These Are The Days of One Gemini

How, has it really been that long since I posted anything??

2011-12-21T13:27:00.000-06:00

Looks like blogging has become one of those things were I do it once in a blue moon... I am so very sorry for that ya'll I never meant to go over a month almost 2 without posting anything...

Since I got my new job it's been very busy for me. I work from 10am to 7pm go straight to pool from work and you know us, we play 5 nights a week that means no home time except everyother saturday and everyother wednesday and every sunday... when i'm home i'm too busy to do anything but clean or run errands.

Still trying to get pregnant. I took my 4th round of chlomid this month. My levels were 9 something last month so she kept me at the 150 dosage. I haven't been a good girl about taking my prenatals. Someone slap my hand for being a bad pre-mommy...

Also trying to buy a house but that is going nowhere fast.

There you have it, mini quickie update... i think i'm going to watch tv now. I pay $70 a month for tv services and don't even get to watch it.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

omy pool omy motorcycles omy heart

2011-10-16T11:51:00.001-05:00

Today is our first singles pool competition and I'm hosting!! How super fun love it!

and i bought the hubby a motorcycle yesterday...

aaaaaaaaand i hope i got preggers this month!

Welcome to October!

2011-10-01T10:29:00.002-05:00

A whole lotta good things happening in October.

Big ole shout out for October!!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

keepin it high, keepin it high

2011-09-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

Last night our 9 ball team won AGAIN and since the other 2 teams had a point different of 2 points (our ex members team lost to the owner of the hall's team by 2 friggin points woot!) and we got like 70 something points we are in 1st place with high points by almost 40! gotta keep it going gotta keep it up gotta keep it high and high and high!! Next week we play Outlaw's team (they lost by 2 points last night). and i'm already putting together matchups in my head who would do best against whom... he has some good players but i believe we are the stronger team.

and this team is... Jester (myself), Maverick, Sundown, Hollywood, Jones and Ace.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

will this be a high point battle season?

2011-09-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

Last week (on tuesdays) we won 3-2 and another team won 4-1 and another won 5-0...

well, the team that won 4-1 (Outlaw's team) we skunked them 5-0... talk about sweet victorious revenge! muhaha and the 5-0 team won 3-2... so that means we have put "2nd place in thier place" and we are tied with 1st place for high points so far... with the team we have right now we are awesome and I see no reason why we can not go all the way and win out with high points or battle it out and get 1st in the play offs... i know i know that's in january but still! i am forever in awe of this awesome team!!

And that team is: Jester (myself), Maverick (my husband), Holywood, BlackJack, Charlie, Ace and 2 other gentlemen I have yet to come up with a nickname for...

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Good News and Good Views

2011-09-27T11:52:00.000-05:00

I HAVE A NEW JOB

I am so freaking happy about that! Trust me, my current job is tons better than my 1st one I had when we first moved here... but this new job... should be 100% better than both of them combined! No downtime (i hate being non busy at work), helping people, meeting new people. It's closer to home (by 30 minutes!), raise incentives and weekly bonuses and "good job" bonuses!! and I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it!!

I start the double dose of Chlomid on Friday!!!

Finally, after being damn near a month late on my period (and being freaked out about it and the negative pregnancy tests...) it started yesterday. Woo... so happy!! I have a feeling October is our month! I pray that I can announce that we're pregnant on Thanksgiving! How cool would that be?!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

Exciting Pool News!! and other tidbits...

2011-09-24T11:33:00.000-05:00

Maverick's Monday night 9 ball team scored 88 points out of 100 against thier opponent and thankfully I got out of work on time for once so I was able to witness the majority of it. I think the LO (league operator) said it might be a record for our division!!

Tuesday night our in-house league won 3-2 and we are tied for 3rd place out of 8 teams lol. 1st place got a 5-0 and 2nd place got 4-1. We play the 4-1 winners next week.

Wednesday night Mav's team lost 4-1 to BlackJack's team.

Thursday night I can't remember exactly how many points we got... I think it was 60 something but we are 1st place out of 4 teams. The other match the winner won by 3 points so that means they got 53 points. We play the loser of that matchup next week.

Friday night doubles. this week was 8 ball; next week is 9 ball. we've had some issues getting this division off the ground but we ended up playing last night and won 3-2 which means we lost both singles matchs but won the doubles.

Now for the exciting news.........

Maverick has been appointed League Rep!! That means instead of running to the LO with questions and disputes/advice that means they go to my hubby! (Which they do anyways.) It's an official position and everything. It's so freaking awesome!! I am proud of him 100,000%. AND I've taken over running the singles boards qualifiers for going to the regionals to qualify for nationals. Our LO (hubby and wife team) have a LARGE area that they cover and truly need our help and they are so very thankful for us and we are so very happy to be apart of this League and be recognized for our standing sportsmanships etc.

On a more personal note......

It's been a few days since I took my last "make her period start" pill. Nothing yet... Still negatory on the pregnancy tests... I can't wait for it to start so I can take the chlomid again.

Also, on Tuesday I put in my app at a local company and an hour later they called me for an interview. Wednesday I interviewed and it went wonderfully. Friday I called to check up on things and to follow up and she said they'd know by Monday... Omigod I want/need this job so bad! The hours are perfect and it's closer to home and I can devote more time to our league.

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

no words can describe...

2011-09-15T14:14:00.000-05:00

The anger, hurt and shock I felt yesterday when I was told that Outlaw was breaking from our Tues night team and forming his own team. After weeks of us talking and having discussions about having three 6s on our team and that someone will have to sit out everyweek and we should take turns and him sayin "he's fine with that he doesn't need to play everynight" goes off and starts mouthing about how he is leaving us because he can't play everynight there isn't enough room for three 6s... Black Jack and Maverick both said they would have alternated between the two of them and let him play everyweek if need be.

What's worse is he got Diamond to join up with him because he told her he'd take her boyfriend! Now, all of this could have been avoided (i think) if he had not begged us to have Mrs. Outlaw join us INSTEAD of Diamond's boy. Really? So now Diamond wants to stay with us but she wants to be with her man. She left us. Good-bye Diamond :-( BlackJack is upset and so is Maverick and I.

And now the fun really begins... I knew that Hollywood had an issue with BlackJack (says he's a sandbagger but really they play him off alot worse than he really is. Sometimes he does shoot that badly because he's tired! He drives a dump truck for a living and wakes up at 2am to get loaded at 3am to be at the site by day break. Given most nights are until Midnight on league night that's not enough rest and it does affect his game.) Anyways, Hollywood doesn't want BlackJack on the team! Seriously, fuckin bullshit. He's got 2 of the biggest sandbaggers on his Mon and Wed night teams and he's gonna call shit on BlackJack? I think not. I told him, you don't have to like him you don't even have to speak to him. Damn just hang out with everyone else. Fuck it all.

So have now:
Tues 8 ball: Jester (me), Maverick, BlackJack, Ace and Hollywood. That's the minimum players. We are meeting up with 2 others that the owner of our poolhall says needs a team. Here's to hopin because I like to have a full roster not the minimum requirements...especially seeing as how we got fucked in the summer session because of that with Namesless dude quitting us!

Thurs 9 ball: Jester, Maverick, Ace, Jones, Hollywood, Sundown. I kicked Outlaw off after his tuesday stunt, told him to go build his own damn team! And Metro quit. But she quit before all this BS happened.

Fri Doubles: Jester & Maverick... I was having misgivings about being on a doubles league with Mr. and Mrs. Outlaw anyways so that works out for the best!

In other news........

I've taken 2 pregnancy tests, all are negative. They've doubled my chlomid. I still haven't started my period. I'm on meds to make it start. I got about 7 more days of those and hopefully should start within a few days and then 5 days after i start i can take my double dose of chlomid...

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

End of the Summer Session

2011-09-09T13:04:00.000-05:00

This week was the last week of the Summer League Session... (except for playoffs)

Tues 8 ball we were keeping in line with first and stayin in 2nd pretty much all session with just a few points behind them until our other teammates quit on us and it was just me, Maverick, Outlaw and Black Jack to tow the line. We did good until another team caught us in 2nd for a tie. We ended in 3rd which is pretty darn good for being short players! We can not wait for Fall session to start in a few weeks and we'll have our new teammates joining us: Mrs. Outlaw, Hollywood, Diamond and Ace. With a full roster and some kick-ass players joining our already awesome fourman 8ball killin machine we are sure to take it all the way :-)

Thurs 9 ball we've been in last place all session (4th place, only 4 teams). We had a few members drop out of it too (guess they can't handle league pressure?) and it was me, Maverick, Outlaw, Sundown, Metro and Hollywood takin names and gettin our butts kicked but kickin butt ourselves towards the end! lol after the whole session we started making a come back and doing really damn good ourselves and with Jones and Ace joing us I know that we're gonna be pretty damn good and a tough team to beat!!

I also wanted to let you know that Maverick and Hollywood's Monday and Wednesday night teams that they're on are going to the playoffs this coming week and I believe they finished 2nd and 3rd?? Don't quote me! Good luck to them on thier battle to get to the Local Team Champions!

Mav and I can't wait for fall session! And we can't wait to start Friday Night Doubles with Mr. and Mrs. Outlaw!!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

win some you lose some

2011-08-31T09:44:00.001-05:00

Last night was 8 ball league. Remember how I said we were solid 2nd and just a few points out of 1st?? We played the 3rd place team and the 1st played the last place team. 1st place steam rolled them and we lost 3-2. I was first up and I won my match 2-0. Black Jack came next and he won his match 5-2. Outlaw came next and he lost his match 5-3 and Maverick lost his match 5-3. In the APA they are both level 6 who played level 6, Black Jack is a 6 and played a 4 (his Vegas doubles partner of all people lol) and I played a 3, I am a 2. She was not a very good 3 or she was having an off night. Then I played again this time against an awesome 4 who is also on NAPA leagues and she rolled me 4-0. We are now tied in 2nd place and we'll go to the playoffs. We are NOT allowed to replay in the playoffs so I gotta get my A game on so we can win 4-1; I don't wanna be going back n forth between 1st and 2nd all session just to lose out on the first bracket in the playoffs.

I can taste Vegas; I call feel it in my bones! I wanna go back so bad and make a side trip through Sedona and get more of that awesome wine!!

I know if we don't make the Local Team Championships (you win that and you go to Vegas for the Nationals) this session we sure as hell are gonna take the League by storm this session. We have an AWESOME roster, we recruited some amazing players (yes, I stole em from the teams they were on) and we are gonna kick some pool butt! Too bad we have to wait until Fall session starts before they can play on our team! lol

As for Black Jack we had a talk last night. I'm gonna hang with him tonight (as usual since my falling out with Mav's mon/wed team) after my staff party at work. I have missed him so much! I am glad we're on better terms now. He was teasing me about putting together his own team; he'd be with us but he wants to keep his fri and saturday nights free. I am assuming this is for the fiance/girlfriend he never told anyone about. Shame on him! I asked when he was gonna let us all meet her and he said never. Pool and Personal/Family are seperate. She's not even on his facebook!! I kind of wonder about thier relationship... An ex of his showed up lastnight and he pointed her out to me. Omigod I can not see THAT happening. He said he wasn't thinking... obviously. Yes, I have a small crush on Black Jack. Everyone knows including the husband... he calls him my boyfriend lol

And on that note... i need to get ready and go birthday shopping for Maverick, his birthday is saturday and then I gotta go to work and party on a barge and eat some yummy food and go hang with my peeps and my fave pool hall. but first, another 3 miles! and, i've lost 5 lbs so far this past week or so :-) go me!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

The end of Summer is drawing near

2011-08-30T10:29:00.001-05:00

Can you believe that 1 year ago today I was spending the day packing our entire life up to move back to Arkanas? That means that Maverick's birthday is this weekend. I wanted to do something extra special for him since we spent last year moving on his birthday but he got a pretty sweet tv when we moved so... lol

I got my test results back, my levels were extremely low. Atleast they were not undetectable (like in 2004 when the exhusband Hephaestus and I were on baby makers) and now I'm just waiting for the call to increase the dosage of Chlomid and possible take the Progesterone pills (depends on if the "visitor" shows like she's supose to or not...).

MomI's surgery went well. They removed the tumor (again) and showed it to be not cancerous (again) and so now they're scheduling a MRI (again) to try and get to the bottom of all this.

Tonight we have 8 ball league. Currently we're in 2nd place and lack 1st by 3 points. And I found out that Black Jack isn't going to be able to make it tonight and with half our team quitting 3 weeks before session is up ($$ issues for them, lost jobs etc) it left us with 4 players. Which if he doesn't show tonight that leaves 3 players and 1 replay so we forfeit a match. We can do a replay but only in regular season so if we can do this tonight and pull into 1st we skip the play offs and go straight for the Local Team Championships or if we can stay in 2nd we can't replay in the playoffs and we have to kill the first 3 games and win out. We have new members waiting in the wings for Fall session to begin. We are going to have a kickass team in both 8 ball and 9 ball (thurs nights). AND with the new Fall session we have a new doubles format. Alternating 8 ball and 9 ball everyother week. Single, Scotch Doubles, Single in the night. We are so excited! And I asked Black Jack to team up with us and he's being all reluctant and shit. I am seriously hurt here, my feelings are hurt so badly. I love and care for him so much as a friend, we've bonded and gotten really close and for him not to want to join us... it just hurts. So instead of having a 4 man team Mav said we can do it with just me and him and we'll be ok. We can add another player (up to 2) within the first 4 weeks of play so here's to hoping Black Jack changes his mind!

In Love, Laughter and Light...
Jester

randoms

2011-08-22T09:44:00.001-05:00

My car is sick, she's having tranny issues. She's being admitted to the car repair place today for god knows how long and for how much money! I have to leave in 1.5 hours... ugh. And can only get to about 30 mph.

I take my blood test to see how we're doing with the baby makers in 1 week. really hope I have my car is back by then.

MomI is having another tumor removed from her neck. they still say benign but it's grown 4 x the size it was when first removed in 4 months. plus she was diagnosed with copd. this is not looking well for MomI. this is to take place on wednesday and my car is broke.

the ironic thing about my car is i've been helping a friend out who had tranny issues. i had just dropped her off and was 1/2 way home when my car decided to take a break too... thankfully i was by our pool hall and had the chance to chill with some awesome peoples while i waited for Maverick to get me.

speaking of pool. one of my dearest friends (Black Jack) went to vegas for the apa championships and got 5th place in the nation! how aewsome is that!?

Hello Baby Makers!

2011-08-15T12:42:00.000-05:00

Thursday I went to the Dr. this was the appointment we've been waiting for: to get a conception plan and start makin babies!! Today will be my last day of this round of baby makers. Sadly it doesn't seem like my body wants to cooperate here lately. I'll spare you all the nasty details. Lets just say it's been a frustrating past 3 months. I did however get off the one meds I've been on for the past 4 years or so. I am very happy about that!

I hope to bring you sonogram pictures soon! I just need to keep remembering to have patience. The time will come and i'll have a beautiful baby with my wonderful husband!

