Dreams

Ok, so like I had some really weird dreams lastnight, the one in particular I remember is this:

My first day of High School. It was so terrifying. I remember having to go into the library and picking out our books we needed for class a few weeks before school started. And then getting lost trying to find the class rooms. (No, I didn't end up naked in my dream, Hephaestus!) But it was really weird. I don't remember all the details, just being really confused and scared. Nobody talking to me, nobody talking to each other. Everyone was mutes. It was so, not my first day in High School. The awkwardness of it all, ya that was. But the rest of the dream was just weird.

Thing of it is, when I started JR high, we changed classes. JR high was 7th, 8th and 9th grade. 7th grade we had 3 classes her teacher, 8th grade 2 classes per teacher and 9th grade was 1 class per teacher, some of us had to bus back n forth from the high school when in JR high if we had advanced classes (I had advanced Lit so I was busing back n forth).

Raquel said something the other night, it was exactly how I felt when I was out of high school... "I wanna go back, I dont want to be out of school, I dont know any thing else" and she had this really terrified look on her face and she started crying. I told her it would be fine, she's going to college now and altho its not the same, it would be similair and she'd be fine. I remember feeling the same feelings, altho I didn't have college to look forward to (My grades were not all that great in high school and I failed the SATs miserabley) I had work. So I got a job and started working, moved out of my dad's and lived on my own. I wish I had gone to college. But I had no way of going. We were poor and my only chance for that was scholarships, and I didn't have the brain smarts for it. I honestly and seriously tried! The only classes I did well in was science (unless we had formulas to learn) and Literature. I did OK in History, American History wasn't what I wanted to learn about! It varied amongst which History subjects as to how well I performed. When we did Arkansas history, oh ya, I bombed that class... I think almost everyone did! The history of Arkansas (That I can remember) is not that exciting. Give me history I want to learn... my ancestors, greece, rome, midevial times. Oh well. Anyways, I took choir since 7th grade. They were offering it in 6th grade "pre choir" after school, but I didn't do it. I might've been able to do some scholorships through choir, but those are hard to obtain. And, well, there other people in this state who sing better than me! (Not that my husband or BF Crystal would believe it) I totally suck at math. Can't even do my times tables 1/2 the time. Give me addition and subtraction and I'm great! But much more than that, even simple division and my brain starts seizing up. I did ok in Geometry. Made a B in that class (some how, I dont know) but when It came down to Algebra and Algebra II, no way. I took Pre Algebra (basically a refresher course in 8th grade to cover everything that you've learned so far and give you a taste of what you will be learning) I did ok in that.

No, I'm not going to ramble on about every subject I studied in school! Hell, I can't remember 1/2 of them. I took alot of "special classes", not meaning special as in Special Education (Mentally Handicapped kids), but special as in, .... hell whats the word for it, non-required classes, like Choir. Ya, I had my basics Math, Histories, English/Grammer, Literature (after 1 year, not required anymore) and Sciences. Thats only 4 required classes.. I took Lit every year hoping that maybe I could get a writer's scholarship. My other grades weren't good enough for them to accept me. One of these days I think I will go back to school. Its just so expensive. I want to get Hephaestus into college. He says he wants to go, and I think he should go. With his 18 years of experience (he's 28 years old and has been working in the IT industry since he was about 20 I think, but he's always worked on computers and since since he was a teen) and then him going to college, I think that would be really awesome. And as long as he doesn't leave me for some other chic, I could be happy staying at home, raising a few adoption children, looking after some foster kids. That would be nice, then they could have fulltime love and support!

But, like I've said before, I live in a fantasy world most of the time, dreaming this and dreaming that.... Thats why I told Hephaestus he could play the lottery. I'm seriously thinking of filing bankruptcy. He doesn't want me to, but right now, that would make our lives alot easier. And, well, people do it all the time for NO reason, and I have legit reasons for wanting to do so.

*sigh*

I dont know, going to go make Hephaestus some sandwhiches, he's going to OKC today.