Feeling better, messed up dreams, boring night at the spa

Mentally I'm better. Physically I'm a wreck. My throat is so sore and swollen. Hoarse, can't speak. It bites the big one. Achy. Ugh.

I understand and realize I have friends that love me. I know that a guy is just a 'bonus' of sorts. I have many men in my life, but we're just friends. I see happy couples together everytime I turn around and it just makes me feel lonely. I guess that since I did have a relationshp for so long, its going to take some time. Time for what, I dont know. But one moment at a time is a starters.

Lastnight was so boring. It was an effort to not fall asleep at the desk. It was so boring. I think I walked the perimeter of that place more times that I needed to. We had maybe a handful of clients come in my entire 8 hour shift. Thier was nothing to do. I was all geared up for alot of people because of the PGA tour, but nothing. The bartender in the bowling alley is really cute. He's back there by himself all the time unless we have clients come in. So while I was making my rounds I made it a point to stop in and say hi to him. I know that I would appreciate someone doing that for me. I wasn't going to keep doing it every round, but he flirted severely the 1st round, so I kept on until his shift was over. He just grinned real big and got a huge smile on his face everytime he saw me. I think this is gonna be an awesome friendship. He was trying to teach me about golf. He's a golf enthusiast as well as a real estate broker. He's got 2 jobs like me. But he has to drive 20 mins from Downtown Chicago where he lives to the Spa.

Me and one of the other girls snuck out the back door, the Medinah 10th hole is literally right at our back door. And we watched a few of the people play. It was slow, why not? lol. It was exciting seeing it up close and personal. I'm not sayin I'm gonna get into Golfing. But, it was exciting to see the sport and a few of the Pros upclose and personal like that. Puts it into a new perspective instead of seeing it just on TV.

Came home from work, start hacking so bad when I tried to laydown for bed. Could not stop coughing. Seemed like every 15-20 mins I was taking a shot of Nyquil and popping a cough drop. Eventually I feel asleep. In my dream, I was breaking open Benadryl Capsules and snorting them like coke/meth. It was so weird. I've never thought to do anything like that with Benadryl, not that I would... I wouldn't. Woke up this morning and my nose hurt like I had been doing that. But its just sinus pressure, I can tell the difference. Popped some more pills this morning, benadryl cold & allergy. My chest is all congested. My head is stuffy. Just icky all over.

Ah, another part of my dream, after I'd snort the Benadryl I would take a shot of some kind of liquid, it was booze, hard of some sort. Not sure... It was in a clear graf like container. Then, someone tried to walk in on me in the middle of doing it. And we got into a screaming match with the door between us. they were saying " I know what your doing in there, why can't you stop?! " And then I lit up a cig and said "Because I don't want to. Makes me feel good". And we were arguing over me being addicted to drugs and that I wanted my drugs over my family. It was a guy I was arguing with. I could hear kids crying in the background.

then someone came and knocked on the window. It was another guy, who I'm not sure. And he has some really really hard drugs. And we sat around doing all these drugs and getting even more stoned out of our minds and fucking like wild rabid animals.

Told you my dream was messed up. Wonder what it means? Maybe I just had too much Nyquil...