My tattoos

2011-08-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

As we all know this one loves her tattoos. In junction with what I currently have I want:

the 8 ball and the 9 ball also maybe a full rack too
the rest of the tarot cards... wand (fire), pentacle (earth) and cup (water)
my most coveteded one and most expensive: comedy/tragedy faces done joker style with the treble clef between them

For the remainder of the tarot cards I was thinking of just going down my right leg (which is where the sword is, upper right out side of my leg). Then the sword (air) would be on top. It has a blue stone in the hilt for air as well. If I can get a good enough artist I can find one who can draw out the other 3 to match the sword like a set. That would be awesomeness! I thinking I want to represent the elements are little more, not sure what to do about the sword but the pentacle could have vines, the wand fire some how and the cup spilling a little bit of water down the side or have it over flow water.

For the 8 and 9 ball I was thinking of having them "crashed" into each other like a broken heart type of deal. How awesome would that be?! just don't have a friggin CLUE as to where I'd put it on my body! I'd like it easily showable but easily hideable like the rest of mine...

The comedy/tragedy joker faces are going on my back. Was lower back but since the spine fusion I have a scar so I am sure it's going to be on my back just not which position on my back.

What do you think? Do you love tattoos?

good-bye hair!

2011-07-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

Before

After

Sadly, there was not enough to donate... I just couldn't wait any longer!! IT HAD TO GO!! the hubster has not seen it yet... he's taking a nap he's been working from 3 am to 1 pm... we'll see what he says when he wakes up :)

4 years...

2011-07-12T11:36:00.002-05:00

Can you believe that Maverick and I have been together (officially) for 4 years? If we counted the MONTHS and MONTHS that we talked first it'd be 4.5 years lol or so...

can you imagine? going into 5 years together!

I am so happy! I love my hubby!!

When You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2011-07-11T11:58:00.000-05:00

First off, my honey's got a new codename: Maverick; as in Top Gun... We did this for our pool league. But then I quit our Monday and Wednesday night teams... I decided to keep my hubby as Maverick in all aspects because I believe it suits him very well. Mine is Jester... It suits me well if you know my past at all and my tarot stuff. I've also added to the "friends list" newest ontop in each category... some codenames are still eluding me.

As we all know in Chicago I had a hard time making true friends. Alot of folks were shallow and/or selfish and wanted YOU to be there for THEM... well, those types of people sadly are every where but I am finally starting to feel like I have some friends now here in the new 'hood. Granted they're mostly pool league peeps but not all.

I lost 2 of what I thought were good friends this past week. It was a painful breakup but I am better off without Cougar and Viper in my life and defintly Wolfman! I will miss Goose; I hope I can see him sometime and I still have him on facebook... Hollywood insisted on not letting our friendship die and I am so happy for that! I hope we can get back to normal soon. Hollywood is also on my thurs night team.

I won't bore you with all the deets as I have to get ready for work... but I just got tired of Cougar being 2 faced and a bitch. And it's one thing to call me a bitch straigt up but to go behind my back and tell everyone that I know how terrible I am, that's a different story. All I did was request that Wolfman not be in the TEAM picture when he's NOT on the wednesday night team. So Cougar and Viper both said "if Jester's on it, we're not... we want Wolfman back" and that's the same bullshit that Cougar pulled on Wolfman last sesson. I found out she's not a true friend. And it's sad because I did like her.

But it's ok! I have all these other friends still and coming up with codes for them is going to be fun! everyone is so diverse :)

a letter of sorrow and regret

2011-06-27T11:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Mother,

Why must you ruin a beautiful weekend? I know it started out rocky when we game back from driving around the "old hood" and your husband was a drunk ass stupid person as always... I did appologize to you for yelling at him but seriously he needs help and you do to! What's sad is that you asked for help! You said you wished you could leave him... and I gave you an out, of all people in this world I told YOU that you could live with me if it meant you could be happy again and You didn't want to live with DrunkAss anymore. But you took my words, you twisted them and abused them like you always do. And that hurts me. You developed in your head that I had some sceme to kidnap you or something.

I was trying to help. This weekend was about extending an olive branch to help us heal from the past...

Instead when we came to say good-bye sunday morning instead of saying how wonderful saturday was and how great of a time we had together and instead of making plans to do it again...

You start doggin my daddy and your daddy, MY GRANDFATHER. Two of the very few people who have been there for me my whole life AND WHO HAVE NEVER HURT ME in the ways you have. And that's a no no especially coming from the woman that abused me and tried to kill me. He was there for me. He raised me. You didn't have to move to another state. You chose to move away from me. You called me almost daily on the phone saying how much you missed and loved me. I tried to have a go at it with you, MANY FUCKING TIMES I TRIED. Even as a child I tried... And you just hurt me... DruggyHubby hit me and you. I physically got into a fight with both him and DrunkHubby. I was placed in protective services FOUR times while waiting for daddy to come and get me.

I regret trying to get to know you. I have to say I'm sad over the awful memories that occured because of this. I wish I could go back and undo it all... You always took away my happiness and you made me cry. I always went back to arkansas "with my tail between my legs" because of visits to your home.

I am 31 years old... And I am so heartbroken that things have not changed. And there seems to be nothing I can do about it now.

Even though you tried to kill me when I was a baby, I do love you... But you need help. Serious help. Until that happens we may talk on the phone, we may write letters... but I will NEVER give you the chance to see your grandchildren (God bless the day I have any) and I will never see you again.

What's so awesome about the Summer?

2011-06-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

Fishing, going out on the lake, spending time with friends and family, more hours in the sunlight, getting a tan...

And best of all! My Birthday, which is tomorrow. And Father's Day, which is this Sunday. I must say that the middle of June truly is the best time of the year. There is a strong and special bond between Daddy and I because of me being born on Father's Day and that makes him a very awesome birthday gift and I am a pretty awesome father's day present!

Happy Father's Day to the Greatest Daddy a gal could ask for!

(a few days early, who knows when I'll get on here again)

Litha, Midsummer

2011-06-07T15:33:00.005-05:00

The young maid stole through the cottage door,

And blushed as she sought the Plant of pow'r;--

'Thou silver glow-worm, O lend me thy light,

I must gather the mystic St. John's wort tonight,

The wonderful herb, whose leaf will decide

If the coming year shall make me a bride.

In addition to the four great festivals of the Pagan Celtic year, there are four lesser holidays as well: the two solstices, and the two equinoxes. In folklore, these are referred to as the four 'quarter-days' of the year, and modern Witches call them the four 'Lesser Sabbats', or the four 'Low Holidays'. The Summer Solstice is one of them.

Technically, a solstice is an astronomical point and, due to the calendar creep of the leap-year cycle, the date may vary by a few days depending on the year. The summer solstice occurs when the sun reaches the Tropic of Cancer, and we experience the longest day and the shortest night of the year. Astrologers know this as the date on which the sun enters the sign of Cancer.

However, since most European peasants were not accomplished at reading an ephemeris or did not live close enough to Salisbury Plain to trot over to Stonehenge and sight down its main avenue, they celebrated the event on a fixed calendar date, June 24th. The slight forward displacement of the traditional date is the result of multitudinous calendrical changes down through the ages. It is analogous to the winter solstice celebration, which is astronomically on or about December 21st, but is celebrated on the traditional date of December 25th, later adopted by the Christians.

The June 24th festivities actually begin on the previous sundown (our June 23rd). This was Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Eve. Which brings up another point: our modern calendars are quite misguided in suggesting that 'summer begins' on the solstice. According to the old folk calendar, summer begins on May Day and ends on Lammas (August 1st), with the summer solstice, midway between the two, marking mid-summer. This makes more logical sense than suggesting that summer begins on the day when the sun's power begins to wane and the days grow shorter.

Although our Pagan ancestors probably preferred June 24th (and indeed most European folk festivals today use this date), the sensibility of modern Witches seems to prefer the actual solstice point, beginning the celebration on its eve, or the sunset immediately preceding the solstice point. Again, it gives modern Pagans a range of dates to choose from with, hopefully, a weekend embedded in it.

Just as the Pagan mid-winter celebration of Yule was adopted by Christians as Christmas (December 25th), so too the Pagan mid-summer celebration was adopted by them as the feast of John the Baptist (June 24th). Occurring 180 degrees apart on the wheel of the year, the mid-winter celebration commemorates the birth of Jesus, while the mid-summer celebration commemorates the birth of John, the prophet who was born six months before Jesus in order to announce his arrival.

Although modern Witches often refer to the holiday by the rather generic name of Midsummer's Eve, it is more probable that our Pagan ancestors of a few hundred years ago actually used the Christian name for the holiday, St. John's Eve. This is evident from the wealth of folklore that surrounds the summer solstice (i.e. that it is a night especially sacred to the faerie folk) but which is inevitably ascribed to 'St. John's Eve', with no mention of the sun's position. It could also be argued that a Coven's claim to antiquity might be judged by what name it gives the holidays. (Incidentally, the name 'Litha' for the holiday is a modern usage, possibly based on a Saxon word that means the opposite of Yule. Still, there is little historical justification for its use in this context.) But weren't our Pagan ancestors offended by the use of the name of a Christian saint for a pre-Christian holiday?

Well, to begin with, their theological sensibilities may not have been as finely honed as our own. But secondly and more importantly, St. John himself was often seen as a rather Pagan figure. He was, after all, called 'the Oak King'. His connection to the wilderness (from whence 'the voice cried out') was often emphasized by the rustic nature of his shrines. Many statues show him as a horned figure (as is also the case with Moses). Christian iconographers mumble embarrassed explanations about 'horns of light', while modern Pagans giggle and happily refer to such statues as 'Pan the Baptist'. And to clench matters, many depictions of John actually show him with the lower torso of a satyr, cloven hooves and all! Obviously, this kind of John the Baptist is more properly a Jack in the Green! Also obvious is that behind the medieval conception of St. John lies a distant, shadowy Pagan deity, perhaps the archetypal Wild Man of the Wood, whose face stares down at us through the foliate masks that adorn so much church architecture. Thus medieval Pagans may have had fewer problems adapting than we might suppose.

In England, it was the ancient custom on St. John's Eve to light large bonfires after sundown, which served the double purpose of providing light to the revelers and warding off evil spirits. This was known as 'setting the watch'. People often jumped through the fires for good luck. In addition to these fires, the streets were lined with lanterns, and people carried cressets (pivoted lanterns atop poles) as they wandered from one bonfire to another. These wandering, garland-bedecked bands were called a 'marching watch'. Often they were attended by morris dancers, and traditional players dressed as a unicorn, a dragon, and six hobby-horse riders. Just as May Day was a time to renew the boundary on one's own property, so Midsummer's Eve was a time to ward the boundary of the city.

Customs surrounding St. John's Eve are many and varied. At the very least, most young folk plan to stay up throughout the whole of this shortest night. Certain courageous souls might spend the night keeping watch in the center of a circle of standing stones. To do so would certainly result in either death, madness, or (hopefully) the power of inspiration to become a great poet or bard. (This is, by the way, identical to certain incidents in the first branch of the 'Mabinogion'.) This was also the night when the serpents of the island would roll themselves into a hissing, writhing ball in order to engender the 'glain', also called the 'serpent's egg', 'snake stone', or 'Druid's egg'. Anyone in possession of this hard glass bubble would wield incredible magical powers. Even Merlyn himself (accompanied by his black dog) went in search of it, according to one ancient Welsh story.

Snakes were not the only creatures active on Midsummer's Eve. According to British faery lore, this night was second only to Halloween for its importance to the wee folk, who especially enjoyed a ridling on such a fine summer's night. In order to see them, you had only to gather fern seed at the stroke of midnight and rub it onto your eyelids. But be sure to carry a little bit of rue in your pocket, or you might well be 'pixie-led'. Or, failing the rue, you might simply turn your jacket inside-out, which should keep you from harm's way. But if even this fails, you must seek out one of the 'ley lines', the old straight tracks, and stay upon it to your destination. This will keep you safe from any malevolent power, as will crossing a stream of 'living' (running) water.

Other customs included decking the house (especially over the front door) with birch, fennel, St. John's wort, orpin, and white lilies. Five plants were thought to have special magical properties on this night: rue, roses, St. John's wort, vervain and trefoil. Indeed, Midsummer's Eve in Spain is called the 'Night of the Verbena (Vervain)'. St. John's wort was especially honored by young maidens who picked it in the hopes of divining a future lover.

Altogether, Midsummer is a favorite holiday for many Witches in that it is so hospitable to outdoor celebrations. The warm summer night seems to invite it. And if the celebrants are not in fact skyclad, then you may be fairly certain that the long ritual robes of winter have yielded place to short, tunic-style apparel. As with the longer gowns, tradition dictates that one should wear nothing underneath -- the next best thing to skyclad, to be sure. (Incidentally, now you know the real answer to the old Scottish joke, 'What is worn beneath the kilt?')

The two chief icons of the holiday are the spear (symbol of the Sun-God in his glory) and the summer cauldron (symbol of the Goddess in her bounty). The precise meaning of these two symbols, which I believe I have recently discovered, will be explored in the essay on the death of Llew. But it is interesting to note here that modern Witches often use these same symbols in the Midsummer rituals. And one occasionally hears the alternative consecration formula, 'As the spear is to the male, so the cauldron is to the female...' With these mythic associations, it is no wonder that Midsummer is such a joyous and magical occasion!

I can not remember where I obtained these articles many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, these articles has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create these peices and I do not claim them to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

I'm a married woman!

2011-05-10T23:27:00.000-05:00

April 30, 2011 was an awesome day. We spent a marvelous honeymoon week traveling the desert and the wild wild west. I love my hubby and couldn't be happier!!

If you want to look at my pics add me to Facebook or Twitter and you can see them there.

the days are upon us!

2011-04-28T17:30:00.000-05:00

tomorrow we head up the mountain and on saturday i get to marry my wonderful fiance of nearly 2 years. i could not nor would i ever want to ask or wish for another or better man. i am so blessed to be his wife and become a part of his awesome family!

stay tuned for pics of the wedding and honeymoon adventures :)

11 days ... still counting down!

2011-04-19T17:06:00.000-05:00

I have been so busy but not busy I have been a bad girl and neglected by blog!! I'm sorry!!

Since we last spoke all of my bridesmaids have thier attire now. ArmyGirl agreed to be a bridesmaid :) She found the perfect dress in 3 days of looking :)

I've been enjoying making new friends at work. I'll have to come up with some names I guess!! lol We have an expected 75 people to come to the wedding! How awesome is that. One of the above mentioned work friends is going to babysit the furrbabies for us and stay at the house so it's not empty while we're gone for a week and a half. Insane as it might sound ... Kai actually likes her.

We threw a "mini party" last week and it was a great success!

All in all... just chillaxin and loving my fiance and anxiously awaiting our wedding!

sometimes I just feel like giving up

2011-03-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

First we'll start off with my bridesmaids. Any time I tried to get them together 1 or all of them couldn't make it. And if I planned for 2 of them then one of them couldn't make it leaving only 1 and usually the one would say they couldn't either. I started off with 4 bridesmaids and 1 jr. bridesmaid. One of them dropped out. So I decided to make the jr. a regular. Well she got flakey because she has a dance competion that weekend and couldn't decide. So this weekend we (me and her mother) cut her from the wedding leaving me with 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsman... Only 1 of these bridesmaids have thier dress... None of thier dresses will be the same.

