Go out to the truck this morning, start her up, smoke a cig outside while she's warming up. Me & Crystal hop in and she's been running for about 10 mins now so she should be nice and warm, atleast a little bit. Nope, cold as ever.
Start driving to work, we get about 3 miles or so down the road and I notice my thermostat gauge is way too high. And its still not any warmer inside. we've been driving for about 10 mins now give or take a few. My thermo gauge is in the red. damn battery gauge is too low, I smell something burning, like burnt anti-freeze.
I turn out, go back home and park the truck. We venture out again in Crystal's.
Get home tonight and take her to the repairman. Guess what? Fucking water pump. Godamned fucking waterpump. Crystal is going to pay for it to be fixed and I have to pay her back. Looking at about $400 bucks. which, if turbo tax online is right, that's nearly everything that i'm getting back taxwise so my dream of getting my tattoo, everything that I wanted to do with that money, INCLUDING visiting my family is down the drain.
Why me? Why me? Why does every damn bad thing that happens, have to happen to me?! I didn't do anything to anyone. I've been a really good person, I've done everything that I possibly can to make up for any and all bad mistakes from the past.
And ya know, that's a fucking pieces of shit there too. Because it doesn't matter if I'm naughty or nice bad shit happens to me.
I wanan cry. Seriously, I just want to lay down on my bed and just cry for ever and never get out of bed. Watch, next year, I'll probly have to PAY in taxes and there will go getting my own place.
Darling, I know you've had a significantly rough run going for quite a while now. I do sympathize.
ReplyDeleteAs one who has just come through a long stratch of rotten (career crash, a number of immediate family dying, long unemployment, financial crash, kid gone bad and a cancer hit - I will assert some level of 'feel your pain' (or at least some 'similar and no less than your pain') status.
Trials and suffering are the fertilizer of spiritual growth. Most of us simply do not experience much (or any) spiritual growth when times are good (be it complacency, ego, distraction, sense of entitlement, what have you). We don't have a deal going whereby one is "good" (or rather, less bad than most other people) and as some sort of reward, we are placed in a position of nothing bad happening again. It just doesn't work that way.
I would bet that some of the best people you know live a life that consists of one crappy hit after another, and yet they still look at every day as another opportunity to make someone else's day a little better, and are essentially happy and contented people (I certainly know a few, and am working on becoming one of them myself - and recntly making a little headway on the project even). Conversely, I would bet that some of the people whom you know to have a pretty charmed life are the most messed up and miserable (I've dabbled there a bit in days gone by too).
I am not saying that you haven't earned a good cry (that might even help). I'll touch on this more later. But think about those last couple paragraphs a bit and drop me an email.
I am pulling for you.
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