Happy Belated New Year

Once upon a time, I fell in love. I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world. When he began to change, He only showed me what he wanted me to see. And then I saw the new him. And then I was alone again after being with someone over 7 years.

In the short time since my husband (seems like he'll never legally be "ex") and I split ways, I've dated alot, thought I found love over and over again. Only once did I bring the boy home to meet the parents. That was Paco. I thought I was happy with him. But something didn't feel right. So, I broke it off with him. I'm happy that I did. Because when someone puts on a false face, you never know it until something happens. On the outside everything seemed great. But he was too jelous, too possessive and thier was certain things, we wont go into that I just can't deal with.

I got a call the other day. From someone that, its a complicated story. Maybe he'll go into it if he reads this, I don't know. I just know that I'm happy. And being single right now makes me happy. And the prospect of being with this other person (He doesn't live around here) makes me excited.

I'm lost, I'm confused. And he knows this and understands this. None of the guys I've dated since leaving Hephaestus understood that it takes time to heal bleading wounds. Wounds that are still so fresh I can still feel the sting. I may never get over my husband. He really is a nice man when he wants to be. He's brilliant and smart and can be funny. I'll always be in love with him. I'm happy that I had the 7 years I did with him. I wouldn't trade em for anything.

Incase you havn't guessed, my new years resolution is to let go of the past heartaches and hurt. Only remember the good times, never the bad. And I am so much happier now that I thought I could be.

Andy, you made me so much happier with your phone call the other day and your emails. I have missed you so much in my life. I wish we could have shared our dreams together sooner but I could never trade my life with Hephaestus either. And I know that you understand this more than anyone else could understand it. YOu know me better than I know myself. No matter what happens, I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. I love you too much to lose you as a friend.

I wish Hephaestus and I could still be friends, but I'm afriad that is never giong to happen. I am so proud of Suga and her ex-husband for staying friends after thier divorce. Its so much better for the kids this way.

I've applied for every management position that's available at my work. I'm going to go up the corporate ladder while I figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm seriously thinking of going into crimininal psychiatry. Its something that's always fascinated me and something i've always wanted to do. Law enforcement and firefighting is something else I've been dreaming of doing. But I couldn't wear a badge. I don't believe I'm worthy of it. So maybe just probation officer for troubled kids. I want to be a Social Worker. I know I can do all this and more. I have the drive and the ambition.

I love my life. I love my self again. I'm getting closer and closer to my goal weight everyday. I have my set backs but I don't let them get me down. My back bothers me, but I work through it. I only take my drugs when I absolutely have to. I wont be addicted again.

Be proud of me, I am. Happy new year and I wish that everyone is as happy as me.

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Feeling: Happy


Listening to: Country Music