Now for the groomsmen. Taranis doesn't have "friends" so he had no idea who he would want for a groomsman. Enter his brothers. Awesome we have 3 groomsmen. But we needed a 4th (at the time) and I wanted my best friend to be there who is in the Air Force. Enter his spouse, long story short he can't afford to come and neither can I afford to pay that amount of airfare after paying for someone else's airfare (another story) so he's out of the running. And it broke my heart. But before that we had one of joe's old college buddies as a 5th possible groomsmen incase we needed someone and he backed out because his wife is due around the time of our wedding. I love babies and I understand but I'm still sad... does that make me a bad person? Ok so maybe sad is a little understanded by that point I was kind of upset. 2 drop outs on groomsmen. 1 drop out on bridesmaids and a flakey bridesmaid... So we asked my brother Swift and he can't make it because of his own baby's birth and my other brother is stationed overseas right now and won't be able to make it and I'm not close to my other brother...

Now the lengths I go to have my way... I paid airfare for a dear friend of mine to come be at the wedding with me as my hair and makeup and photographer. I love her to peices would do anything! and she's coming!! bought her ticket. YAY. I am the happiest bride ever and things are finally starting to look up! I have ALL of the wedding items put together. MomI has 99% of everything together. We got my dress (after a huge bridezilla moment where I thought I was going to uninvite BioMom from everything) and my veil is made and Taranis' mom is making my garters because I can't find ones I like. She's also buying the men's attire. All i have left now is the ushers' outfits...

Then we have an usher drop out. My sisters' husbands are to be the ushers and 1 of them has backed out. Because of hunting season. Thankfully joe has made friends since we moved back home and we had a replacement immediately! *score*

Ready to hear the devastating part? We've been planning this wedding for 2 years. Anyone and everyone knows that there are certain things in a wedding that happen. First of all you have bridal fittings and the MOB (mother of the bride) and MOG (mother of the groom) go out together with the bride (traditionally) and buy special dresses/clothes and coordinate and help the bride pick her dress and the maids come too for thier dresses, etc... So BioMom calls me the other day and she says she got her invite it's so beautiful and wants to tell me her itenerary. It has nothing to do with the rehearsal nor does it include staying for the reception. We got a cabin for her and her husband so he could stay sober long enough to attend the ceremony and then go get drunk in thier cabin. He's a booozer. And I don't like him. I told her about the sand ceremony and that we'd like for her participate. I told her about the reception. ETC ETC ETC. So now we're giving up a cabin. And she wont be attending the rehearsal. She'll just be at the ceremony and leave right after so she wont be driving down the mountain at dark. HELLO THAT'S WHY WE GOT THE FREAKIN CABIN FOR YOU FOR TWO NIGHTS... but I should not get upset, she's going to stay with her mom. That's fine... I'm over it. Whatever. What upsets me the most is she says we never had those conversations.

And after all that I realized last night that altho we might not be CLOSE anymore she is still dear to my heart and ArmyGirl should be in my wedding, I was her Maid of Honor, we were fresh out of high school... So I'm going to ask her this week. I'll have 4 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen again. After all why let a bouquet go unused? And it's not hard for mom to make another boutenier if we find another groomsman.

nothing new

2011-03-10T21:32:00.000-06:00

lost 1 lb so i'm down to 240. i have 90 to go! this working 2 jobs is kicking my ass. and all the running around we've been doing. it's been an insane 2 weeks. i actually forgot to pay bills.... insane i know. i found my shoes for the wedding. so that's something down... remember aunt D that died? momI gave me her earings to wear as my something old. they're antique. i'll have to give them back but that's all good. i get a pearl necklace out of the deal b/c taranis is gonna buy me a necklace :) and he said a bracelet too. i just hope he gets a pair of matching earings to wear with them as well.

words can not describe the pain and joy i feel inside

2011-03-05T23:10:00.000-06:00

today was a happy day. started off blissfully with my MomI and Daddy with FMIL at the house enjoying coffee and breakfast while preparing for a drive to Memphis to pickout my wedding dress. We were also going to meetup with BioMom. This scenario has given me countless nightmares BUT, I tried on 3 dresses and the 3rd was the one and the nervousness finally dissapated. It was confirmed BioMom was going to be on her best behavior. We were all one huge happy family and I was absolutely thrilled and happy...

then...... devastation.

Great-Grandpa D might not be blood but I have known him 23 of my nearly 31 years on this earth. But he was still my great-grandpa. I am sad for my sister Raquel, MomJ and Grandma D (his daughter) and my other family from MomJ's side. I am so sad and heartbroken that he died today.

Happiness one minute and tears the next, I honestly don't think I can manage these complicated emotional tornados ripping through my insides without an explosion.

I love you, Grandpa D. I am filled with sorrow that you are gone and hearbroken that you won't see me say "I do" to the greatest man on earth. I am content with the knowledge that you won't feel anymore pain. I am glad your suffering was brief....but I will miss you until we meet again, You're faithful and loving great-grandaughter, J.

Weigh in Wednesday... on a Tuesday!

2011-03-01T17:20:00.000-06:00

Last week I was 244 lbs when I weighed in. A few days ago I cheated and glanced at the scale and it said about 240.5 and this morning when I hopped on it was truly 241. So that's 3 lbs in this past week. I am so freaking happy!!

However, we also did my measurements and they stayed the same/barely changed so we figure I did em wrong the first time?! Who knows all I know is my clothes are looser (very noticeably looser I need a belt for my jeans!) and I feel so much better than I have in a long long time!!

(i did my stuff a day early because of my double shift tomorrow and our pool league)

cheater cheater!! lol, not really :)

2011-02-27T08:53:00.001-06:00

I use to get on the scale every day or 2 days and I made myself STOP. Well.... don't know what's possessed me the past week but I've gotten on the scale daily and I am down to just over 240 lbs. The scale marker isn't RIGHT ON the 40 it's just A HAIR above it...so I'm calling it 240.5... If you look to the side you'll notice that's about 3-4 lbs in less than a week. I know, that's excessive but I wasn't trying. I've been eating, hell I've been eating.... if you know what I mean!! lol And, haven't been excersizing this week. With a full weeks worth of orientation and working 7 days straight I am so ready for this coming Saturday!! I get to go WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING!!

I am squeeling my happy ass all the way to Memphis!!

Orientation of ME

2011-02-23T00:00:00.000-06:00

I had the most awesome orientation today!! I <3 My new company so much!! I can NOT wait until the middle of March when I can kiss the old job good-bye completely!!!

Oh, btw.... did you notice that my wedding date is the Eve of May Day aka Bealtaine?!

I Can Not Let You Walk Out That Door And Never See You Again...

2011-02-20T23:21:00.000-06:00

I have never had anyone say this to me before, but yesterday those words came out of my new bosses mouth. Yup, you heard that right, my new boss... You see I have been applying for part time work and looking for supplemental jobs since I realized that the pet hospital wasn't going to give me what I needed or desired. That became a huge reality when I noticed they were looking for another "me". So that kind of ticked me off a bit, I want more work/hours and they're hiring someone else and come to find out the girl who trained me is quitting. Remember me telling ya'll that she and I would "share" a shift? She'd work the 1st half and I'd work the last half? Well, wouldn't it make sense if she quit to have me work the whole shift? Apperantly not, they thought I didn't want to work more hours. Really? Whatever...

So, enough rambling...

I found a job in the paper in a resort & spa like I worked at in Chicago and yes I was no where near qualified for that position listed in the paper but I got a call back to interview!! I set up a Saturday interview and I anxiously waited all week long. Finally, my chance came to try and charm my way into a postion I knew was probably too much for me but I was willing to give it my all and be damned with the consequences... All the way there (45 minute drive of nothing but Ouachita National Forest) I was praying that if they didn't hire me for the supervisor job that they'd say they needed help in accounting or SOMETHING...

After about 30 minutes of conversation and talking about me and my life and my goals and the past and the present and the future she says "You know you're not qualified for this position, right? You don't have the supervisory experience that is needed..." I said yes, but if you never take a chance then you'll never know. She responded that she agreed and said "but I can not let you walk out that door and never see you again. I want to hire you as a front desk agent. Can you start on monday??" ofcourse me, I say Are you serious? And she says "YES!" and we laugh and giggle and she says I'm great, I'm exactly what she's looking for and they just started looking for that position!! I tell her I can't on Monday because of the pet hospital but that I'll put in my 2 week notice on Monday and send her my schedule that I have and I can start immediately and come in on the days I don't work.

Tuesday is my first day!! I am so freaking happy. I am going up $ and hours. PLUS they do have billing like I did before and since I'll have my foot in the door and know the ins/outs of the company/procedures I'll have a better chance of going back to what I loved doing in Chicago!! -That is if a postion opens up in accounting. She said they do have a very low turnover. But that's ok. I can wait. And who knows what may happen in the meantime!!

This week, I have no regrets!!

2011-02-16T09:05:00.000-06:00

You ready for this?? I lost 4 lbs this week! *doing a happy dance* That totally makes up for the stagnant weeks in my honest opinion!!! Lets recap the week shall we?

For a refresher here were my goals:

Eat within my calorie range.
Drink TONS of water!
Do at least 1 cardio -including my strength training days.

Wednesday: I told you I was participating in JoAnna's "Operation No Regrets" And I laid out my goals for you. Only one of those didn't get met and that was excersise. I procrastinated until I was finished with laundry and ended up slamming my hand into the dryer and bending back my pinky and wrist in an unnatural and painful manner. May we say "OUCH"? while I am kicking myself for not excersising earlier in the day I can't really say much but "silly girl"...

Thursday: Babying an injured wrist the only goal not met was excersise.

Friday: With "healed" hand/wrist I did my strength training and I had to FORCE myself to eat up to my calories. lol I know right, I find myself having to eat extra in the evening for dinner or a snack later (usually a snack, I save the extra cals for later) because I skimp so much during the day I end up under!

Saturday: I was nearly at my max on calories... If you follow me on twitter or fb you'll know that Friday and Saturday was spent searching for items for the wedding regarding our invatations. My sister is doing them for us and she bought out hobby lobby a bazillion times in her area so we decided to search the ones here and in the meantime found out they were having a 60% off sale. So when work let me go after 2.5 hours on saturday we decided to take advantage of my unexpected time off and travel all over central arkansas in search of Hobby Lobbys. We hit 7 stores total and bought out everyone darn one of em!! In process that made it to where we ate out for lunch and while I tried to eat "healthy" when I got my plate I realized that words can be deceiving?? I ended up skipping dinner #1, I wasn't hungry after eating more than I normally do in a meal and #2 I was almost maxed on cals. We ended up meeting up with my daddy and MomI and I walked A TON in the mall with her so that makes up for the luncheon overload. But I have no regrets! I had a wonderful "valentines luncheon" with my fiance and we got more than we expected for the wedding (bubbles and candies) because the price was right and i got to spend one on one time with MomI and daddy and Taranis got to hang out together.

Sunday: was an amazing day! my handsome and I went to the hardware store and bought lumber to make a ballreturn on our pool table. it's so awesome! and I got to use power tools :) lol we made homemade spinach and chicken alfredo pizza and i stayed within my calorie range. it was an awesome day!!

Monday: I totally kicked ass. Stayed within my calories and did both strength and awesome cardio.

Tuesday: that day was a test. a test to see if I could up myself to 6 miles from 3 miles. I also scrubbed my house from ceiling to carpet... aka I did my monthly deep scrub. so after spending all day scrubbing and cleaning i climbed on my gazelle and i did 3 miles and i was exhausted but i took a 10 min break and i got right back on and did another 3. i was ready to collapse but I did it and I will say that my fitness goals have now taken a turn, i can no longer do 3 every other day and it be ok. Oh, and my calories were perfect!!

My new goals:
Strength Training = Increase each by 1 set.
Cardio= 3 miles on Strength Training days and 6 miles on the other days.

Operation: No Regrets

2011-02-09T11:18:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite people (JoAnna aka Mad, Fat Woman) is challening us on our weight loss journies to have no regrets! I'm going to join her in this because this past week, I've had alot of regrets:

Chocolate for Charity Festival (Good cause, great fun with the fiance but not nice to my scale)
Didn't eat within my calorie range... as you can see on my Food & Excersise Journal
Didn't do atleast 1 cardio a day -including the days of my strength training

Today is also my weigh in day... I restarted this journey a month ago at 260 lbs. Last week I weighed in at 250. This week.... 250. Maintained a weight loss of 10 lbs. If I could have just changed some things... It could have been more...

This week's "I will have no regrets" Goals:

Eat within my calorie range.
Drink TONS of water!
Do at least 1 cardio -including my strength training days.
Quit my job.

Yes, I said quit my job. If you follow my FB or Twitter you'd see that things are no longer ideal at the pet hospital. One person says one thing, another person says another thing and that equals me getting "lectured at" alot. One of the Docs said it took me over an hour to assess and log in a new patient. (Which is pure BS, btw) They're losing money and not making money which means they're going downhill. I don't get any hours. I was looking at "minimalistic" hours to begin with at 20 hrs a week but 3 - 6 hours a week sometimes none at all are not ideal, I wanna work! I wanna do SOMETHING. They don't have enough patients/hours for all the manpower and they're barebones as it is. So, I'm going to go back to school this summer (I hope I have given enough time for grant and loan approvals, plus the spring semester is in full swing already) I tentatively put Early Childhood Development as my major. I am not 100% sure on what I want to do but with the community college near by, that's all I saw that interests me. Taranis got a promotion at work and with his $ an hour he makes already (hopefully an increase comes soon!) plus his extra 30 - 45 minutes a day from his promotion (overtime) he can make up what little (or no) income I brought in.

Wish me luck!! And go visit JoAnna!! She and her blog was featured on our local news and I am so proud of her!!

Happy New Year!!, Oh damn I'm late to the party...

2011-02-05T10:07:00.001-06:00

As you can imagine the last 6 months of any wedding is hard... given you've been planning for any significant amount of time. Women who say "lets get married in 3 months" are ridiculous!!

I went through a bout of depression. Angry at myself and the world. Didn't gain weight but I didn't lose any either so I fail on that big time. Since starting over with the "new and healthier me" I have lost 10 lbs and hope to continue to lose more before the wedding. My goal is to lose 50 by end of June, which is doable if I stay on task. Yes, I'm still keeping track on the sidebar.

One of my goals is "journaling" again. So to you blogger: thank you for still being here!!

It's been hard getting my bridesmaids together. I lost one completely and thought that I might have lost another but her daughter decided not to do her dance competition and wanted to be apart of my wedding as the replacement for the lost bridesmaid. SCORE! We've went through so many groomsmen it's a wonder we even have any! My bestie Coolio was supose to be one and he can't because of the military. The original Best Man dropped out because his wife is pregnant and due when our wedding is. Then we asked my brother Swift to stand in for Coolio, well his wife is pregnant too and due the same time... So now I have 4 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen and no bestman. I have a MAID of Honor and a MATRON of Honor because I couldn't choose between 1 or the other of 2 girls...

Would you be concerned if I told you I didn't have my dress yet?? I am a little concerned as well. March 5th we go to pick one out. BioMom is driving 3.5 hours to there. I won't lay all the drama on you but you'd think the mother(s) of the bride would do any and everything to be there with her while she tries on dresses, right?! Ugh. So after many tears and many tantrums........hers not mine........ biomom has agreed to meet me in Memphis. While MomI and FMIL ride with me to Memphis to meet her. All I have to say is that BioMom better leave MomI alone and not cause any drama. MomI is a wonderful woman and damnit I got so happy I cried tears of joyous happiness when she told me she'd come. That made my day more than anything....

