Dating Rollercoaster

So, I've been dating around, testing the waters. Ever guy I check em out... One day, I'm sitting in the break room (this is about 2 weeks ago I think) and I spot this guy and I'm like "Damn he's fine". We keep staring at each other, but yet we pretend like we're not, ya know? lol. Fast forward a day or two and I'm sitting at McD's with Pimpie, we got Suga's kids. Who do I spot? HIM. There with his kids. We make eye contact, say polite "hello's", etc and can't keep ours eyes off each other from the other sides of the restuarant. Fast Forward a few more nights. I'm askin Pimpie if she knows him, etc. She's all "Noooo" and just then, guess who shows up. He's getting out of his vehicle and shout "Speak of the devil himself" and he's like "who? me?" and I said "No, Santa Claus" and we laugh. We talk for a while and he's gotta go clock in (I was off that night) and he asks me if I'll walk him in. I'm like "sure" and we end up going into the break room and smoking first. We talk and turns out we went to school together a little and we know the same people, etc blah. Fast Forward to the next night. I get a "boo" behind me. He's there like an hour and 15 mins before he needs to clock in. I'm like "what are you doing here?" and he's all "To see you" and I'm like "sweet". So, he talks with me while I finish up what I'm doing and walks me to the break room to clock out. As we're walking to the front of the store I go to grab his hat. And he's all "I don't even let my kids wear my hat" and I said "I aint your kids" and I snag it and wear it. He doesn't make me take it off. We get outside and I'm looking for my lighter and he goes like he's going to take the hat off and instead pulls me closer to him and kisses me. Real nice and sweet like. It was perfect. So, we're standing outside and its freezing, even tho I have my Chicago hoodie on. He's holding me in his arms (tummy to tummy) and it feels so wonderful. An hour lunch was not long enough. Last 15 min break of the day wasn't long enough either... That morning when we got off work, he took me home. We talked and we took a little pop quiz. I asked him what he's looking for (serious relationship/just a fling/not sure) he tells me he's looking for someone to settle down with and be with for the rest of his life and he's looking at me as that person. And I said, well, why don't you tell me the qualities you want in a woman and we'll see if I'm a match. (Keep in mind, I told him when we first started talking -- before he kissed me -- that I wasn't interested in ANY relationship let alone a long term one). His answers were someone who likes to Fish, Cook, hunt, Football, Country Music, etc. I got an A+ on my quiz. LOL. Fast Forward a few more nights and we're at lunch again. We're sitting out in the vehicle and he asks me if I'm still in my "no longterm relationship" state of mind. I said "It depends on what my heart tells me, I guess" and then I proceed to tell him that I think I could definatly go for him. We kiss a few more times, and an hour isn't long enough! *ugh* Ok, fastforward a few nights in a row, I'm off work then I'm working and he's late forwork... Bummer. Tonight he shows up on time but he's sick. We don't have time to talk cuz he's got to talk to his supervisor. He goes home. I dont get to spend anytime with him. This is totally turning into a "to die for" situation meaing that I wuld die for sometime with this man! I'm pretty sure he works tonight, crossing my fingers. Its only been a little over a week since we've been "seeing" eachother and already I can feel myself feeling like I could fall head over heals for this man. I don't konw what to do.

Me, Suga, her kids, her man, my sister and her man was all sitting outside on my front porch the other night chilling. Suga said something (can't remember exactly what it was) but I had dreamed it, only in my dream my Cowboy was there. I turned and looked at Taz and said "I dreamed this" and he says "I did too, but thier's something missing" and we both said at the same time "Cowboy". I havn't had the chance to tell him about it yet. I hope I will tonight. He's had a few dreams of us since we met. One of which that he bought daddy's house so Suga and I would have a place of our own to live. But the thing is, he got his CDL to become a trucker. I'm not sure where this relationship is going. I don't want another heatbreak. I'm afraid it might end in heartbreak. Then again, it might not. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Right now, I'm just going to take it slow and day by day. If I can't see him all the time, well I guess I can't. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't know. I asked him tonight before he left if everything was cool with us, because he was acting weird. He said it was all perfect and he was sorry but he was just really sick and didn't want to risk making me sick too. When he holds me its like he's afraid of losing me. That i'll dissapear and only be a dream. Thats what he told Taz. He's afraid I'll dissapear. I told taz to tell him I'm not going anywhere. I'm willing to wait and see where this goes. Yes, some of you may think I'm jumping into a relationship too soon, but if you only knew some of the other details, you would understand. What he said to Taz and what he says to me. I almost think that he could be the one. Almost a "love at first sight" deal and he told Taz that as well. I think we're both on the same page. I'm not going to jump to conclusions or jump the gun. I'm gonna ride this Cowboy slow and easy. I'm trying really hard not to make the same mistakes twice.

Daddy had to leave state and go back to TN. Aunt Evelyn had to have surgery on her brain again... I wanted to go but my parents said I needed to stay home and they would find me a way out there if things got really bad. Been spending most of my time with Suga to help keep my mind of everything.

Almost forgot... We were sitting in the breakroom and I lit my cigarette and it only was 1/2 way lit and suga says "That means someone loves you" and I said "i wonder who loves me" and he says "Guess" and kissed me...

"You Found Me"

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

(You found me)
(When no one else was lookin')
You found me
(How did you know just where I would be?)
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad
And the things in between
You found me
You found me

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Feeling: Loved


Listening to: Kelly Clarkson