymore? Its been 1 and 1/2 years and something still makes me think of him atleast once a day.

This song pretty much sums it all up.

I Wonder How Far It Is Over You
Aaron Tippin

I parked my car beside the highway and i didn't lock the doors
Left a note there with the keys if it cranks, well friend, she's yours
And i struck out across texas, gonna walk it line to line
Now i'm halfway cross new mexico, but you're still on my mind
And this road that's going nowhere just leads me on and on
As i ask myself with every step will i ever be alone
I wonder just how far it is over you
Is there no place i go that you don't come too
When i left tennessee, i thought we were through
Now i wonder how far it is over you

I was deep in california when i finally made a friend
And it was me and that old hobo till you showed up again
Then he ran out of liquor and i've run out of time
I'm standing by the ocean, but you're still on my mind
And i'm staring at the water so blue and deep and wide
Bet a man could lose a memory over on the other side

I wonder just how far it is over you
Is there no place i go that you don't come too
When i left tennessee, i thought we were through
Now i wonder how far it is over you

I parked my car beside the highway and i didn't lock the doors
Left a note there with the keys if it cranks, well friend, she's yours