Well, maybe not ANYTHING... we got our rings. They're black titanium with diamonds. <3 them! I am so freakin happy.

MomI is done with most of the flowers. She's got my headpeice/veil done. We got the flower girls dresses and thier little pail/shovel. We got the bear for the ring girl to carry down the aisle with the rings around his next on a heart shaped "locket" pillow. It's going to be so cute.

*wait, i'm tearing up again*

so basically now all we gotta do is finish off the table settings (we're making our own silverware sets with seashells strung on twine to wrap around napkins and plasticware) and buy the table necessities. We need to purchase the groomsmen's attire and Joe's attire. I'm going to make a "tropical basket" for giftcards and cards to go into.

everything is coming together nicely. and i'm happy to be marrying my handsome fiance!

Happy Thanksgiving!! Gobble Gobble Gobble!!

2010-11-25T14:36:00.001-06:00

Take a peak at our tukey day feast!! Here you see greenbean casserole, cornbread dressing, mashed sweet tators with marshmallows (the mini festive colored ones ofcourse), turkey, homemade rolls and our pretty table cloth we got at the market a few weeks back.

Brrrr! It's gettin' cold in here, it's so cold I'm-a put my Snuggie on!!

2010-11-17T08:29:00.000-06:00

Our heater isn't working... just left a vm for our landlord. This makes the 3rd item to break/not working to begin with... our first week here the dishwasher didn't work, then a few weeks after that the garbage disposal decided to leak (we gather it leaked the whole time we didn't realize it until it became a very large leak) and now the heat doesn't work and it's friggin cold! The a/c works and it's an all in one unit we believe... waiting for her to call me back. ugh.

Kai got spayed last week, she's doing good but her immune system crashed so now she has a cold and i'm sure this cold house isn't helping her!

Work is getting better, I'm starting to actually retain the information and I don't think I'm making as many mistakes as before.

We had planned to go see BioMom this weekend but I honestly forgot all about it all and ended up having to work and so she was going to come visit and she was afraid to travel alone. We were going to visit Taranis' momma for actual turkey day but that's not in our budget right now because of the move and neither of us can get off long enough... I hope maybe we can go for christmas? dunno yet but I do know she's trying to come visit in January and I'm gonna go to BioMom's in February hopefully.

I got great news regarding my credit, I'm finally all cleared up! It's great to feel like I can actually go and do something with our future now instead of being scared of rejection and looking down upon by others because my past was rocky.

Really wish my landlord would call... less clothing is more comfortable but damn I'm cold :( going back to snuggle under blankies.

ok Karma, what did I do to piss you off??

2010-11-09T12:21:00.000-06:00

Was it being happy?? Was it that I was going to do something for myself?? Was it because --oh I don't know... I have a job that actually makes me feel good inside because I'm helping People and thier Pets??

Tell me WHY is it that at 10pm last night my cable tv and internet got cut off... oh that's simple... we never received a bill, we received the 1st one which was not really a bill at all but a "balance due" on the stuff we had ordered (had to pay for the dvr separate)... so after that, never received a friggin bill. So a person (me) who pays thier bills impecably didn't pay thier tv/internet bill *sigh* but it was in Taranis' name and he had to spend his lunch break dealing with that crap and thankfully was able to get it taken care of.

Also, the "new" radiator we got his truck, yeap just as bad as the old one and buying used thier is no "warranties" -what you see is what you get so we went and bought a brand spankin new one yesterday -over $150 bucks thank you very much! We were already beyond breaking at that point and to come home and find the cable out and that we owed another $100 (due to late fees) to turn it on just really put a cramp in the things that need to get done:

magnetic paper for the save the dates
cake toppers -one for the cake one for our centerpeice
my contacts

thankfully Taranis got another payout on his retirement 401k that we were not expecting (that covered the radiator and cable) then we were left with doing without on those 3 items above until... i got my payout from the food poisoning. yay for them sending ME the check instead of the hospital!!

i have to learn to not be happy or something, seriously -I don't know why it is but once I feel happy or content or relaxed all of my world falls apart and 99% its monetary issues. I don't understand why or how I could have such bad money Karma when I try so freakin hard to be awesome with the finances. everything I do blows up in my face and the way things are going I doubt I'll have ANY money for our wedding... lets just hope that the tax return/refund is enough and I can save a little more each check... MY check is supose to be wedding money but it's not turning out to be that way :-(

AT&T is now on the boycott list

2010-11-01T11:50:00.002-05:00

well AT&T you just had to piss me off huh?? it's bad enough that I overpaid you $45 but to transfer me to 10 different people and the final one just hang up on me for no reason -yea, I don't care if you're the ONLY service in whatever area I live in, I'll go without for the rest of my life... F8ck you! Keep the $45, really a large corporation like you definitly needs it more than I do...

Samhain aka Halloween aka All Hallows Eve

2010-10-30T16:19:00.001-05:00

Samhain aka Halloween aka All Hallows Eve

follow the link to see some of my favorite articles about this wonderful and my favorite Holiday of the year!!

so much to catch up on!

2010-10-27T11:40:00.000-05:00

I started my new job at the Vet Hospital (which you all already know) and then not even a week after starting we had a family emergency and my Aunt passed away suddenly, she was one of daddy's sisters. Only 69 years old, her husband is the one who passed away about 6 months ago that we rushed down here to be at daddy's side. She died 5 months and 3 hours after he did... so very heart breaking. They allowed me to take a week off work while all that was going on to be with my dad.

Now I've been working 10-12 hour days (again) while in training. Today starts my first day at my true schedule. which is 3-4 hours in the late afternoons. So much nicer than working a full day. I know I know I use to love it but I am so burnt out... I am so tired of being "the one" I just want to be "one of the ones" lol or something, I know, I don't make sense.

So we have 185 days until we say "I do". My sister Raquel is supose to be working on our invitations and honestly between her schooling, her teaching job and her hunting/extra cirricular activities I don't know how she's going to get em done!! last we talked about them (the funeral earlier this month) she hadn't even started.

Taranis loves his job! He gets off every day at 3pm and goes in at 7am. I am so proud of him and thankful for him. He cooks dinner on the nights I work late, he helps me clean the house. I have a marvelous and wonderful man!!

We set the pool table up in the living room. He's a bit cramped but it works and I prefer to have it up than to not have it up. We also started a pool league a few weeks ago. The first game was while I was dealing with the funeral so I couldn't be there. The last 2 weeks Taranis has played and I believe our team won both of those matches, not sure about the other one... I don't appreciate that they allow smoking in the bars here in Arkansas... I feel like I've smoked a pack of cigs when I wake up in the morning and we both stink and the house smells of cig smoke from our clothes... I know I know I didn't have an issue with it when I smoked but since I'm a nonsmoker now it does pose an inconvenience on me and it makes me want to smoke.

I guess I'm gonna get off here and go catch up on ya'lls blogs a little at a time.

Made it through my first day at the new job!!

2010-09-29T22:10:00.000-05:00

I have alot of old medical terminology to remember again and alot of new terminology to learn. I'll have a solid 2 week training with another girl and then I should be on my own most of the time but I'll have a partner until I am 100% ready to be on my own. It's so exciting but so sad the cases we saw today. On one hand I am enjoying helping people and encouraging proper care of thier pets and on the other it's so very sad when one dies or is in an accident. It's very heart breaking.

Mabon, The Autumnal Equinox

2010-09-23T09:28:00.000-05:00

Harvest Home

Despite the bad publicity generated by Thomas Tryon's novel, Harvest Home is the pleasantest of holidays. Admittedly, it does involve the concept of sacrifice, but one that is symbolic only. The sacrifice is that of the spirit of vegetation, John Barleycorn. Occurring 1/4 of the year after Midsummer, Harvest Home represents mid-autumn, autumn's height. It is also the Autumnal Equinox, one of the quarter days of the year, a Lesser Sabbat and a Low Holiday in modern Witchcraft.

Technically, an equinox is an astronomical point and, due to the fact that the earth wobbles on its axis slightly (rather like a top that's slowing down), the date may vary by a few days depending on the year. The autumnal equinox occurs when the sun crosses the equator on it's apparent journey southward, and we experience a day and a night that are of equal duration. Up until Harvest Home, the hours of daylight have been greater than the hours from dusk to dawn. But from now on, the reverse holds true. Astrologers know this as the date on which the sun enters the sign of Libra, the Balance (an appropriate symbol of a balanced day and night).

However, since most European peasants were not accomplished at calculating the exact date of the equinox, they celebrated the event on a fixed calendar date, September 25th, a holiday the medieval Church Christianized under the name of 'Michaelmas', the feast of the Archangel Michael. (One wonders if, at some point, the R.C. Church contemplated assigning the four quarter days of the year to the four Archangels, just as they assigned the four cross-quarter days to the four gospel-writers. Further evidence for this may be seen in the fact that there was a brief flirtation with calling the Vernal Equinox 'Gabrielmas', ostensibly to commemorate the angel Gabriel's announcement to Mary on Lady Day.)

The September 25th festivities actually begin on the previous sundown (our September 24th). Although our Pagan ancestors probably celebrated Harvest Home on September 25th, modern Witches and Pagans, with their desk-top computers for making finer calculations, seem to prefer the actual equinox point, beginning the celebration on its eve.

Mythically, it is the time of the year when night conquers day.

Incidentally, annual mock sacrifices of a large wicker-work figure (representing the vegetation spirit) may have been the origin of the misconception that Druids made human sacrifices. This charge was first made by Julius Caesar (who may not have had the most unbiased of motives), and has been re-stated many times since. However, as has often been pointed out, the only historians besides Caesar who make this accusation are those who have read Caesar. And in fact, upon reading Caesar's 'Gallic Wars' closely, one discovers that Caesar never claims to have actually witnessed such a sacrifice. Nor does he claim to have talked to anyone else who did. In fact, there is not one single eyewitness account of a human sacrifice performed by Druids in all of history!

Nor is there any archeological evidence to support the charge. If, for example, human sacrifices had been performed at the same ritual sites year after year, there would be physical traces. Yet there is not a scrap. Nor is there any native tradition or history which lends support. In fact, insular tradition seems to point in the opposite direction. The Druid's reverence for life was so strict that they refused to lift a sword to defend themselves when massacred by Roman soldiers on the Isle of Mona. Irish brehon laws forbade a Druid to touch a weapon, and any soul rash enough to unsheathe a sword in the presence of a Druid would be executed for such an outrage!

In the rhythm of the year, Harvest Home marks a time of rest after hard work. The crops are gathered in, and winter is still a month and a half away! Although the nights are getting cooler, the days are still warm, and there is something magical in the sunlight, for it seems silvery and indirect. As we pursue our gentle hobbies of making corn dollies (those tiny vegetation spirits) and wheat weaving, our attention is suddenly arrested by the sound of baying from the skies (the 'Hounds of Annwn' passing?), as lines of geese cut silhouettes across a harvest moon. And we move closer to the hearth, the longer evening hours giving us time to catch up on our reading, munching on popcorn balls and caramel apples and sipping home-brewed mead or ale. What a wonderful time Harvest Home is! And how lucky we are to live in a part of the country where the season's changes are so dramatic and majestic!

I can not remember where I obtained these articles many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, these articles has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create these peices and I do not claim them to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

Guess Who Got Employeed

2010-09-22T15:11:00.000-05:00

In the beginning it was not exactly what I was going after. But I decided after much heart felt pondering that I really didn't want to go back into the corporate bullshit game. I now have a nice little job working for a Vet. I love animals and it's 3-4 hours a day in the late afternoons. I will have time to myself to continue my weight loss goals and I'll still have time with my handsome fiance.

More details later, now I must go take a piss test!!

Driving in Circles

2010-09-21T13:07:00.000-05:00

A week ago my man got his 401k payout from the company he worked for up north. BOA decided to hold the money for 5 days pending credit verification and approval aka they didn't trust the check was NOT fraudulent...ugh... anyways... Friday we got us a 50 inch plasma tv, a new cabinet to put it in and 2 new laptops. Just in time too because mine was literally melting at the power plug into the pc. So my man got him a new laptop and I got me a new laptop. We got us a new tv, all is awesome...

until we go to look for him a new/used decent/not a peice of trash vehicle so I could look for a part time job to help keep paying off past debt and put money towards our wedding.

we drove over 600 miles in 1 weekend looking for a vehicle for him but at the last minute we found one -right when I was at the breaking point and about to give up and say "it's not meant to be" we found a nice decent truck that needs MINOR - ROUTINE - maintenance... I was getting pretty fed up with jerks and assholes lying about thier vehicles they were saying.

Now, I'm waiting. remember when I said I was turned down for an interview because they needed me at 3pm and couldn't wait until 330 pm? Well, I had an interview with them yesterday (because now we have 2 vehicles I can start whenever)...and was able to shadow the position today that i would be working and I have to say I love it!! All I need now is for them to say they want me too. I'm waiting for thier call. However we don't have signal here 99.99% of the time. Hopefully she leaves a voicemail!

one of us has a job!

2010-09-14T21:22:00.000-05:00

And that one is Taranis. He started on Monday. After a month long hiring process (many phone interviews, 2 in person inverviews -one in Chicago the other here in HS). His hourly pay is more than up north however the monthly take home will be less because he won't be getting any OT down here. He's already been informed that this Friday is a furlough day...and about every Friday as well... Yea. But hey! It's a job and he's in a training program to be the backup for a high position and then will move INTO that position when the person retires in a few years. So it's all good.

I have had 1 phone call regarding my many applications and when I told her I couldn't be there at 3pm it'd be 3:30 pm because we had to sell our 2nd car to help pay for moving to AR from IL she said "I'm sorry to hear that, no we can't allow 3:30 pm..." 30 freakin minutes. Oh well, maybe it wasn't the right position or job or company or whatever for me.

Right now I'm enjoying being a SAHF (Stay At Home Fiance). I've been getting up with him at 6am, going for a 1 1/2 to 2 mile hike at 7:30 am and then coming home to do chores around the house and figure out dinner. Then I look for jobs while I attempt to decipher what happened on my old favorite Soaps and play Farmville on FB. Then about an hour before the man comes home I "jog" for 2 miles on the elliptical.

All in all I am very happy with our move from the north to the south. I love being in the south again. We went and visited my parents this past weekend. My daddy and MomI have thier own church now that they run, they were assistant pastoring at the neighborhood church but was called to this other church. I am very happy for them. I know daddy has been wanting his own church to Pastor for a long time now.

I hope to continue the positive outlook and my excersize routine... now if only I could quit stuffing my face and over eating because I'm starving by the time dinner rolls around...........

We Made It!

2010-09-08T21:54:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, we've been back in Arkansas nearly a week but I haven't said anything yet... well, I have a good reason for that: I've been busy unpacking! And we just got the internet today... wooh, we are TIRED! I tell you, packing and unpacking an entire house and driving over 14 hours and spending a night in a cheesy cheap hotel is exhausting! Including traveling with 2 diva-ish kittehs.

BUT, we are here. I now live in the foot hills of the Ouachita Mountains and a National Forest is my backyard!! We are surrounded by 4 lakes and its peacefully quiet!!

