Well, that's putting it bluntly!

There's a nice warm place in your heart where you keep special memories and nostalgic ideas, but it's not an infinite space, and right now you need to make some room. There are a few old exes, forgotten dreams and outdated philosophies that need to get cleaned out. Many of these things feel necessary from an emotional point of view, but from a realistic point of view (which is what you need to use), they could be holding you back. Don't hold on to things that are too stale.

I've been realizing this long before it came up on my horoscope today. I've been "letting go" of a few things, or trying to. To help with my future... I just can't NOT let go of something tho... Thier too dear to me. And I'll always hold out hope in anyway that I possibly can.

I was so "feeing nostalgic" yesterday that I feel lost and confused today... I just want to go curl in bed and go back to sleep and just sleep forever and ever.

I'm starting to feel depressed. And I know that my money situation isn't helping any. I've been stupid. I've been irresponsible. With my money, with my life. And I can blame no one but myself. And now I have to dig myself out of this hole that I've burried myself on. And after I get done digging out of the hole, I get to start climbing that mountain. And that, it seems, should hopefully be much easier to climb the mountain of success/freedom than it is to dig out of the hole of debt.

Yes, thier are credit counseling agencies out there, bankruptcy and all that shit. But I choose NOT to go those routes. #1, its something I got myself into. I need to get myself out of. #2, I'll be more proud of myself for doing it myself and not relying on someone else to do it for me. #3, my religious "beliefs" hold me to the fact that we are responsible for ourselves. Thier is no "jesus" that died on the cross for my sins. So I'm responsible for my own actions and getting myself out of sticky situations. And you know what?! that makes me a stronger and better person, seeing myself through my own self destruction instead of some lame brain that says "God/Jesus will see me though this"... FUCK that nonsense. I'll see myself through the shit that i've created.

I'll have my dreams. I'll have my future. None of it is perfect, but if it was perfect that it wouldn't be worth anything! I wouldn't have the adventure. The love. The stress. The awesome future I see before me.

Now, while struggling with keeping myhead above water, I need to hurry up and get my vehicle. The sooner I get that shit done, the sooner I can get a 2nd job and the faster all this bullshit will be paid off.