Song that fits all too well

"Behind These Hazel Eyes" Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside
Cause I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swollow me then spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No I don't cry on the outside
ANYMORE!

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

FYI, I have blue eyes, but that song doese eminate exactly how I feel lately. Empty inside and depressed. Every time I see or talk to Hephaestus I just want to say over and over again "I love you, please love me too". Its been about a month now since we've seperated. I have my good days and my bad days. Last week I had a really bad day and just cried all day long. I miss him so much. I feel like I'm not whole.

An old friend of mine, ArmyGirl, came by today with her daughter. It was great seeing her today... But it brought back so many happy memories it was actually painful. Took everything I had not to cry when she left.

One moment I wish he'd call me/come over and say that he loves me and he wants to work things out. Sometimes I'm so angry at him I can't do anything but be numb. I was told this is normal. That time heals all wounds and I'll see. I really don't see how that's possible for me. Time isn't going to heal my wounds.

I've been asked out on dates and it just makes me sick the thought of sharing a moment with someone that isn't Hephaestus. We're trying to be friends, or maybe he is and I'm taking advantage of the situation by still having him near me. I told him I didn't have any "false hope" of us being together. *Laugh* all I have is hope that we will be together. And then I look at his online profile via yahoo and it says "Divorced", he hasn't even filed yet. I puked. It made me sick. It was like a stab into reality.

How can you get over a man that you've loved since before you knew it was him you were in love with? How do you convince a person that doesn't want to be convinced that it has be better than before. That you don't know where things went wrong, but your certain you can make em better. How is it that I can still be in love with someone who has ripped my heart and soul into shreads? I wish I didn't feel any human emotions at all right now. That would be nice. Death would be nice, then I couldn't feel anything at all. Right now I feel as if I have nothing. Well, I believe I have nothing. Nothing but tears and 2 adorable cats that will be my only children for the rest of my days...

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Feeling: Crushed


Listening to: Silence