Now: we are waiting to hear back on the final word from Taranis' prospective employer and soon I will know whether or not I'll need to find a job or if we can concentrate on making our Quartet into a Quintet... or maybe a Sextet...

Officially Unemployed

2010-08-27T16:29:00.000-05:00

With all the people out there being laid off and struggling to find work I must be insane to quit my job. However I am relocating to a new area/state so I guess I am not that crazy or maybe that makes me crazier. Either way I am still jobless.

Taranis's prospect is looking real good. Doesn't alleviate the nervousness.

...Stay tuned!
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Bridal Boot Camp

2010-08-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

well, i was doing good there for a while and I was maintaining and then life happened or something close to mockery of it and i gained 10 lbs!! and i have now lost those 10 lbs... not sure how i did that...

anyhoot. my whole bridal boot camp thing has gone to the wayside and it was not on purpose. somewhere i lost the game. however at some point i plan on getting it back. like in a week. I was doing SO good on getting home and working out and then we started pool leagues and one thing after another until all my excuses piled up and bam. I was too far gone again. and it is very disapointing.

A friend of mine is doing a great job with her weight loss and another friend of mine is keeping her self on her goals.

It's time for me to do my part too. In the middle of moving from IL to AR -I wont be steady but I will be something!! and I have 8 months to lose the weight. I can do this!

2 weeks and counting

2010-08-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

In 2 weeks we'll be headin down the highway in the middle of our move. I have 1 more week of work and then it's packing for a week...

Sadly I have to sell my washer and dryer, we're moving to an all electric place and our stuff is gas. We've also decided to sell our big screen tv... we're going to get a flat screen plasma for the living room after we've settled in.

we've packed up the spare room and now it's storage for more boxes that are packed... I'm really proud of the progress we're making.

I promise to catch up all blogs next week while i'm packing up the house.

Due to Yahoo/AT&T not having dsl service where we are moving i have decided to just take the plunge and my old email address will be deleted instead of keeping it active after the account is closed --i've had way too many issues since they close/reopened when we moved from the condo to the townhouse so i created a new one. if you have me on messenger you might want to send me a msg here and we'll get it coordinated so we exchange info and you're current :-)

what's behind door number 2?

2010-08-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

The Move...

woo -deep breath. I put in my notice at work. Last friday of this month = my last day at work...

I told ya'll shit was getting interesting.

So I blabbed it all over FB. His mom didn't know --I thought he told her. She's upset with us. Saying we're making a rash decision to move without jobs... Its a BOLD decision but not yet rash. So made us look like fools on FB by posting it on his wall for all to see. I'm a tad bit upset over that myself -she couldn't call or write privately? I think our lines of communication are not on the same wavelength. Maybe she's upset we're not moving to her state? I don't know... it's his choice as well as mine and we chose AR together if he wanted he could have put in for FL but it's always been AR...

Otto has quit and is joining the Navy. I'm going to miss him and all the people I work with. Even Savannah and Jade though they are a bit dense at times. I feel bad for the new boss (who is still nameless) that replaced Montie. All of us leaving. I can understand how frustrated and upset she might be. I'm gonna miss "momma" the most aka Addison. She's awesome.

I plan on catching up on blogs soon... As you can see I've been crazy and hectic lately. Working tons of hours and stressing major bigtime over the drastic change coming in our lives...

My Boycott List

2010-07-17T14:43:00.001-05:00

McDonalds: for trying to charge me extra for something that's included with the meal (my drink) and then when we go online to the "complaint" center they sent us a standard form email saying how great it was *big smiles* to get our wonderful feed back: here are some free burgers...no one has yet to acknowledge the overage of charging that almost occured...

Burger King: while traveling from Arkansas back to Chicago from vacation we stopped and got some breakfast to go. We ordered English Muffin sandwhiches not hockey pucks. I have yet to receive my refund that was promised.

CarMax: for selling me a car that is not up to standards - for lying to me and for giving me the run around.

Cats Auto Repair: for saying they fixed the problem and when I take the problem back to them WITH AN APPOINTMENT I am told "they'll get to it when they can" and I'm carless. When I discover they will not get to it that day I ask for the shuttle back to thier shop which is now, oooh so sorry... not available. I then walk from home to them to pick up my car in nearly 100 degree weather... its still not fixed.

well AT&T you just had to piss me off huh?? it's bad enough that I overpaid you $45 but to transfer me to 10 different people and the final one just hang up on me for no reason -yea, I don't care if you're the ONLY service in whatever area I live in, I'll go without for the rest of my life... F8ck you! Keep the $45, really a large corporation like you definitly needs it more than I do...

Stay Tuned! I am sure I'll have more to add! Please, share your boycott stories!!

what's behind door number 1?

2010-07-17T08:48:00.000-05:00

we sold the blazer to rent a moving truck.

daddy had stuff taken out of his body -i am beyond scared shitless waiting for the results of the tests...

Taranis put in his notice at work...I'm waiting until closer so I wont have retaliation -cuz you know they're like that! --bright side: don't have to think of a new name for the person who replaced Monte!

We bought a pool table (whats the point of saving right?! hahaha -ha--haha----------er-------ha?)

stay tuned for door number 2...

things are about to get interesting again

2010-07-13T17:29:00.001-05:00

maybe it'll make for some good blog topics.

sorry to be so mysterious right now but only a few select people know what's going on... my parents don't even know yet...

***twilight zone them song***

you'll all know soon!!

i am scared out of my freakin mind!! both good and bad scare... whoo, we must be insane :)

oh Hi!! did you miss me?

2010-07-05T20:16:00.000-05:00

got tons to say but not really. we just got back from a quick trip to Arkansas to see my family for the 4th of July. Now, we're getting ready for a visit from Taranis' momma.

i have tons to catch up on so if you see comments on a post from over a week ago...........yea sorry about that!! i've been a bad blogger. sometimes I wonder why I still try to do this...

trying to see the bright side but still feeling held back...

2010-06-22T19:07:00.000-05:00

Well, the visit to the doc was nothing but routine today. She doesn't feel I'm ready to be off the hormones I've been on since 2007 re: the tumor incident and she said that altho my cervix is looking healthier it still needs more time to get stronger.... I'm thinking to myself "ok, I had surgery in 2003 to remove most of it and the fucker needs over 7 years to recouperate?" I let it go.

I'm just a tad irritated. She said to do the prenatal vitamins, blah blah blah and see her again in a year and then we can re-evaluate the situation and should be able to start the ball rolling then.

She also said she's just concerned with me being heavier than I was the last time I was in her office and I explained the weight gain due to the spinal injury getting worse and then the fusion, showed her xrays, etc then she said that I should wait at least until a full year post op before actively getting pregnant to ensure I heal properly and I'll need to make sure I'm ok from the spine doc on this journey............who already said at my 6 month check up I should be fine with carrying a baby... whatever.

So I worked out today, did 3.5 miles in 43 minutes. I'm gonna lose the weight and when we get back from our honeymoon I'll go back and be 100 lbs less and I'll make her see I'm ready or I'm going to a different doc if she turns me down again.

With Age Comes Wisdom and Patience

2010-06-21T22:29:00.000-05:00

We went to Wisconsin this past weekend. I looooved it!! We were able to go on a tour of Lambeau Field-I cried. Yes, I cried! We walked down the tunnel to the stadium floor, to the field itself the Frozen Tundra...and I got all weepy and wishy washy. It was amazing!! I could feel my inner Green Bay Packer walking with me hearing the roar of the crowd cheering us on as we raced onto the field...

I was able to score 2 hoodie jackets (so comfy), a christmas ornament of Brett Favre and a Packer Snuggy. Ofcourse I got a million pictures!! My handsome fiance Taranis took a TON of them for me so I could stay engaged in the tour.

Our hotel was a block from the Stadium!! LOVE!!

On the drive up to Green Bay (which was not our original final destination we were going to drive until dark and go from there but we figured out timing and it was perfection!!) we went to the Civil War Museum, a Natural History Museum and saw a real life Submarine!!

I would say that we had a fabulous weekend! And being with my Taranis made it all the better!

I didn't work out at all last week because of the food poisoning and working extra hours. I still maintained and didn't gain -don't ask I have no idea.

Since Akira is back (today was her first day) that means no more OT which sucks but it also forces me to a schedule again. I have to pick start of 7am or 8am and leave by 330pm or 430pm. 330 is too early. Since I've been getting up at 5 to be at work by 6 (sometimes 6 to be there by 7) and I can easily wake up at 6 (now that I've said that...) I'm going to jog for 45 mins and be at work by 8 and then get home a little after 5 and jog again for 45 mins and hopefully next week I can show some loss!!

Tomorrow is my yearly and I'll get to tell my doc about the fusion, etc and hopefully since I'm not on pain meds anymore we can discuss the future and us getting pregnant in about a year. I'm also going to ask (again) if I can get off these meds I am on for the issues. I hope that the weight loss and being healthier will help with all that too.

I have no idea why I said that as my title.. I still have no wisdom and I think I have even less patience!!

The Dirty Thirties

2010-06-16T20:30:00.000-05:00

Today is a special day. Today is my 30th birthday. This special day is shared with another special lady so go say Hi to E and give her birthday love too!!

My twenties sure where roaring --roaring like a tornado! I leave behind the aftermath of those 10 years with a fond smile and chuckle in my heart. I think I've done a pretty good job at cleaning up my messes. Now I really want to get the comedy/trajedy tattoo on my back... hmmm, I wonder if Taranis will let me.

I'm looking forward to my dirty thirties - dirty baby bottles (fingers crossed!), dirty shoes from hiking, dirty sex and gettin down and dirty with my skinny ass when I walk down the aisle next year.

For my birthday this year we've kept it low-key. I didn't try to do a party like I have the past 2 years. Instead we stayed in tonight and pigged out on chinese.

Last saturday we went to the Linkin Park Zoo. And we ate at a local restaurant that gave me food poisoning... I also got a brandnew camera that is totally kick ass! If you're not already you should be my friend on facebook so you can see the awesome pics!!

This weekend we're going to Starved Rock where he proposed last year and go hiking.

We've done alot of traveling with the new car --tons of trips back n forth to Arkansas. And we're going back for the 4th of July too!!

I promise to write more and catch up on ya'lls blogs soon! for now i'm gonna take my stuffed ass and watch King of the Hill!

Boot Camp results

2010-06-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

so today is the last day of week 6 and tomorrow starts week 7. in all this time i've lost 5 lbs. my excerizing has not been consistant. too much travel too much just being plain ole wore out from work.

this is also the week i turn 30.

and i found a million beautiful dresses that i want to try on and my mom wants me to try on dresses but i can't because i don't want to be a fat bride! i don't want to be fat ever again!

so i am making a renewed effort. i have such a short amount of time between now and the wedding. i have to lose at the least 70 lbs just to fit into my old clothes i brought up here when i moved that are now shoved into my closet to forever collect dust and rott...

whoa!! did you see that?

2010-06-01T20:35:00.000-05:00

I did and wish I hadn't.

for fear of pulling unwanted traffic from my family and IRL friends to the blog I am not going to tell you where I saw something happen that I wish I hadn't instead I'll show you pictures <--follow that link.

Yes, that happened on the way home from our vacation with my family doing wedding stuff. we were just seconds behind it and i can still see the fireballs in front of my eyes.

I am in shock still. I get teary over it. I can not begin to explain except that it was like a bomb going off in front of us. And the sound was horrendous.

I am thankful to be alive that we were not physically part of the crash yet I feel guilty for being one of the lucky ones. I feel sadness and my heart breaks for those who lost thier lives and thier families and we are praying for those involved and in the hospital.

follow the below links for news articles...
link 1
link 2
link to video cast news

i am whooped!

2010-05-24T19:51:00.000-05:00

so tired. so very tired. its 8pm and the man isn't no where near being home yet... thinking about sending myself to bed without supper because i have another early and late day again tomorrow. i got off at 6pm tonight and started a little before 7... almost 12 freakin hours. the man started at 6am and he's going on 14 hours (again).

the game yesterday (white sox and marlins) was awesome.

did 3 miles today in 37 mins i think thats a personal best. my back is sore but i think its a combination of going faster on the machine and working a lot plus not sleeping well and the pot holes in the city, etc.

can't wait for next year so i can quit and concentrate on making babies!

Boot Camp results

2010-05-22T09:00:00.001-05:00

I so did not meet my goals this week. I maintained again. And I only walked 9.5 miles this week.

I blame it on work. I've been going in between 7am-730am leaving at 5-530pm and taranis has been going in at 6am and coming home after 7pm. so by the time we eat dinner he's ready for bed so we're not staying up as late for me to workout a 2nd time and i am too freakin exhausted to anyways.

Its time for me to go start the wash and walk a couple miles today!! Tomorrow we're going to see the White Sox and Marlins play so you know tomorrow will be shot unless I wake up early enough to do it before the game.

ps i guess i could also blame it on eating out 3 times this week and instead of ordering something healthy like a salad i chose to order burgers. yea, not very impressive huh??

what happened this week?

2010-05-22T08:54:00.000-05:00

Found out Jade makes more than me. And the only thing I can figure is that its because she's OLDER not more EXPERIENCED... and it pisses me the fuck OFF. Soooooooooo, Taranis and I have discussed it and I'll continue working for now until after the wedding. Then we'll evaluate where we are and most likely (because we've looked at the guestimated future finances) I'll quit working so we can (I) can concentrate on having babys. I am sure I don't need to revisit all the cancer issues and having basically no cervix left and the tumors, etc... but for those who need a refresher go here make sure you take a tissue because I cried when reading that stuff again and normally I don't. I use to think I hardened myself to it.

Part of me is afraid to do this. That we'll never have a baby and I'll have to drag myself back to working world because I failed at becoming a mother. And here's the other thing: how long to do you give it? 1 year, 2 years? 5 years? Seriously, will the economy be better by then or will I be just a failed person trying to find a job after quitting for her to start a family...

I have my next appointment with the doc on June 22nd. First AM just how I like it. I love her! She's awesome and sassy!! I am so sure she's going to be 100% thrilled that I had the spine fusion and that I'm all healed.

but enough about me!

Savannah has been coping with Monte being gone fairly well doing all the work. She said she's always done it all he just did editing and polished it off... whatev. The great thing is that her man finally got a fucking job and so now she's not a terrible bitch anymore! Halelujah!

Life is great. Work is better. Taranis' work is insane (he's there right now!!) but hey he's making a living and by golly he brings home the bacon! I couldn't ask for anything better because he's just freakin great! I love him.

Which brings us to marriage: we've picked out our wedding invites and save the dates. We're ordering the save the dates next month and the invites after we move in September. We're leaving next weekend to go to my parents for more wedding stuff and a family bbq. Yup, another long ass drive to Arkansas! this time with the cats! Gods help me!!

Boot Camp results

2010-05-16T08:21:00.000-05:00

due to my uncles death and traveling to arkansas for an emergency trip i haven't done so well since my last update.

I've walked 18.5 miles in 2 weeks (if you'll recall last time I updated it was 16.5 in one week).

I am pleased to announce that I did not gain!! I maintained my 5lb loss.

we have not measured but I doubt that its any different than last update since I didn't lose.

