Dont know what to say

I was on the Verge of Tears yesterday during the Bears VS Packers game. 26-0 Bears win. Ouch. That was bad. Real bad. But I have faith that we'll bounce back. They say this is Brett's last season as Starting QB for the Packers, I don't see it. I can't fathom it. I can't imagine such a thing... Even rumour and talk of him possibly going to another TEAM!? WTF is that shit about... Holy Cow. I dont know, it leaves me lost and confused, dazed. No more Brett? Seriously, you've got to be kidding me.

I've been working like a mad woman. The only day I've had off in a long time was Monday for the Holiday.

Atleast I like the people I work with. That makes a world of difference. A huge world of difference.

Got an update from MomI this weekend. Remember AuntDot dying of cancer last year? And remember the whole controversy surrounding where they burried her? Well, you guessed it. The judge ruled the family has to move her body. So thier going to move her a few plots down from where she currently lays. The reason why we lost our case in keeping here in the plot she is in, is because of a lack of a paper trail. We had nothing to prove that one of the Great Grandfathers had bought the plot for the family and the cemetary has passed hands a few times since then. SO, now the current owners are going to try and make Gramma pay for her late husband's plot. MomI said no way, thier has to be a statute of limitations on that. After all, its been over 14 years.

AW and I are tentatively making plans for Wednesday. Tentatively because, well, I'm not gettin my hopes up on anything anymore. And its not him, its just alot of crap and bullshit. It seems like no matter what on any subject, I get my slightest ray of light and a storm comes rushing in to make that light go away.

So fuck it.

I'm not trying anymore. I'm tired and exhausted. All I want is what any normal person wants is to be loved and to be held. To be needed and wanted and nurtured. to have that oh so special person in thier life.

I have this image of my Dream Man in my head. He's the man I dream about every night. The man I want and need. He's perfect in every way. I doubt that he exists. He has a few perfect qualities, well, thier perfection to me. And he has his bad qualities that only I could love in a man. And ofcourse this man doesn't exist. Only in my own little world of dreams does he become reality.

I could list everything about him and you'd think I'm insane. But I'm not insane. Just inlove with someone or something that could never be. But I still hold out hope, that somewhere out there, my dream man's dream woman is me and we'll soon meet one day and live happilly ever after.