Thinking maybe TOO much?

I can't seem to get 2 things out of my head: Crystal's mom, who had (is having) surgery on her brain today, still havn't heard any word about her condition. I know Crystal's fear is that she wont wake up (die) or can't wake up (coma).

I may seem a little selfish here, but at this point in time, I can relate to Crystal's fears. I'm terrified of going under. To be knocked out. I'm scared I wont wake up. Silly fear isn't it? My surgery is Minor VERY minor compared to her mom's. I'm not selfish. I care very much for Crystal's mother and what's happening with her. I fear for her and Crystal and thier entire family. But thier's this little naggin voice in the back of my head.....APHRODITE, what if YOU dont wake up.

I love my husband. I love my family. And I'm sure come tuesday afternoon I'll wake up and laugh about how stupid I was for this fear. But its more of a fear of losing Hephaestus. I know he loves me. And would never leave me. And all that jazz, and yes, this is selfish on MY part...But if I was to die. I dont want him to be with anyone else. Like I said, that is selfish. And even tho I MAY not know anything about whats going on here on earth after I passed away. If I did, I think I would die all over again. To see him with someone else. YES, I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy with ME. Strange as it may sound, if I'm dead. How can he be happy with me? Maybe I love him too much? Maybe I'm too jelous? But IF I do know what's going on here on earth, At any point in time that I may pass on to the otherside. I dont think I could stand it if I saw him with someone else..Especially have CHILDREN with someone else.

Depressingly Yours,
(And insanely too I guess you could say)
Aphrodite, aka blaez