This week's goals:

walk 20 miles total
lose another 5 lbs

Things I learned this past 2 weeks:

not eating breakfast makes me pig out during lunch (on the days I don't take a lunch)
i feel overly fat and sluggish on mornings that I didn't work out the night before
you must have an eating plan while traveling or you'll pig out on unhealthy foods-so we have one now its called Subway

Guest List Trauma

2010-05-12T20:18:00.000-05:00

blogger land, please help me!

if you were planning your wedding would you:

invite aunts/uncles/cousins/family you haven't seen in over 10 years -and don't really speak to minus holiday cards?

invite people from school you have as a friend on FB but you haven't really "been friends" with them?

Invite people from work even thought you know they will not be able to make it?

invite people you've never met but are friends on facebook?

Invite a fellow blogger you've never met IRL but enjoy each other's blogging...

99% of the above most likely know you're tying the know..............is it rude to not invite them?

sorry for my absence

2010-05-11T19:49:00.000-05:00

just checking in.

bridal bootcamp results are non existant for saturday as we were out of town to attend a funeral. i'm sure these past 2 weeks will cause bad results anyways...

oh well not much i can do

catching up on all ya'lls blogs tonight i hope you got something juicy for me to read!!

New Life, Death and Regrets

2010-05-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

About a month ago my Uncle H was diagnosed with a brain tumor, lung cancer and a lymphnoid infection... A few weeks ago they removed the tumor and started treating everything else... He died this morning. Uncle H was wife to daddy's sister Aunt A. Wonderful people who'd give you the shirt off thier back if you needed it. Daddy was 1 of 3 boys in a family of 7 there were 4 girls. Aunt A is the second oldest daughter. Uncle H is survived by many kids, grandkids and great grandkids. Our two families were close in that they were the only siblings in Arkansas on daddy's side of the family. We spent many thanksgivings and christmases with them when I was growing up. His funeral is on Saturday. We're going to make a quick trip to pay our respects.

Akira had her baby today. New life and Death all in one day. Its too many emotions for 1 person to handle at once. While I am extremely happy for Akira my heart is burdened with sadness over my uncle.

I regret not seeing them more often. Me and my cousins keep track online via FB but I have been a bad niece and not went to see my Aunt and Uncle as often as I should. I am very ashamed of myself. I never got to say Good-Bye. It'll haunt me forever. I pray saturday is not the last time I see my aunt alive. She had a double mastectomy a few years ago for breast cancer. I hear she's very frail and sick alot... Scary isn't it? I swore I'd be a better niece then but I never lived up to my promise.

Bealtaine, May Day

2010-05-01T16:21:00.000-05:00

There are four great festivals of the Pagan. The two greatest of these are Halloween (the beginning of winter) and May Day (the beginning of summer). Being opposite each other on the wheel of the year, they separate the year into halves. Halloween (also called Samhain) is the Spiritual New Year and is generally considered the more important of the two, though May Day runs a close second. Indeed, in some areas it is considered the great holiday.

Bealtaine ushers in the fifth month of the modern calendar year, the month of May. This month is named in honor of the goddess Maia, originally a Greek mountain nymph, later identified as the most beautiful of the Seven Sisters, the Pleiades. By Zeus, she is also the mother of Hermes, god of magic. Maia's parents were Atlas and Pleione, a sea nymph.

The old Celtic name for May Day is Beltane (in its most popular Anglicized form), which is derived from the Irish Gaelic 'Bealtaine' or the Scottish Gaelic 'Bealtuinn', meaning 'Bel-fire', the fire of the Celtic god of light (Bel, Beli or Belinus). He, in turn, may be traced to the Middle Eastern god Baal.

Actual Bealtaine celebration begins on sundown of the preceding day, April 30, because the Celts always figured their days from sundown to sundown. And sundown was the proper time for Druids to kindle the great Bel-fires on the tops of the nearest beacon hill (such as Tara Hill, Co. Meath, in Ireland). These 'need-fires' had healing properties, and sky-clad Witches would jump through the flames to ensure protection.

Frequently, cattle would be driven between two such bon-fires (oak wood was the favorite fuel for them) and, on the morrow, they would be taken to their summer pastures.

Other May Day customs include: walking the circuit of one's property ('beating the bounds'), repairing fences and boundary markers, processions of chimney-sweeps and milk maids, archery tournaments, morris dances, sword dances, feasting, music, drinking, and maidens bathing their faces in the dew of May morning to retain their youthful beauty.

In the words of Witchcraft writers Janet and Stewart Farrar, the Bealtaine celbration was principly a time of '...unashamed human sexuality and fertility.' Such associations include the obvious phallic symbolism of the Maypole and riding the hobby horse. Even a seemingly innocent children's nursery rhyme, 'Ride a cock horse to Banburry Cross...' retains such memories. And the next line '...to see a fine Lady on a white horse' is a reference to the annual ride of 'Lady Godiva' though Coventry. Every year for nearly three centuries, a sky-clad village maiden (elected Queen of the May) enacted this Pagan rite, until the Puritans put an end to the custom.

The Puritans, in fact, reacted with pious horror to most of the May Day rites, even making Maypoles illegal in 1644. They especially attempted to suppress the 'greenwood marriages' of young men and women who spent the entire night in the forest, staying out to greet the May sunrise, and bringing back boughs of flowers and garlands to decorate the village the next morning.

Some of these customs seem virtually identical to the old Roman feast of flowers, the Floriala, three days of unrestrained sexuality which began at sundown April 28th and reached a crescendo on May 1st.

There are other, even older, associations with May 1st in Celtic mythology. According to the ancient Irish 'Book of Invasions', the first settler of Ireland, Partholan, arrived on May 1st; and it was on May 1st that the plague came which destroyed his people. Years later, the Tuatha De Danann were conquered by the Milesians on May Day. In Welsh myth, the perenial battle between Gwythur and Gwyn for the love of Creudylad took place each May Day; and it was on May Eve that Teirnyon lost his colts and found Pryderi. May Eve was also the occasion of a fearful scream that was heard each year throughout Wales, one of the three curses of the Coranians lifted by the skill of Lludd and Llevelys.

Due to various calendrical changes down through the centuries, the traditional date of Bealtaine is not the same as its astrological date. This date, like all astronomically determined dates, may vary by a day or two depending on the year. However, it may be calculated easily enough by determining the date on which the sun is at 15 degrees Taurus (usually around May 5th). British Witches often refer to this date as Old Bealtaine, and folklorists call it Bealtaine O.S. ('Old Style'). Some Covens prefer to celebrate on the old date and, at the very least, it gives one options. If a Coven is operating on 'Pagan Standard Time' and misses May 1st altogether, it can still throw a viable Bealtaine bash as long as it's before May 5th. This may also be a consideration for Covens that need to organize activities around the week-end.

This date has long been considered a 'power point' of the Zodiac, and is symbolized by the Bull, one of the 'tetramorph' figures featured on the Tarot cards, the World and the Wheel of Fortune. (The other three symbols are the Lion, the Eagle, and the Spirit.) Astrologers know these four figures as the symbols of the four 'fixed' signs of the Zodiac (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius), and these naturally align with the four Great Sabbats of Witchcraft. Christians have adopted the same iconography to represent the four gospel-writers.

But for most, it is May 1st that is the great holiday of flowers, Maypoles, and greenwood frivolity.

I can not remember where I obtained this article many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, this article has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create this peice and I do not claim it to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

Boot Camp results

2010-05-01T08:40:00.000-05:00

I walked 16.5 miles this week on my machine and lost 5 lbs. Which means I lost 1.5 inches on my waist and 2 inches through my chest. (yea we're measuring too...)

My fiance who only walked once and changed nothing in his diet lost 1 lb...

I will admit I was not a perfect eater -I had icecream 2 nights. And some cookies at work but in my defense they were going away goodbye gifts from Monte. When he hugged me goodbye yesterday I almost started crying. And he knew it too he said "oh Jenny, don't cry!" It was a sad and solemn day for the whole office. Now Savannah is in charge... But that's a diff story for a different day. I think her home life is why she's been spazzy lately but like I said.........

So yea, I've lost 5 lbs this first week. Yesterday we got some artificial sweetner for our coffee and tea. We decided against decaf tea and went with diet naturally decaf A&W rootbeer, cream soda and cherry 7-up. I still need my high test tea now and then!! but atleast it's calorie free.

Compaired the light, fat free and regular yogurt and went with light. It was middle ground on the light so we went with those. Fat free is nearly double the calories!! damn them. and gross! atleast I can deal with Light.

Anyone else out there trying to battle thier weight? How's that going for you? Do you have any tips and tricks to stop or ease those chocolate cravings??

Today...

2010-04-29T22:47:00.000-05:00

I said good-bye to Monte

I have accumulated 16.5 miles since Sunday on the elliptical

Is one less day until we say "I do" --tomorrow makes 1 year and I'll wear something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue

Today is fastly becoming Yesterday

omigod i'm so sore

2010-04-28T19:03:00.000-05:00

3 miles in 46 mins yesterday. 3 miles in 42 mins today.

no walking in the morning because i am just so exhausted mentally and physically i can't wake up...

promise more sustinance later...............time to veg on trash tv......................

Feel It! Feel the Burn!!

2010-04-26T18:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I "walked" 1 mile on the elliptical. This morning before work I did another 1.5 and when I got home from work I did another 2. Having a TV show that I can just pop into the DVD player and go is a great benefit as well. THANK YOU NETFLIX!!

I really hope to keep this up. I should have bought a gym thing for my home a long ass time ago!

This week we're evaluating our current eating habits and we hope to modify them into a workable diet that's not so much like a diet.

Cheers to bride & groom boot camp!!

Go ahead Bloggers --Make me accountable!

2010-04-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

I gained 15 lbs this past month... Stupid me.

I got my gazelle (elliptical) today. We're going to put it together Sunday. Tomorrow Taranis has to work and we have the White Sox game.

My goal is to lose 75+ lbs by December and hopefully 30-40 more by April '11...

I'll post weekly updates on the sidebar to the left. To help hold me accountable...

I should go to bed. Busy day tomorrow!!!

2nd MLB Game

2010-04-22T17:44:00.000-05:00

Guess who is going to see the White Sox play against the Seatle Mariners this weekend on Saturday... that's right- ME! Taranis scored free tix. SaWeet PLUS free parking (included w/ tix!)

I almost makes up for the fucking fucked up retarded ass day I had today.

I seriously wanna slap people and ask em if thier stupid on purpose or did thier momma drop em on thier head as a baby....

Bridal Boot Camp

2010-04-21T19:01:00.000-05:00

I've been saying forever that I'm gonna go into my own personal bridal bootcamp. To lose weight and get fit and in shape. And its not happened...

Well, I bought a Gazelle today. I should have it in about a week...

The goal is to wake up at 5:15 (it'll take about 15 mins for the me to be coherant) and workout on the machine until 6:30 and then get ready for work. While I am on said new "toy" I will be watching Charmed on DVD from netflix. (Taranis doesn't care for Charmed so I have that in the morning while we do other shows at night...via streaming)

I also found this nifty excel spreadsheet to aide in the tracking of my progress...

I'll keep you all informed... I hope this wasn't a waste of $180 --like the yoga ball and weights were...oooooooooooooooh, I can hold the weights while using the gazelle! BONUS!

the ground trembles below us...

2010-04-19T12:38:00.000-05:00

I heard an announcement today, Monte put in his 2 week notice... He's one of those upper management sr executive bosses that you love. That is understanding and listens to you. He hears your input and thoughts and if you prove your point then he'll implement what you suggest... Unlike my former supervisor Homer who would tell you to bugger off and ignore you...

I asked Savannah if she was going to take over the now open position or try and she said no. She didn't want it. Temporarily this leaves me with more responsibility... Akira is back doing her thing until her timer dings (aka she goes into labor), Jade is learning Akira's job to take over while Akira is away... And that leaves me again all alone in my little subdepartment...

I am so very sad that Monte is leaving... I am fearful of who they will replace him with...

Once again an upheavel is happening at work... I am not so sure this is a good one or not... Just when things were starting to settledown...

word verification...

2010-04-17T23:24:00.002-05:00

is it working? as the blog owner it never comes up for me...so let me know, i am still getting spam so either thier human or the spam bots are getting smarter...

can't sleep...

2010-04-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

clowns will eat me...

Thank you, Stephen King! I don't believe you've truly frightened me until now...

I've always found your works entertaining and suspenseful but never frightening... like I said, until now....

Please protect me from the clowns....

I knew there was a reason I was avoiding this book (and movie)... bringing my fear of clowns to life...

one of those days...

2010-04-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

Did everything BUT the 4 things I wanted to do (related to work)...

Honestly, if you asked me what I did today I'd say "I don't know" because I really do not freaking know how my time was used up before I could even BLINK and then BOOM its time to go home...

I hate insane Fridays which is EXACTLY what my Friday is going to be now because my "to do" for Thursday is now "to do" for Friday plus the 50 things I have to do on Friday already...

Yay...

On the plus side we watch the last episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (streaming) tonight. We start Angel (streaming) this weekend and next week starts Charmed (DVD). We're buying us some new clothes this weekend (I need new work shirts and he needs new pants, I need new pants too my crotch is wearing out...) and next weekend I am buying a Gazelle. Cheapest Eliptical I could find and it'll fit just enough into the bedroom so I can watch tv in the morning while using it before work. I read a review about a woman who used it and lost over 100 lbs in about a year so I am aiming for that... Now we just gotta keep me away from the chocolate and pasta....

Why is chocolate and pasta/breads harder to give up than SMOKING!!!!???? doesn't make sense, B!

Flowers

2010-04-14T19:41:00.008-05:00

At first I thought I wanted Orchids, Snapdragons, Hyacinths for the bouquets and Lillys for the bouteniers. Now I have decided that I want tulips and snapdragons.

Yes, our colors are Pink and White.

We're still going to have the lilly's as bouteniers...

<- Female family (sisters) not in wedding party -- Bridal Party Bouquets ->

<- Men (brothers) not in wedding party - Groomsmen Bouteniers ->

Joe's boutenier is going to be a white rose and I'm going to have some black roses in my bouquet as our special flowers...

I think I'm really happy with the flowers now. Part of me just wasn't feeling the hyacinths and orchids...

Getting Closer!!

2010-04-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

Daddy's going down next weekend to put the deposits on the wedding venue. I'm so excited!!

So far: we know we're having it on Petit Jean Mountain on the shores of Lake Bailey. We're set for 4pm ceremony start time and my cousins are going to cook the wedding dinner. The rehearsal dinner is going to be at the same location as well the wedding, one of Taranis' brothers is going to bbq for us for the dinner.

I am just squeeling with joy!! WootWoot!

prettiful flowers in my garden

2010-04-12T17:33:00.000-05:00

These are in our "flower garden" and I don't remember them coming up last year... All I remember was weeds and the weeds are still there. I have some sunflower seeds BioMom gave me when she was here so I'm going to plant those and see if they take. I hope the rabbit doesn't eat em. Now that my back is better I want to get some annuals and perrinials and see about making this Garen pretty for the little bit of time I'm here.

Please allow me to appologize for my absence

2010-04-11T09:53:00.001-05:00

But there really isn't anything going on in my life that's news worthy unless you want to know what happened on Buffy every day!

My life has been pretty much as a stand still? Boring? Anything?? We come home and (sometimes) walk around the neighborhood. Then we cook dinner, eat and either watch Idol or Buffy if Idol is not on and Buffy after Idol is over... We started Season 7 (the last) yesterday so after that its Angel.

I finished Feather's Son's Blankie I think it turned out fairly well and Feather loved it!! So that's a plus!

Work has been work. It got super busy and then died again but its only the calm before the summer storm.

I love my car and I am more excited each day I get to drive her!! My Aunt B! haha I know I'm not right. She's yellow and sounds like an angry bumblebee so I come up with Aunt B. Geezus.

Good news on Taranis' job front. They finally took him off salary and put him back on hourly so that means all of his overtime he gets again. *woot*woot* that's a blessing!!

We're not moving to Arkansas or Florida in October like we were thinking, staying right here in Chicago land with our no friends and going to try to move closer to our works. Not that we're that far we're about 12 miles but Taranis wants to be about 8 or less miles from work.

I set up a "deadline" schedule on when we should have certain wedding tasks completed. We're almost done with the 9-12 month deadline. GO figure! Its good to finish before deadline, dontcha think?

We're going to go to Nashville TN and have Larkin do our official engagement pictures in February. She's supose to be moving there in June, if that doesn 't happen our plans change dramatically we'll end up going to PA instead but Yes, that's how ontop of our wedding schedule todo list I am. This will also be our trial run for hair and makeup. We're going to spend some time with BioMom too while we're there in TN and I said she could hang out with me during all this stuff since she's not going to be able to really do anything in regards to the wedding.

I am making a promise to write atleast once a week. I don't want to be a blogger that just drops off the face of the earth with no notion or goodbye. I enjoy blogging. Just don't really have anything to say or I do and don't think you'd want to read it... I also have actual writer's block too. I haven't wrote in over 2 years. Gotta remedy that somehow as well...

Picture This...

2010-03-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

Lynn over at "Once Upon A..." tagged me for a picture MeMe

For this photo meme, the task is to goto My Pictures, open the first folder and post the tenth photo, and then tell a story about it.

Not very exciting is it? It's a picture of bread that Taranis baked...

Beautiful Blogger Award

2010-03-30T20:16:00.003-05:00

I got this here award from Mejis at Did I Say That Out Loud? THANK YOU!!!

So here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

7 Things About Me:
1. I do not like to dress up and wear makeup. I feel stupid.
2. I watched all the Weeds series in less than a month.
3. I am addicted to my Netflix account.
4. Wake up every morning still craving a cigarette although I have not smoked since August 2009.
5. Afraid something will happen and The Stand will be real life and I'll be one of the key characters in the new world. But that'd be ok because I've read the book!
6. I can't wait to mary Taranis and have little Taranis Jrs.
7. I miss my family...

Ok, now to tag people…
1. J'lynn's World
2. Once Upon A...
3. She Laugh's Too Easily and Cries too Hard...
4. Wanna Be Reality Superstar
5. The Readhead Bloggette
6. The Perkster
7. Riddle Me This...
8. Nicopolitan
9. My Life With a Bengal
10. Everyday Adventures (Of Me In The City) -- Chicago
11. Doc In The Box
12. Auburn Kat
13. All or Nothing
14. ...and hijinks ensued
15. A Super Girl

wow. That's alot of people!!

been a bit busy

2010-03-30T19:38:00.000-05:00

Swift married his new wife. We spent the weekend in Indiana with MomI's family. I got to see Feather's son who was born in Dec 09.

work is work and life is life.

almost 1 year until the wedding... countdown is starting soon!!

Census reflection...

2010-03-20T10:39:00.001-05:00

Jean over at Pondering....... was inspired to write a Census reflection... which has inspired me to write my own as well...

1980 - this was the year of my birth. If March is always when the census happens then I was a weee little fetus in BioMom's tummy

1990 - I was 10 years old or well 9 going on 10. I remember loving school and having fun with the other kids in the neighborhood.

2000 - Was at the tail end of the cancer treatments (for the 1st time), living in my own apartment, my first one which became Feather's first apartment as well when she and her hubby moved into the city from the country!! (I think I remember telling ya'll about that...maybe not, i can't find a post on it...) and was in a rocky relationship.

2010 - a ton of shit has happened in the past 10 years that you all know about...but currently I'm sitting in my townhouse (still renting but that's ok) with a new car in the garage, a great job, a wonderful man and still dealing with the cancer womanly issues but i'm alive and kicking and feeling great!

what were you doing when the other census' rolled around??

rollercoaster week!

2010-03-19T22:15:00.000-05:00

Monday I applied for a loan with bank A and was denied. Tuesday I applied for a loan with bank B and was approved on Wednesday. Wednesday the man and I went out and test drove a little Dodge Neon.

Yes, that is a sold sign you see hanging from the rearview mirror.

Earlier in the day I also got an awesome yearly review and sadly we have a wage freeze so I didn't get a raise..ugh. It would have been nice!

Yesterday we cruised around in the car and went out to celebrate at Chilis.

Today my dad told me that my UncleJ (who was AuntE's husband -go here and here) passed away. They were more like Grandparents than Aunt/Uncle because she was the oldest sibling and old enough to be daddy's mom. She pretty much wrapped her arms around all of us (my cousins) and became a surrogate grandma when daddy's momma passed away (her mom, too)... I couldn't get out to her funeral and I wont be able to get to his either... But I'll always remember him in my heart. Both of them. As I get older death is looking at me from every corner it seems.

We're going to visit Arkansas for memorial weekend in May. I'm going to go spend some time with BioMom's dad and see her biological mom while we're there. Losing the closest thing to a grandfather I've known on my dad's side (his father was murdered when he was a boy) is really opening my eyes I need to see my Grandparents as much as I can.

Rest In Peace UncleJ, you will be missed and are truly loved. My life is blessed because I had you there to share in it!

Spine Fusion Follow-Up

2010-03-13T10:22:00.000-06:00

this is hard to talk about <- last post before surgery (nearly)

i'm afraid i'm going to hurt. that its going to hurt really bad. but i am hopeful that this will "cure" me and i no longer have spinal and leg issues.

I was right to be afraid, it was the most painful thing I had ever felt in my entire life. And the fact the nurses did nothing to help me in the hospital made it even worse. Plus the allergic reaction to the Dilaudid.

I believe I've been cured. I return for my 1 year check up at some point in August 2010 and my last check up he said that the 1 year would most likely be the last one.

I have to live with these in my back now... but they are so much better than the constant pain! I have NO pain now! My body tries to move in ways it can't anymore and it'll cause a little discomfort but not pain.

if you visit the month of August and hit "end" to take you to the bottom of the page you'll see the first 4 weeks of post op surgery posts--that some are quite hilarious with my mispellings and wrong words ;)

Pestilence Hill R.I.P.

2010-03-12T21:38:00.000-06:00

Pestilence Hill «

Murray needs a Hug... Please go hug him...

exerpt from his story:

Earlier this week she disappeared and as I have long expected that she was destined to die by misadventure I was near certain that she was gone for good. It is a measure of her outgoing nature that the neighbours on both side of me asked where she was as they were both used to her visiting every day for second and third breakfast. Regardless of who she visited during the day she was always waiting on the drive for me at dinner time. If I went to the shops she would trot along behind me then wait on one side of the road for me to come back. If I was in the house she sat where she could see me and was against this showering thing but felt the need to oversee it anyway. For the time she was missing I would look for her on the driveway, then whistle for her. I would wake up several times during the night and she wouldn’t be on her blanket next to my head so I would go out and look for her. It was intolerable to me that she was gone without a chance to say goodbye and to maintain my part of the deal that I would take care of her. I spent two nights and three days looking for her and if I asked anything of the gods I asked for her return in whatever state.

Ostara

2010-03-12T19:30:00.001-06:00

Lady Day

Now comes the Vernal Equinox, and the season of Spring reaches it's apex, halfway through its journey from Imbolc to Bealtaine. Once again, night and day stand in perfect balance, with the powers of light on the ascendancy.

We think that the customs surrounding the celebration of the spring equinox were imported from Mediterranean lands, although there can be no doubt that the first inhabitants of the British Isles observed it, as evidence from megalithic sites shows. But it was certainly more popular to the south, where people celebrated the holiday as New Year's Day, and claimed it as the first day of the first sign of the Zodiac, Aries. However you look at it, it is certainly a time of new beginnings, as a simple glance at Nature will prove.

In the Roman Catholic Church, there are two holidays which get mixed up with the Vernal Equinox. The first, occurring on the fixed calendar day of March 25th in the old liturgical calendar, is called the Feast of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary (or B.V.M., as she was typically abbreviated in Catholic Missals). 'Annunciation' means an announcement. This is the day that the angel Gabriel announced to Mary that she was 'in the family way'. Naturally, this had to be announced since Mary, being still a virgin, would have no other means of knowing it. (Quit scoffing, O ye of little faith!) Why did the Church pick the Vernal Equinox for the commemoration of this event? Because it was necessary to have Mary conceive the child Jesus a full nine months before his birth at the Winter Solstice (i.e., Christmas, celebrated on the fixed calendar date of December 25). Mary's pregnancy would take the natural nine months to complete, even if the conception was a bit unorthodox.

The other Christian holiday which gets mixed up in this is Easter. Easter celebrates the victory of a god of light (Jesus) over darkness (death), so it makes sense to place it at this season. Ironically, the name 'Easter' was taken from the name of a Teutonic lunar Goddess, Eostre (from whence we also get the name of the female hormone, estrogen). Her chief symbols were the bunny (both for fertility and because her worshipers saw a hare in the full moon) and the egg (symbolic of the cosmic egg of creation), images which Christians have been hard pressed to explain.

Incidentally, this raises another point: recently, some Pagan traditions began referring to the Vernal Equinox as Eostara. Historically, this is incorrect. Eostara is a lunar holiday, honoring a lunar Goddess, at the Vernal Full Moon. Hence, the name 'Eostara' is best reserved to the nearest Esbat, rather than the Sabbat itself. How this happened is difficult to say. However, it is notable that some of the same groups misappropriated the term 'Lady Day' for Beltane, which left no good folk name for the Equinox. Thus, Eostara was misappropriated for it, completing a chain-reaction of displacement. Needless to say, the old and accepted folk name for the Vernal Equinox is 'Lady Day'. Christians sometimes insist that the title is in honor of Mary and her Annunciation, but Pagans will smile knowingly.

Naturally, this is the season to celebrate the victory of life over death, as any nature-lover will affirm. And the Christian religion was not misguided by celebrating Christ's victory over death at this same season. Nor is Christ the only solar hero to journey into the underworld. King Arthur, for example, does the same thing when he sets sail in his magical ship, Prydwen, to bring back precious gifts (i.e. the gifts of life) from the Land of the Dead, as we are told in the 'Mabinogi'. Welsh triads allude to Gwydion and Amaethon doing much the same thing. In fact, this theme is so universal that mythologists refer to it by a common phrase, 'the harrowing of hell'.

However, one might conjecture that the descent into hell, or the land of the dead, was originally accomplished, not by a solar male deity, but by a lunar female deity. It is Nature Herself who, in Spring, returns from the Underworld with her gift of abundant life. Solar heroes may have laid claim to this theme much later. The very fact that we are dealing with a three-day period of absence should tell us we are dealing with a lunar, not solar, theme. (Although one must make exception for those occasional male lunar deities, such as the Assyrian god, Sin.) At any rate, one of the nicest modern renditions of the harrowing of hell appears in many Books of Shadows as 'The Descent of the Goddess'. Lady Day may be especially appropriate for the celebration of this theme, whether by storytelling, reading, or dramatic re-enactment.

For modern Witches, Lady Day is one of the Lesser Sabbats or Low Holidays of the year, one of the four quarter-days. And what date will Witches choose to celebrate? They may choose the traditional folk 'fixed' date of March 25th, starting on its Eve. Or they may choose the actual equinox point, when the Sun crosses the Equator and enters the astrological sign of Aries.

I can not remember where I obtained this article many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, this article has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create this peice and I do not claim it to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

what don't kill me will only make me stronger

2010-03-09T19:00:00.000-06:00

and that's just pretty much all i have to say :-)

still training Jade. I hope by Monday next week she's a little more independant.

i had myself a good cry for about 10 minutes over Nilla on Saturday and now i'm good. I constantly check Lo-Jack.

I'm itching to start wedding planning more.

I'm also itching to start looking for a job in Arkansas and Florida.

ok its Idol time. I'm outa here!

Remembering Nilla

2010-03-06T11:48:00.001-06:00

Nilla was a hamster. she learned her name & came to us when we said it (in her cage & in her ball running the house). She would charge at Kai & push her out of the way. Nilla was so very smart. I would open her cage door & say "lets go play" & she'd crawl right into her ball. She will be missed for both ...the cute things she did & the little annoying ones too. The house feels emptier without her. Taranis buried her in the garden today. We put a paver over her grave for safety. She was burried in a tiny cardboard box-the material she loved to chew on most (aside from her tubes)...

Nilla on her way to her new home with us from the petstore 7/08

Nilla exploring her new cage-she loved climbing the walls 7/08

She was an excersize fanatic

♥ that little face

she would pose when I broke out the camera. Hammy Hamster?

she loved running around us on the couch and fall asleep by my thigh when she was done exploring.

Thank you to everyone who has given us your condolences.

R.I.P. Nilla...

2010-03-05T22:53:00.000-06:00

she died today. burial tomorrow in the "flower garden".

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with Nextel Direct Connect

lets talk about work...and then Florida

2010-03-04T20:43:00.000-06:00

Did I tell you that Akira is on medical leave? Well, she has been for the past month or so... She went and got herself knocked up and had to go on leave because she was trying to have the baby too early... Found out today that it looks like her Doc is going to let her come back until her due date. Yesterday there was a new phone list sent out and Akira's name was not on it...

Addison, Otto and I determined that they were not planning on her being able to come back. You have 3 months FMLA and that is used for maternity. She was 5 months pregnant when she left on leave.

We had a new girl start on Wednesday. I'll call her Jade which is one of the stones of us Geminis and she is a gemini like me. The starting of Jade and the coming back of Akira totally does away with my overtime. So sad.

We thought that Jade was being hired as a partner for me as a disguise to train her on Akira's job. Which turned out to be feasible until now there is a switch: Akira might be coming back.

So long story short so damn confusing... we might have a full staff again! But the sad thing is RIGHT NOW there is not enough work for me AND Jade. But there will be soon. And she's still learning and training so who knows...

I am not fully confidant that Akira is going to come back. And if she doesn't and Jade is cross trained then that leaves more work for me to do.

Taranis has been trying to get/find work in Florida. I think we're going to try and move to the armpit. Its less than a day's drive to both his mom and my family. More to his mom's but more than likely she'll be more than happy to meet us in the middle when possible.

I looked at housing and its about the same as Arkansas. I fell in love with a ton of places already. Now all we need to do is get JOBS down there...

However I am resigned that if by the end of September if things are not looking the way we want that we will request month to month leasing and find a cheaper place to live here (closer to work preferably) and we'll buy a new car and I'm hoping for a Ford Focus like you see that Idol winner on the commercials talking about it...and look into moving (again) when that lease it us. Pray its not another 2 year lease...

Hashing It All Out...

2010-02-28T09:46:00.000-06:00

Last weekend the handsome one had to work both Saturday and Sunday resulting in 16 hours of overtime that was not paid to him (he's salaried) but he got $100 that the General Manager gave him extra on his check... because he felt the handsome one deserved a little more... that's $6.25 an hour! Ok I shouldn't complain but if you're going to give an incentive for working 16 hours he wasn't paid for make it the normal hourly rate at the least!!

Which brings me to the issue I'm having right now: He had to go to work yesterday for an hour and now an hour ago he left for work again because people are stupid and incompetant.

At his place of employment they are doing some rearrainging and the one guy is no longer his boss (the one who hired him) but the "national logistics" manager is. The one who is trying to get him off Salaried and back to hourly... plus an increase per hour that he gets paid... pretty nice eh?

But is it worth it? More so is anything worth it?

Take our scenario... we don't want to live in Chicagoland anymore. I don't like the company I work for and he doesn't like his job situation anymore either so if we move somewhere else it'll get better right?? So what if he gets this raise and gets to keep all of his overtime? We would look like major douches to those people who are trying to help us. Whether its for thier own selfish needs or not... We still look like asshats.

Since he and I have been together we have completed 3 major purchases (they were bought on credit). Our couch, the TV for the living room and the entertainment center. We have the bedroom set and I got his laptop on credit as well only because this company reports to the credit bureas and it helps with keeping my credit better......... oh, lets not forget the washer and dryer. Its all paid for except $250 which is on credit with Sears. So by the time October rolls around I will have all of these paid off. I am almost done paying off one of my Drs and the other I just don't care because she's the bitch that said it was all in my head.

I have gained so much living up here and meeting my handsome fiance and falling in love with him! I purchased the Blazer plus all of the above! We have money in savings (its not alot but its there and more and more is added every week).

So I ask myself, do I really want to jeapordize all that I have accomplished and gained and give up a perfectly good jobs (altho the management can suck and so does the no raise thing for the past 2 years...) making decent money and being able to live nice and comfortably...

There is no guarantee if we move that we'd be able to find a job. There is no guarantee that if we stay we'd ever get happier in our current jobs. I want to buy a 2nd vehicle. If we move in October when all of the bills will be paid off I will have to push that dream away for a while longer. Its hard enough finding a job; its even harder when you have to share transportation.

Living up here causes its own fair share of issues that you all know about. #1 on my list is not being close to my family when the wedding draws nearer. I don't want to have to spend all the time and money driving or flying back and forth to Arkansas. I want to be RIGHT THERE able to spend my money on wedding stuff. But in the same instance I want to live in Florida in a coastal city closer to his mom-which for right now causes the same issue of money spent traveling.

And ofcourse his mom had to call yesterday and ask if we were spending anytime with family during the holidays this year. If we lived closer to one than the other it would be easier to see them. Living up here... it's hard to see them ever, forget about the holidays when work is being asses!!

My other issue with that is I spent months and months in pain and I had major surgery where NO ONE but BioMom (the last person I expected) came to see me or help me! I was alone in pain could hardly walk and no one even called me during the day to see how I was. I got calls every couple of weeks or texts or emails. How's that for motivation to make me want to move closer to them?!

I hope that as time moves forward and the deadlines get closer that I have some sort of clarity on what is going to happen and how we'll deal with everything... I don't like this feeling that I'm in the cyclone of a hurricane standing in calm winds just waiting for the hurricane to stop to deal with the aftermath and destruction when its too late...

I can stand it no more!

2010-02-23T21:56:00.000-06:00

The snow and dreary and cold is killing me! I want Florida. I want Arkansas!!

I want a different job. Where is my perfect manager?? One that will just leave me be to do and trust that I will do my job and I do it greatly and efficiently... I thought Savannah was going to be the one but she's just a backstabbing biatch. (my gods I hope she doesn't read this!)

Aries found me on facebook... I said yes to his friend request. He hasn't said anything to me. I snooped around his profile. My dream has always been to sing. We were going to be a male/female group... He has his own band now... I'm jealous. I'm happy for him... But mostly jealous. What really ticks me off though is that he's friends with Ross now. I want to slap him stupid for that...

I want my Jack back. (no not the booze, my Venus). I miss her so damn much. We text each other every morning and every night "I LOVE YOU" and "I MISS YOU".

Kai is in heat again... Insane kitteh. She's a spazassz.

I think that Juggalo is trying to see if he can move in with us. He keeps calling and telling me how he's leaving California and he hates it there and might go back to Oklahoma or Arkansas he isn't sure where and wants to know how much longer I'm staying in Chicago...

Sometimes I wish I hadn't stopped smoking... but then again I am glad I have quit and anxiously waiting for Aug 1 because I'm gonna celebrate my 1 year of cigarette freedom!

I'm too freaking happy that Idol is back on tv! I <3 American Idol!! It's not the same without Paula. Not sure how I feel about Ellen replacing her and with it rumoured that Simon won't be back next year... yeesh!!

April is coming fast... Then we can start putting together our wedding invitations and save the dates. Soooooo excited!

cursed saturday

2010-02-21T09:24:00.000-06:00

So yesterday morning I wake up ay 7am. No biggy Taranis is at work so while I wait for him I decide to go ahead and start on one of my projects which is to burn all my cds to my computer since I don't have a cd player anymore and my attention span is like zero percent and I hate switching out 50 cds after the 1st few songs.... (don't worry I don't send them out over the web to pirate out its for my own personal enjoyment on my personal PC) in the middle of doing that (more like after the 5th cd) the door gets stuck...

and then Taranis calls and asks me if I withdrew money from his account... to which I promptly say no and call the bank and they're closed DUH its 7:30 am!! ugh.

2 hours later he's home and we find that the charge was made in Dulles International Airport in WASHINGTON FUCKING DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA aka our nations capitol to those who didn't know that... to rent a car from Budget rental... (who we'll never use again btw-we used them once to rent a car for our vacation last year to Arkansas and Florida...) I called the Location and they hung up on me while I was telling them the situation and I needed any information they had to take to the police. I think that someone there is shiesty.

So we tredge through the snow to go to the bank that is next to our works (gas is gonna suck this week) and cancel the debit card associated with the account and it hits us that they literally took everything we had in the account... but our bank is nice enough to put it back since we have automatic student loan payments coming out and that obviously we are not driving around DC and its suburbs since it happened on the 19th!!

so now i'm checking my chase account that all our bills are paid through every hour.................................. (we have 2 accounts Joe's for his WoW and student loans and ours...)

and we go grocery shopping... that was almost a disaster. We go to one of those huge stores that are retail and groceries in one and we're looking through the purses and I find my dream purse but some little whore's monster has wrote all over the soft and supple leather..... alas! Taranis finds another one of the same style and color and I am nice enough to give the ruined one to an employee who is as shocked and angered as I am...

we come home I start burning CDs again T takes a nap. After a marvelous dinner we chill some more and then decide to go shoot pool with his new stick I gave him for valentines day... which after 3 games broke. As broke clean broke I didn't hit it hard against the white ball....

so now I'm really angered. And I ordered it online. They better give me my fucking money back or guarantee a better replacement! assholes.

The Closer It Gets

2010-02-16T19:49:00.000-06:00

The more nervous and scared and anxious I get...

I've been with this man for YEARS! but I'm getting jitterbugs about marrying him!! My heart is all flutters and stomach is butterflies...and the day is just a little over a year away....

oooooooooooh so close to saying "I do!"

Imbolc

2010-02-14T21:23:00.000-06:00

(about 12 days late but I guess its better to be late than never...)

In some areas of the country it seems quite impossible that the holiday of Imbolc should be considered the beginning of Spring. On February 2nd they may be seeing a blanket of snow mantling the Earth. Or, if the snows have gone, you may be sure the days are filled with drizzle, slush, and steel-grey skies -- the dreariest weather of the year. The perfect time for a Pagan Festival of Lights. And as for Spring, although this may seem a tenuous beginning, all the little buds, flowers and leaves will have arrived on schedule before Spring runs its course to Bealtaine.

'Candlemas' is the Christianized name for the holiday, of course. The older Pagan names were Imbolc and Oimelc. 'Imbolc' means, literally, 'in the belly'. For in the womb of Mother Earth, hidden from our mundane sight but sensed by a keener vision, there are stirrings. The seed that was planted in her womb at the solstice is quickening and the new year grows. 'Oimelc' means 'milk of ewes', for it is also lambing season.

The holiday is also called 'Brigit's Day', in honor of the great Irish Goddess Brigit. At her shrine, the ancient Irish capitol of Kildare, a group of 19 priestesses (no men allowed) kept a perpetual flame burning in her honor. She was considered a goddess of fire, patroness of smithcraft, poetry and healing (especially the healing touch of midwifery). This tripartite symbolism was occasionally expressed by saying that Brigit had two sisters, also named Brigit. (Incidentally, another form of the name Brigit is Bride, and it is thus She bestows her special patronage on any woman about to be married or handfasted, the woman being called 'bride' in her honor.)

The Roman Catholic Church could not very easily call the Great Goddess of Ireland a demon, so they canonized her instead. Henceforth, she would be 'Saint' Brigit, patron saint of smithcraft, poetry, and healing. They 'explained' this by telling the Irish peasants that Brigit was 'really' an early Christian missionary sent to the Emerald Isle, and that the miracles she performed there 'misled' the common people into believing that she was a goddess. For some reason, the Irish swallowed this.

Brigit's holiday was chiefly marked by the kindling of sacred fires, since she symbolized the fire of birth and healing, the fire of the forge, and the fire of poetic inspiration. Bonfires were lighted on the beacon tors, and chandlers celebrated their special holiday. The Roman Church was quick to confiscate this symbolism as well, using 'Imbolc' as the day to bless all the church candles that would be used for the coming liturgical year. (Catholics will be reminded that the following day, St. Blaise's Day, is remembered for using the newly-blessed candles to bless the throats of parishioners, keeping them from colds, flu, sore throats, etc.)

The Catholic Church, never one to refrain from piling holiday upon holiday, also called it the Feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary. (It is surprising how many of the old Pagan holidays were converted to Maryan Feasts.) The symbol of the Purification may seem a little obscure to modern readers, but it has to do with the old custom of 'churching women'. It was believed that women were impure for six weeks after giving birth. And since Mary gave birth at the winter solstice, she wouldn't be purified until February 2nd. In Pagan symbolism, this might be re-translated as when the Great Mother once again becomes the Young Maiden Goddess.

Today, this holiday is chiefly connected to weather lore. Even our American folk-calendar keeps the tradition of 'Groundhog's Day', a day to predict the coming weather, telling us that if the Groundhog sees his shadow, there will be 'six more weeks' of bad weather (i.e., until the next old holiday, Lady Day). This custom is ancient. An old British rhyme tells us that 'If Imbolc Day be bright and clear, there'll be two winters in the year.' Actually, all of the cross-quarter days can be used as 'inverse' weather predictors, whereas the quarter-days are used as 'direct' weather predictors.

Like the other High Holidays or Great Sabbats of the Witches' year, Imbolc is sometimes celebrated on it's alternate date, astrologically determined by the sun's reaching 15-degrees Aquarius, or Imbolc Old Style. Incidentally, some modern Pagan groups have recently begun calling the holiday itself 'Brigit', presumably as a shorthand for 'Brigit's Day'. This lexical laziness is lamentable since it confuses a deity-name for the proper name of the holiday.

Another holiday that gets mixed up in this is Valentine's Day. Ozark folklorist Vance Randolf makes this quite clear by noting that the old-timers used to celebrate Groundhog's Day on February 14th. This same displacement is evident in Eastern Orthodox Christianity as well. Their habit of celebrating the birth of Jesus on January 6th, with a similar post-dated shift in the six-week period that follows it, puts the Feast of the Purification of Mary on February 14th. It is amazing to think that the same confusion and lateral displacement of one of the old folk holidays can be seen from the Russian steppes to the Ozark hills, but such seems to be the case!

Incidentally, there is speculation among linguistic scholars that the vary name of 'Valentine' has Pagan origins. It seems that it was customary for French peasants of the Middle Ages to pronounce a 'g' as a 'v'. Consequently, the original term may have been the French 'galantine', which yields the English word 'gallant'. The word originally refers to a dashing young man known for his 'affaires d'amour', a true galaunt. The usual associations of V(G)alantine's Day make much more sense in this light than their vague connection to a legendary 'St. Valentine' can produce. Indeed, the Church has always found it rather difficult to explain this nebulous saint's connection to the secular pleasures of flirtation and courtly love.

For modern Witches, Imbolc O.S. may then be seen as the Pagan version of Valentine's Day, with a de-emphasis of 'hearts and flowers' and an appropriate re-emphasis of Pagan carnal frivolity. This also re-aligns the holiday with the ancient Roman Lupercalia, a fertility festival held at this time, in which the priests of Pan ran through the streets of Rome whacking young women with goatskin thongs to make them fertile. The women seemed to enjoy the attention and often stripped in order to afford better targets.

One of the nicest folk-customs still practiced in many countries, and especially by Witches in the British Isles and parts of the U.S., is to place a lighted candle in each and every window of the house (or at least the windows that faced the street), beginning at sundown on Imbolc Eve (February 1st), allowing them to continue burning until sunrise. Make sure that such candles are well seated against tipping and guarded from nearby curtains, etc. What a cheery sight it is on this cold, bleak and dreary night to see house after house with candle-lit windows! And, of course, if you are your Coven's chandler, or if you just happen to like making candles, Imbolc Day is the day for doing it. Some Covens hold candle-making parties and try to make and bless all the candles they'll be using for the whole year on this day.

Other customs of the holiday include weaving 'Brigit's crosses' from straw or wheat to hang around the house for protection, performing rites of spiritual cleansing and purification, making 'Brigit's beds' to ensure fertility of mind and spirit (and body, if desired), and making Crowns of Light (i.e. of candles) for the High Priestess to wear for the Imbolc Circle, similar to those worn on St. Lucy's Day in Scandinavian countries. All in all, this Pagan Festival of Lights, sacred to the young Maiden Goddess, is one of the most beautiful and poetic of the year.

I can not remember where I obtained this article many many years ago. In my youth I was never good about noting where I found things when searching online... Also, this article has been changed in someways to depict it closer to how I perceive this Sabbat. I did not originally create this peice and I do not claim it to be mine, however over the years I have altered them, if you know of the original source, I'd be more than happy to link to and cite them.

when we move to arkansas...

2010-02-09T21:57:00.000-06:00

I'm going to make sure our new employers have kickass infertility plans so we can get our 2am feedings and poopy diapers on!!

Lazy Bones

2010-02-06T12:54:00.000-06:00

I have a confession... I've been lazy. Omigod have I been lazy. I don't know if I can blame work stress or sitting on my ass for 3 months... but our gym membership expired and we used it maybe once a week. I can't wait for it to get warmer and the sun go down later. We'll walk after work in the park on the way home.

Today I am using my new washer and dryer. The house smells so good!! I vaccuumed (until it broke-waiting on Taranis to get home to see if its the motor or a belt. a friend said it might just be the belt. Hope so!) At first I thought the smoke and fire smell was coming from the dryer --paranoid! I cleaned out the hamsters' cages with soap and water. All thats left is the kitchen and I think I might hold that off until tomorrow (minus the dishes they have to be done today).

Anyways, still stressed at work. Home life is great just bored and lazy. The Man is at work today. Booh! but he'll be home in about 3 hours so thats all good.